14 Steps To RE-Entering The World Of Dating


This entire blog is an excellent reading resource for those women who are attempting to rebuild, after being left with absolutely nothing. It isn’t an easy feat, but it is absolutely possible. I know personally because I’ve done it not just once, but at least some 3 or 4 times now. Your true partner will come when you find the value in who you are independently. We do not need another human being to give us value, we just need to feel loved and to give love. Take your time, find the courage inside you to live on your own, support yourself, and then when you feel the time is right; you will welcome the one who is absolutely perfect for you. Cheers on a fabulous supportive blogsite from Lady with a Truck ~~ trish mcknight

Originally posted on Ladywithatruck's Blog:

dating gameI think there is a tendency these days for people to call anyone who disagrees with them, pissed them off, or who they fall in love with and doesn’t love them back, a narcissist. Narcissist has become overused to the point where it is losing it’s impact and not taken as seriously as it should be.

Everyone wants to label everyone else, put them in a nice little clearly defined category so they can say, “Not my fault”. “It’s not MY fault I got hurt, I am a sensitive caring person, I can’t change that”, “It’s not my fault he didn’t fall in love with me, he is a narcissist” Never mind that you knew going into the relationship the guy didn’t have a job, had a drinking problem, and told you that he was not into any kind of commitment.  You can not then sleep with the guy, be…

View original 1,047 more words

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Welcome to Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery


Inspiring new ideas, changing old perceptions, and empowering daily recovery for men, women and children dealing with some form of past or present abuse, violence or trafficking. Together we are ending the cycle of what has become – Family Crimes and Terroristic Abuse
Common Human Behaviors & Our Greatest Human Tragedy

Welcome to Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery providing pages of educational knowledge, and working to change our common perceptions about the Family Crimes of Child Sexual Abuse, Sex Trafficking, Violent Home Environments.

We are here to help your recovery and rebuilding, while providing Warning Signs, Relationship Red Flags, Mental and Emotional Wellness to live in a SAFE life to become positive loving role models for tomorrow. You will learn how goal lists and positive guides can help rebuild your life and we have Family Crimes information to help find other resources and build stronger bonds within your community. No child or person should feel abandoned to live in a dangerous home without someone being concerned for their wellbeing. before we can change their future, we must rebuild from our past.

Patricia A McKnight;

Author/Advocate/Speaker/Trainer/Survivor – Woman, Wife, Mother & Grandmother. This site is not a replacement for any form of professional therapy or counseling.

Copyright protected: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery founded November 2012

Source: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Examining the Global Problem of Human Trafficking


Source: Examining the Global Problem of Human Trafficking

Check out the interview via WANDtv.com concerning the trauma & statutes in Illinois, which I’ve personally addressed with House Rep Jay Hoffman, States Attorney Brendan Kelly, U.S. Attorney’s Office, and even Congressman John Shimkus. However, no matter what I’ve researched through CDC, National Inst. of Mental Health, National Child Traumatic Stress Network, even PTSD.va.gov; we still do NOT have the attention or the support in updating Illinois or Federal Statutes to give children who are suffering today a chance to heal, grow up, understand what actually happened in all the ugly violence of what family members have manipulated, threatened, or forced them to endure.

Yes, it happens every single day right here in Illinois and across the country. I can prove to the readers here, as I have proven to all those listed above; 1 in 3 children are suffering in some type of sexual or severe physical harm. Illinois wants to give them just ONE YEAR after their 18th birthday to file charges. However, in all the research the above organizations have published, the trauma of these vicious crimes leaves a lasting wound so extreme it is compared only to those enduring Concentration Camp, Prisoner of War, Combat Veterans.

Think for just a moment if you would please; these kids cannot refuse their parents/guardians direction. Many times they may even be drugged, filled with alcohol, given as a prize at special private parties held inside their very own home. These children are used, beaten, raped, traded, sold, forced to endure grievous and heinous attacks over and over, throughout years in isolation and even within a community where teachers, law enforcement, neighbors, family friends all see how the child is distant, trained to jump at the second their ‘Family Terrorist’ calls their name. These children are living in a daily hell, never knowing when the next party, the next personal attack, or who will ever help them because apparently no one is ready to realize just how horrific their world might be.

This is a hell that is unlike any other. It beats a child into a pattern of tolerating the most vicious attacks, while their tears are silent, and their voice taken by the monster who has all the control. A life pattern of tolerating nothing less than attempted murders in any of their relationships; after all nothing is as bad as what they have already been through and the last thing they want is to be left abandoned by another person because they must not be worth saving. No one ever stood up for them. No one questioned the bruises, the sexual knowledge, drug use, failing grades, lack of attention, even outbursts of anger, sadness; inside these children are praying everyday for someone to help them.

They are asking themselves ‘Why doesn’t anyone care what’s happening? Am I not worth saving? Is sex and beatings, servitude for others all I am worth? Is this going to be my life? 

The words that swirl in the mind of these children, while the other kids are playing games or taking part in school activities; these children only worry about what is going to happen when they get home from school.

Will I have to do this all over again? My body is so tired. Please can they just let me rest or do my homework for one night without anyone demanding me to answer that little brass bell, to cook their dinner, clean up their mess, put my siblings to bed, and then maybe, just maybe; perhaps I can just sleep without attack for one single night? PLEASE JUST LET ME DIE!!!”

This survivor has worked constantly to research the aftermath she suffered, just so she could understand how everything inside her was so different from everyone else. I’ve researched the legal statutes, the child maltreatment investigation process, even published a full report on the statistics of these crimes and how many children actually do suffer these traumas. Please contact me to find out about introducing this program for your staff;

‘Family Crimes – Our greatest human tragedy’

This program has been quoted as ‘Groundbreaking material‘ from Dr. Elise Lobue of University of Illinois Springfield. Hoyleton Ministries Direct Care Workers and Foster Parents have reviewed this information as ‘Excellent, something every person should know about the true traumatic impact of a child who suffers in a violent home, a sexually harming home, and even worse for those who are dominated constantly by their own personal ‘terrorist’.

This news interview was done at our last presentation. You can help educate others in your network. You can help a child in danger. You can help a family who is suffering with mental health, drug addictions, even outbursts of raging violence. You can make a difference in our how society continues to force silence on these young victims, protecting their family monster, and pretending nothing is happening in their nightmarish hell. We can empower every young person to believe we will help them, to know they have written Constitutional Rights to be SAFE, and also a Universal Human Right to live free; free from harm & free from the fear of harm. We do not have to continue ignoring the CRIMINAL ATTACKS that happen inside our homes, within our families, and all while those too young to have a say in their life are beaten down, sold, used, raped, and forced to accept such ugly attacks until they are old enough to escape.

Help end this cycle today. Help us ask for a Federal Statute against these types of heinous cruelty against persons 15 years or younger. Please click here to sign the ‘Family Crimes & Terroristic Abuse Act’


Thanks for your time,

Patricia McKnight

Dana Pfeiffer

Lisa Chilton

Contact: trish.mcknight@live.com


Voices InJustice – Giving praise to our Veterans – Warriors for Freedom 11/15 by Voices InJustice Radio | Current Events Podcasts

Voices InJustice honoring our Veterans…. Sunday beginning at 7pm eastern time, please join in with Trish as we give praise to the warriors who protect us everyday. We depend on our Freedom of Speech, Freedom

Source: Voices InJustice – Giving praise to our Veterans – Warriors for Freedom 11/15 by Voices InJustice Radio | Current Events Podcasts

Giving Praise to our Veterans – Warriors of Freedom -Sunday 11/15, 7pm eastern time – Call in #929-477-3163 or use your social ID to log into blogtalk and join in the open chatroom. Share a special message for your hero!!

This week we’ve celebrated Veterans Day and Marine Corp Birthday, figured we’d do a special broadcast to honor our soldiers. Our’s is a history filled with brave men & women who leave their home and family, travel all over the world; giving their all to protect our freedom. Imagine, they cannot call in sick, take vacation anytime, and when they sign that contract; it is a follow anywhere & anytime we send you. Millions of amazing soldiers given the ultimate sacrifice and their families, while extremely proud, will carry a sadness for their brave hero’s loss. We see small towns across the country with their Flag at half-mast for the one who didn’t come home. Let’s use this show to give them a huge thank you for what they give to us everyday. We open our phone lines & chatroom, so all who would like to share a word of praise, a special story, a mention for your combat buddies any mention to honor those who protect your country. We welcome anyone who would like to share in this special broadcast. Thank you for supporting our programming and outreach services!!!

Trowler sets out accreditation test for children’s social workers

The chief social worker said a different method will have to be used to assess practice leaders for the accreditation

Source: Trowler sets out accreditation test for children’s social workers

Just my take on things!!! trish

I think this should certainly be a part of their advancements. There are not enough agents to handle the 3.7+ million reports of child maltreatment across the United States every year for the past five years. This means they absolutely have to be aware of the most tragic cases and be able to sense when a case is minor in comparison. However, when there are medical records, or even the lack of any medical or dental records; when there are bruises visible, when a child knows more about sexual activity than is age appropriate, and also when a child is showing signs of distress or fear; when the case involves a person 0 to 15 years old – these should be the PRIORITY CASES and these should require no less than a three stage, 6 month review process.

Mandated Statutes of Child Maltreatment Investigations 
1 – Report made to call taker
2 – Report handed to agent for investigation, which includes –
a) personally meeting with the child in question at school environment with most favored teacher & principle.
(b) personally meeting at the family home, first with appointment followed by 2 unscheduled checks (c) review of parental wellness & home environment, including any addictions, mental health, past trauma problems
(d) review of child’s educational & behavioral records and 2 follow up meetings w/ child
3. Submit all information to Accredited Directors for review and disposition

No decision should be made by call taker of initial report. The review to meet Mandated Statutes of Maltreatment should be determined prior to report into Social Services. The determination to involve Social Services can be and should be determined by a qualified reporter. If a person who is not a qualified reporter wishes to make a report, this should be directed to a community resource responder, law enforcement or medical professional who is a qualified reporter of child maltreatment. In this respect we are able to use the agents in different stages of knowledge, training, and years in actively determining cases. In no way should Child Maltreatment be taken lightly or dismissed without complete review. By creating new standards in which to train, qualify, and provide the best protections for the children, then we will know these services will be triple checked before removing a child who is not truly in danger or at risk of being grievously injured. At the time a child names a person in their family, or in their home, who is hurting them; REMOVE THE OFFENDER NOT THE CHILD!!

The Imbalance of American Justice – Celebrities who got away with murder…. 11/08 by Voices InJustice Radio | Current Events Podcasts

Voices Injustice is looking at an area very sensitive to our justice system, at least here in America – Celebrities who killed their spouses…..How many rich celebrities were able to buy their way out of punishment deserved of their crime?

Snooping around –
This is where the true injustice of our human society comes through. We are all consumed with who is dating who? Who is cheating on who? Who is divorcing who? However, there is a much more dangerous edge to the Who is Who; Celebrities who killed because of jealousy, power, dominance, control!!!!

Join Trish, Sunday Nov 8th, beginning at 7pm eastern time as we have some fun in snooping about the celebrities, but we are looking at the dark side of the person who allows the need for power, their ego, their needs to send them into a rage that ended in murder. Call me live to chat or listen, 929-477-3163 or use your Social ID to log in the Blog Talk Voices Injustice Chatroom!!!

Source: The Imbalance of American Justice – Celebrities who got away with murder…. 11/08 by Voices InJustice Radio | Current Events Podcasts

There is absolutely nothing special about me….It’s about them



You have no idea how many times I’ve asked myself this question over the last five years. It has been day after day of questioning; ‘Trish, what in the hell makes you so damn special that you believe anything you have to say matters to anyone?”

I’m not anyone special at all. What have I done? I simply survived, studied, and personally worked through ten years of very challenging recovery processes to find out who I really am and then put myself back together into the person I wanted to represent and help others. Those years have not been easy, and many of the emotional challenges have been almost as difficult as the actual brutality I’ve managed to survive. This is what it takes though, nothing less; it absolutely has to be something you need to clean out of your system and recognize the broken pieces, then rebuild & repair what has been destroyed by the actions of others. Just because its very difficult however, does not mean it’s impossible. After all I’m still here and I’m still talking, still working it through challenge by challenge and so can you. There is nothing special about me.

Yes, what I went through was fierce, it was evil, it was outright brutal, but I know hundreds of others who have made it through these very same things. Some who I’ve helped to become marvelous advocates today and some who have helped me. This is how we manage to get through the tough days, simply helping and listening to each other.

Thank heaven for the internet and all that connects to bring our world so much closer together. Remember what it was like before; we were all struggling silently; wondering why and who in the world would ever believe what’s happened. It’s that simple.

Millions of people in every single generation have been the beaten, molested, raped, traded, used, and abandoned children. Millions of people in every generation have been the beaten down partners, wives or spouses of constantly unimaginable dominating persons who use their fists, their words, their financial power, their daily threats and desires to hold us down. The dominators who enforce (their way or no way) by means of constant terror, direct use of weapons, brutal violence beyond measure, rape, threats of death to control our silence and isolation; all of it to make certain there was never any prosecution for their crimes of harm and no one ever willing to believe how horrific the attacks were and all they had forced us to do during our entrapment. We lived through it without anyone to help us or encourage us to escape and help ourselves.

However, we can find our way to something better, something SAFE. We have all endured these monsters for different reasons, some for the welfare of shelter & support for our children, care for ourselves, for our survival. However, most importantly – if you are an adult, have the ability to work & support yourself, then you also have the ability to leave. You have the ability to simply walk out the door and never look back.

Yes, it is a damn hard choice to make because then you have to put your broken pieces back together again, but it is absolutely possible. It’s hard because you have to find a job to secure your life and (if you have children) you are now the primary provider for all of their needs. In today’s world that is not an easy thing to do and almost impossible if you haven’t had a chance to build a career, get an adequate education, or handle a checkbook, balance a budget; basically you have to be strong enough everyday to bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, put dinner on the table, and before you can rest you, have to help with homework, bathe and tuck your children gently and reassuringly into bed. Each morning you have to wake up and do it all over again, but this is what we call LIFE; it is what is expected of us and it is damn difficult if your inner self is reeling from the previous trauma, fear, and pain you had to live through. Survival damn sure is not easy for anyone, no matter what kind of trauma, but for a silenced, terrorized, trafficked, and continuously raped child, survival can be almost impossible until we put ourselves back together again. 

I’ve been that broken disaster of a person, going through my breakdown and rebuilding myself while providing a home, food, shelter, and fun for three incredible children. I’ve done it not just once, but more like four or five different times. Suddenly having to run to save my life; leaving with absolutely nothing or being kicked out and having my children stolen from me. The key to my making it through is nothing spectacular, I simply never ever gave up. I just woke up, put myself together to face the day’s challenges, and then before walking out the door, staring in the mirror as I gave myself a pep talk…..

‘It’ll be alright Trish. You’ve survived this far, and you can do this. You have to do this. Get through today and then handle tomorrow’s problems tomorrow. Just smile and go take care of it. Girl you’ve done it before; today just might be a little bit better.’

This is how I managed to handle more than thirty years of insane murderous attacks all committed by one evil monster after another. The reason I went through so many men & three husbands, hellish violence, pain, and terror; this was my developed sense of normal. I was told almost daily from about age nine, I wasn’t worth having; there is not a single person who wants a whore for his wife, so the only thing I had was what my stepfather and all those different men did to me on a regular basis. It changed my thoughts about myself, destroyed any sense of self appreciation or respect; the only thing I would ever be was ‘Malcolm’s trained and terrorized whore’. This is all I ever knew and sadly, if they weren’t beating on me then they must not actually care about me. If they didn’t insist on this type of sex, or this type of perfection, this type of cooking and caring about meeting every single need they had; then they must not care one single bit and I must be doing everything wrong.

Yeah, this was my idea of normal life; each of my relationships built from degradation, control, and constant brutal beatings. It must be because I’m ugly, just like they always said. All of those who approached me for a relationship, all from ‘good standing’ families, but each time they started beating on me, it always involved smashing my face in the mirror and yelling at me because no matter how clean I was, how skinny I was, and how sexy I tried to be; the greatest problem of all was my scarred up  skin and my broken black holed rotted teeth. Hell, I still see this reflection in the mirror everyday.

It’s not like I can get complete plastic surgery of new skin, or spend $10,000.00 on a new smile. This is the part of me as a child, which my mother didn’t give a crap about, nor did she ever take me in for medical or dental care. To be quite honest she didn’t consider me to be anything except her housekeeper, cook, caregiver, and the child forced to play out the sick deviate behaviors of the man she chose to marry and stay with, regardless of what he ever did to me. This is the part of me my parents and the town of Freeburg all allowed to rot as it destroyed the outer beauty of a young prepubescent little girl.

I remember the times for school pictures or trying to impress a cute boy I like, this is when I squished up small pieces of bread to use as fillings for the black holes of my front teeth. Actually I hoped; perhaps my smile would look somewhat like everyone else’s, but it never did. Hell, not a single part of me to this very day looks like anyone else I’ve ever met, Sadly it’s just something I’ve always had to live with and try to cover up as I went through life. You should have seen the way people judged me, considered whether or not to hire me. Could they put someone who looked like me in direct contact with their customers or clients? Would people be shocked or sickened by the way I looked, regardless of how skilled or perfecting I was at my job, there would always be those glaring looks of disgust. It’s brings to surface the anger over how so many adults and small town kids all looked away and whispered about the little girl who couldn’t seem to find a single soul who gave a crap about what was happening to her each and every day. They all simply figured I wasn’t worth their time or concern; I was the 13 year old child tagged with the title ‘Village Whore’. Girls were not allowed to hang out with me and the local boys were not allowed to date me. I was nothing but HIS garbage child!!!

Yes its tragic, but its something I’ve had to accept. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have children stare at you like you’ve got a third eye; to have other women sit there and whisper about you as you tried to work with them; to never ever allow your husband or special someone to caress your legs or arms; to cringe away at their touch, afraid all anyone would ever see is the ugly destruction I am forced to carry with me every single moment of my life.  Yes it was hell, and it still is; even my grandchildren have rubbed my arms, questioning what happened. Hundreds of people have stared at me with that horrific shock on their face, especially when they see me smile.

This is a part of my life that no one else experiences. This is the part that hurts my heart and makes me wonder what the hell it was about me that no one ever cared to question the many years of filth, rot, and infection they watched destroy the outside body of a young girl. Today I think back about the many schoolmates and husbands of my mother’s friends, or coworkers from the mine; all those many who felt up, played with, or paid a few bucks to see just how far she would go, especially if  my constant threatening and brutal attacking ‘terrorist’ was right there to make sure I completed the ordered and paid for deed. The thrill he got talking about all the gory details of the many private parties he arranged with the local boys. All the vicious disregard in using the filthy, rotting, child as their toy to do with as they please anytime time they wished. None of my pain, sadness, fear ever mattered, it’s just what was my life and I simply had to live it; just hoping everyday I would somehow get away and they would never be in charge of what or how I did things ever again. This was my only goal, this was my dream and although it simply has to be an acceptance of the parts of me ALMOST destroyed.

I’m still here, I’m still alive, and I’m telling all the secrets.

The reasons that I discuss all of this is because I’m watching the ongoing emotional destruction which is hurting my daughters and messing up the safety of my grandchildren. I am sick to my stomach with worry and concern for their wellbeing, but not a single person seems to care. Not one person I’ve tried to beg for help, investigation, or even helping my daughters to help themselves and change the path for their children; no matter how loud I am or how obnoxious I have been with phone calls and emails, still no one is helping the lives of these children.

In truth there are over 3.5 million reports of child harm every year in our country alone.

Every day at least 1 in 9 children are suffering in sexual harm and possible secret trafficking by a person within their family.

Every day at least 1 in 3 children are suffering in physical harm, most of them are between the ages of 0 to 15 years old, both boys and girls, but suffering in an ongoing acceptance of family harm, which not even our government wants to get involved to truly help protect them.

It is our greatest human tragedy and something which will continue, like my life, my children’s lives, and now my grandchildren; this same generational pattern will also invade your family and grandchildren until we use our strength as a united human society to make our legislative leaders and law enforcement do their job; give the terrorized child victims the right to be SAFE which is written into our laws and in our Universal Human Rights. Crimes like these, the most evil and grievous harms against the youngest of our society; these are a terroristic control and brutal destruction which must be ended if we are to ever begin the change in respecting ALL human life as deserved. There is not one single human being any better than another. Not one child who is more worth saving than others. Not one community riddled with suffering that isn’t worth helping.

There must be a deterrent for these types of crimes. There must be a criminal prosecution and a sense of justice for all those generations of millions of destroyed and murdered children. There must be a way to balance our system and protect the given Civil & Human Rights to be protected as equal under the eyes of our laws. How can we continue to watch as our children, their children, and the next generation simply keep exploding in violence and brutalizing each other? What will it take for us to help these kids before it is too late and we have an entire generation once again left to suffer, left to be sold, traded, used, and beaten; left to be destroyed because our society is not yet ready to admit just how evil it can become within the sanctity of our home. We all see it everyday, the extreme bullying at school, the violence, the guns, the need to have power over others, and the gangs waiting to suck up the lost souls using them and selling them, beating them down however they wish, and then all of us stand around talking about; ‘Why in the hell can’t we do something to stop this? Dammit each of us can do something, we just have to take on the responsibility and do it!!!

I don’t know about you, but as being one of those forgotten rotting children, it absolutely disgusts me that so many powerful adults are only willing to do so much to help those abandoned and throw away children, but if it is a child in a home; rather than provide a way to get help, we all just turn away because it is the way it’s always been. I believe it’s time to change what we are used to accepting as our normal. I believe that if WE do not take on this responsibility, and all we do is talk about the outside dangers against us, then our children will grow up asking; ‘How in the hell could you just simply stand there and watch me die?”

If you are ready to do something, help out any service you can across the country and in your community. If you are ready to ask for a Federal Legislative Policy to get involved and end this vicious human destruction held secret and private within our homes, then help me and my two incredible partners (Ms Lisa Chilton & Ms. Dana Pfeiffer) as we try to get a voice heard for these types of terrorized victims, in the proposal of the;

‘Family Crimes and Terroristic Abuse Act’ – You each have the power to do something in your family circle, but also you can insist our government get involved when it comes to the extreme dangers that harm the most precious of our society, the victims without a way to escape or help themselves, the victims who are 15 years old or younger and completely dependent upon the adults around them and our society to make sure their right to be safe, and provided with a decent influence of life moving forward; we are here begging you to get involved and help us today to ensure that NOT ANOTHER SINGLE CHILD BE FORCED OR ABANDONED TO LIVE IN THESE TYPES OF TERRORISTIC HARM.

Thank you for every share you give this message, every signature you can rally on this petition, and most of all every discussion you can inspire to help our teens begin to see how they can protect the beauty of human life, rather than hate and destroy it.

Trish, Dana, Lisa