First off let me explain this piece of writing. So very often a survivor or victim of an abusive or harmful life comes to me and shares how they are plagued between the laws of the church they’ve been taught to believe all their lives and the many dangerous actions they’ve endured; shaming themselves simply because the church has always been the written laws of our society’s morality.
Now before anyone gets upset, let me clarify; I do not condemn the church itself and all the good it is meant to represent for our society, but rather the old fashioned laws and beliefs actually created by mankind in a century when beliefs were so strongly different in what our evolving society is accepting today.
Mankind once had written laws created by the leaders of centuries past which stated a woman was property. It was permitted for their owners, their husbands, to beat and degrade them publicly. Women and children had no voice and no opinion that any person who stood strong in the church and the laws would ever respect or consider. A marriage license gave that particular male the right to view his family as his and only his. No other person was permitted to even touch them and could be condemned in prison if in fact they did. This was the beginning of our human justice system. If the male figure, the owner, complained about an act against one of his property, his family members, then that person could certainly be sent into prison or put to death. However, if the owner, the husband, made an act of harm against one of his property, his family, then so what; the members he created in life (children) were his to do with as he saw fit. He could hand out his young children or use them to make money in hard labor or in sexual depravity; they had no right to complain and had to do as the leader, (their owner, their father), had ordered.
Now do you have a better idea about why I have the difficulty of these still widely believed and taught accepted ideals of our human morality? We are still (although adjusting in many ways) but are still teaching our children from a very young impressionable age, that only these are the ways in which we as a humans, a God Created Society, must live.
I don’t know about you, but I certainly do not want my son to believe that he has ownership and rule over any human being. I do not want my daughters to believe that although they may be married, they must stay with a man who beats, disrespects, degrades them simply because of the damning condemnation of the church, their family, and society as a whole. I, as all parents, want and have taught my children to believe in the value of themselves as human beings, not an owner or ruler of their families, not a woman to be punished or humiliated because of her thoughts and actions. I would much rather they honor the sense of what love is about, and no matter what gender they may choose to have as a partner, it is much more important they find the person who shares a mutual sense of partnership & love with the. I cannot believe that God/Creator would rather have us live our life feeling stuck in a brutal controlling life because they fear the church and Creator will punish them; condemn them in Hell for eternity for wanting to feel loved, appreciated, respected in a mutual loving bond.
In many ways our church and religious beliefs are finally beginning to evolve with the belief that love is love, that mutual respect & kindness between all members of the family is much more important than the fear of rotting away in Hell for choosing to live another way. Think of just how much we can change the strength of our society and create a path of kindness to be handed down for all future generations of beings to come if we simply stopped forcing our wives & children to believe in these old man-made creations of law in our churches today?
My children are the most accepting human beings of others I have ever met. This is simply because they will give to others a non-judgmental support rather than condemning them for what laws of the church they have broken by choosing a same sex partner, or leaving an abusive controlling marriage, or by simply being an individual who doesn’t always preach and support the laws of centuries old beliefs simply because they are written in the old guides of our church laws. How would you have your child live in a relationship/marriage today? How would you have them raise their children to believe? How would you want them to see themselves; are they property to be used and controlled, condemned by society and terrorized with beatings or sexual contact before they are even old enough to understand that form of contact and give their consent to act mutually with the person of their choice?
Maybe its because my viciously abusive past was the most altered and impacted by a man who told me many times he was an under-study Baptist Minister in the same church I attended as a child when he first started dating my mother? He was studying to be a Baptist Minister when he had already committed depraved cruelty and harm against children of his first marriage. As I grew and his use of me began to include handing me out to others and doing whatever he instructed or face his violent attacks, this is when he began telling me how God would never forgive me for the acts I was forced to accept against me. God no longer saw me as an innocent child and would hold me accountable for all that I did and all that he was forcing me to take part in. In their long life marriage it was simply agreed I was his property and in order for my mother to avoid his depraved acts against her, she made the conscious decision to instead allow him ownership of her middle child; that I would be seen not as human, but as his. She as my mother would deny me any sense of human kindness or care, no hugs, no tenderness, just simply his evil and the housekeeper, cook and caregiver who was ordered to answer the ring of his own private little brass bell.
Don’t get my wrong, I’ve had a deep spiritual connection and respect for the intended guidance of the church since I was that little girl. This same sense of kindness and respect, without judgment towards others, has been with me all my life. It is a part of my DNA and will never be altered, not by his actions against me then, not by my mother’s decision and permissions of what happened inside our dark family secrets, and most definitely not by the cruel abusive controllers who would lure me in under the guise of love, but try to beat out of me and control me, to own me as he once did and do with as they saw fit. No human being will ever destroy the good in me which God alone instilled within my spirit the day He chose to create the human being I am today.
Our laws today are continuously changing because of new minds and voices that are being heard. These strong beings are testifying to the need of these changes in our society because of all the harm we continue to act out against those who we consider less powerful, less valuable, less deserving. These amazing persons, men & women alike, are changing our society’s belief of the roles set forth in our laws and in our most powerful source of human morality; beginning the ways we teach others inside our churches. No longer should any person’s life be set in stone by marriage or other forms which support the strong dominating male of a household who feeds their power with terrorizing acts against their spouse and their children. Why are we still teaching these centuries old beliefs of dominance and control all under the acceptance and fear of what our after life will be if we do not abide by what is written?
Let’s think about the monsters who have raped, beaten, molested and instilled deep rooted fear into their victims, all under the roof of the church or as appreciated, respected members of the church and all of its centuries old beliefs. The examples of this are endless; the priests protected from punishment and shipped around the world to give guidance and instill strong church laws into those who give their last penny to be accepted into the Heaven’s above. These predators have numerous victims whom they’ve acted out their own depraved behaviors against boys & girls alike; the victims they view as property to be used and abused without a voice whom any of their parents or society would ever believe if they spoke out against these wolves in sheep’s clothing. Look at praised and respected members of the church and communities like Sandusky who have countless times overpowered young boys to believe if they say anything about the acts, their reputation and those of their church members will never believe they could do such things, or that such acts as sexual interactions these young victims are to be taken for what they truly are, manipulations by the predators whose developed overpowering skills could ever possibly be seen as wrong.
‘So what’, society states, ‘So they had sexual actions with a child. It was only sex. It will not harm them. It will not alter who they are inside and it certainly will not impact their lives because we have been doing throughout our human existence’. Well today we have 1 in 5 Americans who are battling through some form of mental illness, be it depression, bipolar disorders, and other such illnesses. We have young children and teens who believe they must DIE because they PERMITTED these depraved acts against them. ‘Why didn’t they just tell someone or why did they lead the person on that way?’ It is a skill in which most predators are very well acquainted with in overpowering a child or younger victim. They instill doubt, fear, shame and even blame on that younger person, and we in society drive it deeper by telling them it was nothing, or that it is not the root of their problems or even worse we blame them because again, THEY ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN.
It is time that our churches start sharing the true meaning of church, not what man created with their old laws. It is time we start teaching that all beings have rights to protect them and that all persons who act against them in these depraved or violent acts be held accountable for their CHOICE to offend that child, that woman, that living creature; the living creature God has brought into this world for a purpose and a greater good. These victims are not here to be property, to be beaten, raped, and then condemned and blamed all because the old laws say it is so.
We are a new generation, we know the dark family secrets and actions that have been acted out against those seen as property, those whom mankind may have brought into this world. These young lives are not to be ruled over with fear & dominance, but to be nurtured into life under the guidance of love, respect and most definitely kindness.
All I can say as I close this out, thank Heaven above for those persons strong enough to read through the true laws and intended purpose of the church. Thank Heaven, they are strong enough to encourage change in our society under the belief that human beings will NEVER be another’s property. Thank Heaven for the ways of our newer generations and those parents who have raised their children with value in all beings and the rights to be protected under our man made laws. Thank Heaven for the voices of strength who live with a sense that we are all deserving of peace in life; we are all deserving of an opportunity to grow without harm or shame, that all should know the glory of creating the roses that will bloom in their garden and a love to be passed onto another being without the attachment of do as I have instructed or you will be forever condemned in an eternity of Hell.
We today, are a knowledgeable society and we have the studies to prove the lasting impact of these vicious acts against another being. We are the first generation to speak publicly against these beliefs taught by the centuries old laws created by man, not God. We can most definitely give our partners, husbands & wives, our children and or neighbors the sense of their value and the truth that they matter. We can be the change that will guide a path of life for centuries to come and what I believe is the true sense of church, religion, spirituality as it was originally intended to be.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I do hope it has opened at least a few eyes in what is the true purpose of our church and not the centuries old laws handed down throughout generations. Pass it on to your friends, and if you’d like to publish this article please get in touch. You can email me direct at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow me on one of the many social & professional sites across the net. Below you will find the links to my published story, as written with my truth and finally the voice of the victim I used to be; the child property who has ripped away the coal stained hand that took from me the greatest tool of protection I was given by God above, he once took away my voice but I have finally found my own sense of freedom as I share it all in the publication of ‘My Justice’.
Follow all the links to gain a better understanding of what I’ve been doing in the support of victims/survivors like myself and even the family members who are battling through the struggles of healing and growth together. This passion of helping to educate about the impacts, teach prevention within our schools and our families, all while trying to encourage a prevention strategy within every small community; this is my heart’s passion and the drive that continues to guide me forward, the work I have been committed in doing since November 2010. I have studied the research of our mental health, the stats and views of publications in the Center for Disease & Control. I have also completed my 40 hour required introduction for Domestic Violence Advocacy and have become a Certified Trainer in Human Trafficking 101. I’ve done speaking engagements for many types of audiences and I would love to speak at your next function or gathering for change.
If you or someone you know is struggling through the aftermath of these harmful acts, there is the ‘Steps to Recovery’ tools which any person can use FREE OF CHARGE and on the front page of my website to help guide through rebuilding your inner sense of self after having endured any form of personally violating sense of trauma. You can and will recover from these actions against you. You can get safe and find your center and begin to live the life you were certainly created to enjoy.
Visit http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com to read through the tools and a site filled with information unlike those of other sites; not better, just filled with some guidance from someone who has endured some of evil’s worst, but finally I feel what it’s like to be loved, appreciated, and respected. You too will and do deserve to have a true chance at living your life in your own true freedom.
May peace & angels surround you, may you feel the true joys of life, and most importantly; may you know what it’s like to
Live Strong & Always Fly Free!!
Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight
Author: ‘My Justice’
Paperback, Ebook, Kindle & Nook versions available
Advocate for all Victim’s Rights/Speaker/Mentor
Officially copyrighted and protected under federal licensing as Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Nov 2012
Artwork on this website is the sole property of Michal Madison Art
More artwork can be found by visiting www.michalmadisonart.com
Although it is written as a novel, the accounts written here are true as they happened then. The impact and thoughts of the child, woman, mother, who endured it all are true. The names of the characters have been changed to protect innocent siblings & children, but this is the most powerful story of redemption & survival that you will ever read. Thanks so much to all who have given this a 5 Star Review on Authorhouse.com Amazon.com & BN.com – Very Exciting
When I published this story I didn’t know anything about writing, publishing, marketing; I just simply needed to write through my third nervous breakdown and explain to my children about how the horrifying attacks endured in my young life created an ongoing opinion of myself and what I tolerated in my adult life. Sadly, it was a life of more than 30 years in one repeated beating after another. It was a life filled with heartbreak, terror, depression, but it was not a life I wanted my children to continue living.
Admitting to myself just how dysfunctional I was, was one of the most difficult challenges I’ve ever faced. When I had to get away from my 2nd husband, after a near death beating at 4:00 am, completely nude being strangled, beaten with a chair and spit on as he walked away; it was as I crawled to the phone to call 911 for the first time in my life that I realized only I could change the pattern of life I was in. Only I could give my children the safe, loving, supportive home they deserved to know. Sure I did my best to always give my children those things, but sadly even when they are not the ones being directly harmed, they still feel every punch against their mom as if they were going through it themselves, especially when they are young.
No, the police didn’t help me. It was the very first time I had ever reached out for someone to realize how badly I was being beaten. His mom knew it, she would come sleep on the couch to keep him from killing me. She did this at least three times in a 9 year relationship. All my life people had constantly dismissed my pain as if it were nothing to be raped with a shotgun barrel at just 12 years old, be traded out to my stepfather’s friends as my mother lay in her bedroom watching television, or to be left to have your skin rot away in her neglect of medical care when our health insurance would have covered any treatment I needed. Schoolmates attended weekend parties with me as the ‘whore child’ who would serve them. They saw the constant bruises and welt marks from beatings. They saw the filth which covered a young girl’s body from FIVE YEARS of not bathing because it was his favorite room of torture. The teacher’s, law enforcement, family friends and many others all knew, witnessed, or attended the many horrific acts I was forced to accept within my childhood home for twelve long years, but not one single person in our small community ever spoke up to help save me or rescue me from the man they all feared.
No my mother did not ever try to stop him, not even when she walked in and saw him in bed with her naked 9 year old daughter. She didn’t leave, she didn’t yell at him, but she did send me to my room. She was not afraid of him, in fact he was a complete pussy cat with her. She controlled their relationship and how their marriage went, because he just did not want to lose her. So why did she sacrifice her one child to this man? Why did she do nothing all those times he hurt me or handed me out to others? No one will ever know, because she still thinks in her mind, she did nothing wrong!!!
This is an amazing read about a child who wasn’t just abused, but was terrorized, used, traded out, and left to rot in hell by absolutely everyone who had the power to do something!!! It is about how all of those years in evil influenced what I tolerated as I got older. The many relationships in dysfunction, the dangerous and almost deadly beatings that were all I ever knew. Then as I was refused help by the police after the last brutal beating and knew one of us would die if I stayed; I fought through it all to break the cycle, give my children a home where they could sleep in peace, they could be happy, run, play and invite their friends for sleepovers. Yes, you can climb out of hell and still be happy in life, but only you can make that a reality. Only you can make the choice of what type of life you wish to give your children and then make that life happen.
Today I am safe, today I am truly loved and respected. Today I give everything I can to help others like myself. I have studied through Mental Health, took my 40 hour Illinois DV Advocate Classes, am a Certified Trainer in Human Trafficking Prevention & Awareness, and have been working with victims/survivors since Nov. 2010 when I started my first women’s support group, Survivors World on Facebook. I’ve since built a website filled with information to help others recover & rebuild after abuse. It is complete with Child Abuse Prevention, Relationship Violence Awareness, & resources of other survivors and orgs who are on the net to help your recovery. There is also two years spent as a talk radio host and the many hundreds of interviews with org leaders, mental health professionals, survivors, authors, and our Survivors World online radio. You can find out all you wish from this site by visiting
In a world that can be filled with so much pain~~
‘Always believe anything is possible with you in the active equation’~~
” Awesome book by a tremendously STRONG woman! “
Ask a survivor of forced familial child trafficking; how can we ever end these atrocities within our family unit?
As a survivor of this vicious act against children, I have shared my voice publicly through training seminars, various speaking venues, including the Speakers Bureau for Southwestern Illinois Rescue & Restore Human Trafficking Coalition; Panel Speaker for St. Clair County Illinois Domestic Violence Reform Program; Prosecuting Attorneys Association Of Michigan’s Annual Victims Advocate Training. You will also find me through many web based radio program interviews, and anywhere I am given the opportunity.
It’s only after these past ten years spent in recovery, rebuilding, and training to assist other victims, that I am finally able to face many of the evil nightmares which have haunted and held me silent with shame & disgust. The fact that my mother and stepfather encouraged, allowed, and actually invited groups of grown men to come into our home for late night parties with their young developing child; the daughter well trained to tolerate such ugly acts; it is still a troubling part of my history. In truth I had to accept the complete disregard I suffered throughout twelve long years of repeated molestations, beatings, rape, physically scarring neglect, and at the age of eleven my stepfather began his most favorite activity; he commonly sold or traded me out for sick pleasure or the price of a couple of beers.
This all sounds extreme and you may not want to believe it all; however, back then it was all a ‘normal’ process for me and something my mother and stepfather did on a regular basis. How was I supposed to know I had any other value as a human being or that I could refuse what was enforced by the parents who had all the control of my very survival? It was a common practice on late Friday night for groups of men, coworkers at Peabody Underground #1 in Freeburg, Illinois; to come to our house for the entertainment of molesting and sharing a young child. When I speak today I use my voice to raise the dark curtain about how those who are in our family, protected by their given parental rights, then use us and destroy us through deviate acts they insist we endure. Remember, a child has no voice that others actually respect. Sadly this was true back in the 1970’s and although it may be slowly changing; it is a way we teach our children through family secrets and tolerance today.
I grew up in a small quiet town located in Southwestern Illinois. For nine consecutive years I attended the same school district and lived in the very center of town. It was during these years I was given as property to be my stepfather’s play toy and trained to be his ‘child prostitute’ from the age of about nine years old. This is just a few years after my mother willingly married the devil; a man whose own son had warned her about his evil. When he came into my life the value I had as a person, the happiness I felt as that innocent little girl; all of it was gone. My mother’s complete disregard for her own child, the neglect of all basic human needs or any form of medical or dental care led to rot, filth, and permitting her husband to destroy all that was good in her bright blue eyed little girl. This permitted destruction created a path of self loathing and an intense need to die; this is what I carried within the hidden secrets for most of my life. This type of disgusting abuse and disregard of a child is something we don’t forget, something we can never just erase from our existence; it is who we see in the mirror and the part of us we come to hate.
My mother permitted his acts and actually sacrificed her middle child to this monster for him to use however and whenever he chose. She ignored her own daughter and as he took over control of my life, she chose to treat me as less than human. Our family had the best health insurance back then, but yet the only time I ever saw a doctor was to be put on birth control at fifteen. She permitted, and the community who knew me so well watched, as he began taking me to bars and then eventually started collecting a few dollars from every adult man who wanted to come to our house for the late night entertainment. The men were allowed to get me high, feed me alcohol until I could hardly walk, then trade me from lap to lap as they probed and used the child who should have been sleeping for school the next morning. He took me out to tugboat parties with the workers he met at his common bar stop where my mother worked. My parents took me on their private dates and looked for adult men who wanted to be entertained by the child who was then just twelve years old. My stepfather repeatedly through parties at our house where schoolmates were invited for marijuana and alcohol, then as always; I was the prize & entertainment. Some of these nights included me giving everyone oral sex or allowing them to take me into my own bed. The price of refusal was a beating or his own sadistic acts as I lay in fear each night. I still have nightmares today about these parties, especially when it was more than one single person at a time, but I have learned through research & therapy my stepfather was a sociopath and my mother a narcissist; neither of whom could care less about what they did to this one middle child. in fact I believe their comment when I spoke with them both about all that had happened was simply, ‘You got what you deserved.”
The school personnel of Freeburg, the law enforcement, family friends, and even schoolmates who had been lured into his dark circle of trafficking his stepdaughter; they all knew who I was and who my parents were, yet not a single person ever questioned my care. There were many who avoided any physical contact with the child whose skin was covered with ugly puss filled sores, which left me today with deep pitted ugly scars. They said nothing about the rotting, broken black fangs, hanging in my mouth, which should have been my young beautiful smile. They saw vicious bruises and witnessed beatings in the street or heard the screams from my house as he beat me for the slightest infraction or late response to answer the ring of that little brass bell; all were signs of extreme abuse and evil against this one little girl growing up in the middle of this family, yet not a single person felt I was worth saving or heard my silent screams for rescue.
The reason I am sending this out now is because I have done a lot of work in my recovery, but unfortunately the trafficking has been the most difficult part of healing. This dark training of permitting multiples of men & boys to use and probe the child I was; it all created a lifelong pattern of extreme violence and degradation from boyfriends & husbands. I endured more than thirty years of severe physical battery, which almost ended in death more than once or twice. Through these vicious relationships I was threatened with weapons, attempted drowning, strangulations, concussions, broken ribs, broken collar bones and constant fear. The impact of living in these types of relationships, eventually left its own twisted pain and fear in my children’s lives. It wasn’t until my oldest child was fourteen years old that I finally found the courage to fight for my life and give my children the safe, loving home they deserved. They had spent their young years watching and hiding as their mother was beaten beyond recognition and repeatedly told how ugly, stupid, and useless she was. Today my children still see a lot of those same horrible things in the woman who loves them more than life itself. I have watched as the evil inflicted against the little girl I used to be, has crept through the veins of my bloodline and invaded the lives of my children; today they suffer in their own dysfunctional relationships. It is now in trying to parent their children and develop safe, healthy lives, that they are repeating some of those same behaviors which had become so ‘normal’ for them.
Above I have attached a photo of myself along with a picture of the memoir I published back in 2011, sharing my voice for the very first time and explaining to my children why their world was so disrupted by all the repeated vicious attacks and disregard of just one human life. The story, ‘My Justice’, is a true account of what happened in the protective window of family. It is a written apology to my children for how the trained acceptance of these crimes was such a huge part of my life; actually was my life.
In my healing I have become a strong advocate for those crimes which exist within our homes and our family unit. However, our modern day society, even with all of the many extremes we have learned to accept on our televisions, in our neighborhoods, and on our streets, it’s sad to accept that no one seems to want to acknowledge or speak about these issues. If we as adults cannot speak openly, without the feeling of shame and fear of judgment from others, then how are we to empower our kids to know we will help them, we understand, and they have nothing to fear? It is crucial for the adults in our communities to remain vigilant and take the initiative to prevent these acts of harm so commonly overlooked. Our society can no longer trade out our children for drugs, food, beer or for the sick pleasure of deviate thoughts. These are people’s souls we are destroying and when the circle of family friends, teachers, and others in these small communities blame and condemn the child victim, see them as less worthy rather than reporting and helping to rescue that child, then we are partly responsible for the destruction of who that person should grow up to become.
Today we are a new generation in charge and we know just how dark the dangers inside our homes can become. We have study after study about the many emotional disorders left on the child victim. Most often the adults who grow up inside this pattern of life, which many can never seem to escape; they live in an aftermath of Complex P.T.S.D, Depression, Anxiety, and extreme personality disorders that require treatment and medications, which usually cannot be afforded by the survivor. The burden of these healing treatments become the responsibility of our society, which is estimated by Center for Disease & Control at approximately $124 BILLION in the lifetime recovery cost of a survivor today. You can review a report on Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery which is research from the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data Systems, (NCANDS). This report, along with the allowance announced by Congress,(For every one report that is made of child maltreatment & sexual harm, there are at least three others that are not.); in the balance of this report it proves that at least 1 in 3 children are being forced to endure the brutal acts in heavy silence & family secrets every single day in the U.S. alone.
It is now that our children need us to hear their voices more than ever before. We already have generations of dysfunctional parents wounded by these vicious ugly acts, so when will it be enough that we finally begin a true active prevention within every family circle, every small community school, every law enforcement training, and most definitely throughout our entire medical provider services. We must begin to spot the silent children who endure every single day in the terror of their parents or other close family members. This support and strategic planning of protection for all children will only be possible when we stand strong as a united human society; making the choice today to teach value in every person, and empower every child to believe they deserve safety, love, happiness and that we will end the acceptance of these violent crimes within our very homes.
I do hope you will check out the website and organization of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery to find out more about my story and the stories of many others like myself. You will find a campaign we are leading to create your own ‘Family Defender’. It is with a prayer that you will hear my voice and help the many developing grass roots resources provide an understanding of just how common it is for those in our home to be the most dangerous to a child. Together, with the support of many incredible people today, I am proud of who I am and I am learning to see just how important my survival and healing has been; this is the path so that I could encourage others to be the ones to help end the cycle of harm we have been teaching throughout centuries. Our children are not for trade or sale. Our children are not objects for sexual gratification. Our children are not born to be destroyed by the parents who should love and protect them. Our children are soon going to be the next generation in charge, what will they know? Will it only be pain, sadness, violence, degradation? It’s never to late to be a powerful force of positive inspiration in a child’s life. Hopefully you will not turn away from the opportunity to truly leave an impression on a child in your circle.
Thank you for any time or consideration you have given here in what I’ve shared. You can contact me personally by emailing, email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org . You will find links below for the organization of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio. Spread the message through telling your own survivor story or by sharing the truth of how dark the evil can become inside this man-made hell for children. We cannot allow these ongoing crimes of human destruction. Please stand strong, be proud, and be a voice in ending the repeated generational teaching of silence and tolerance within our family unit.
We have the duty today, the knowledge, the studies, the many thousands of adult survivors who share the horror they endured. How many more human beings will we permit to be used, sold, traded out, and forced into a life long pattern of self destruction. Please pass this on and help our society understand exactly what they can do to prevent these crimes and how every living being deserves to be happy, know the feeling of love, and most of all sleep in safety without fear of the hand covering their mouth and taking away their most powerful protection, the power of their own voice.
Together we are empowering our society to defend our children, connecting hearts & holding hands of help around the world.
Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight
Owner/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com
Author: ‘My Justice’
Advocate/Keynote Speaker/Radio Host/’Steps to Recovery’ Trainer/Survivor
Bring true awareness to our community, check out the ROT OF ABUSE, the child a town forgot http://awe.sm/s5Ezs
These title words are just some of the adjectives used when people hear the true evil of my published story. The many responses, press announcements, Five Star Reviews shared about ‘My Justice’, have been shared around the web for almost two years now. Our world media outlets and our First Amendment Right to Freedom of speech is what enables us to our stories to teach the next generation about the dark destructive evils of mankind!!!
I know very few people ever get their stories noticed in the media; especially if it has anything to do with the most darkest actions of our human society. However isn’t it rather weird that we are drawn to those televised reality shows of addiction, dysfunction and despair, so long as it doesn’t hit in the deepest secrets of our home?
“My Justice’ is a story that rocks the moral fortitude of our human society. It is a story that most don’t want to even think could happen in our small American, hometown style, communities.
This true life horror story, ‘My Justice’, has now been read by hundreds. It isn’t a life I am proud to have lived by any means, but it is one that I am thankful to have survived!!!
TRUTH: Survivors of abuse, especially years (decades) of evil, violent and vicious degradation, disfiguring neglect, and being passed around to others like a party favor; this is something that is extremely difficult to admit to ourselves. Accepting that our parents are the guilty parties who trained us to be less than human; taught us that nothing about us is worth noticing. We were not raised as children, but merely objects to be used and brutalized; objects for sexual gratification to our parents, friends of the family and those permitted into this secret world. Our human value is never instilled, guided, or protected. It is stripped away from us and ripped from within our being. We believe there is nothing about us that matters and one of the most difficult challenges is to believe we have value or to promote ourselves in any manner!!
I have found my voice, found my strength; found my value as a human being. As hard as it is to pat myself on the back, especially for the truths of subject matter involved; I HAVE FOUND MY COURGE TO SPEAK UP AND REMOVE THE COAL STAINED HAND THAT HELD ME CAPTIVE FOR DECADES, FOR THIS I AM EXTREMELY PROUD!!!
‘My Justice’ has been incredibly reviewed by astounding individuals and the FIVE STAR RATED REVIEWS and comments continue to be shared by those who read the story!!!
Best selling author of geo-political thrillers such as: ‘Den of the Assassins’; ‘Cloning Christ’ and the novel he published from parts of his own amazing journey, ‘Chasing the Cyclone’; devoted child advocate, Founder/CEO of I CARE Foundation, Mr. Peter Thomas Senese has published many outstanding PR Web announcements, Amazon Reviews, and his own many blog shares about his thoughts on ‘My Justice’……….
Renown New York based Attorney Joel Walter has given the story huge praise and a big two thumbs up!!!……….”There are occasions when a book is written that shakes the very foundation you stand on. In ‘My Justice,’ Patricia McKnight has written an excellent, inspiring story of the human spirit. It serves as a reminder of many things. First, the importance for those who fall victim to abuse to stand strong and unashamed in the wake of their ordeal, and to find the courage to liberate themselves from those that chain their body, their mind, and their spirit. It too, is a reminder for each of us in society to not turn a blind eye to abuse, and to say ‘abuse will not be tolerated, ‘My Justice’ is an incredible story of courage and freedom in the wake of those who try to withhold these essential liberties. Clearly it took Ms. McKnight a great deal of courage to break her own personal chains, and to share this remarkable story. This story will impact many who Ms. McKnight knows, and many, many more she never will meet, but who’s lives she will make better. I highly recommend this story as much as I urge others victimized by abuse to emulate Ms. McKnight’s courage.”
Ms. Linda Walcher, a retired teacher of Freeburg Community School system; now a tutor for other up and coming teachers has shared her FIVE STAR RATING of this story……….. “This novel is a teaching of awareness for anyone who has direct contact with children to the extreme tragedy of neglect that is so commonly overlooked, but which can be the beginning signs of something much deeper. As a teacher, a mother, a person who cherishes all children; this amazingly well written novel made me want to scream and beg for others to read the details that are so exceptionally shared in the glorious strength of a child’s words.”
Dr. Brenda-Joyce Orozco Markert_Green- an educator of up and coming therapists has shared her FIVE STAR REVIEW…….. Please pick up a copy and read it. Most people do not understand all of the factors and variables that come into play in abusive situations, and this book spells out many of these. You will get more of an idea of what children who are being abused go through, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well, in order to survive their abusive situations. Trish also describes the abuse that she survived in her adult life, which points out the dynamics that play out in adult abuse situations also. Once you pick up the book, you will not be able to put it down! This is a must-read, and one that everyone should share with others, so that we can eradicate both child abuse and partner abuse!
Dr. Brenda, also personally shared with me her desire to use this story as a recommended reading source for her students to see inside the silent child and survivor who struggles to exist in her daily life.
The absolute best quote I can share about ‘My Justice’ is from Ms. Darlene Jones, Exec. Director of Violence Prevention Center of Southwestern Illinois, whose comments were video taped by News Channel 5, KSDK videographer/reporter Kevin Held, as we spoke at S.W.I.C. about the Illinois Healthcare Grant they received to provide education, prevention measures and assistance to victims of abuse and/or family/relationship violence. Unfortunately however, the final published cut of the video did not share her beginning words about the story.Ms. Darlene Jones, Exec. DirectorAuthor/Advocate/Survivor Patricia A. McKnight
Her special words: ‘If Patricia’s story would have been shared just ten years ago, we’d be hearing her share it on the Today Show’!!!
I cannot say enough about how much this means to me, but there is much more to be said about the value of this novel. There are many hundreds and even thousands who have connected with me simply because the power of sharing my story has given them the courage to speak their own truth. Every day there are survivors, victims, followers, even personal friends who have been so deeply shocked at this story, so incredibly moved by this story they have been impacted in ways that have changed their world. At one time they may have been one of the many still held in that heavy steel cage of silence. Once they may have been someone who turned away and pretended not to notice these evil acts around them, but now they have been empowered with voice and they are passing that inspiration forward to others and all of us are finding the courage to stand against these crimes. The greatest power of sharing these horrifying details is the very public apology I give to my children throughout the story, which was my greatest inspiration; to explain the why of all the turmoil and dysfunction that flowed in to invade their lives because of the ignored, abused, trafficked child then became their mother.
‘Yes I am one of those millions in our society who was once a victim of these vicious abuses by those entrusted with my care’!!
‘My Justice’ has inspired victims to reach out and seek help. Survivors who have been trapped in these dark secrets for years have now been empowered to speak up and come forward. A few of these incredible survivors who have reached out to me and stated they’ve been inspired with hope by my story; have also been sharing their own secrets and touching the souls of other victims. They are journalists, bloggers, advocates, Facebook support group leaders and founders, such as; Viga Boland, Mary Graziano, Patricia Caldwell-Singleton, Michal Madison and Janice Meadows-Hedrick, Author Sharon Newkirk-Wells, of course this is just to name a few off the top of my head.
I am continually truly amazed by the wonderful strength of these voices. For me to feel like ‘My Justice’ has been not only highly praised and reviewed by some of these astounding every day friends, gives me hope and fills my spirit with drive to continue supporting them, while driving forward to reach out to our media outlets about the importance of making it public. One day it will shine for the many well written qualities it carries and the spirit of the survivor who has walked this amazing journey to freedom.
To all of you who have read my many blogs, read the novel, heard my voice on blog talk radio or connected through private messaging or phone calls; you have all made a huge impact on my world!!! There is no way that I can ever thank you enough for sharing your support, kindness, and most of all for finding your voice to speak your own truth!!! I am forever indebted to each of you. Perhaps one day we will live long enough to see it all make a difference!!!
There is more that has come from publishing my story two years ago. Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery has been built because of all of you who have reached out to me and shared your own journey. Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery has been built because of all the interviews written; some already published, some still waiting to be published, but without you I never would have believed in this dream or built this site to provide information, resources, and help others understand the wounds we carry from the traumas of our past. To take what I’ve learned through life’s journey and know that it matters; to know it is helping in a greater mission; to inspire some human kindness, to give hope to many who have had none; this is much like the bond and deep self appreciation of giving birth, which is exactly what has happened.
I have found and given birth to the me who has been hiding inside and this new child will never be held in silence again.
There is also the connection I have made with those other shining survivors who have come before me to share their stories and carry a devotion of advocacy and change, a mountain of hope filled with information and inspiration for our society. These many who I highly respect and hope to one day have all of us sharing our stories; hearing them and reading them through our many media outlets, which then allows it to penetrate our society and climb into the cracks of our homes, giving hope to those trapped inside that there are others fighting for their freedom from these atrocities.
There are millions of these incredible survivors who know the depth of pain and evil that our own parents and those who walk among our society as law abiding citizens, pillars of the community, or worse those who are seen as vicious souls, but not one person around them ever worries about the children within their care.
Some of those who I respect most for their courage to make a difference are; Annie O’Sullivan, Michael Skinner, Lynn Tolson, Paula Phelps, Jan Frayne, and of course Miss Erin Merryn who is making great changes by the enactment of Erin’s Law across the country!!!.
As I said, its difficult for a survivor to believe it matters and market themselves and their incredible work to reach the hearts of society. Someone could make a ton of money by choosing to market these survivor stories. Of course I’m speaking for those of us who don’t already have some type of marketing resource for our voices to be heard.
The Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Talk Radio is out to help get those voices out there and allow them to be heard. We want to share your story and share the amazing work you have dedicated to making a difference. I hope each of you will join me as a guest or co-host for a live broadcasting. It is vital to bring these stories out, let society see our numbers, and bring an ease of topic and discussion about the darkest of these ugly actions from one human being against another.
It all matters because of the growing epidemic of abuse and family violence/relationship violence that is still plaguing our society today and it just keeps getting worse. Mankind is destroying the moral fortitude that lies within us all. We are still living in the hell that generations before us have taught and passed forward, yet very few stories are ever heard and rarely make it to the news and other media outlets.
We have created our own manmade cancer and it has been festering in the silence, eating away at our society for centuries. Now we have the opportunity to change what has been. Our choice to do the right thing and teach our children through the stories of our past, is the only chance we have at bringing an end and giving them a better, safer, world in which to flourish.
You don’t see our stories make it to the New York Times Best Seller List. These truths are not read about in the Time magazine. They are not read about or reviewed in the Chicago Tribune, the LA Times, or the Riverfront Times here in the St. Louis area. Even our televised talk shows such as The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Ricki Lake, Dr. Phil, or Dr. Drew, and The Today Show; all of these turn away from the growing numbers of voices who are sharing these truths. Here in St. Louis area we have St. Louis Today, or Great Day St. Louis, but none of these will broach the subject of sharing a special on these dark pasts, which are incredible stories of survival. It truly makes me want to stand up and scream at the top of my lungs, hoping to reach every person within 500 miles of my voice; “Dammit it Matters People’!!!
We continuously see commercials for the Humane Society and the ASPCA; the abuse, malnourished, abandoned creatures of these dysfunctional homes are given more attention and supported by our financial donations, but the children and abused, beaten souls within the homes are left to rot in the plague of evil actions.
Isn’t our society at all shocked by the horrific nature of these brutal acts within our homes? If not, shouldn’t we be? The longer we remain silent about these vicious attacks within our own homes, the longer we allow our children and future generations to be destroyed!!!
These horrific nightmares still continue to infect the lives of our children every second of every day. The Illinois Department of Children and Family Services released the 2012 PDF file reports, which show 218 Children Murdered by acts of physical or neglectful abuse, yet there is only minimal response from our politicians and lawmakers who have the power to make a difference.
Was there a response to the email I sent to our President Barrack Obama? – No
Was there a response from the THREE PAGE LETTER and copy of ‘My Justice’ that I personally mailed to our beautiful family oriented First Lady Michelle Obama? – No
Was there a response to the video I made as a public plea for help to Dr. Phil? – No
Was there a response to the email I sent to our Senator Dick Durbin? A very basic return email was received, stating quite simply; ‘Thank you for your interest’. REALLY????
Has Congress yet passed Protect our Kids Act? – No
Have our Senate and House Representatives yet given the approval and passed into action the Reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act? – No
Perhaps we are turning away from these evil brutal truths because there are so many millions, if not billions, who still walk in the silence of these crimes today? Perhaps we do not want to open the door to all of these stories because we are afraid it will hit too close to home and we will realize there is someone we know; someone who is close to us; someone we love; perhaps even our own children who are still struggling to survive these atrocious acts of evil?
If we do not bring these truths to the forefront of our discussions then how will we be able to convince our kids it is safe; they CAN talk, they CAN speak up, they DO NOT have to feel ashamed of what’s happened to them. How can we empower our kids with the greatest weapon they hold; their voice? IF WE ARE NOT PUBLICLY TALKING ABOUT THESE STORIES AND THEIR GROWING NUMBERS, HOW CAN WE TEACH OUR CHILDREN TO SPEAK UP FOR THEIR OWN PROTECTION? How can we possibly teach them there is no shame if we are still turning away, pretending not to see or hear; whispering about the acts, but yet telling our kids there is nothing to be ashamed of, it is not their fault?.
We cannot remove the stain of shame on these victims until we can talk about it comfortably ourselves. What example of decency are we giving them if we are still whispering about the crimes of abuse and violence within our homes? I believe it continues to drive into our children that they must remain silent rather than reveal their rapist is their father, or their mother, or even their sibling. It’s alright to come forward and speak when it is someone outside the family unit, be it a teacher, minister, coach, boy scout leader; admitting this and charging them publicly is an act of courage and they should be proud of those they saved from falling prey to these monsters, but stay quiet if it is one of us who is attacking you and beating you, raping you, molesting you; don’t air your dirty laundry is what we are still teaching our kids today.
Excuse my blunt nature, but this is not a crime we survivors have committed; it is a crime that has been committed against us!!! The acts of child rape, molestation, beating, neglect, murder; the acts of beating and degrading, controlling and attempting to murder our spouses or partners; these are all crimes, but yet they are never heard in criminal courts. These acts are dealt with in family courts. Why? If it is a stranger who pushes me, punches me, attacks me in any manner, then it is a criminal case. However; if my father rapes me, my mother beats me and the entire community around me refuses to see the harmful neglect of rotting teeth, filthy hygiene and growing disgust of flesh eating infection, then all of this should be kept quiet. Never again will I be silent about what those around me did and those within my community either watched it happen or they took part in the trafficking of a child. They ignored the horrifying screams of me begging my husband to please stop beating me. They pretended not to see the face so beaten that it was beyond recognition and the broken ribs, collar bones, and severe bruising that covered my body was all just a ploy for attention. Really?????
To all of you incredible survivors who have fought through the madness that is inflicted by these crimes, I say to you;
NEVER GIVE UP!!! Our stories may never make it to be great success stories, but I guarantee you that each of your stories are touching the lives of those who read them. We are opening up the door so that others can see the horrific destruction that is caused by these acts. Your stories are being whispered about, but they are touching the lives of other victims and relieving the burden of shame they carry. Your stories and mine are making a difference ONE SOUL AT A TIME and we will make an impact on the generations to come. We are all saving the life of someone we don’t even know and rescuing those who live trapped in this hell.
My choice to speak up was made for my children so that I could help them understand and see the person who lies within their mother. My choice to break free from the trained pattern of accepting these violent acts against me was because of the desire to give my children a better way of life. The choice I make right now to commit the rest of my years as an advocate is done for the children yet to come. It is a hope that things will change, that our society will see what is happening; our children falling apart and the surge of mental despair that is exploding around us; this is my drive to build what I feel is my path, my destiny. It helps me to take the thirty years of brutal and almost deadly attacks I’ve survived, then turn it all around into something as precious and gentle as a butterfly coming to life.
Now is the time for all of us to climb out of the darkness of our cocoon and soar into the possibilities of a better life. I am one of the many, one of the devoted, now one of the strong adamant souls who are spreading my wings and flying through the wonderful freedom of safety and happiness, which of course is something we were all intended to have as we took our first breath of life.
Live Strong & Fly Free
© Patricia A. McKnight
Advocate/Author/Speaker/Writer/Talk Radio Prod & Host/Survivor
Founder/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery
Survivors World online support group
Generation No More
‘My Justice’ is available through most online book resources
Paperback, E-Book, Kindle & Nook Versions
In the FFY 2011 the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data Systems (NCANDS) recorded the demographics for 3,712,034 reports of child maltreatment across the country. Sadly, because of the low number of Child Protective Service workers (being only 33,000), and because a single call taker on each of these reports was permitted to make the determination as to whether or not the report warranted any further investigation, and whether or not the report met the required individual state’s mandated guidelines; our system allowed 2,360,614 of these reports to be written off as Unsubstantiated without any further investigation needed. Even more horrifying Mr. President, is that in the overall 3.7 Million calls only 0.1% of these were found to be false claims. How can we wipe away 2.3 million reports without a 2nd or even 3rd opinion to determine the need for further investigation? How when the proven total of false claims is less than 1% of all reports; how can we say as a country that we did our best to protect our children?
Mr. President, it is with the utmost respect for what you have been able to achieve in your service as our 44th American President, which I come to you as a citizen, a survivor of horrific child maltreatment witnessed and allowed by an entire community for 9 consecutive years, while attending the same school system; yet not one single person cared enough to enforce the enacted child maltreatment protection laws to help rescue me from the monsters who were my parents.
Mr. President, I write to you today as a strong advocate against all abuses of this nature. I have taken what nightmares I endured as a child for the entire twelve long years and turned this into a published autobiography in the memoir ‘My Justice’, which I’m ecstatic to share has been used to teach upcoming marriage & family therapists; reached into the hearts of medical professionals, and has impacted the lives of hundreds of survivors who have been inspired to also begin their recovery and heal their own inner wounds from the lifetime histories of abuse and evil. Also, in a drive to empower the community & family friends to stand as defenders and report all suspicions of abuse; child maltreatment, I’ve founded a new service, which is self funded, supported by incredible advocates across the country, and now a true resource; Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery. Everyday I connect, support, mentor survivors who are struggling through the lifelong impact of P.T.S.D., depression and many other mental health difficulties.There have been speaking engagements and trainings on how I can best help to assist families, victims, survivors to move past what has happened and the trauma which invaded their lives. At the same time I’ve continued my mission of self study of these impacts, our laws, and ongoing local community work to better assist and introduce our local services to our citizens so they understand the who and how of helping someone in a moment of need. In truth, Mr. President, I will give my last breath to make sure that I am doing all I can to educate others, support those suffering, and prevent all I can from happening to our children today.
It is crucial Mr. President that we begin today as a strong country to end the evil crimes we commit against our children and the loved ones in our homes. In order to ensure that all crimes of this nature are being handled appropriately and that all states are ready to join in this mission, I beg you Sir, please create a federal reform of the mandated child maltreatment reporting guidelines, so that we are meeting the very best of these protections and investigations for the well being of our continued generations. We can no longer pretend not to know or recognize when a child is being harmed. Throughout centuries we have permitted and tolerated these types of crimes to fester in the taught silence within our families and protecting the abusers by blaming the child victims and brushing it off as if it doesn’t matter. This has now become our own man-made created and tolerated cancer which has invaded generations of lives. The Center for Disease and Control reports about 50 million citizens living as survivors today, which generates a cost of approximately $124 Billion a year for the lifetime recovery of these brutal crimes.
It is now that we must absolutely create a FEDERAL WATCH FOR THE PROTECTION OF ALL CHILDREN. It is in doing this that we need to create a strict standard of investigational steps which must be followed through on absolutely every single report of child maltreatment. If we do not demand that all responsible adults protect the children around them and report the abuses or violence against children, then we are accepting that our children are not worth the time to investigate and mandate their protection. I beg every citizen to not allow the pedophiles and monsters to control the lives & create the nightmares our children will carry into adulthood and then they are the ones in control. What will we tell them, all of them? How many more lives will we permit in the destruction which invades their adult skills and ability to function?
Patricia A. McKnight
Author: My Justice
Founder/C.E.O. – Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery
Dear Lord, help us now in our vision of peace that we may help those who are still forced to live in the pain from those who should protect and love them. Let the wounded heal so that they become strong, positive parents, to guide their children in your forever empowering light.
Thank you everyone…….
Hello Everyone, I enjoy so much receiving my weekly inspiration. Now I hope this post reaches out to many others. When I sit and think about what I would truly like to have others pray about, it doesn’t come down to praying for or about me, but rather our society as a whole and even more so my children. Four years ago I began a brand new journey in my life in finding out who I truly was. It meant starting from the beginning, which then led into sharing about the horrifying childhood pain I endured. Sadly I was a child whom an entire town of people refused to see as human. My mother left me to rot as I was unable to safely bathe in my own home. My skin began to rot away in the filth and developed a very nasty infection which the scars now cover most of my body. It literally ate me away in his repeated ugly attacks and using me to share with his coworkers, the husbands and sons of my mother’s closest friends. They all enjoyed coming to our house for late night parties with the child who should have been sleeping for school the next day. The long-term impact from all of this is that it became a normal path of life for me. There were husbands and boyfriends, all who attacked me and most who beat me almost daily just because they came home angry and drunk. The impact this pattern had on my children, the fear as they hid in the closet waiting for the battle to end and their mom to come tuck them into bed with her face all distorted and swollen from the punches she had to take. My children are still having such difficulties in their adult lives and sadly this is having another cycle of dysfunction in their young lives. How do I stop this? How do I turn it all around? The book I published, ‘My Justice’, was all about the beginning of opening up my soul to the horror of what was my life, but it was even more so an explanation and an apology to my children for how all the trained acceptance in my life, then influenced their little minds because of what they had to witness. Where does it end? Does God hear my voice when I cry out to him for it all to just stop? Why is my family still living in this? How do I help them turn it all around and find their sustainable happy life; working, living, caring for their children, and growing more wise in their own development? When you pray for the child, woman, mother who was trained to be an object, trained to accept cruelty, degradation, and repeated attacks; please pray for my children. I am safe today, I am loved, and I am working hard to not only find my peace but in helping others throughout society to understand the true life altering impact of these types of acts which most commonly occur within our homes. Pray that the child next door is safe. Pray that the couple down the street are not beating each other and instead are learning to respect and love one another. Pray for our human society that we understand these acts have been going on for centuries within our homes, but that we as responsible humans have the ability to stop it all. We can begin supporting and lending a caring ear or hand to the victims, we can help by reporting even when it is a family member who assaults that child, woman, mother. All children grow up and we have to ask ourselves, what type of influence do we want to leave in their lives? Please pray that one day the world or even just one person around us will see the need for help and they will react to assist those who are being harmed. Please pray for those who face such nightmarish attacks day after day then go to school pretending they are NORMAL, their life is NORMAL, their home is NORMAL. Cruelty and vicious sexual attacks against a child should NEVER be normal. Please pray, thank you :) Patricia A. McKnight. Author: My Justice; Owner – Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery. If you or someone you know is looking for someone who understands, without ever any judgment, please check out our website for step to recovery ever person can begin used right at this very moment. Thank you <3
If you would like to connect with me for help, support, a safety plan for rescue or just would like to share the journey; here are some links of where you’ll find me.
Author: ‘My Justice’
Advocate/Mentor/Speaker/Trainer/’Steps to Recovery’
Owner: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery
We have shared many broadcasted programs during these past 18 months and I am so grateful to the many guests, chatters, supporters who have joined us or have shared our shows. In truth, I absolutely love doing radio. It’s an exciting way to continue passing the crucial need for grassroots community resources to provide assistance for victims, survivors & families who have been touched by some form of abuse, violence, trafficking, bullying and the many other types of personally violating crimes.
It saddens me to announce we are no longer going to be broadcasting, but I feel it is the best decision at this time. One, is the need for me to focus on my writing. Two is the need for funding to continue the premium broadcasting programs which have been enjoyed by listeners around the world, especially Wednesday’s Survivors World. It has been such a connecting and healing opportunity for each of us and I am grateful to have had this opportunity.
Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery will be here to help anyone in need, no matter if we are on radio or not. Our organization is about supporting those in need and helping to educate about the true impact from these types of traumas. We will continue our training, our support, our awareness mission and the connections that have been made through our work.
Continuously I share my own journey as well as the information I learn in other specific trainings, which have focused on Sexual Assault, Mandatory Reporting, Human Trafficking, Elder Abuse, Domestic Violence & Child Abuse. I wanted to be sure to provide the very best assistance for the many hundreds of families, victims & even more survivors who have contacted me over these past 4 years. The educational trainings I’ve taken have given me the ability to disconnect from my own personal trauma when assisting those in need. It is difficult at times to assist with the many levels of trauma and the personally emotional wounding left in its aftermath, so the trainings give the expert knowledge shared by states across the country.
Our radio programs have given us the opportunity to reach around the world, empower many to find the courage to break their silence about the ugly family secrets which have haunted their lives and even made parenting their own children difficult at best. It is my personal hope that as a human society we will begin to see just how valuable our children really are. They are precious souls who depend on the adults around them to protect them and guide them through to adulthood. Sometimes, as wounded parents, we are triggered throughout different levels of our children’s lives, which then impacts the way we connect with them and see their developing ways. In finding the courage to begin our own healing we find the ability to positively influence their lives in the manner we wish in our hearts.
Please readers, I do hope that if nothing else touches your heart in all the work we do as an organization; you will empower the many wounded souls you come in contact with to believe they deserve true happiness. However, to achieve that happiness we must first learn that at no time should anyone ever have the power to harm you, condemn you, or trap you in their inflicted pain. Every human being is created for a purpose, but that purpose is NEVER to be the victim of this type of cruelty. You can and will achieve your own healing, your own dreams, your own freedom when you make the decision to end the abuses and harm against you. Make the call to report the offender. Make the call to a resource of support to help you through. You do not have to go through professional counseling to heal the wounds of your trauma. You simply need a friend who will support you in your journey, believe the trauma you’ve endured and the many impacts it has left on your perceptions, lack of boundaries, and the decisions you make.
You can and will achieve your freedom, positively influence and guide your children, become the strong spirit you were intended to be, and most of all find your own path to happiness, but first you must be willing to face the trauma and learn to understand how these types of harm actually leave their own mark on the young developing minds and souls of the child you once were. Grab hold of a hand, take a deep breath, get ready to face the darkest of days; walk the path into your own true light. It may not be perfect, but there is certainly a light on the other side of this harm and you deserve to follow the rainbow of life and love waiting there in your healing journey.
Life is a miracle not to be wasted, you deserve roses in your magical garden!!
Call a resource of help, hope, and healing today!!! You could save your life or the life of someone you know and love. Let no person be trapped in the cruelty and condemnation of abuse, violence, human trafficking or bullying. There is help on the other end of these listed, trusted, and nationally recognized resources. Be your own hero today!!
You are strong – You are courageous – You are worthy – You are magical
Be safe, live strong, always fly free!!!
All information published in connection with Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio is protected under the development of our organization and copyright founded Sept. 2012
Patricia A. McKnight
Owner/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Talk Radio Programming
Founder Survivors World Support Group Nov. 2010
Speaker/Trainer/Writer/Radio Host & Producer
Author: ‘My Justice’ – Finally removing the thick coal stained hand that crept in an stole the most powerful weapon of my safety; taking back my power and finally speaking my own truth.
These are pictures of my past, but now have become pictures of my present day life. Yes, the Breese Journal, Belleville News Democrat, and even KSDK News 5 have all done articles or have shared video from local speaking events. Today even the FBI Victims Services & Citizens Academy have recognized what I am doing here locally (Clinton County Illinois) and as a Trainer in Human Trafficking, Certified Domestic Violence Advocate, Child Abuse Prevention Specialist, and ‘Steps to Recovery’ presenter; what I do to help others is a constant area of work for me today. It is crucial, as in URGENT we begin paying attention to what goes on in our surroundings and circles. There is not enough we can do independently in everyday concern and respect for another, which will outweigh what has been passed on throughout centuries in the acts of domination over another.
My story is one which comes from a life growing up in Freeburg, Illinois during the years from 1970 through 1980, a period of ten years as a child living in a publicly displayed nightmare of horrific abuse, child sex trafficking with community members; actually husbands and sons who were co-workers of my stepfather, schoolmates of my brothers, and directly related to some of my mother’s best friends. The actions of my stepfather were never hidden, as my mother and stepfather truly didn’t care, who did or didn’t know, about how they used and tortured this one middle child in their care. There were so many individuals who were involved with or knew about how I was being used that I can’t even remember how many hands have touched me. Many times I’ve been hit with memories and even shared some of the direct evils inflicted in the true story written in ‘My Justice’. What’s worse however is what has been triggered in my subconscious by permitting myself to travel back in time to reveal the ugly family secrets I’ve carried throughout my life. Those who know me from this town remember little things here and there. Schoolmates have contacted me after reading ‘My Justice’ and all share remorse about what they as children, didn’t recognize, but they remember how my parents used me, isolated me in family responsibilities that went as far as to answering the ring of that little brass bell. Some have contacted me and stated ‘I knew something was going on, but Trish, I had no clue how vicious the life you spent in that home really was.’ Sadly the adults who know my parent’s and, especially my stepfather,only one or two have reached out with words of sorrow or statement about any of what I wrote in being untrue.
Even my own mother, who is still alive, has asked but a few questions, the most ridiculous of those is, ‘How would you like me to talk about a few SECRETS about you?” Thanks Mother, that statement in and of itself validates everything I’ve shared about all that happened and what YOU took part in the training of your little girl whom you helped develop as his forced child whore. How dare you Mother? Do you see what you have done to your child? Do you see just how ugly and brutally neglecting you were? You threatened to SUE me; REALLY MOTHER!!! Step up and claim yourself as being my mother, the mother of all mothers who would allow such evil against one of your own children, but hell you never really cared about any of them!! All you were worried about was the fact you had someone to put a truly evil roof and dysfunctional views for your children. Why was I the only one you allowed him to target in these evil acts? Why was he not ever put in jail? Why didn’t some of your circle of ‘FRIENDS’ ever say a word, or what excuse did you give them for their questions? You probably told them you were the VICTIM. All you ever focused your attention on was what you wanted to make you happy. You knew you could make him do anything, or was I part of that bargain? I hope these questions reach you, since you will not permit me any form of concern or apology, you have given me VALIDATION and for that I guess I can do nothing but at least thank you for that.” your daughter, ‘Trecia Ann’ – Now I am a published author, now I have even developed my own source of business as prevention and awareness, support and information for all those communities today. Are you proud of me yet mother?
Today I find it also validating to hear from others who knew me as a kid, who share with me statements their parents made, such as; ‘I always wondered why that man was so mean with that little girl’, ‘I remember how he used to always take her with him out drinking and hanging out at the bars’. In truth, I was the girl their sons were not allowed to date and their daughters were not permitted to befriend. I was the girl that the boys, groups of them, knew they could come to, either one on one or together, to use in games of ‘Post Office’ where each one had a chance to see how far they could go and just exactly what I would allow them to do with me. There is one childhood friend who started reading ‘My Justice’ and when they got to the part about the one time I spent the night at a slumber party and the only nightgown I had was the see-through little cotton gown purchased by my stepfather at ‘Victoria Secrets’, which my mother permitted him to buy as a gift for me. Well, this friend had to throw the book down and was sickened by what suddenly became the reality of the girl she knew so well. At this time I was just twelve years old, it was his favorite age; the age where my body started to grow into a young woman, the breasts changing and pubic hair just starting to grow. It makes me sick as I think back on it even at this very moment.
Malcolm, ‘Walter in the book’, which I changed names to protect siblings; however, not a single sibling will even talk to me today. My brother condemned me a long time ago, at least ten years ago and has not spoken a word to me since. He only sees my stepfather’s trained whore when he looks at me, says my actions make him sick because I do not live up to the standards of his perfect little life. My younger sister, used to connect and was willing to talk with me about how dysfunctional our home was as a result of the severe alcoholism and mental health disorders in our parents unfolded. She would discuss her emotions of how it was for her after I left, when she was just nine. I say to them both, ‘Neither of my siblings have endured anything remotely close to the harm they witnessed against me.’ Its validating enough for you to discuss the raging alcoholic who was so vicious and the parties, which kept her awake all night.
Mona, ‘Shirley in the book’, is the mother who turned against her own child and abandoned her in the evil of his touch. She has read ‘My Justice’ and repeatedly tried to reach out and talk with me, threatened to sue me, and worst of all; ‘How would you like it if I went around a told a few secrets I knew about you? How about if I tell them how I used to have to go searching for you dirty clothes? How about if I tell them about the boy who climbed through your bedroom window and caught you having sex with him at just thirteen?’ She has not once apologized, she has never denied any of it at all. When she found out about the time he shut me up forever by using his favorite shotgun barrel to take my virginity while my brother and sister lay downstairs watching their favorite show; all she had to say was ‘That sounds like something that sick son-of-a-bitch would do’. She admits that she was warned by his own son from his first marriage about how evil and disgusting he was, yet she chose to marry him and allow him complete control over just one of her children, her young daughter who was just then five years old.
It was a lifetime of haunting by a monster. He would prowl around in the dark like a lion hunting his prey. He would beat me for having boyfriends, and stalk me even after I had grown up, had children, moved out and gone through my first divorce. He even hunted me down to smash my head against the truck window and dash, drag me across the very public street, call me every name he could think of as the neighbors watched and did nothing. The boyfriend I was dating, whose father’s house we were at, simply said; ‘He’s here for you, outside screaming your name. You really have to go now.’ This man preyed again when I was forty years old, had just lost everything I had due to an illness (Pulmonary Embolism), which caused me to be out of work and depend on credit only to take care of my children; well I ended up at my mother’s house to stay in her basement till I was able to get settled again. Guess what happened, guess who prowled around outside the basement shower room which I was told I absolutely had to use, because her bathroom with a lock on the door was completely off limits? She told me he couldn’t climb down those stairs anymore. The bed I was supposed to sleep in was the very same bed I had used as a young teen, even had the same yellow lace bedspread. She would not permit her granddaughter who desperately wanted to travel with me; Mother simply stated; ‘I am not responsible for anything that might happen, so don’t you start your shit’. SHE KNEW!!!! Mother has never denied a single event or action of her neglect for all basic human necessities. She never apologized and in fact there was one slip of the tongue when she stated, ‘You got the life you deserved’, ha-ha really Mother????
You see, I am the one left today with many broken parts still inside. I doubt they will ever fully be able to heal, and some well the scars are so deeply embedded there is no magic surgery from any specialist around that can give me back any sense of normalcy as I look at my reflection everyday. You’ll see in this brief video the horrifying skin which covers my body today. I am left with scars inside and out that will never be able to be erased or healed, the child they tried to destroy and the one an entire community allowed to simply rot away. You will be horrified by this brief video – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Rpt_oHU5NM The Rot of Abuse, uploaded by Patricia A. McKnight
We as a society continue to ignore the hundreds, thousands who are sharing stories of evil today. You can search the net and find video after video, story after story, of lives destroyed and many who are now so extremely wounded by these acts they cannot even be parents to their children. Some so broken into actual separate personalities developed to protect them from the extreme trauma they endured. I ask you all, media, literary agents, book promoters, local press, organizations who defend children or rescue them; ‘When will all of this be enough to create a society strict on its punishments and supportive in recognition of the surviving souls today?” Help share the many stories today; let no child suffer in silence and become your own defender of children. Allow their screams of mercy and rescue be heard!!!! Our children are not expendable, they are not sex objects, they are not household slaves to be beaten and tortured for the slightest infraction. They are person’s waiting for us to lead them through growing to become the next generation in charge of our society. Let the monsters be known and protect our country’s children as one united force against these types of evil. No more can we ignore their screams, their tears, their secrets being shared today.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I pray there is a path for ‘My Justice’ and the many other survivors who are finally speaking out for their freedom and their recovery today.
Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight
Owner/CEO Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery
Mentor/Crisis Resources/Speaker/Child Abuse Prevention & Steps to Recovery Trainer Member: Southwestern Illinois Human Trafficking Task Force Board Development Member: Illinois Victims Assistance Network (I.V.A.N.)
(c) Patricia A McKnight
Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Sept. 2012
art via www.michalmadisonart.com
My Justice Read by Author Patricia McKnight 01/20 by Fire Talk Production | Politics Progressive Podcasts
This was one of the most powerful interviews. A huge thank you to Nell Cole & David Little Eagle for this fabulous opportunity to share my story, ‘My Justice’
Welcome Warrior Child Patricia McKnight who will join us to read from her book My Justice.
This amazing story of survival will capture you from Prelude to Ending. It will shock and disturb the deepest parts of your being. In it you will walk the path of a little girl so utterly destroyed by those entrusted with her care. You will feel her strength to survive as the towns people around her ignored the child’s cry. Trecia Ann will allow you into her thoughts; her exasperating fears that haunt her soul.
To have ‘Trish’ come speak at your next training event or a community awareness mission, please email direct: email@example.com
Connect on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62