This cancer eating away at our society……

Ya know, I just don’t get it???~!!!

Back in 2009, I was writing my way through healing; it was scary for me to reach out to others who’d been through similar history. I could write it out to myself; I could write it out to my children, but I could not yet verbalize exactly what happened. It shocked my system every time I went back to read through what’d flowed out of my memories.

I’d only started putting my memories and the details of the attacks together in the different processes of therapy. I had started journaling a bit here and there before, but this was the first at bringing them all together. Let’s face it, if you know anything about my history then you know there’s a lot of shit involved. What I found out was a three-part healing process almost always occurred after each attack shared.

First I’d write it through, which would kick off the cycle by swinging my emotions into breakdown. The more intense the attack the more intense the breakdown. I’d start feeling a sense of anger inside, which came out at the wrong people sometimes. Finally I’d go into a deep sense of calm before getting back into the “normal” of life.

My amazing therapist and I talked through this, which didn’t really seem to help so much at first, but thankfully I connected with her and found it so worth the process. There was a lot of different thoughts, fears, emotions I needed to work through and I was terrified!!! Believe it or not there was more than one session that even she broke down and a point that we both had to take a break because of getting so overwhelmed.

Then she started giving me these lists of Positive Affirmations at each session. She insisted I carry these with me everywhere, all the time!! At the end of our appointment she would go over the new affirmations she had chosen and she’d give me a hug. It drove me insane that I had to stop after an hour.

“Why did I have to open such a deep wound and then just walk out of the room? Didn’t she realize what this did to me? What was I supposed to do with all I felt?”

I chose to start writing to my children. At that time didn’t think about putting it into a book. People who knew a piece of my past would tell me that it would be worth reading, but I surely didn’t think anyone would ever care about my voice. Once I had gotten the journals to present date, I decided that what happened needed to be shared in hopes it could help save someone else.

Now just 3 years later, I am excited to be one of at least 100 other voices that I am connected with, who are sharing their story publicly in some way. They are speaking to others, counseling and supporting others. Some are advocating, painting, writing books, articles or blogs. Others are creating National or World Wide Events; some are choosing to reach out privately with friends or family. Then you have others that are coming forward to testify in public trials and have their abuser prosecuted!!!

So I ask this, “When will this pandemic of abuse and violence get the attention of our media and even more importantly, our law makers? Why aren’t our politicians, our schools, and our neighbors willing to speak about this topic? Don’t we talk about the crime of bullying? Isn’t this the worst type of bullying? Afterall, these crimes are about power over another human being and nothing else!!!

When I look at the Illinois Department of Children & Family Services Reports, I can see the reports of child abuse and it astounds me that people are refusing to talk about such a prevalent crime. There are crimes of abuse against our children, in this state, occurring every 4.6 seconds and 79 deaths related to domestic disturbances in 2011, which you will find on the home page of Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence. http://www.state.il.us/DCFS/docs/CANTS2010.pdf & http://www.ilcadv.org/resources/statistics/FY10DataSheet.pdf . These are vicious crimes of Assault, Battery, Aggravated Sexual Battery; Assault with a Deadly Weapon and more. It goes deeper in to reach the emotional battery, financial captivity and brainwashing of another human being.

“How outraged we would be if a stranger committed any of these crimes!!!”

This is even worse because these crimes are being committed by those we live with, most of whom we are dependent upon in some way. The criminals aren’t strangers, they are what the law sees as Domestic or Parental.

“Apparently when it is one of these related to us in some way – THEN IT IS NOT A CRIME!!” Really??? Why not???

What makes the acts of violence from someone related to us; someone who resides with us or used to reside with us; what makes this any less a crime???

Imagine if these were punished for the crimes they are. I know our prisons would not be able to handle all of these attackers. What if we put people to work by building a facility in each county that would hold just these who attack someone they live with? Build one facility for those who offend against their partner/spouse/boyfriend or girlfriend, then build another for those who attack children within their residence or one who is a relative.

This action would promote employment. It would give a greater good by providing a prosecution deserved of these crimes and a sense of justice for the victims. A child who is left to grow up at the access of their abuser will have long-term physical and mental health issues. I am one myself who suffers the aftermath. It is already proven that these crimes can lead to conditions such as; P.T.S.D., Depression, Personality Disorders and physical problems such as Fibromyalgia and other Auto Immune Diseases. It breaks down our ability to fight off these conditions, which can also lead to a lifetime of either emotional or physical disability. This alone creates a severe impact on our economy.

The Center for Disease Control reports an estimated cost of $124 BILLION a year to support those recovering or left damaged from these criminal attacks of child maltreatment. They also show costs exceeding $8.3 BILLION a year for the direct consequences of Intimate Partner Violence.

http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/childmaltreatment/index.html

http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/intimatepartnerviolence/consequences.html

“How is it that our politician’s refuse to touch on this topic, especially during election time? Why aren’t we as a society outraged about this? Not just the crimes themselves but what it costs the government in funding, which is being cut more & more each year, but also about the severity of these crimes and the long-term damage of its victims. How can we be aware of these facts and their costs, but still put our head in the sand?

“You cannot UNKNOW something!!!” So what is the explanation that anyone has for being silent or forcing someone else into silence when these crimes sneak in to invade our lives?

I pray that after reading this you will be a bit more enlightened and empowered to speak with knowledge and conviction about this cancer eating away at our society. If this were a medical disease we would be pulling out all the stops to raise funds and battle against it, but because it happens within what should be the safety & privacy of our homes, we choose to turn away and pretend we don’t know about it; hoping secretly that someone else will step up to report it or do something about it. Our politicians only get involved when we as people make them live up to the job they were put in office to uphold!!! They’ve got a lot on their plate to deal with right now, but hey, my ideas aren’t half bad and it would help with our financial status and put people back to work.

The victims of these crimes, either child or adult, truly need to have their voices counted now more than ever. Show the public and our law makers just how wrong, the already shocking statistics, really are. There isn’t anyone within the reach of cable television that isn’t aware of the violence within our homes. Intimate Partner Violence and Child Abuse; Sexual Assault & Abuse; these crimes are being shared in the news and in the movies, sit-coms, daily Soap Operas and more, even after school specials are touching on these subjects.

Victims, if you are still trapped in this abuse, I beg you to please reach out for help!!!!

Survivors, I beg you to have your voice counted and your story heard, not just for others but also for your own healing.

Public, I beg you to please get outraged over these crimes!!! Surely if it happened to someone you know and love, you wouldn’t be so quick to turn away!!!

Positive Affirmations for You:

You deserve to be safe

You deserve respect

You deserve kindness

You deserve as much love as you freely give to others

You deserve roses in your garden of life

(c) Patricia A. McKnight

Advocate/Author/Speaker/Survivor & Dreamcatchers Talk Radio Host

“My Justice” – see links for Amazon.com/Authorhouse.com/BN.com in blogroll

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

http://www.dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dreamcatchers

To make a report of Child Maltreatment – 1-800-422-4453 Childhelp Helpline http://www.childhelp.org/

To make a report of Intimate Partner Violence – 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) National Center of Domestic Violence http://www.ncadv.org/

To make a report of Sexual Assault – 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) RAINN http://www.rainn.org/

Published by @Trecia_Ann

Recently, Facebook locked and removed my decade long creation of work and public profile, which focused my work as an advocate, speaker, mentor, and creator of more than a few programs used throughout Illinois, but also shared nationally and some have reached international platforms. So.... let's start fresh and see where it goes! Please see the writings on this blog dating back into 2011, created after the publication of 'My Justice'. There are two specifically, which have been tagged and shared by many....."Judging Eyes" and "Triggers; what they are and how to handle them" I am a survivor of over thirty years trapped inside the silence and brutality of Family Facilitated Violence, Torture, and Child Sex Trafficking. In Feb. 2011, I chose to publish the secrets and the horrors endured; the many levels of destruction and decay which the community around me witnessed, ignored, condemned and blamed regardless of the injuries and tortures endured. It all became the learned patterns of self-hatred and tolerance which was a huge factor in my adult life. Have you endured childhood harm, or endured terroristic types of abuses? Did you feel unworthy of life, breathing, love or respect? Did you feel as if no one ever really saw you, heard you, or seemed to care about the silent cruelties of your existence? It wasn't until I honestly began a strong focus on healing myself, which took years of researching credible data and published research surrounding the lasting effects of abuse, violence, sexual harm, and human trafficking that I began to understand who I was and why there were many traits and tragedies that influenced my adult choices, relationships, the chaos deep in my soul and the behaviors used to survive. It seemed to control everything inside me and it was filled with pain, and tragedy. The research became my rebuilding journey and my road to advocacy, creating legislative changes, sitting as an active member and providing testimony in the creation of area task force operations, victim/survivor services, trauma informed awareness for law enforcement, educators, social services, healthcare and community providers. I began that research of understanding myself in 2008, wrote the memoir "My Justice' in 2010, began working to change statutes in my home state in 2013, became a Certified DV Advocate and Panel Member of DV Offender Education Program in 2015, which then initiated a decade long career as a trusted, confidential advocate, and a highly skilled and knowledgeable speaker/educator on the topic of Assessment, Family/Survivor Rebuilding, Trauma Informed Care & Response, with the primary focus on family/relationship acts of terroristic abuses and/or human trafficking. Beginning in January 2010 there have been developed programs and connected resources for men, women, children, and families who endured these same types of tragedies. Unfortunately, our human society still has barriers to seek help or speak openly about these types of tragedies, especially if it happened in our homes and families. The laws to protect from such harms were enacted for children in 1963, as an amendment to the Social Security Act. Domestic Violence was not a topic until 1995, when then Senator Joe Biden introduced the Violence Against Women Act, which has since been adapted to provide shelters, counseling, protection orders, and rebuilding services for ALL persons regardless of gender or identity. Although slavery was brought to an end by the historical act of President Abraham Lincoln, we unfortunately have millions of human beings still being traded, sold, controlled and trapped in a hellish evil, which often begins by a parent or intimate partner. Legislation didn't arise regarding the term 'Human Trafficking' until the turn of the new millennium. Protection for victims of human trafficking was signed into law as the 'Trafficking In Persons Act of 2000', which with modern day social media it quickly became a new hot-topic point, which then sparked the creation of Trauma Informed Care, Rebuilding & Trauma Therapy, and thus adult survivors began speaking out about the dark terrifying reality of Child Sex Trafficking. Today many use the term, Modern Day Slavery, and we have multi-faceted task force operations and rescue resources working around the globe to end this new form of human slavery. We also have a few hundred thousand or more who are adult survivors of histories involving Parental Child Sex Trafficking. In one recent study from 2018, they found 85% of these victims were trafficked by parents in trade for drugs, family needs, or basic human survival. As I look back on the career that grew from my own personal need to understand the chaos in my head, the constant failed relationships and almost murderous acts committed against me; as I deal with increasing health problems that includes multiples of head and spinal cord traumas; the most important goal for me from day one of this extremely personal experience; the healing and rebuilding of my own children and grandchildren who were all continued generational victims of the trauma influenced behaviors and choices that resulted from the destruction enforced by my mother and stepfather many decades ago. The little girl, 'Trecia Ann', she survived pure evil as an entire community witnessed, shamed, blamed, and dismissed the visible decay and rot, stench and filth covered, battered and intoxicated body of a young girl who was publicly exploited and shared in the bars of that small town, in her home with boys she attended school with and adult men from the local coalmine. It was as if they all got a thrill from watching her respond to the ring of that little brass bell. They laughed, molested, raped, and purchased for a few bucks or a few beers the sexual use of that young girl right in full public view! Her mother held the power to stop it all, but rather enjoyed having a 'slave' to cook, clean, care for the family as well as entertain the sadistic alcoholic man she chose to marry. Today, I'm so honored and proud to have that little girl's spirit with me. It is through the use of my lived experience, along with a decade of research, and at least five certifications in prevention, response, and trauma; I've assisted a few hundred survivors through the multilevel process of rebuilding and reclaiming their voice, their safety, their freedom! I've trained law enforcement, healthcare, childrens service investigators, our school educators, and co-presented in trainings with some outstanding experts in the field. For the many I've assisted or empowered, they continue becoming thriving survivors, advocates, authors, speakers, and most important of all; they are healing their children and grandchildren! It is a truly beautiful experience and I am so amazed to have been a spark, a resource, or a friend in their life reclaiming freedom. The adult children of generations past have broken through the glass ceiling and finally there is a hint of change in the world. "A lifetime filled with daily torture, tragedy, and pain creates someone completely different than we should have been. We feel that person inside, but our lives are altered by the emotional and physical suffering. We cover it up and hide it deep inside through substance abuse, which falsely helps us believe we are doing fine. The extreme physical and emotional injuries leave our mental and physical selves terribly impacted. Thankfully there is more information and resources of help available today for all types of adverse or traumatic experiences. We have specialized therapeutic help and healthcare professionals developing new ways to identify and assist persons harmed or at risk of harm. We have so much more to do, so please help by having casual open conversations with your friends, family, coworkers, leaders, and especially our kids. Teach them early how to avoid both online and in person harms. Encourage adults and kids both to use the BDA Buddy Skills 2.0, which you will find through my list of assessments and prevention strategies. "My Justice' was written through my own beginning of acknowledging and releasing the personal destruction of the girl once known as 'Trecia Ann'. It is not an easy read, but it has opened many eyes about the reality of evil that occurs inside our homes, against those too small to protect themselves or understand what's happening. It was published to release the thick layers of trauma, sex trafficking, and disfiguring neglect. It is the voice of the enslaved child who existed only to answer the ring of 'his' bell, and the enforced burden to keep my own private terrorist alive. 'My Justice' is NOT SUGGESTED FOR ANYONE UNDER 16 years of age. It discusses the permanently wounding life and the cycle of destruction that held me in tolerating ridicule, control, and violence in my adult relationships. This truth was published to inspire others to take an in-depth look at their life and behaviors as a result of their past, in hopes they too will better understand their suffering today, the continued relationships with the parents and family who inflicted those harms, and finally breaking free from that pain so they can reclaim their voice and their true sense of freedom! We always have the opportunity to learn that we are worthy, capable, incredibly strong, compassionate, and filled with endless possibilities. It is a choice. It is a conscious decision to dig into our trauma, take ownership of our own failures, the harm our choices have caused, and the work we need to do to change it and succeed for ourselves and our families. It is such an honor to have 'My Justice' used at the collegiate level for psychology classes, upcoming therapists, and educators. Today my life is very blessed. I'm finally safe, feel truly loved, finally feeling the magic of life! Always choose to see your star and how it shines on others in your journey. My greatest power only began to show when I first made the choice to end the violent relationships and behaviors around my children; to give them something better, something SAFE!! In choosing to share my own story, I've also gone the serious extra step to educate myself through years of research, attending training opportunities, and collaborating with other advocate resources focused in human resilience and healing from abuse, sexual harm, and sex trafficking. Today there are experts digging deep to recreate help and healing. I've chosen to use my past as a way to inspire a greater good and; hopefully, somehow change the cycle of tragedy in our homes so that we empower our kids to live a more positive path. The best education we can give is healing our survivors of traumatic experiences so we understand what they felt then and what they wish they would have had available; those who could have and should have said something. We can change things for our life today, but best of all in healing our wounds, we give communities a supportive working strategy in assisting the people in our lives. One step at a time, one caring soul at a time, we can give them a path to changing our human society as a whole. This is a tell-all, which was written in the midst of my third nervous breakdown as I struggled to put all my distorted pieces back together, and help my children understand how the violence I tolerated against me invaded their well-being. My children have always been my world, but my behaviors, lack of healthy parenting and life skills, and an inability to remain stable have caused another generation of suffering for my grandchildren. This is a very difficult thing to watch and the continued tragedies that seem to keep affecting the choices in my family. Writing this book was only the beginning of trying to release all that has haunted me for so many years. I have finally removed his thick, cruel, coal-stained hand which trapped me in fear for decades. Those hands and his evil, her housemaid and caregiver; created a slave, and that slave submitted to horrific and brutal attacks but always felt it was her burden to bear. I lived with that hand holding me down, continually terrorizing and silencing, stealing my voice to protect their pure evil. Throughout decades the dysfunction caused by the chaos inside my head would affect every relationship, my children, and cast a shadow of darkness on everything good in my life. Living in the true spirit of freedom, I have now become a strong advocate against the life cycle of human destruction. If we want to control our life and achievements today, then we cannot live stuck in the tragedy of hardships and pain. Life is meant to be lived, to be enjoyed, to see what you can do and what you can achieve, to find out what is important to you. We all become adults. We all have a burden to bear. Stand up and keep moving, keep living, keep dreaming. You have two choices in recreating and rebuilding yourself. Do you stay stuck in the dark shadows of your past? Do you dig deep and find that spirit that kept you alive so that you can become the proud, strong, capable, resilient, kind human being? Which do you choose and how will that choice affect your children and theirs? We can be supportive, and provide resources and suggest help so that families suffering from addiction or past trauma can find a recovery balance to rebuild their family into a more positive life pattern. We will recover, we will rebuild, we will conquer the pains of yesterday to live in the true sense of life, freedom, and safety today. Patricia 'Trish' McKnight Author: 'My Justice' Fndr/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Alliance, NFP Mentor/Advocate/Speaker/Survivor

3 thoughts on “This cancer eating away at our society……

    1. Hey there, thanks for the comments here. Not sure, but were you not able to view the post??? Was there a problem with the link??? Hope you’ll respond

      In Kindness,
      Tricia

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