Speaking Out as a Child Sexual Abuse Survivor

Author: "My Justice"          Here is one local Illinois woman who has finally found the voice of the child she used to be!!!

          Ms. Patricia A. McKnight, is now an Author/Speaker/Advocate & Blog Talk Radio Host for Dreamcatchers for Abused Children, but just TWO YEARS AGO she was a mental wreck.

Ms. “Tricia” McKnight is now asking all News Channels and News Papers to give a voice of support and encouragement to all who have been Sexually Abused as Children.

She encourages all survivors of this heinous crime, “Never give up Hope for your happiness. Miracles do happen”.

After Such a horrible evil crime has BEEN COMMITTED AGAINST YOU – NOT BY YOU, first you must RELEASE YOURSELF OF ANY GUILT OR RESPONSIBILITY, even for carrying someone’s ugly secret. These crimes destroy our children every day. EVERY FIVE SECONDS, a child is being beaten, raped, molested, and murdered. Sadly 95% of these cases are not shared in our news releases; mainly because they are family related in some manner and no one chooses to report these allegations. The child is too young and too over powered, sometimes even threatened with the destruction of their safety system; murder of their family!! http://www.dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com

The crime of Sexual Abuse will instantly murder the soul of that child. They are forever to carry the burden of having their world instantly destroyedby the person they love, trust and depend on for survival. In the wake of the recent publication of increasing survivor stories shared through our social networking sites and the major cases that are being shared in our daily local news; we must now as a society, All 60 Million Survivors, need to share their voice. We need to recognize the increasing numbers of these voices and show them our understanding, support and acceptance of who they are and what they’ve survived.

My life was invaded at the age of FIVE; in fact I found out just about a year ago that my mother was verbally warned, by this man’s own adopted son, just how evil my to-be stepfather was and the ugliness he carried inside. When he came into our lives, I became his target. The first act of cruel molestation was committed on the night of my mother’s bridal shower. His many different acts of physical and sexual torture lasted for the next TWELVE YEARS of my life!!!

Unfortunately, as tragic as it may be, we must first realize that for generations there has been a sense of acceptance and expectance of these acts. You’ll find in many families that fathers, mothers, aunts, uncle’s or even grandparents; someone has been sexually abused. “Fine, so this has happened. What do we do now?”

As a Blog Talk Radio Host I have the sincere honor to talk with many survivors who have shared their voices and some who still are burdened with that heavy secret. These adults, from ages 20 to 60, are the new survivors and WE SHOULD BE THE LAST!!! No longer should this be some ugly passage of our children’s lives. How can we possibly bury our heads in the sand for another generation to be stained with this darkness. We are generation “NO MORE SEXUAL ABUSE OF OUR CHILDREN”!!

Survivors who are asking themselves if they should speak out of what’s happened, I beg you – Please help – Give your voice now to correct the statistics of these crimes. We need to change what their world can be. We have to stop the cycle and stop whispering about these vicious acts of SOUL MURDER!!!

We live with the very destructive mental dysfunction because of the reworking of our brain. Our fight or flight system is all screwed up. We live as adults suffering at times with complete break down, inability to maintain employment or keep our homes stable. Many have turned to using marijuana, alcohol or some other type of drug, prescribed or not, to induce a calm inside just to get through their day. Everything lives in hyper mode and we can be forever in a roller coaster of destruction, but never give up survivors. You can have a happy life after you have made one simple statement, be it public or not, but admit first to yourself – I AM A CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVOR!!!

May you continue to be that BEAUTIFUL BLOOMING ROSE you truly were meant to be.

Blessings, Empowerment, Praise for your courage!!!

(c) Author: Patricia A. McKnight

“My Justice” – ISBN # 978-1-45207-170-1 —You will find the direct links to purchase this in paperback; e-book; Kindle or Nook in the Blog Roll – Plus find many more survivor stories & blogs shared their as well!!!

If you have a survivor blog you would like to share, send it my way and I will gladly add you to the list!!!

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

email: tricia.mcknight@hotmail.com

Published by @Trecia_Ann

Recently, Facebook locked and removed my decade long creation of work and public profile, which focused my work as an advocate, speaker, mentor, and creator of more than a few programs used throughout Illinois, but also shared nationally and some have reached international platforms. So.... let's start fresh and see where it goes! Please see the writings on this blog dating back into 2011, created after the publication of 'My Justice'. There are two specifically, which have been tagged and shared by many....."Judging Eyes" and "Triggers; what they are and how to handle them" I am a survivor of over thirty years trapped inside the silence and brutality of Family Facilitated Violence, Torture, and Child Sex Trafficking. In Feb. 2011, I chose to publish the secrets and the horrors endured; the many levels of destruction and decay which the community around me witnessed, ignored, condemned and blamed regardless of the injuries and tortures endured. It all became the learned patterns of self-hatred and tolerance which was a huge factor in my adult life. Have you endured childhood harm, or endured terroristic types of abuses? Did you feel unworthy of life, breathing, love or respect? Did you feel as if no one ever really saw you, heard you, or seemed to care about the silent cruelties of your existence? It wasn't until I honestly began a strong focus on healing myself, which took years of researching credible data and published research surrounding the lasting effects of abuse, violence, sexual harm, and human trafficking that I began to understand who I was and why there were many traits and tragedies that influenced my adult choices, relationships, the chaos deep in my soul and the behaviors used to survive. It seemed to control everything inside me and it was filled with pain, and tragedy. The research became my rebuilding journey and my road to advocacy, creating legislative changes, sitting as an active member and providing testimony in the creation of area task force operations, victim/survivor services, trauma informed awareness for law enforcement, educators, social services, healthcare and community providers. I began that research of understanding myself in 2008, wrote the memoir "My Justice' in 2010, began working to change statutes in my home state in 2013, became a Certified DV Advocate and Panel Member of DV Offender Education Program in 2015, which then initiated a decade long career as a trusted, confidential advocate, and a highly skilled and knowledgeable speaker/educator on the topic of Assessment, Family/Survivor Rebuilding, Trauma Informed Care & Response, with the primary focus on family/relationship acts of terroristic abuses and/or human trafficking. Beginning in January 2010 there have been developed programs and connected resources for men, women, children, and families who endured these same types of tragedies. Unfortunately, our human society still has barriers to seek help or speak openly about these types of tragedies, especially if it happened in our homes and families. The laws to protect from such harms were enacted for children in 1963, as an amendment to the Social Security Act. Domestic Violence was not a topic until 1995, when then Senator Joe Biden introduced the Violence Against Women Act, which has since been adapted to provide shelters, counseling, protection orders, and rebuilding services for ALL persons regardless of gender or identity. Although slavery was brought to an end by the historical act of President Abraham Lincoln, we unfortunately have millions of human beings still being traded, sold, controlled and trapped in a hellish evil, which often begins by a parent or intimate partner. Legislation didn't arise regarding the term 'Human Trafficking' until the turn of the new millennium. Protection for victims of human trafficking was signed into law as the 'Trafficking In Persons Act of 2000', which with modern day social media it quickly became a new hot-topic point, which then sparked the creation of Trauma Informed Care, Rebuilding & Trauma Therapy, and thus adult survivors began speaking out about the dark terrifying reality of Child Sex Trafficking. Today many use the term, Modern Day Slavery, and we have multi-faceted task force operations and rescue resources working around the globe to end this new form of human slavery. We also have a few hundred thousand or more who are adult survivors of histories involving Parental Child Sex Trafficking. In one recent study from 2018, they found 85% of these victims were trafficked by parents in trade for drugs, family needs, or basic human survival. As I look back on the career that grew from my own personal need to understand the chaos in my head, the constant failed relationships and almost murderous acts committed against me; as I deal with increasing health problems that includes multiples of head and spinal cord traumas; the most important goal for me from day one of this extremely personal experience; the healing and rebuilding of my own children and grandchildren who were all continued generational victims of the trauma influenced behaviors and choices that resulted from the destruction enforced by my mother and stepfather many decades ago. The little girl, 'Trecia Ann', she survived pure evil as an entire community witnessed, shamed, blamed, and dismissed the visible decay and rot, stench and filth covered, battered and intoxicated body of a young girl who was publicly exploited and shared in the bars of that small town, in her home with boys she attended school with and adult men from the local coalmine. It was as if they all got a thrill from watching her respond to the ring of that little brass bell. They laughed, molested, raped, and purchased for a few bucks or a few beers the sexual use of that young girl right in full public view! Her mother held the power to stop it all, but rather enjoyed having a 'slave' to cook, clean, care for the family as well as entertain the sadistic alcoholic man she chose to marry. Today, I'm so honored and proud to have that little girl's spirit with me. It is through the use of my lived experience, along with a decade of research, and at least five certifications in prevention, response, and trauma; I've assisted a few hundred survivors through the multilevel process of rebuilding and reclaiming their voice, their safety, their freedom! I've trained law enforcement, healthcare, childrens service investigators, our school educators, and co-presented in trainings with some outstanding experts in the field. For the many I've assisted or empowered, they continue becoming thriving survivors, advocates, authors, speakers, and most important of all; they are healing their children and grandchildren! It is a truly beautiful experience and I am so amazed to have been a spark, a resource, or a friend in their life reclaiming freedom. The adult children of generations past have broken through the glass ceiling and finally there is a hint of change in the world. "A lifetime filled with daily torture, tragedy, and pain creates someone completely different than we should have been. We feel that person inside, but our lives are altered by the emotional and physical suffering. We cover it up and hide it deep inside through substance abuse, which falsely helps us believe we are doing fine. The extreme physical and emotional injuries leave our mental and physical selves terribly impacted. Thankfully there is more information and resources of help available today for all types of adverse or traumatic experiences. We have specialized therapeutic help and healthcare professionals developing new ways to identify and assist persons harmed or at risk of harm. We have so much more to do, so please help by having casual open conversations with your friends, family, coworkers, leaders, and especially our kids. Teach them early how to avoid both online and in person harms. Encourage adults and kids both to use the BDA Buddy Skills 2.0, which you will find through my list of assessments and prevention strategies. "My Justice' was written through my own beginning of acknowledging and releasing the personal destruction of the girl once known as 'Trecia Ann'. It is not an easy read, but it has opened many eyes about the reality of evil that occurs inside our homes, against those too small to protect themselves or understand what's happening. It was published to release the thick layers of trauma, sex trafficking, and disfiguring neglect. It is the voice of the enslaved child who existed only to answer the ring of 'his' bell, and the enforced burden to keep my own private terrorist alive. 'My Justice' is NOT SUGGESTED FOR ANYONE UNDER 16 years of age. It discusses the permanently wounding life and the cycle of destruction that held me in tolerating ridicule, control, and violence in my adult relationships. This truth was published to inspire others to take an in-depth look at their life and behaviors as a result of their past, in hopes they too will better understand their suffering today, the continued relationships with the parents and family who inflicted those harms, and finally breaking free from that pain so they can reclaim their voice and their true sense of freedom! We always have the opportunity to learn that we are worthy, capable, incredibly strong, compassionate, and filled with endless possibilities. It is a choice. It is a conscious decision to dig into our trauma, take ownership of our own failures, the harm our choices have caused, and the work we need to do to change it and succeed for ourselves and our families. It is such an honor to have 'My Justice' used at the collegiate level for psychology classes, upcoming therapists, and educators. Today my life is very blessed. I'm finally safe, feel truly loved, finally feeling the magic of life! Always choose to see your star and how it shines on others in your journey. My greatest power only began to show when I first made the choice to end the violent relationships and behaviors around my children; to give them something better, something SAFE!! In choosing to share my own story, I've also gone the serious extra step to educate myself through years of research, attending training opportunities, and collaborating with other advocate resources focused in human resilience and healing from abuse, sexual harm, and sex trafficking. Today there are experts digging deep to recreate help and healing. I've chosen to use my past as a way to inspire a greater good and; hopefully, somehow change the cycle of tragedy in our homes so that we empower our kids to live a more positive path. The best education we can give is healing our survivors of traumatic experiences so we understand what they felt then and what they wish they would have had available; those who could have and should have said something. We can change things for our life today, but best of all in healing our wounds, we give communities a supportive working strategy in assisting the people in our lives. One step at a time, one caring soul at a time, we can give them a path to changing our human society as a whole. This is a tell-all, which was written in the midst of my third nervous breakdown as I struggled to put all my distorted pieces back together, and help my children understand how the violence I tolerated against me invaded their well-being. My children have always been my world, but my behaviors, lack of healthy parenting and life skills, and an inability to remain stable have caused another generation of suffering for my grandchildren. This is a very difficult thing to watch and the continued tragedies that seem to keep affecting the choices in my family. Writing this book was only the beginning of trying to release all that has haunted me for so many years. I have finally removed his thick, cruel, coal-stained hand which trapped me in fear for decades. Those hands and his evil, her housemaid and caregiver; created a slave, and that slave submitted to horrific and brutal attacks but always felt it was her burden to bear. I lived with that hand holding me down, continually terrorizing and silencing, stealing my voice to protect their pure evil. Throughout decades the dysfunction caused by the chaos inside my head would affect every relationship, my children, and cast a shadow of darkness on everything good in my life. Living in the true spirit of freedom, I have now become a strong advocate against the life cycle of human destruction. If we want to control our life and achievements today, then we cannot live stuck in the tragedy of hardships and pain. Life is meant to be lived, to be enjoyed, to see what you can do and what you can achieve, to find out what is important to you. We all become adults. We all have a burden to bear. Stand up and keep moving, keep living, keep dreaming. You have two choices in recreating and rebuilding yourself. Do you stay stuck in the dark shadows of your past? Do you dig deep and find that spirit that kept you alive so that you can become the proud, strong, capable, resilient, kind human being? Which do you choose and how will that choice affect your children and theirs? We can be supportive, and provide resources and suggest help so that families suffering from addiction or past trauma can find a recovery balance to rebuild their family into a more positive life pattern. We will recover, we will rebuild, we will conquer the pains of yesterday to live in the true sense of life, freedom, and safety today. Patricia 'Trish' McKnight Author: 'My Justice' Fndr/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Alliance, NFP Mentor/Advocate/Speaker/Survivor

10 thoughts on “Speaking Out as a Child Sexual Abuse Survivor

  1. I am a child sexual abuse survivor…this is just the encouragement I need to accept my abuse and start fighting for my life.

    1. Chris, You have my hugs of support, my friendship to share and know that I will respond. Be proud of who you are and all that you have accomplished. You are an amazing star and I am so extremely proud to be connected with you 🙂 hugs always!!! trish

  2. I must get across my affection for your kindness in support of those individuals that actually need help with your topic. Your personal commitment to passing the message all over came to be quite insightful and has continuously made many people like me to reach their ambitions. Your own informative hints and tips can mean this much to me and far more to my peers. Thanks a lot; from all of us.

    1. Cotizar, thank you for your words of support. It is wonderful that our voices are getting stronger, survivors supporting others, protecting our children and sharing kindness. If my truths, experiences can help make a difference in the safety and happiness of another, then I am truly blessed. ty 🙂

  3. God bless you and your courage, stay strong, and I pray that others will follow your lead! (I am not a sexual abuse survivor, I am a Personal Empowerment Guru… who started out in life with a psychopath parent who thought it was cool to use me as an ashtray- so in a way and on some level, I do relate) xoxoxox

    1. Dear Louise, I’m so sorry that your parent harmed you in such a horrible way. So glad that you have found a way to release that energy into something positive for others. Happy to have you here with me. As you may know there are deep physical scars that cover my entire lower legs (from the knees down) up over my thighs, all over my arms – it’s hard to find a flat smooth surface of skin anywhere on my limbs. I know that when you look at the scars of the burns you too are reminded of what happened. Let this be your empowerment each day. You will let the world see what shines on the inside, rather than see the scars of your past. bless you & hugs, you too are a survivor 🙂 cheers!!!

    2. Louise, if I didn’t reply earlier, so sorry!!! thank you dear for sharing your very kind words. I look forwrd to sharing with you and growing in that Personal Empowerment.
      cheers 🙂

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