“Where is God to Attack this Devil?”

They don’t wear any flag or colors you can see
But we see black when they attack you and me.
Sometimes they kiss us good morning ;
Then with a hiss they strike without warning.
To others they appear so sweet & kind
If only Mom didn’t act so blind
The sickness grows inside of this soul
But he threatens me if I ever told
He stalks in the darkness; sneaking about
My soul starts to jump; churning inside & out
He is next to the bed; suddenly there looking around
The hand shoots up; then comes clasping down
Molding tight against my mouth
Keeping me quiet so that I don’t shout
There’s another hand that rips & tears at my breast
It feels like fire as it rubs on my chest
Gently at first but then so painful
The breast isn’t grown to give him his handful
The little girl is terrified and wants to cry
But she curls inside & tries to hide
If her soul can bury the feeling she has
Then she won’t feel the fury of his attack
His eyes are glowing
The devil is showing
The hand still gripping around her mouth
Grows tighter as his other hand burns going south
“Why does he hurt me so as his hand moves about?”
Grabbing, digging, probing, & pinching
Twisting & turning the hand is stinging
My sister is sleeping next to my side
She sleeps and never once opens her eyes
Mom is asleep in the room through the door
She never accepts truth & my cries are ignored
Quietly gathering in the corner of my eyes
A tear trickles down as my soul starts to die
The hand on my mouth is released just a bit
He shoves in his penis; but nobody sees it
“Where is God to attack this devil?”
“He should put him in the ground
all neat and level.”
The little girl is now tightly holding her breath
Still he pushes inside as he twists her young breasts
He pulls out so quick and grabs my hand
On my vagina is where it must land
It’s almost over she screams loud inside
He’ll soon prowl away & leave me to cry
The filth is now stained deep in my soul
But there’s nowhere to go;
I’ll be dead if I told
The nightmare is there stalking & haunting
Every morning the others are laughing & taunting
“Why can’t they see the mark left on me?”
I want to scream but there’s no way to break free
He threatens me always to keep his secret
He will kill me if ever I speak it
Throughout the years the burden of shame
Grew so deep; angry & maimed
The Lord has taken the devil away
A part of me is peaceful; finally safe
My burdened soul starts opening up
But the horror again has swung in and struck
The secret shame I’ve been forced to carry inside
Is creeping its way from where it did hide.
Finally I look at the world and can now scream
See my star – Now watch it gleam!!!

(c) Patricia A. McKnight

Author: “My Justice”

13 thoughts on ““Where is God to Attack this Devil?”

    • Sadly, it’s far more common than folks realize. My father did the same to me and was always saying what he was doing was not unusual ie. happens in most families. I figured it was just his way of justifying his own depravity. But now, as I write by own book, update my blog and monitor my Facebook group, my heart breaks seeing he was right. Ugh!

    • Did not mean to horrify you or cause you distress, it is an ugly crime that has been hidden for generations. Now we are saying no and protecting the next generation!!

      • Sometimes it is necessary to scare people into action. We try to protect ourselves from feeling the sickness done and perpetrated to and by others but the truth is we should be protecting those that can’t protect themselves….and this makes an impact that hopefully will keep our eyes open and searching.

  1. Oh wow Trish, that was so so hard to read, but, it was like it was happening to me all over again, But needs to be told, like I have said many times, we need to get the message out there,and this is such a strong message…love you my dear friend, and feel for you so much

    • Hi Mary

      I’m new here but like you, reading this very direct account certainly brings up memories. The more I find blogs and writings like this, the more I see how many of us are out here sharing the same pain and shame. At the same time, more and more of us are speaking up about it. I am one of those. I just checked your Gravatar and see you are in Ontario. So am I. Nice to meet you. You can find my blog by clicking on my picture. I also have a Facebook page for victims/survivors of incest called Out From Under which I’m hoping will help others come out from under years of keeping it all secret. https://www.facebook.com/comingoutfromunder

  2. Very well said hasty words. Pussyfooting around a serious issue like this helps no-one. Need to spit it out as Tricia has done if anyone’s to get the point. I applaud and support her honesty.

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