The Strength of Survivors

It isn’t just my story that is speaking out through “My Justice”.  Instead it is a story of so many others living in the aftermath of times when child abuse related to almost 95% of all children. This wasn’t just sexual assaults of molestation & incest, but a severe physical pain inflicted by mothers and fathers to keep control of their households.

There are so many of us, from the past, who are now coming forward with our stories. The survivors are speaking and reaching out to tell the world this is wrong.  This is an evil crime against us, but we were taught and ruled to not discuss those secrets.  Our entire lives have been effected by carrying these secrets.  Also the true person we should have grown to become was forever changed in that instant of the first attack.  The child of sexual assault or severe physical trauma will die inside and as a result the decisions processes are distorted from that point forward.  Professionally a lot of us succeed, but personally we struggle in silence, break down in private, hide our true soul from those around us. The more traumatic the event the deeper the destruction.

When I speak out there are those in the background who have joined me.  Friends who are also gaining courage to face all of the nightmares.  Together we provide an environment of love and healing; providing peace for our soul.  This has brought an amazing response to my cries against the pain of abuse.  These survivors have felt those feelings of deep fear.  Their safety was completely surrounded with violations of severe attacks; they have survived the sadistic physical and sexual abuse and give me the fierce energy to reach out to others.  There is a responsibility to pass forward that same energy and fight to educate others; to empower our children with the ability to protect themselves.

Society needs to recognize that for all of us who choose to speak, there are thousands still keeping the silent shame.  These are people who have fought to change who they were.  They may feel their threat in different ways now. The fear of being torn apart professionally; threatened by the abandonment of any family relationships they might have.  There are those who are trapped in their past and no longer have the strength to fight their demons and we have to accept that many may still be in danger.

It is through their strength that I am hopeful of making a change.  A stand to open our eyes and be watchful of the children around us; to stay aware of the reality in front of us.  It is necessary for us to continue pushing education of these crimes.  Letting our children know that the people around them will watch out for their safety.  We can give them the reassurance that we will be there for them; give them the confidence and belief that they are allowed to reach out for help.  We can protect our children and grandchildren by teaching and talking.

When we join together to bring both education and communication we can grow as mothers; fathers; aunts; uncles; friends and professionals who can use their nightmares to teach others.  We can develop a bond of protection around those who will be our future.  We cannot allow the continued rejectful reaction towards these victims.  All of us should be allowed to live our lives with the sense of safety; something which is as much needed as food and shelter.

Thank you to all of those who are standing beside me now; the new friends I have made and to those who will come in my future.  The past is gone; the feelings are now only memories.  These memories cannot attack me, but they will always be with me.  They are always living quietly inside until some split second will bring them to the surface; some may even cause that same remembered threat of the touch, which is how most survivors are affected.  Each day I live in my reality; accepting my past instead of pushing it away. I accept the memories and moment of panic that will always haunt me. Through each of my days I push forward and look for the day when our children can grow peacefully in their world.

Please Talk – Please Educate – Please be Watchful
Please – Stop Whispering!!
written by: Patricia A. McKnight
Author: My Justice
There is a cause I created last year. Please visit and give your voice!!

Published by @ButterflyTrish

I am a survivor of over thirty years trapped inside the silence and brutality of Family Crimes, Child Sex Trafficking, and a life-lived pattern of tolerance for over thirty years in almost murderous relationships. In Feb. 2011, I chose to publish the truth about what happened in our home, the community around me, and the learned patterns of self-hatred and tolerance which became such a huge factor in my life. I never felt worthy of life, breathing, love & respect; not until I honestly began a strong focus on healing myself. There were many traits and tragedies that influenced my life. It seemed to control everything inside me and it was nothing but sadness and fake emotions. Only by facing the horrors I went through, the choices I made as a woman & mother, then relating to the greatest guilt I still grieve; how the trauma behavior has affected my children's lives. It's my hope to help others get through their battles, regardless of the type of trauma because when we hurt our lives are forever changed. "My Justice' is not an easy read. It was published to release the thick layers of trauma, sex trafficking, and disfiguring neglect, the enslavement of a child to answer the ring of 'his' bell, and keep my own private terrorist alive. This memoir is NOT SUGGESTED FOR ANYONE UNDER 16 years of age. It discusses the permanently wounding life and the cycle of destruction that held me in expecting/tolerating ridicule and violence in my adult relationships. This truth was published to inspire others to take an in-depth look at their life and behaviors as a result of their past. When we connect the dots through rebuilding an understanding of the pattern of adult choices in coping addictions, parenting, and partners; even affecting our careers and self-sustainable life. I'm so honored to have 'My Justice' used at the collegiate level for psychology classes, upcoming therapists, and educators. Today my life is very blessed. I'm finally safe, finally truly loved, finally feeling the magic of what life is supposed to be like. My greatest power only began to show when I first made the choice to end the violent relationships and behaviors around my children; to give them something better, something SAFE!! In choosing to share my own story, I've also gone the serious extra step to educate myself through years of research, attending training opportunities, and collaborating with other advocate resources focused in human resilience and healing from abuse, sexual harm, and sex trafficking. Today there are experts digging deep to recreate help and healing. I've chosen to use my past as a way to inspire a greater good and; hopefully, somehow change the cycle of tragedy in our homes so that we empower our kids to live a more positive path. The best education we can give is healing our survivors of traumatic experiences so we understand what they felt then and what they wish they would have had available; those who could have and should have said something. We can change things for our life today, but best of all in healing our wounds, we give communities a supportive working strategy in assisting the people in our lives. One step at a time, one caring soul at a time, we can give them a path to changing our human society as a whole. This is a tell-all, which was written in the midst of my third nervous breakdown as I struggled to put all my distorted pieces back together, and help my children understand how the violence I tolerated against me invaded their well-being. My children have always been my world, but my behaviors, lack of healthy parenting and life skills, and an inability to remain stable have caused another generation of suffering for my grandchildren. This is a very difficult thing to watch and the continued tragedies that seem to keep affecting the choices in my family. Writing this book was only the beginning of trying to release all that has haunted me for so many years. I have finally removed his thick, cruel, coal-stained hand which trapped me in fear for decades. Those hands and his evil, her housemaid and caregiver; created a slave, and that slave submitted to horrific and brutal attacks but always felt it was her burden to bear. I lived with that hand holding me down, continually terrorizing and silencing, stealing my voice to protect their pure evil. Throughout decades the dysfunction caused by the chaos inside my head would affect every relationship, my children, and cast a shadow of darkness on everything good in my life. Living in the true spirit of freedom, I have now become a strong advocate against the life cycle of human destruction. If we want to control our life and achievements today, then we cannot live stuck in the tragedy of hardships and pain. Life is meant to be lived, to be enjoyed, to see what you can do and what you can achieve, to find out what is important to you. We all become adults. We all have a burden to bear. Stand up and keep moving, keep living, keep dreaming. You have two choices in recreating and rebuilding yourself. Do you stay stuck in the dark shadows of your past? Do you dig deep and find that spirit that kept you alive so that you could become the proud, strong, capable, resilient, kind human being? Which do you choose and how will that choice affect your children and theirs? We can be supportive, and provide resources and suggestions for help so that families suffering from addiction or past trauma can find a recovery balance to rebuild their family into a more positive life pattern. We will recover, we will rebuild, we will conquer the pains of yesterday to live in the true sense of life, freedom, and safety today. Patricia 'Trish' McKnight Author: 'My Justice' Fndr/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Alliance, NFP Mentor/Advocate/Speaker/Survivor

2 thoughts on “The Strength of Survivors

  1. You are so right Trish, in that the past is now only a memory. I have finally come to realize that, and I know they will still be there, but I am now stronger and more able to fight them off, and move on with my life. thank you for all you have done for so many of us, You are such an inspiration, Love you dear friend..♥

    1. Hi Mary,
      You have done the very hard work my friend of fighting through the muck of years to find the child inside. You have given her a voice through your amazing poetry. You have allowed her to express all the pain of what she endured. You have given her the strength to stand and face the panic headon. I am honored to know such a diligent fighter as yourself. I am excited to see where your future lies and the many lives you will touch with your words of expression and wisdom. It is by sharing our voices together that all of us give hope to many others who are still trapped in the dark. We will all shine our lights for them; help them through to the other side, and they will then light the tunnel for others. A strong circle of survivors speaking truths to release the evil and the fear of what has past. Walk on to your bright future proudly my friend. Know that you have touched the soul and released the dark, turning on the light for many.
      Hugs and thanks so very much 🙂

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