“Get Out Of Your Own Way”….Dedicated to Susan Murphy-Milano….

“Dearest Susan, I can never thank you enough for what you inspired in me.”

Believe it or not up until two years ago I had no voice to speak of all the bad I had survived. As I started building my courage on the net, had published my story, and was creating a support group for women of abuse; it was then I had the awesome pleasure to become friends with a women who would change my life. She was spunky, strong, controversial when she spoke about her passion; creating guides and tools to help save lives and help victims of Intimate Partner Violence escape and stay safe.

Susan Murphy-Milano came into my life through the connection with a mutual friend. The first time I spoke with her was when she extended an invitation to her radio talk show “Time’s Up” broadcasted on Here Women Talk. We connected on the phone and since I was new at this, having only done one other interview at that time, I was instantly in AWE of this amazing woman. She was honest speaking, not sassy or extreme professional like others. She filled me with a strength to believe in myself and know that I had a very important story to be shared. She gave me courage to believe in my own ability to speak my voice clearly and be proud of what I’d been able to survive; rather than be ashamed of all the evil that had happened. She captivated me with absorbing all she had to say. I was honored she even took the time to connect with me at all.

As host on her show….. she welcomed me, made me comfortable, then started right in. She was geared to bring out the bad of what had happened, but also of how I finally gained the strength to get away. Susan was so awesome as a host in fact, she inspired me to be a investigative type host and get the points of information out there for everyone. Susan is a major mentor in all that I have become today!!!

Her Radio Show >>>>>PodCasts Here >>>> http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/here-women-talk-times-up/id473824545

Not only is Susan all of this to me, but more importantly is what she is to others. She has made it her life’s passion to help victims of abusive/violent relationships to escape and stay safe. The books and tools she created to give a step by step guide of encouragement, empowerment, and life saving processes that anyone can follow to get out.

First out, is her book “Time’s Up: How to Escape Abusive and Stalking Relationships”: This book is every victim’s best friend. It will take you through the process of evaluating your relationship, building your courage, making your plan, putting all the key parts together for you to break away and get out. It is the best gift a family member, friend, co-worker, or neighbor can give to someone whom they believe is being abused or controlled, intimidated or living with constant degradation to break them down and steal away the person living inside. If you know someone, and believe me most of us do, please have them get this book or get it for them. It is the most precious guide they can have and it will make a big difference in their outcome of life. Her other fabulously written guide to evaluate and work your way out; figuring out how to move on “Moving Out, Moving On” is another must read book for anyone trapped in this madness.

Follow this link to view her books at Imagine Publicity >>>> http://imaginepublicity.com/authorsbooks/susan-murphy-milanos-books/

Secondly, is a game changing tool she created for law enforcement and others who work in our safety resources and shelter systems. The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit is a crucial piece when it comes to extremely violent relationships. We’ve all heard of them; think about the horrifying screams you turned away from and ignored? Most often this type of extreme violence is from a man against a woman. It takes a lot of effort for a woman to inflict daily life threatening trauma and beatings against someone larger in body mass and muscle. These are the types of relationships the EAA was developed to defend against.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and all of the details of how you and your service providing team can get CERTIFIED to process can be found at http://www.documenttheabuse.com You’ll find out all of the training information and how you can become a supporter of this vital tool. It is my hope that one day the laws will be passed to have this tool mandated to ALL law enforcement systems; ALL social services systems; ALL of those who provide rescue and resources to the many women seeking help to leave these types of relationships.

Most of these women believe, with good cause, that leaving equals death. If they stay they believe they can somehow tolerate the beatings, but a person can only carry so much and then they do something they regret; those are a growing number of women in our prisons. They stood up and fought back when there was no record of severe abuse and now they are sitting in prison. THIS TOOL IS THE DOCUMENTATION OF THAT EXTREME VIOLENCE!!! THIS TOOL CAN RECORD THE BRUISES AND SHOW THE FEAR YOU LIVE WITH EACH DAY!!! THIS CRUCIAL, MASTERFUL CREATION FROM SUSAN MURPHY-MILANO CAN SPEAK WHEN YOU HAVE NO VOICE, THIS TOOL CAN SPEAK FROM THE GRAVE!!!

Thirdly, is Susan’s excellently written, captivating story of her own life and what built the person; fighter for justice and life, she has become today. She gave me the opportunity to read this book and I was so bonded with the child she was and prayed that I too would find the courage she did to bust through the boulders trying to block her path as she grew. This woman has become all that she is today by never backing down and always pushing forward, making herself strive to develop the skills to safe lives and investigate those who had gone missing or been murdered at the hands of their chosen partner.

Check out the release of Susan’s own fight for justice and a life devoted to helping others. You will be sucked into this story and will walk this amazing path of courage; you will be inspired by her journey!!!

Newly Released, Susan’s personal battles of Intimate Violence are shared in the novel….”Holding My Hand Through Hell” – A fabulous must read story for all!!!

“Holding My Hand Through Hell”>>>>>http://www.icecubepress.com/wp-content/uploads/preorder-holding-my-hand-through-hell-susan-murphy-milano-ice-cube-press.jpg

Before I close I would like to share a few last thoughts with you about the subject of Intimate Partner Violence (Domestic Violence) as we commonly call it. October is the month we hope as advocates and survivors to bring special attention to this growing crime. It is a necessity to involve everyone in this mission to end violence in our society.

Let me first ask this……Aren’t we all human beings? Don’t we all, especially children, need love, friendship, a partner to depend on? Don’t we all need support and even help at times to get through the worst? Don’t we all deserve a bed to sleep in, food in our mouths, clothes on our backs? Don’t we all deserve to feel safe within the walls built to protect us from the cruelty of the world?

If you have children with this partner or living with a partner; How do you think the violence, abuse, degradation, verbal threats and more affects them? What do you think of when you know they hear the yelling, arguing, fighting? Have they seen you get pushed, thrown, kicked, punched, had food or laundry thrown at you? Have they heard your blood curdling screams for mercy, begging the offender to stop? Have they seen you get threatened with weapons or heard the growls of evil….”I’m going to fucking kill you all”?

How do you as a mother/father feel about the impact this violence is leaving on your children? How will they view the “Normal Healthy” relationships in their own lives? What kind of partner will they become to the one they love?

Fathers who are beating on Moms; How do you want your son to view women?

Mothers who are beating on Dads; What impressions are you giving your precious little princess?

Anyone who is in a violent/abusive relationship and has children, be informed now; The acts they see and hear in their homes leaves the deepest impressions on their lives?

Example and Personal Share:

When my youngest was in first grade I got a call one morning after a night filled with growling threats and beating. She had gone to her first grade teacher and crawled up on her lap; sobbing as she said, “My step-dad threatened to take the gun and shoot my Mommy and us kids too”!!!

This was my third child, youngest daughter, precious baby, and she was absolutely terrified of what might happen inside her house when the angry drunk came stumbling through the door. That call changed my life!!!

I hope that all of you have read through this blog. I hope even more so that you will think about what I’ve shared here, research the amazing books from Susan Murphy-Milano and please decide to change your life. No one deserves to be beaten and treated as if they were garbage. No one deserves to live in fear for their own life. No one deserves to feel like the next breath they take depends on the gun being put down, or praying the beater just walks away.

If you are involved with our justice systems or a shelter system, please ask them to seek the CERTIFICATION OF THE EVIDENTIARY ABUSE AFFIDAVIT!!!

Most importantly, if you are a family member, friend, neighbor; please do not turn away from the pounding of someone being thrown around or the horrifying screams of someone begging for mercy. Do yourself a favor, relieve your conscience and make the call for help – CALL 911

If we all get involved to end the violence that exists within our homes, it will have an impact on the violence that crawls into our streets. No longer can we pretend not to hear or notice when someone is being beaten and controlled by another, tormented or threatened; WE ALL MUST DO THE RIGHT THING!!!

For those in violent relationships or just getting out of one, let me pass on a few wise words from the outstanding woman whose made such a lifelong impression on my life.

You have a choice to make, you have to save your life. Rebuilding is never easy but it is sometimes necessary. Material things do not matter and it’s not worth giving your life to hold on to them. Let go of what’s been lost, let go of the “pity party” you feel inside, the only way to move forward is to do yourself one big favor……”Get Out Of Your Own Way and do what you have to do.”

Susan Murhpy-Milano, you are a mentor that taught me the great importance of getting on with my life and letting go of what had happened. I can never thank you enough, but hope you see just how much you mean to me and so many millions of others that you will never know. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and pray you will stay strong to over come all that threatens to keep you down.

You will find all of Susan’s lifesaving fabulous work by visiting her site through this link —— http://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/

(c)_Patricia A. McKnight

Advocate/Author/Speaker/Writer/Survivor

Published by @ButterflyTrish

I am a survivor of over thirty years trapped inside the silence and brutality of Family Crimes, Child Sex Trafficking, and a life lived pattern of tolerance for over 30 years in almost murderous relationships. In Feb. 2011 I chose to publish the truth about what happened in our home, the community around me, and the learned patterns of self-hatred and tolerance which became such a huge factor in my life. My life today was built through publishing 'My Justice'. I never would felt worthy of life, breathing, love & respect with first healing myself. There were many things the traits and tragedies that influenced my life seemed to control everything inside me and it was nothing but sadness and fake emotions. Only by facing the horrors I went through, the choices I made as a woman & mother, then relating to the greatest guilt I have; how the trauma behavior has affected my children's lives. It's my hope to help others get through their battles, regardless of the type of trauma because when we hurt our lives are forever changed. This graphic, violent memoir is NOT SUGGESTED FOR ANYONE UNDER 14 years of age. It discusses the permanently wounding life and the cycle of destruction that held me in expecting/tolerating ridicule and violence in my adult relationships. This truth was published to inspire others to take an in-depth look at their life and behaviors as a result of their past. Connect the dots of your rebuilding in understanding the pattern of adult choices in coping addictions, parenting, and partners; even affecting our careers and self-sustainable life. I'm so honored to have 'My Justice' used at the collegiate level for psychology classes, upcoming therapists and educators. Today my life is very blessed. I'm finally safe, finally truly loved, finally feeling the magic of what life is supposed to be like. My greatest power only began to show when I first made the choice to end the violent relationships and behaviors around my children; to give them something better, something SAFE!! In choosing to share my own story, I've also gone that serious extra step to educate myself through years of research, attending training opportunity, and collaborating with other advocate resources, abuse, sexual harm, and the experts digging deep to recreate help and healing. I've chosen to use my past as a way to inspire a greater good; hopefully somehow change the cycle of tragedy in our homes so that we empower our kids to live a more positive path. The best education we can give, is a survivor of traumatic experiences who can use what they felt then and what they wish they would have had available; those who could have and should have said something. We can change things for our life today, but best of all in healing our wounds, we give communities a supportive working strategy in assisting the people in our lives. One step at a time, one caring soul at a time, we can give them a path to changing our human society as a whole. This is a tell all, which was written in the midst of my third nervous breakdown as I struggled to put all my distorted pieces back together, help my children understand how the violence I tolerated against me invaded their emotional well-being. My children have always been my world, but my behaviors, lack of healthy parenting and life skills, and an inability to remain stable has caused another generation of suffering for my grandchildren. This is a very difficult thing to watch and the continued tragedies that seem to keep affecting the choices in my family. Writing this book was only the beginning of trying to release all that has haunted me for so many years. I have finally removed his thick, cruel, coal stained hand which trapped me in fear for decades. Those hands and his evil, her housemaid and caregiver; they created a slave and that slave submitted to horrific and brutal attacks but always felt it was her burden to bare. I lived with that hand holding me down to terrorize and steal away my voice, holding me captive in the dysfunction of the aftermath and casting a shadow of darkness on everything good in my life. Living in the true spirit of freedom, I have now become a strong advocate against the life cycle of human destruction. We cannot live stuck in the tragedy of hardships and pain. Life is meant to be lived, to be enjoyed, to see what you can do and what you can achieve, to find out what is important to you. We all become adults. We all have a burden to bare. Stand up and keep moving, keep living, keep dreaming. You have two choices in recreating and rebuilding yourself. Do you stay stuck in the dark shadows of your past? Do you dig deep and find that spirit that kept you alive so that you could become the proud, strong, capable, resilient, kind human being ? Which do you choose and how will that choice affect your children and theirs? We can be supportive, provide resources and suggestions for help so that families suffering with addiction or past trauma themselves can find a recovery balance to rebuild their family in a more positive life pattern. We will recover, we will rebuild, we will conquer the pains of yesterday to live in the true sense of life, freedom and safety today. Patricia 'Trish' McKnight Author: 'My Justice' Fndr/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Alliance, NFP Mentor/Advocate/Speaker/Survivor

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