‘Life changing, Highly Reviewed
by Dr. Brenda Joyce Orozco Markert-Green
Marriage & Family Therapy Training Course
La Sierra University
‘My Justice’ is a horrifying, but excellently written autobiography about the sadistic thirty plus years survived by one local woman who grew up within the small community of Freeburg, Illinois. Located just 40 miles outside of St. Louis; Author Patricia A. McKnight is sharing a life lived in hell, which is a FIVE STAR RATED tale of just how dark one man’s actions can be to the child within his home.
Ms. Debra Mize, Prevention Coordinator & Educator for Violence Prevention Center of Southwestern Illinois, refers to this incredible story as the most powerful since she read and attended a speaking engagement presented by the great author Dave Pelzer and his autobiography, ‘A Child Called It; One child’s courage to survive’ which made the leading New York Times Best Seller List”.
“My Justice; Shocking, Disturbing, Emotionally Charging throughout every page!”
This powerful story will rock the moral foundations of everyone who reads. Patricia A. McKnight; Author/Advocate/Speaker, now founder of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Talk Radio Programming, begins her story at just five years old as a happy little girl filled with excitement, but the moment she open’s the door to the next thirty plus years of her life, everything you thought you knew about the evils lurking within our homes will be forever changed’.
Dr. Brenda Joyce Orozco Markert-Green: whose highly skilled reputation as a Family & Marriage Counselor, Owner & CEO at Afterglow Counseling, Mediation & Family Services, Trainer for American Association for Marriage & Family Therapy, Educator and Adjunct Faculty Board Member of La Sierra University, located in Riverside, California is now using this incredible novel as REQUIRED READING for her students in the field of therapy and family counseling. “My family therapy students are required not only to read this autobiography, they are also required to complete an exam and classroom discussion on what they absorbed and felt; what can they take forward as therapist to increase their senses, skills and expertise as counselors, and to enhance their abilities to better help their clients. This story leaves a deep, lasting impression on my students, which I’ve seen first hand. It truly changes how we see the lives of those around us and how the victims are left so shattered by these acts of viciousness.”
Mr. Peter Thomas Senese: Best Selling Geo-Political Thriller Author/Child Advocate & Founder of I CARE Foundation, who also helped build a women’s shelter and who, in his capacity with the I CARE Foundation, sponsored a conference at the United Nations at the request of the Department of State on international parental child abduction and trafficking, while working to create new laws and government policies that will protect children from kidnapping said of Ms. McKnight in numerous articles and essays, a ‘Hero; A conqueror over abuse and calls this book a ‘Blue Print to Freedom from Abuse’, but it is so much more for by penned word and by action after action, Ms. McKnight and all that encompasses who she is educates or reminds each of us that all of our voices matter. On this note, ‘My Justice’ is a map to find one’s courage, and in it, freedom. As an avid reader and best-selling author, ‘My Justice’ sits in a very special area in my home – and next to ‘Unbowed’ by Noble Prize writer and friend, Wangari Maathai – as ‘My Justice’ has had that significant an impact on my life and my own call-to-arms to protect innocent children from abuse. In my capacity with the I CARE Foundation fighting against child kidnappers, there are many times that I would ask myself while dealing with these difficult cases of families in crisis, “What would Tricia do?” Then answer has led to many children once bound to know freedom . . . and that is just how significant of an impact ‘My Justice’ has had on me and the community of children we serve around the world.
Ms. Linda Walcher: Educator in the Fayetteville & Freeburg, Illinois school system for over 20 years and now a leading member in the Illinois Retired Teachers Association and mentor for many college students has this to share about ‘My Justice’ and the little girl she once had as a student. ‘As an educator, I first met Ms. McKnight when she entered my fourth grade class. Being fresh out of college and a very young teacher then; she was one of my first students. In her bright blue eyes I saw just a happy, beautiful little girl. As I moved on to continue my long time career in the same school system she attended, I truly had no clue as to the life I could have saved in that child. It is only in the last few years, since first reading the details of her endured beatings and sadistic crimes of her step-father, that I have reached out and fully support every effort she puts forth on a daily basis to use her learned and lived knowledge to try and help many others. As an active member in the Retired Teachers Association and with the mentoring of upcoming educators now in college, there is not enough I can say about how this book has changed my entire thinking process. Back in the 70’s we were not as educated or made aware as we should have been about child abuse and what signs to watch for in the children. Throughout my years as an educator I was able to help rescue a few children, but reading this story brought all of that little girl’s Red Flag Warning Signs, which she was waving around with all her might, but I just didn’t have the knowledge or the training then to help her. ‘My Justice’ is a book which I highly recommend for anyone who spends time with children.’
Incredibly, Ms. McKnight has taken all of her many years of tragedy and turned them into something she is hoping will help rescue victims of Child Abuse and Family or Domestic Violence. She has founded the abuse and violence recovery program, Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery, which can be found by visiting her website http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com. There she begins with a few basic steps which are FREE to use by absolutely anyone to help with rebuilding life after any form of abuse or violence has effected you or someone you love. On this new site you will find educational and awareness information about what to do if you’ve just recently been harmed and what we can be aware of as a society to help those around us who may be struggling to cope through some form of abuse.
Patricia A. McKnight, known as ‘Trish’ to those who chat with her almost daily, has endured a life that most of us cannot imagine, but to her it was just seen as ‘normal’. She knows the path many victims of these crimes follow in the aftermath of being violated. In her drive to better help us understand she is making all of us aware and hoping to be just one of the voices in the beginning of change. ‘The purpose for publishing ‘My Justice’ was a need to explain and apologize to my children for the many broken repeated violent relationships I engaged in, which have left their own wounds. The bitter truth is there was never any legal form of justice to come from all the years, but I needed to release myself from the hand covering my mouth and holding me captive in dysfunctions and madness all these decades; this is how and why I needed to publish this story. What has made a deeper impact on me is the many millions living in our society today just like me; some with even more horrific stories than mine. Because of the way we have been taught to view these actions, there are now an estimated 50 Million or more who know how dark a parent or trusted person’s actions can become. It should be these stories of generations past and present; my voice and the voices of many others, which should be our society’s learning examples of how these crimes, and they are actually evil criminal acts against our own children and our partners; how they set up human beings to live out their lives in a broken existence without ever seeing any value in their person. Even though these actions have been going on in our homes and communities since the dawn of mankind, doesn’t make it the right way to live. It means that we have to step up our game against these behaviors and see them for what they are ‘Nothing less than a learned way to live and treat others’, a disrespect and need for power over another human being. We need to toughen our prosecutions for these crimes and begin to really protect everyone around us, not just our own children. What we have permitted by teaching silence to the victims, is what I refer to as our own ‘Man-Made Cancer’ only there is no wonder science which will ever provide the cure. Only by being aware, being vigilant, and being educated about the impacts of the aftermath; the many lifelong struggles of mental health disorders such as; P.T.S.D; Depression, Anxiety, Drug & Alcohol Addictions, Eating Disorders, and even worse the many who’ve committed suicide because of the horrible after effects. Seeing these ugly realities for what they are is the only way we will be able to change what has been taught as so normal. I believe when you discard someone because of their dysfunctions and what many may judge as being ‘less worthy’ or ‘damaged’; then you are discarding a victim or a survivor, someone who has been or is now being brutalized by someone they love. It is by learning from the experts, many of whom make up the millions of survivors today, that we will be able to change our thinking towards these crimes. This is our only hope for providing some form of rescue for our children’s future. What will you say when it happens to a child you know or love? Our kids are watching all of the activities across the internet today and they are paying attention to what we do when it comes to helping them cope with all their daily battles. I wonder how they will think of us if we continue to ignore these ugly, vicious, soul destroying actions as we’ve been taught?”
If you would like to find our more about this survivor turned, Author/Advocate/Speaker/Talk Radio Prod & Host, Founder of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery, you can contact her by emailing direct to email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org. You can also visit her website http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com to enlighten yourself and others about the recovery process or what you may be able to do, not only to spot a victim in your family or workplace, but also create a greater vigilance within your communities and school systems. ‘Trish’ can also be found across many of our social networking sites today. This engaging and empowering speaker is happy to share with your churches, schools, any outlet you choose to give hope and help to all of those who directly relate with children, young single mothers, and even men who are living the life of heavy dark secrets today.
You are invited to view her latest speaking engagement through this You Tube Video; http://youtu.be/tujWedUtdf0 This was for the Illinois Healthcares Grant Education Seminar held at the Belleville, Illinois; National Shrine of our Lady of the Snows, where the Violence Prevention Center held a training seminar with the outstanding Dr. Elaine Alpert. One of America’s Global Health Staff & Advisors out of Massachusetts General Hospital, who is a panel discussion member and actively speaking for the Education and Enhanced Collaboration of Health Professionals to rescue and provide help for victims of child abuse, domestic violence, and human trafficking.
Follow Patricia A. McKnight or listen to her live blog talk radio program every Monday & Wednesday evening:
Google +, Twitter, Linkedin & Pinterest either Patricia A. McKnight or Tricia McKnight
You can purchase your copy of ‘My Justice’ in paperback, e-book, Kindle & Nook through most online book resources. E-book & Kindle editions just $2.99
Published Sept. 1, 1995 by Health Communications, Incorporated and now a well known library and school reference autobiography.
©Patricia A. McKnight
For contact please email: email@example.com or to have her speak at one of your upcoming presentations.
Many times when we are left broken by the actions of those we love, we seem to get lost in the pain of it all. There are days when we wake with a huge weight of memories that challenge our ability to smile and keep on going.
“After all, isn’t this what the general society expects of us all? So what, you were beaten, bullied, molested, raped, threatened, controlled; who cares, RIGHT? They say things like; ‘Get on with life’ or ‘So what it’s only sex, you do it all the time. What’s the problem?”
Let me share with you what the ‘PROBLEM’ might be. How about if you close your eyes for about 5 minutes and pretend you are a child; remember the light spirit of catching fireflies in a jar. Then I would like for you to imagine your father (just using the pseudonym as an example); your father’s hands are touching you and suddenly through a quick flash of memory he is on top of you and you feel a burning pain rip through you like a red fury of fire. You hold your breath and turn your head. He’s grunting and telling you what a good child you are and how this is something that is supposed to be done.
All you can think of is how much it hurts!!! You want it to be over, you want him to quit. You have tried to tell your mom, but she simply turns away and ignores your words. You show your dysfunction brought on by the violation of it all; sometimes it comes out in rocked emotions other times through our reactions and actions as we go through life. You’re not allowed to share this ugly secret and you try to figure out why it makes you feel so worthless and ugly. You know that others won’t understand and your friends at school talk about sex like it is just something you do.
“Are they having sex with their parent too? Do they get beat up when the dishes aren’t clean, the laundry’s mess, or just because (HE) is drunk and angry? Do they feel like they don’t matter to anyone at all?”
As you grow up you carry all of this baggage with you. There can be many ‘PROBLEMS’ that you start to see. You may be falling in love with everyone or no one. You may look in the mirror and think about how disgusting you are, or that no one wants you, or no one ever treats you like a decent human being. You stress out easily at work because you have to make sure everything is done with perfection. Sometimes, if you are using an addiction such as alcohol, marijuana, or even food to help get through those shattering moments; you may have problems with being sober at work or high. You may sit at home all by your lonesome and drink or eat until you just can’t drink or eat any longer. You may try to be active in other things, such as taking care of your kids, your family, keeping up with friends, and believe it or not you may even find yourself clinging to your parents, or even the one who violated you. You feel like you need these connections because you want to be loved; to be wanted, appreciated for the good in you, but no matter how hard you try sometimes you just can’t make it through the day without a break down.
Artwork via: Michal Madison Art
Each morning is a new challenge for you. When your eyes open you find yourself once again back in the circle of LIFE AFTER ABUSE!!! It’s ugly as hell and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone at all. It’s not nice to wake up without a smile for the one you love lying next to you. It’s not nice to be sad all the time and worried about how people will see you ‘Will they see past your veil of secrets?’
We all have some form of burden or trouble we carry sometimes, but the brutal acts and personally violating evils of these crimes is something so deep and so troublesome that even our therapists, support groups, family & friends have difficulty accepting our struggle, understanding the impacts of PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Doubt, Constant Fear of Rejection, the need for Perfection so intense that we don’t have time to enjoy those quiet times of sunshine and flowers or the belly laughter of our children.
We can only hope to help the survivors of these acts when we accept these abuses happened within our homes; the place where we should feel SAFE from the dangers of the world can often be the MOST DANGEROUS.
Remember there are many homes where one parent is not as dangerous as the other. Maybe that other parent doesn’t hear our silent screams for rescue, but maybe they don’t beat and hold you captive. Also there is the ugly truth that these processes of acceptance and silence move forward from one generation in our circle of life to another. Then these acts (CRIMINAL ACTS) are done by the person we marry, the person we choose to have as our lover, friend, companion; the person we share the intimacy with on a regular basis. We believe we can depend on this person to help us through, but instead (especially single moms who have been harmed as children) we continue to fall into the whirlwind romances and find ourselves living with what we have been taught is so ‘NORMAL’ to us. Something we know doesn’t happen in every household, but it definitely happens a lot and for some reason it seems to always happen to us. Those who live in misguided boundaries and beliefs all because of the daily, weekly, decades of brutality and degradation, personal violation and threat to our lives as our everyday perception of life.
You will find us then trying to cope with all of the horrific truths we carry.
How would you get through your day as a Survivor on the path to Freedom from Abuse?
© Patricia A. McKnight
Author/Advocate/Speaker/Talk Radio Prod & Host/Survivor
Founder; Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Talk Radio Programming
Author: ‘My Justice’
Child Abuse Prevention & Sexual Assault Awareness
So I’m a bit angry; why you might ask?
There is actually a couple of answers to this question.
1) Another year has come and gone in which not a single politician or lawmaker who has the power to call attention to the ongoing Child Abuse and Family Violence within our society has been willing to make it a public issue.
2) April is upon us and although there are many great events planned throughout this special month, the problem I have comes down to this;
Why in the hell do we not honor Sexual Assault Awareness Month and Child Abuse Prevention Month with their own specific month?
This is a topic I briefly addressed last night on Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Talk Radio and one I will share more with you today.
You see it bothers me that we don’t feel these two issues are worthy of having their own special month, so we join them together and address the issue as a whole rather than in the honor they so very much deserve.
As a survivor of both very horrific child physical, emotional, neglectful, and sexual abuse, which also included exploitation and trafficking within my own small hometown community; I’m also a RAPE SURVIVOR!! (Of course there are also the 20 years spent living in almost deadly relationship violence in my lifetime as well)
In our society we have problems talking about the crimes of family violence, child sexual abuse, molestation and the like. For some reason it is something we still consciously choose to keep in the dark; whisper about but don’t accept publicly. This is an outrage because of the millions, estimated at some 40 to 60 million, who are survivors now living and struggling with the aftermath and trying to be accepted in society. However, to be accepted we must not speak of what’s happened in our past. We mustn’t discuss the dark family secrets simply because of the shame it could bring to the family dynasty. REALLY?
How good are the morals of that so called dynasty if we are raping and beating; torturing our children? What is the quality of mankind’s decency if we are forcing survivors of these most vicious and heinous acts to remain silent and fear public and family abandonment? Why is it still so the norm to put the blame of these acts against children who could not defend themselves nor run from their attacker?
These same ugly secrets and fears apply to those who have been raped as adults. However, I will say the response to admitting you are a rape victim is a bit more tender than that of a childhood rape survivor. I truly do not understand this on any level!!!
Our society and our justice system has shown that we still blame the rape victim, no matter how old they are. This was seen just recently in the Steubenville, Ohio rape trial. However, as we’ve also seen, the community has rallied around the victim and let her know she is not in this alone. We are outraged by the minimal sentencing of these perpetrators and the lack of prosecuting those who witnessed, recorded, and posted pictures and discussions about the young men carrying this victim because she was too drunk to walk. We are talking to our kids about the right and wrong of this and I’ve seen many great articles and blogs written from various survivors and others.
Please do not take me wrong, I am most definitely 100% behind the victims whose cases of gang rape and various other attacks have come to our public attention lately. Thank goodness we are beginning to rally behind them rather than turn away.
I ask you though;
What in the hell is so different about these cases of rape we’ve heard about lately and those who are coming forward about the childhood filled with years of brutal attacks of rape, trafficking, and truly physical torture beyond the darkest of imagination?
Also, permit me to add, we rally behind and acknowledge the many long term issues of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression, Anxiety and more which our war heroes and the recent public rape victims are left to carry. There are continuously more and more psychologists and others with organizations such as National Institute of Mental Health and our Center for Disease Control and Prevention who have conducted studies on the after effects of both war and sexual assault. These studies have concluded that the trauma of both of these life threatening personal situations and attacks leave the same lasting emotional scars.
On this note;
How do you think these lasting effects of trauma and life threatening attacks impact the lives of the many childhood rape survivors today? What is the big difference between supporting and gathering our voices for the war heroes and veterans, the recent rape victims and others, verses the many millions of child rape and abuse survivors who are still forced to hide in the shadows of our society? How is this right on any level of our decency?
The day will come when we can begin to change the acts of abuse and violence within our homes. It will become a force to be reckoned with as we begin to support those who are sharing their stories today. The problem however, is that it’s not happening fast enough for the many millions of children who are living in the hell now!! The recent collection of Child Maltreatment Reports from the nationwide Child Protective Services; shows a grand total of 3,734,012 reports of child abuses reported in 2011. This is just one year. The Federal Children’s Bureau is presently looking at reports collected from 2007 through 2011 to update our present statistics shared, which were collected and officially reported in 1996.
If we cannot recognize the very importance of this issue and address it head on as a joined and united society, then what are we passing on to our children? Are we showing them we care and want them to have the best if we still are not willing to acknowledge the severity of the issues and how prevalent the acts of abuse and violence truly are in the homes around us?
I understand that by acknowledging the voices from the past we have to accept what we may have witnessed and allowed to exist. We have to accept that some of mankind’s darkest attacks on others happen within our own homes or within those homes of our neighbors. We have to accept that we may have heard the screams for mercy or the horrific cries of a child and did nothing. We have to accept that mothers and fathers, brothers, sisters and close family friends have all seen or been party to these heinous acts, but stood by and did nothing for these children. It’s a lot to accept and I get that, truly I do. I am one of those many who had an entire community, school system, law enforcement, family friends, school mates and others who all witnessed, took part in, or knew of the many attacks from my stepfather. They also watched as I physically rotted away in the disfiguring neglect because of my mother’s lack of even the slightest of human kindness or caring for this one specific daughter.
It’s an ugly situation we are faced with, but we must absolutely act on it now. This month of April; this dedicated month for Sexual Assault Awareness and Child Abuse Prevention cannot be another dismissed month without the attention of our politicians, lawmakers, and those in our society with the power to change our laws and create a stronger united front of education and prevention on these issues. Those who have the power to rescue our kids. Those in our communities who know these families living in this type of hell and do nothing;
WE ABSOLUTELY NEED EVERYONE ON THIS NOW!!! OUR CHILDREN LIVES, THEIR FUTURE, THEIR WELL BEING, THEIR HOPE FOR LIVING SAFE IN THIS WORLD; ABSOLUTELY DEPENDS ON US ACCEPTING ALL OF THESE UGLY TRUTHS AND RALLYING BEHIND THE MANY VOICES SPEAKING TO EDUCATE AND ELIGHTEN US ON THE HELL OF BEING ONE OF THESE CHILDHOOD NIGHTMARE SURVIVORS!!
If we continue to wear our blinders and pretend not to notice how many are being harmed every single moment of every single day, then we will never be able to stop this horrific man-made cancer that is eating away at the very soul of our existence as a human race. It is crucial that the topic of child abuse and family violence become a common discussion and one that we all are willing to address. It is no longer about what has happened to so many of us or how ugly these acts are, but more instead about how we can learn to be aware of these truths, support these victims and survivors, help provide resources and recovery systems for families and victims, as well to speak to each and every school system and child about the voice they have and how to use it to protect someone they feel is in danger of an attack within their own home.
It is a horrible truth to accept and discuss, but what is the outcome if we continue on the path we are today? Simply put, it will continue. Sure we are a society that is slowly becoming more vigilant about what we see and hear around us, but we are nowhere near where we should be on this issue. What is so damn difficult about this? Why don’t our politicians and lawmakers address this in their speeches and their election platforms?
Why is it so taboo to say: I am a childhood rape survivor?
Isn’t the nurturing and overall safety of our children an issue that all of us in society can rally around today? Tell me please what is the difference between understanding the danger within our homes, supporting those who have gone through decades of self destructive and sometimes suicidal endings; when will we be strong enough to accept our faults, push aside our generational teachings of silence, and finally step up to the plate to defend each and every child from the evil that lurks within their home?
As much as I hope this write up catches the attention of every human being, it is simply my prayer that we will learn to accept what’s happened in our past and use it as an education towards what we need to end in their future!!!
Please do something now and make the issue of child abuse and family violence prevention a topic which all of us can share over a cup of coffee or during lunch with a friend. We can do this and teach our kids there is no shame in being an abuse survivor. Instead, there is hope and great courage in using your voice to speak out and seek help!!
Thank you for reading and I do hope you’ll share!!
© Patricia A. McKnight
Author: ‘My Justice’
Advocate/Speaker/Talk Radio Prod. & Host/Survivor
Founder: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery
Artwork courtesy of: Michal Madison Art
This blog takes me deep into thought and I wonder about even publishing, but to heal I must see the reality of my world.
You all allowed this to happen!! What the hell did I ever to to you? Then you have the audacity to turn away and abandon not only me, but my children. My family actually damns them because of what our parents created in me. The town of Freeburg, Illinois watched for NINE LONG YEARS as I rotted in the hell of my world. Not a single one of those 1500 citizens ever questioned or urged someone to get involved.
‘Why would you just stand there and watch me die?’
‘My Justice’ is a cold hard look into what you all watched or took part in throughout those many years. Sure there are those who were only children, as I was; still many of those young men enjoyed the whore this man created, but ignored her existence every day.
It is not possible for me to complete my healing until I have processed all the emotions I was forced to bury. The tears I was forced to swallow, the madness I’ve carried and the pain I felt. There was not a single day that I didn’t pray someone would help me. There was not a single night that I didn’t ask God for His mercy to take my out of my nightmare.
‘How am I supposed to deal with all of this now? Should I look back and say they didn’t know what to do or how can I blame them for what my parents did? What would you do if it was you?’
Is it possible that you would see the reflection I see and feel no pain or sadness? My skin is covered with the scars of the rotting infected sores. You remember, the ones you saw on me and made sure your children didn’t associate with me because of what they might catch or what they might be lured into doing? You blamed me and judged me, shunned me and saw a young girl as the village whore. The one your sons were never to date. The one who might infect your child with some skin eating disease. You remember me now? How would you feel if it were you? Would you have allowed this to happen to any other child? How do you see your moral standards now? Is there any remorse for your ignorance?
‘Why would you just stand there and watch me die?’
What would cause you to see me as an object and not a human being in need? Do you see why I have to ask these questions?’
To the school officials and teachers who I had contact with every day; those from Carl L. Barton Middle School during the years of 1974 ‘til 1977 and those of Freeburg Community High School. Although I started school and moved to your town when a very young child just going into third grade with Ms. Boyer, it wasn’t until I was around 11 that things really started getting deadly in my home. Was I really that transparent that you didn’t notice me at all? Seems a bit funny to me since the P. E. teachers and kids would not only avoid any and all physical contact with me, but you made sure to shame me in front of the others. You stared at my filthy unwashed uniform filled with the stench of my unwashed body. You glared at the scabs and flesh eating sores that covered my arms and legs. The girls who I changed clothes with in the gym locker room were horrified at the bruises that often cover my young body. These are my memories of you and I cannot erase my reality.
To the law enforcement; you knew of his alcoholic rage. You knew, around 13 years old (1975 – 1980), that our home was constantly the party house. Almost once a month these parties were nothing but one grown man, one young girl, and at least 5 young boys. You may have even heard all the rumors about the pot that was smoked or the girl offered out like candy. You definitely knew from the kids wandering around outside the home and inside, with cups or cans of beer; the loud music and traffic that concerned the neighbors, but you did nothing. You were not brave enough to do your job and check on the children of this home. When you stopped me out on the street, to either talk or question me, you saw the rotting teeth and in our roasting hot summer days you saw my arms filled with filth and huge sores. You did nothing!! You also knew either by rumor or being told by the bar owners, that he was so dangerous when drinking my mother warned all of the tavern owners to ban him from whiskey completely. However, since they too were afraid of what he might do, they would feed it to him when requested then send him home; knowing there were young children. Remember the little girl who came in to get her mother a pack of cigarettes almost daily. Remember the man that charged his beverages and never paid you back. Remember what you thought of the man?
‘How could you just stand there and watch me die?’
For the adult men and family friends who came through my life; you supported my mother and felt pity because of her husband. You looked at her and said, ‘Poor thing, she’s got to put up with so much hell from that man.’ Did you ever once think about the children? As you either came to the adult late night parties, filling a young girl with alcohol so you could feel, probe, toss her around on your laps like a stripper from SoHo; do you remember me now? The child who was forced to walk in front of the entire collection of U. M. W. A. workers at their annual employee union parties, scantily dressed in a bikini he had bought especially for the occasion. Do you recall seeing my broken black teeth, the filth encrusted on my body and the flesh eating decay? Remember I came in last out of the three or four of us daughters who took part, either by modeling desire or like me who had no choice. Do you recall the other girls were then 16 or 17 years old, but me only 13!! Do you recall how you saw him take me into the bars and feed me full with drinks? You chose most often to mix vodka and orange juice so that no one would think of the worst. Do you recall the entertainment you got out of him ordering me to get up and play the juke box and make sure to shake my ass and dance about to entice you? Do you recall him asking many of you to date me, play with me, fuck me?
‘How could you just stand there and watch me die?’’
I write this and feel the anger boiling in my soul. I know the mix of emotions racing about trying to figure out who to forgive and who to blame. What would you do if it was you? Was I not human to you? Was I not a child? Do you see the many torturing wrongs you allowed by your refusal to intervene? Do you see that when you chose to ignore the screaming, crying child you watched get beaten in the street or passed out like candy, how you abandoned her and deepened the belief she was his object instead of a little girl?
‘How could you stand there and watch me die?’
‘Why did you shun and abandon me?’
‘What am I supposed to do with these memories now?’
What if it were you?
Comment about ‘My Justice’ from my therapist; ‘The entire town of Freeburg should be required to read your book so they can see what they allowed to happen to this beautiful little girl’.
My therapist tells me how wonderful I am, how the horrific childhood didn’t destroy the good loving soul within. She tells me to see the beautiful person she sees, but how do I do that? The pieces of me are torn apart and thrown around in the wind as if merely dust. My heart lies on the side of the road as if a pile of shit left by some creature! How do I grab these pieces of me and mold them back together to see the wonderful, happy child God created?
I feel her strength in me. The child who held on through every night of his disgusting, horrifying, brutal crimes has finally come to the realization that she is a human being and more importantly that she matters. That little girl has found her voice in the midst of all those swirling particles of madness and she speaks to anyone who will listen.
‘Please look into the world of the children around you. Look deeply, through the many silent screams; is there darkness or evil around them?’
There are millions of children who are still being harmed today; in this country, right at this very moment! Do not judge them, shame them, abandon them, blame them;. Rescue them, help them, support them, encourage them, inspire them!
Or, Will you just stand there and watch them die?
Perhaps one day my voice will be heard. Perhaps one day it will matter. More importantly perhaps one day this story will empower you to save the life of a child today!!
~~~~~ Never to be silent again~~~~~
I AM HUMAN! I AM WORTHY! I AM ALIVE!!
©Patricia A. McKnight
Author: ‘My Justice’
Advocate/Speaker/Writer/Blogger/Talk Radio Prod & Host
Survivor/Founder: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery
Thank heaven Miss Carrie Underwood says it clearly; ‘Blown Away’ Official video
Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery
Talk Radio Programming
Call in phone # (347)215-7754
Our programming is a magnificent team of survivors & experts, but each host represents their own specific show and will share with you their upcoming ideas, guests, and programs!! This schedule is for the Monday & Wednesday programs with Trish McKnight and Michal Madison. Be sure to tune in and listen as all of our hosts, including the wonderful Annie O’Sullivan & Kelly Behr, present their special programs for your listening. We do hope you will gather some food for thought as we discuss the very heinous acts of abuse and violence within our homes.
Each independent host will share their upcoming guests & programs!!
**We still would like to talk to some new hosts. We’ve got some open programming days and if you believe this is something you are interested in joining, please let us know. If you have a special focus on these issues and would like to share your talents in your own broadcasted program, please contact Trish McKnight by emailing:
firstname.lastname@example.org Please title as SHOW HOST in subject line!!
February Guest Schedule!!!!
Feb 04; Monday – ‘Generation No More’ w/ Trish McKnight & Guest
Ms. Janice Meadows – Hedrick: Very excited to have Janice join in as we continue looking at the studied stats for 2011 reported to the Children’s Bureau. We’ll kick off by talking about the stats in her area of West Virginia, along with some special information she’d like to share about her state and their efforts to prosecute the predators and parents who attack the children. We’ll also be chatting about the Teen Dating Violence awareness month!!! What can you do as a parent to see the warning signs and help your kids understand what they mean? Very proud to share Janice is our very first Premier Supporter for our radio programming. We truly appreciate her ongoing work and devotion to this cause!!
Feb 06; Wednesday – ‘Survivors World’ w/ Trish & Michal
Natasha Hagan: Natasha is an avid fighter and promoter for RAINN.org (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network). Miss Hagan is going to share her journey from victim to thriver as she is now one of the leading voices of this organization and manager of Team Strick. She’s traveled to Washington D.C., she’s met with some amazing stars and now she comes to share her ongoing journey as she speaks to break down the walls of silence about these vicious crimes.
Feb 11; Monday – ‘Generation No More’ w/ Trish & Guest
Nell Cole: Advocate/Radio Producer & Host of Firetalk Productions blog talk radio program, Ms. Nell Cole will join in on a educational and awareness discussion about the crimes of abuse & violence throughout centuries. Nell is an advocate for all injustice; not only speaking with those who have been harmed within our country, but she also discusses many various topics throughout history, such as: Sexual Healing, Orphans & Abuse, Historic topics of varying degrees. You’ll find her a wonderful, compassionate and highly intellectual person who sees these crimes and speaks the truth, breaking down the walls of secrets!!
Feb 13; Wednesday – ‘Survivors World’ w/ Trish & Michal
This night will be a call in night for our listeners to share your views on the topics of discussion. This broadcast will focus ‘Coping Strategies of the Trauma Survivor’. Michal did some research and found a few amazing articles about how survivors will use the coping they learned during the trauma of abuse throughout many of the difficult challenges in their adult life. Cannot wait to discuss and share with all of you on this topic!!! Please be sure to join us as we open up all the phones and our chatroom for your input.
Feb 18; Monday – ‘Generation No More’ w/ Trish & Guest
Denise Rotheimer: This is sure to me one powerful discussion. Mom, turned advocate, Founder of ‘Mothers on a Mission to Stop Violence’; Ms. Rotheimer is taking the battle of victims rights in the state of Illinois all the way to the U. S. Supreme Court. You’ll hear how her daughter was a child victim and how ‘Jasmine’s Law’ HB5187 also know as the Survivor Rights Act is the mission of this mom as she gains appellate justice for all victims and witnesses of violent crimes. Please listen in as this is sure to be one for the records as we discuss the foundation and her own personal battle in that very sensitive and often violated issue of Victims Rights vs. Rights of the Accused. Denise Rotheimer is also host of the cable television show, ‘Enforce Justice’.
Feb 20; Wednesday – ‘Survivors World’ w/ Trish & Michal
Janice Hedrick: Back on the show with us, this time Janice will be talking about her history of growing up in a drunken, raged filled home. Escaping and running into the hope of a new life, unfortunately to be attacked, raped and walking the path of the lost for almost 2 years. Janice is going to share with us the many secrets she has never spoken of before and we’ll discuss the impact of the sexual attack and how our mental health is impacted by the trauma. This is one for all rape survivors, you know the dark path of fear and loss that is felt. Please join in to support this courageous supporter/advocate to end the violence within our homes and the crimes of sexual attacks.
Petra Luna: Singer/Musician/Artist/Advocate/Founder of Plunafoundation, the awesome and strong spoken spirit of Petra Luna comes to our phones. This amazing advocate is creator of MALE ABUSE AWARENESS WEEK!!! An event held December 1st – 8th in San Francisco, California, is dedicated strictly to MALE ABUSE AWARENESS!! Petra gives an exciting concert event and a week full of activities all directed to give our guys their macho male spirit and honoring what they have endured. Our male victims are becoming more recognized with the great efforts of Petra and her foundation to help guys understand, speak out and cope with the many difficult battles of being a survivor of rape and child abuse. You can join in the new Facebook Supporter Group by clicking on this link………. https://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_188508034535018#!/groups/188508034535018/
Feb 27; Wednesday – ‘Survivors World’ w/ Trish & Michal
Michal and I will open up our phone lines again and open up the topic of discussion as we take your shares about your journey of being a survivor. This show will focus on the issues of Domestic/Relationship Violence. There are many controlling factors when you speak of this type of violence. It can expand from the very least of keeping track of your actions, isolation, degradation, financial control, to the very brutal physical attacks which can often be almost deadly or life crippling. Join in as Michal and I take your calls and your stories about the survivors of these types of violence in our dating relationships and more common, those that happen within our homes by those who promise to be our partners, love us, respect us; in the end to torture and control us. We will close out our February month with a full discussion on the Relationship/Dating Violence our teens also deal with and how we can become aware to help them escape before the worst possible action happens.
Remember you were not brought into this world to have your spirit destroyed by the evil of those around you. There is life after abuse and you too can find your path to freedom!!
You deserve a safe place to sleep
You deserve respect
You deserve kindness & support
You deserve as much love as you freely give to others
You deserve roses in your garden of life!!
Thank you for supporting, sharing, and listening in on our programs. It’s sure to be a fantastic month with a lot of debate. Hope you will recommend the shows to your friends and family as we all step up to break down the wall of silence about these vicious crimes.
© Patricia A. McKnight
Founder/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Blog Talk Radio Programming
Author; ‘My Justice’
Advocate/Author/Speaker/Writer/Talk Radio Prod & Host/Survivor
Please email to: email@example.com