These are pictures of my past, but now have become pictures of my present day life. Yes, in the Breese Journal, Belleville News Democrat, and even KSDK News 5 have all done articles or have shared video from local speaking events. My story is one which comes from a life growing up in Freeburg, Illinois during the years from 1970 through 1980, a period of ten years as a child living in a publicly displayed nightmare of horrific abuse, child sex trafficking with community members; actually husbands and sons who were co-workers of my stepfather, schoolmates of my brothers, and directly related to some of my mother’s best friends. The actions of my stepfather were never hidden, as my mother and stepfather truly didn’t care who did or didn’t know about how they used and tortured this one middle child in their care.
There were so many individuals who were involved with or knew about how I was being used that I can’t even remember how many hands have touched me. Many times I’ve been hit with memories and even shared some of the direct evils inflicted in the true story written in ‘My Justice’. What’s worse however is what has been triggered in my subconscious by permitting myself to travel back in time to reveal the ugly family secrets I’ve carried throughout my life. Those who know me from this town remember little things here and there. Schoolmates have contacted me after reading ‘My Justice’ and all share remorse about what they as children didn’t recognize, but they remember how my parents used me, isolated me in family responsibilities that went as far as to answering the ring of that little brass bell. Some have contacted me and stated ‘I knew something was going on, but Trish, I had no clue how vicious the life you spent in that home really was.’ Sadly the adults who know my parent’s and, especially my stepfather, they all remain silent; not a single word of sorrow or statement of refusal that any of what I wrote was untrue.
Today I find it a bit slamming to hear from others who knew me as a kid, who share with me statements their parents made, such as; ‘I always wondered why that man was so mean with that little girl’, ‘I remember how he used to always take her with him out drinking and hanging out at the bars’. In truth, I was the girl their sons were not allowed to date and their daughters were not permitted to befriend. I was the girl that the boys, groups of them, knew they could come to either one on one or together to use in games of ‘Post Office’ where each one had a chance to see how far they could go and just exactly what I would allow them to do with me. There is one childhood friend who started reading ‘My Justice’ and when they got to the part about the one time I spent the night at a slumber party and the only nightgown I had was the see-through little cotton gown purchased by my stepfather at ‘Victoria Secrets’, which my mother was with him and permitted him to buy as a gift for me; well this friend had to through the book down and was sickened by what suddenly became the reality of the girl she knew so well. At this time I was just twelve years old, it was his favorite age; the age where my body was started to grow into a young woman, the breasts changing and pubic hair just starting to grow. It makes me sick as I think back on it even at this very moment.
Malcolm, ‘Walter in the book’, which I changed names to protect siblings; however, not a single sibling will even talk to me today. My brother condemned me a long time ago, at least ten years ago and has not spoken a word to me since. He only sees my stepfather’s trained whore when he looks at me, says my actions make him sick because I do not live up to the standards of his perfect little life. My younger sister, who is the child of this monster, was always wanting to connect and willing to talk with me about how dysfunctional our home was. She wants to talk about the raging alcoholic who was so vicious and the parties that kept her awake all night. I believe she recalls the parties where I was ordered to be the host and party favor, going to bed so drunk that I puked on myself and my mother simply shut herself back in her bedroom to watch TV while her daughter was being used, probed, swapped from lap to lap by these men. My mother also only ever saw in me the girl who did her housework, cooked the family meals, cared for my younger sister, and then became the one her husband wanted to flaunt out to other men. She did not see me as HER little girl or the daughter she used to get ready for school each morning, at least until I was about six anyway. It was after they married that I never received another tender touch or caring thought from her again.
Mona, ‘Shirley in the book’, is the mother who turned against her own child and abandoned her in the evil of his touch. She has read ‘My Justice’ and repeatedly tried to reach out and talk with me, threatened to sue me, and worst of all; ‘How would you like it if I went around a told a few secrets I knew about you? How about if I tell them how I used to have to go searching for you dirty clothes? How about if I tell them about the boy who climbed through your bedroom window and caught you having sex with him at just thirteen?’ She has not once apologized, she has never denied any of it at all. When she found out about the time he shut me up forever by using his favorite shotgun barrel to take my virginity while my brother and sister lay downstairs watching their favorite show; all she had to say was ‘That sounds like something that sick son-of-a-bitch would do’. She admits that she was warned by his own son from his first marriage about how evil and disgusting he was, yet she chose to marry him and allow him complete control over just one of her children, her young daughter who was just then five years old.
It was a lifetime of haunting by a monster. He would prowl around in the dark like a lion hunting his prey. He would beat me for having boyfriends, and stalk me even after I had grown up, had children, moved out and gone through my first divorce. He even hunted me down to smash my head against the truck window and dash, drag me across the very public street, call me every name he could think of as the neighbors watched and did nothing. The boyfriend I was dating, whose father’s house we were at, simply said; ‘He’s here for you, outside screaming your name. You really have to go now.’ When I was forty years old, had just lost everything I had due to an illness (Pulmonary Embolism) which caused me to be out of work and depend on credit only to take care of my children; well I ended up at my mother’s house to stay in her basement till I was able to get settled again. Guess what happened, guess who prowled around outside the basement shower room which I was told I absolutely had to use, because her bathroom with a lock on the door was completely off limits. She told me he couldn’t climb down those stairs anymore. The bed I was supposed to sleep in was the very same bed I had used as a young teen, even had the same yellow lace bedspread. She would not permit her granddaughter who desperately wanted to make the move with me, but Mother simply stated; ‘I am not responsible for anything that might happen, so don’t you start your shit’. SHE KNEW!!!! Mother has never denied a single event or action of her neglect for all basic human necessities. She never apologized and in fact there was one slip of the tongue when she stated, ‘You got the life you deserved’, ha-ha really Mother????
You see, I am the one left today with many broken parts still inside my soul. I doubt they will ever fully be able to heal, and some well the scars are so deeply embedded there is no magic surgery from any specialist around that can give me back any sense of normalcy as I look at my reflection everyday. You’ll see in this brief video the horrifying skin which covers my body today. I am left with scars inside and out that will never be able to be erased or healed, the child they tried to destroy and the one an entire community allowed to simply rot away. You will be horrified by this brief video -
The Rot of Abuse, uploaded by Patricia A. McKnight
We as a society continue to ignore the hundreds, thousands who are sharing stories of evil today. You can search the net and find video after video, story after story, of lives destroyed and many who are now so extremely wounded by these acts they cannot even be parents to their children. Some so broken into actual separate personalities developed to protect them from the extreme trauma they endured. I ask you all, media, literary agents, book promoters, local press, organizations who defend children or rescue them; ‘When will all of this be enough to create a society strict on its punishments and supportive in recognition of the surviving souls today?”
Help share the many stories today, let no child suffer in silence, become your own defender of children, let their screams of mercy and rescue be heard!!!! Our children are not expendable, they are not sex objects, they are not household slaves to be beaten and tortured for the slightest infraction. They are person’s waiting for us to lead them through growing to become the next generation in charge of our society. Let the monsters be known and protect our country’s children as one united force against these types of evil. No more can we ignore their screams, their tears, their secrets being shared today.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I pray there is a path for ‘My Justice’ and the many other survivors who are finally speaking out for their freedom and their recovery today.
Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight
Owner/CEO Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery
Author: ‘My Justice’ READ THE FIRST FIVE CHAPTERS COMPLETELY FREE!!!!
Mentor/Crisis Resources/Speaker/Child Abuse Prevention & Steps to Recovery Trainer
Member: Southwestern Illinois Human Trafficking Task Force
Board Development Member: Illinois Victims Assistance Network (I.V.A.N.)
From The Desk Of Darlene J. Harris- Familial Child Trafficking by Patricia McKnight A Survivor and Advocate
A must read for anyone working directly with children. You never know what might happen hidden in the protective cover of family. Learn the silent signs and give a voice to the silenced children today. Thank you for sharing
From The Desk Of Darlene J. Harris- Familial Child Trafficking by Patricia McKnight A Survivor and Advocate
Friends I am so excited to share the article released from the desk of Ms. Darlene J. Harris, check it out my darlins. She is sharing my most recent writing :)
Originally posted on And He Restoreth My Soul Project:
First, we want to thank Mr. Eric Marts for his wonderful article on Child Abandonment. His insight and knowledge about abandonment is very valuable and we appreciate the contribution he makes to And He Restoreth My Soul Project.
Today we introduce Patricia McKnight a survivor of Familial Child Trafficking and author of “My Justice”. She works diligently to have a message of empowerment and hope to share with others like herself. She has done massive radio interviews and documentaries. In addition, Patricia works with various government agencies, and coalitions. She is often invited to participate as a speaker, and panelist member during conferences held for legal advocates, etc. For more information about Patricia please see the following website http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com
View original 2,172 more words
artwork courtesy of Michal Madison Art (www.michalmadisonart.com)
Friends it is very difficult and sad to report that at this time it has become necessary for me to suspend our radio broadcasting due to funding. I am no longer able to continue funding this service on my own and donations to support our programming are very few and far between in these difficult economic times. However, I do hope with some new things coming up locally here in my community and also online, that we will be able to resume our broadcasting as a community outreach service of awareness, prevention, and empowerment for others.
In the meantime, I am still here as a mentor, crisis support and of course the Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery mission is still very strong. We will continue reaching out to help others and if all works well with the projects of two new books, then hopefully we will be able to get back into our active, featured, radio broadcasting. Our archive programs will still be available for anyone to access any of our shows which have aired during these past 18 months. It has been incredible to do this and I am grateful for the donations which have come our way. Know that our drive in this mission to protect all beings from harm, build stronger community services for victims, abusers, and families in need, as well as helping personally during time of crisis for others; we are still determined to continue and will never stop believing in the power of recovery.
Please enjoy the many programs we’ve shared by visiting http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamstalkradio.
You will find hosted programs by myself, Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight (Owner & CEO); Michal Madison; Dr. Brenda Joyce Markert-Green; Rachel Grant (Independent Child Sexual Abuse Expert & Recovery Coach); Faith McDaniel (Volunteer Host of Surviving with Faith).
Hopefully our radio shows have touched your heart & your life in some small way that you now are more conscience of these hidden acts, especially within the protective cover of family. Always remember as you watch the children in your life’s circle, it is proven that 92% of all harmful acts against children are committed by parents & close family members. In truth throughout our country, never forget that as of 2011 1 in 3 children are being harmed at any given moment in our society. The often taught ‘Stranger Danger’ only accounts for 2% of all crimes against children. We must teach our children to report even those who they love most and those responsible for their very survival. There is help, hope, & rescue. Let no child endure the pains of terror, sexual actions, and other such emotional & physical harm. It is the duty of every responsible adult around that child to protect and report what they suspect.
Become your own ‘FAMILY DEFENDER’ and keep this mission moving forward by visiting our website at http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com
We thank you for your ongoing support and dedication to protecting all those who have no voice, living trapped in the dominant or trafficking control of the monsters within their circle of life.
Butterfly Dreams Team
Patricia A McKnight, Michal Madison, Linda Walcher, Dr. Brenda Joyce Markert-Green, Kelly Townsend, Julia D’Alphanzo; John L. Mealer; Lynn C Tolson, Petra Luna, Mary Graziano, Debbie Naylor Cox, Faith McDaniel
written by: Patricia A. McKnight
Owner/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery
A true story of one child’s life spent in horrific acts of violence, family alcoholism, mental health disorders, vicious sexual harm, community trafficking, and neglect so extreme the scars from rot are still present today.
The little girl who became a young woman searching for anyone who would love her; someone who would make that child feel worthy and that her life of happiness & safety truly mattered.
The young woman who became a wife trapped in emotional degradation & an almost deadly cycle of repeated attacks from the dysfunctional dangerous relationships & marriages.
The woman who became a mother and lives forever regretful of the impact her choices and the tolerance of violence has left in her children’s lives.
The grandmother who still tries to undo the path that continues to cycle forward in the suffering of her grandchildren.
A warrior against the harm of all beings which has been tolerated throughout centuries; hidden within the protective cover of family. The generational teaching of forced family secrets and victim blaming which deters our society from making the right decision to report what they suspect.
What would you do if these ugly acts extended throughout your child’s life? What if your son or daughter, a close personal friend or a partner you chose, had been so violated and abandoned by the entire community?
Almost always there is at least one other person who knows or suspects when a child is being destroyed by those given the responsibility of their survival and growth; their perceptions of the world and the influence they will have on others. Are we abandoning our children in a society of evil?
You see this bright blue eyed cutie; well I thought she was gone forever. I really thought they, my parents, had destroyed all that was wonderful about her. However, I feel her and she is right here with me always. She lives inside and still reminds me everyday; now I am safe, loved, and respected for the simple person I‘ve become. She is right there to guide me through and always brings joy to my heart. She has endured vicious and ugly wounding, but she is still very much alive. She has doubted herself constantly, felt truly unworthy of ever being accepted, and lost all hope of ever finding love. She has risen above their pain to laugh once again, to feel blessed once again, to shine those incredible blue eyes and pray that the world will hear her voice. Every time a survivor who has read her story, ‘My Justice’, she prays they find their one stand of hope to keep them going and know that they too matter; their pain is just as tragic but with patience and reconnecting with who they are, they too will shine as they deserve and live in all the beauty, just as they should have done before the dark storms of pain turned them inside out.
‘ My Justice‘ is read by the hundreds of those who have the power and the contacts to pass it forward and let her story be told. One day she will be heard. One day her determination to change what has infected her family so horribly will be recognized for the evil it was back then. Its not about her rescue, for she has survived beyond all comprehension. Its not about being recognized, for she is definitely loved by many. Its not about the sadness she has carried, for the tears are all dry by the tender hands that hold her. It is about what this child has to share so that no child should suffer this horrendous pain ever again. It is about what this child has to say that just might change your thoughts, give you hope of a better tomorrow, and most of all to share the love she feels inside for all those who have endured the pains of harm and have themselves conquered the demons within to rise above and truly laugh in love‘s warm embrace.
If you have read her story, ‘My Justice‘; I pray for those still struggling, still trying to hang in there, still trying to conquer and escape that you will pass it forward to another. Let her voice be heard, let her justice be felt, as she has now removed the coal stained hand that crept into her world and took away her greatest weapon of protection, the hand that took away this precious child’s voice and silenced her in evil until one day the sun shined down on the person would once again breathe life into her soul. Thank you my friends for accepting and loving me in all my imperfect, but still so truly bright and shining ways.
You will find ‘My Justice’ and various purchasing links by visiting www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com….
Pledge to become your “FAMILY DEFENDER” today!!! Thank you
‘Its a Family Affair’ -welcome Jori Nunes – ‘Chocolate Flowers’ 07/07 by Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery | Self Help Podcasts
Tonight on Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio, welcome Author Jori Nunes with her book ‘Chocolate Flowers’. Our discussion tonight circles around the Mental Health of our Family Unit!!! Tell me friends, what do we do when the abuses & harmful actions against children are being committed by parents with sociopathic, narcissistic, psychopathic, and other such serious illnesses? What if the other family members have become numb to the acts of these parents, so they abandon the children in these homes rather than try to get them supportive help. A long time ago we didn’t talk about such issues, but today we do and tonight we ask you to join in as we look inside these homes. How many of you were raised by a parent who was actually suffering one of these illnesses? Did anyone know of the harmful actions or serious dysfunctions? Show starts at 9pm eastern so set your REMINDERS here or click FOLLOW to stay up to date with all of our awesome programming. Thanks and hope to see you in our chatroom with our Butterfly Helpers tonight. Let’s talk about HOW MANY CHILDREN WILL WE LOSE BECAUSE OF THESE TYPES OF SITUATIONS AND ILLNESSES INSIDE THE HOUSES IN OUR NEIGHBORHOODS? Thanks & don’t forget to invite a friend!!!