Encouraging their lives…..

Well, I’m turning fifty soon and I try to recall if I encouraged my children to chase their dreams and their full potential?

In my children’s youth I do recall appreciating all the sweet little playtime creations they came up with and shared with me. My son became an excellent artist at a young age and his talent grew as he did. By the time he was in eighth grade I was as excited as he was when his work was chosen for display. Instantly, I began encouraging his artwork, which I call his ‘God Given’ talent.

My girls, one middle child and my youngest, they too loved to color and draw. They definitely enjoyed giving me their gifts, which I still treasure. In fact, my refrigerator still displays a teddy bear magnet my youngest daughter made in third grade. There is also a gift my middle daughter made me about five years ago. It is a fabulous hand-made, paper mache` box covered with special photos from their childhood. This was the last of those special creative gifts I received, but I treasure each one they’ve ever made.

Anyway, as the kids got older it seemed my son always displayed who and what he wanted to do in his life. Not that he didn’t get distracted through the teen years and into mid twenties, as all children seem to do, but his creative talents and where it would lead into his career were always a part of who he was. Then I think of my girls. I know that I encouraged them, and still do,  especially the need for their education; to be independent and live their life, but was this a dream they had that I supported and encouraged?

There were those wonderful moments I’ll never forget; like when they shared a dream to dance, sing, and being proud of just who they were. I enjoyed every breathtaking moment of watching my girls become beautiful young women, but I don’t recall encouraging any special type of career for them or that they had some dream of this type they shared with me.

My youngest had a big struggle in her early teens, much of which was doing what she had watched her brother and sister do and how that influenced her own developement and growth. All of my children had that difficult time in life beginning in their early teens, but my girls were much different from my son; they being dreamers of men giving them a life as a wife and mother. I’m not sure if they ever saw anything else for them or if I influenced any other type of existence for them.

They were all shown love, and encouraged to live their own life, but guiding them to become the responsible adults in life they needed to be; this was an impossible task for me. In truth guiding them was a challenge once they got into highschool. Is this because there was absolutely no guidance in my life?

There were no hopes, dreams, encouragement, nothing at all as I grew through those years. In fact, I don’t recall a single soul that gave a crap whether I lived or died. There was only Walter’s whore and the family’s slave; it seemed everything depended on what I did or didn’t do for someone else, but it wasn’t like I had any choice in the matter.

This was good in that I became an excellent caregiver of my family and I knew how I DID NOT want to raise them. They were loved, wanted, enjoyed, supported, and they still are, but guidance into a functioning adult life is something I didn’t have the capability of doing. Hell, I couldn’t bring myself to teach them how to drive or give them that indepence and responsibility that came with it!!!

I had no clue how to teach them the value of a dollar. It’s not that the four of us together ever had much, but I thought it a bad thing to teach them responsibility as this required discipline and that was a hard thing for me to inflict on my children. It was strange that I did well in my professional career, worked hard daily and then went home to cook and care for my kids.  I led by example in matters of; be good to others; appreciate the small things, love with your heart, all of those  things are good, but to function in everyday life is something many of our kids lack today. ‘I’m not demeaning anyone or any efforts here!!!’

As I come to present day, and life half over, a part of me still wonders about what would have been, IF?

What if I had been rescued in some way or influenced by a positive person? What if none of this would have happened? What if the five year old Trecia Ann had not been molested? What if the nine year old didn’t lay naked in the bed feeling his erection? What if the 12 year old wouldn’t have been raped by his shotgun barrel? What if the 13 year old wouldn’t have been taken on their dates? What if I knew anything other than drinking, drugs, sex, pain, fear, sadness? What if I would have had time to build on hopes and dreams instead of worrying about how my night would go and if I would still be alive tomorrow?

Who would I have become and how would I have influenced my children then? Would their lost path of teen years have been better balanced?

They were 14, 12 and 9 when we finally got away from all the screaming, fighting, crying and then they had to endure the maddening years of turbulence and custody arguments between their father and me. It was a mass of dysfunction for all of us, but children are impacted even harder and what happens in their everyday world has a huge influence on their own adult path.

Unfortunately for our children today, there are a lot of adults; mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, and even grandparents, who’ve gone years in dysfunction, rape, trafficking, constant beatings, and trying to self-medicate with drugs, alcohol; carrying pain so deep they attempt suicide because of the huge loss and emptiness inside. Many of us have partners and friends who were going through the same nightmares, but can’t say anything because the shame feels too overwhelming. Now we look at our children and wonder why they are lost? ‘Why do they seem so angry and disrespectful’, we ask?  Our children are struggling to function in today’s world, but their lives are surrounded by the emotional dysfunction of their childhood because of the brokeness their parents carry?

My inabilities from the training and years of trauma made it impossible for me to give the guidance my children, especially my daughters needed. I now can only hope to influence them as a healed mother and a speaker against the atrocities and dark evil crimes; the erosion of dysfunction and destruction!!!

Today we are looking at the next generation to be invaded by the passed down dysfunction of generations before us. How can we blame the kids for living in what they know? How can we say, ‘it’s just a beating you’ll heal; it’s only sex; get over it’? How can we say that it’s not wrong and that these acts won’t impact their children’s lives? Don’t you see what’s already happened?

The majority of survivors I’m connected with and share these atrocious similarities, are of the baby boomer generation or just after that period between 1948 and 1962. It was after WW II and on,  when our first young president came into office and then got shot Many are also from around the end of the Vietnam war; these are the greatest of the numbers now gathering in defence of our greatest asset, our children. Is there a connection here at all? Perhaps the number of survivors is so large because of the quantity of kids born at that time, or is it because the children of these years were being raised by survivors of their parents’ hell?

For centuries the beating and rape of our children and partners was never anything to be recognized by the public as of crucial importance.!!

Remember back when any form of infidelity or deviant behavior was only permitted within a dark underworld existence. About two weeks ago I caught the end of a program, not sure of the title, but it was on the History Channel. In what I saw, the collection of narrators were talking about how back in the days of Thomas Jefferson and our other Founding Fathers, the elite of our society had tunnels dug out around the cities; small rooms were blasted into the tunnel walls. When those with the money and power wanted to act out these dark desires, banned by the others of public standing, they would gather in the tunnels and into the darkest of these rooms; young children and prostitutes would be taken for their sick pleasures.

Look at when our country first passed a government enacted Child Protection Services. This didn’t happen until what the American Bar Association shares in history of these laws as the ‘third era of child protection in 1962’; other non-governmental protection services have been ongoing since back in 1875. Our country didn’t recognize beating and raping your spouse as a crime until our then, Senator Joe Biden,  presented Congress with the Violence Against Women Act in 1994. I’d like to ask; ‘What the hell took so long?’

Why hasn’t this become a topic that everyone is making a priority? If this were some dark plague eating away at our society, which it is, our scientist would have been scrambling to find a cure. The problem is that only one thing can change this type of human acceptance to these dark evils, A UNITED FRONT FROM A GREATER MAJORITY OF OUR SOCIETY!!! Mankind is the only one that can change what has been passed down in our generations for centuries. If we do not collectively battle and stand against these actions, you can bet our government will never get involved in the more severe and strategic punishments needed for these crimes.

I say, we first sterilize all pedophiles and monsters of this type. Then gather them up and ship them off to some deserted, but controlled, island like they did with the leopards way back when;  just my personal view on a possible solution!!!

Now, what do we plan to pass on to our kids? What do we want to encourage them to become? Surely not what’s been accepted in the past? If I could go back and change anything in my life; it would be the lack of functioning guidance I gave to my children. All that was their childhood, how I influenced them to live, and the massive tidal wave of dysfunction; this is what my family still struggles to recover and heal from. Watching how what I endured, and fought to survive, is creeping in to invade the lives of my grandchildren is a sickening feeling and I can only pray that what I do now can somehow help to make their world a better place.

Can we really turn away and pretend this is all just nothing? Can we sit back and act as if it won’t leave an impact, more like a crater, in their life? How can our generation of parents and grandparents tell our children that all of this doesn’t matter? Isn’t this much the same as saying they don’t matter; they have no value just as we had none? Perhaps we can cross our fingers and pray they will stop mankind from destroying themselves.

What guidance and encouragement can we give them if we can’t give them safety and love? Do any of the other values matter if we cannot give them these two necessities in life? How will they grow and flourish in their world if we don’t provide some better insight for them, rather than turning away and leaving them to be eaten alive by the dark evils that occur within what should be the safety of their homes?

How will you see the future of hopes and dreams for your children after reading this blog?

Come visit on the new website and sign the guest book in ‘Generation No More’ be part of the change in the future rather than part of the pain from the past. Let’s all be a better influence on our children and encourage their greater possibilities.

Give them Hope

Give them Love

Give them Guidance

Give them Dreams

Give them the gift of a happier, safer, thriving world of possibilities!!!

http://www.patriciamcknightsjustice.com

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

Advocate/Author/Speaker/Talk Radio Host/Founder Survivors World online support group, Ms. Patricia A. McKnight

‘My Justice’

Published by @Trecia_Ann

Recently, Facebook locked and removed my decade long creation of work and public profile, which focused my work as an advocate, speaker, mentor, and creator of more than a few programs used throughout Illinois, but also shared nationally and some have reached international platforms. So.... let's start fresh and see where it goes! Please see the writings on this blog dating back into 2011, created after the publication of 'My Justice'. There are two specifically, which have been tagged and shared by many....."Judging Eyes" and "Triggers; what they are and how to handle them" I am a survivor of over thirty years trapped inside the silence and brutality of Family Facilitated Violence, Torture, and Child Sex Trafficking. In Feb. 2011, I chose to publish the secrets and the horrors endured; the many levels of destruction and decay which the community around me witnessed, ignored, condemned and blamed regardless of the injuries and tortures endured. It all became the learned patterns of self-hatred and tolerance which was a huge factor in my adult life. Have you endured childhood harm, or endured terroristic types of abuses? Did you feel unworthy of life, breathing, love or respect? Did you feel as if no one ever really saw you, heard you, or seemed to care about the silent cruelties of your existence? It wasn't until I honestly began a strong focus on healing myself, which took years of researching credible data and published research surrounding the lasting effects of abuse, violence, sexual harm, and human trafficking that I began to understand who I was and why there were many traits and tragedies that influenced my adult choices, relationships, the chaos deep in my soul and the behaviors used to survive. It seemed to control everything inside me and it was filled with pain, and tragedy. The research became my rebuilding journey and my road to advocacy, creating legislative changes, sitting as an active member and providing testimony in the creation of area task force operations, victim/survivor services, trauma informed awareness for law enforcement, educators, social services, healthcare and community providers. I began that research of understanding myself in 2008, wrote the memoir "My Justice' in 2010, began working to change statutes in my home state in 2013, became a Certified DV Advocate and Panel Member of DV Offender Education Program in 2015, which then initiated a decade long career as a trusted, confidential advocate, and a highly skilled and knowledgeable speaker/educator on the topic of Assessment, Family/Survivor Rebuilding, Trauma Informed Care & Response, with the primary focus on family/relationship acts of terroristic abuses and/or human trafficking. Beginning in January 2010 there have been developed programs and connected resources for men, women, children, and families who endured these same types of tragedies. Unfortunately, our human society still has barriers to seek help or speak openly about these types of tragedies, especially if it happened in our homes and families. The laws to protect from such harms were enacted for children in 1963, as an amendment to the Social Security Act. Domestic Violence was not a topic until 1995, when then Senator Joe Biden introduced the Violence Against Women Act, which has since been adapted to provide shelters, counseling, protection orders, and rebuilding services for ALL persons regardless of gender or identity. Although slavery was brought to an end by the historical act of President Abraham Lincoln, we unfortunately have millions of human beings still being traded, sold, controlled and trapped in a hellish evil, which often begins by a parent or intimate partner. Legislation didn't arise regarding the term 'Human Trafficking' until the turn of the new millennium. Protection for victims of human trafficking was signed into law as the 'Trafficking In Persons Act of 2000', which with modern day social media it quickly became a new hot-topic point, which then sparked the creation of Trauma Informed Care, Rebuilding & Trauma Therapy, and thus adult survivors began speaking out about the dark terrifying reality of Child Sex Trafficking. Today many use the term, Modern Day Slavery, and we have multi-faceted task force operations and rescue resources working around the globe to end this new form of human slavery. We also have a few hundred thousand or more who are adult survivors of histories involving Parental Child Sex Trafficking. In one recent study from 2018, they found 85% of these victims were trafficked by parents in trade for drugs, family needs, or basic human survival. As I look back on the career that grew from my own personal need to understand the chaos in my head, the constant failed relationships and almost murderous acts committed against me; as I deal with increasing health problems that includes multiples of head and spinal cord traumas; the most important goal for me from day one of this extremely personal experience; the healing and rebuilding of my own children and grandchildren who were all continued generational victims of the trauma influenced behaviors and choices that resulted from the destruction enforced by my mother and stepfather many decades ago. The little girl, 'Trecia Ann', she survived pure evil as an entire community witnessed, shamed, blamed, and dismissed the visible decay and rot, stench and filth covered, battered and intoxicated body of a young girl who was publicly exploited and shared in the bars of that small town, in her home with boys she attended school with and adult men from the local coalmine. It was as if they all got a thrill from watching her respond to the ring of that little brass bell. They laughed, molested, raped, and purchased for a few bucks or a few beers the sexual use of that young girl right in full public view! Her mother held the power to stop it all, but rather enjoyed having a 'slave' to cook, clean, care for the family as well as entertain the sadistic alcoholic man she chose to marry. Today, I'm so honored and proud to have that little girl's spirit with me. It is through the use of my lived experience, along with a decade of research, and at least five certifications in prevention, response, and trauma; I've assisted a few hundred survivors through the multilevel process of rebuilding and reclaiming their voice, their safety, their freedom! I've trained law enforcement, healthcare, childrens service investigators, our school educators, and co-presented in trainings with some outstanding experts in the field. For the many I've assisted or empowered, they continue becoming thriving survivors, advocates, authors, speakers, and most important of all; they are healing their children and grandchildren! It is a truly beautiful experience and I am so amazed to have been a spark, a resource, or a friend in their life reclaiming freedom. The adult children of generations past have broken through the glass ceiling and finally there is a hint of change in the world. "A lifetime filled with daily torture, tragedy, and pain creates someone completely different than we should have been. We feel that person inside, but our lives are altered by the emotional and physical suffering. We cover it up and hide it deep inside through substance abuse, which falsely helps us believe we are doing fine. The extreme physical and emotional injuries leave our mental and physical selves terribly impacted. Thankfully there is more information and resources of help available today for all types of adverse or traumatic experiences. We have specialized therapeutic help and healthcare professionals developing new ways to identify and assist persons harmed or at risk of harm. We have so much more to do, so please help by having casual open conversations with your friends, family, coworkers, leaders, and especially our kids. Teach them early how to avoid both online and in person harms. Encourage adults and kids both to use the BDA Buddy Skills 2.0, which you will find through my list of assessments and prevention strategies. "My Justice' was written through my own beginning of acknowledging and releasing the personal destruction of the girl once known as 'Trecia Ann'. It is not an easy read, but it has opened many eyes about the reality of evil that occurs inside our homes, against those too small to protect themselves or understand what's happening. It was published to release the thick layers of trauma, sex trafficking, and disfiguring neglect. It is the voice of the enslaved child who existed only to answer the ring of 'his' bell, and the enforced burden to keep my own private terrorist alive. 'My Justice' is NOT SUGGESTED FOR ANYONE UNDER 16 years of age. It discusses the permanently wounding life and the cycle of destruction that held me in tolerating ridicule, control, and violence in my adult relationships. This truth was published to inspire others to take an in-depth look at their life and behaviors as a result of their past, in hopes they too will better understand their suffering today, the continued relationships with the parents and family who inflicted those harms, and finally breaking free from that pain so they can reclaim their voice and their true sense of freedom! We always have the opportunity to learn that we are worthy, capable, incredibly strong, compassionate, and filled with endless possibilities. It is a choice. It is a conscious decision to dig into our trauma, take ownership of our own failures, the harm our choices have caused, and the work we need to do to change it and succeed for ourselves and our families. It is such an honor to have 'My Justice' used at the collegiate level for psychology classes, upcoming therapists, and educators. Today my life is very blessed. I'm finally safe, feel truly loved, finally feeling the magic of life! Always choose to see your star and how it shines on others in your journey. My greatest power only began to show when I first made the choice to end the violent relationships and behaviors around my children; to give them something better, something SAFE!! In choosing to share my own story, I've also gone the serious extra step to educate myself through years of research, attending training opportunities, and collaborating with other advocate resources focused in human resilience and healing from abuse, sexual harm, and sex trafficking. Today there are experts digging deep to recreate help and healing. I've chosen to use my past as a way to inspire a greater good and; hopefully, somehow change the cycle of tragedy in our homes so that we empower our kids to live a more positive path. The best education we can give is healing our survivors of traumatic experiences so we understand what they felt then and what they wish they would have had available; those who could have and should have said something. We can change things for our life today, but best of all in healing our wounds, we give communities a supportive working strategy in assisting the people in our lives. One step at a time, one caring soul at a time, we can give them a path to changing our human society as a whole. This is a tell-all, which was written in the midst of my third nervous breakdown as I struggled to put all my distorted pieces back together, and help my children understand how the violence I tolerated against me invaded their well-being. My children have always been my world, but my behaviors, lack of healthy parenting and life skills, and an inability to remain stable have caused another generation of suffering for my grandchildren. This is a very difficult thing to watch and the continued tragedies that seem to keep affecting the choices in my family. Writing this book was only the beginning of trying to release all that has haunted me for so many years. I have finally removed his thick, cruel, coal-stained hand which trapped me in fear for decades. Those hands and his evil, her housemaid and caregiver; created a slave, and that slave submitted to horrific and brutal attacks but always felt it was her burden to bear. I lived with that hand holding me down, continually terrorizing and silencing, stealing my voice to protect their pure evil. Throughout decades the dysfunction caused by the chaos inside my head would affect every relationship, my children, and cast a shadow of darkness on everything good in my life. Living in the true spirit of freedom, I have now become a strong advocate against the life cycle of human destruction. If we want to control our life and achievements today, then we cannot live stuck in the tragedy of hardships and pain. Life is meant to be lived, to be enjoyed, to see what you can do and what you can achieve, to find out what is important to you. We all become adults. We all have a burden to bear. Stand up and keep moving, keep living, keep dreaming. You have two choices in recreating and rebuilding yourself. Do you stay stuck in the dark shadows of your past? Do you dig deep and find that spirit that kept you alive so that you can become the proud, strong, capable, resilient, kind human being? Which do you choose and how will that choice affect your children and theirs? We can be supportive, and provide resources and suggest help so that families suffering from addiction or past trauma can find a recovery balance to rebuild their family into a more positive life pattern. We will recover, we will rebuild, we will conquer the pains of yesterday to live in the true sense of life, freedom, and safety today. Patricia 'Trish' McKnight Author: 'My Justice' Fndr/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Alliance, NFP Mentor/Advocate/Speaker/Survivor

13 thoughts on “Encouraging their lives…..

  1. Perhaps the best thing we can give our children now is a self-realized, joyful, fully-functioning adult who took the hand that life gave her and turned it around and into courage, deep compassion and love and concern for others. We can’t undo our past or theirs, but we can live our lives as richly, empowered and lovingly as we can each as every day. I think that one way to do that is to learn to become tender with ourselves, to no longer beat ourselves up and to be compassionate and understanding with ourselves and our pasts. Thank you for so very bravely sharing and for not being afraid to say tough things. We don’t know each other, but from what I read that you write, I think that you are doing beautifully, amazingly, and i wish that there were more like you and I wish that I were more like you. Big hugs, Julie

    1. Hi Julie, just wanted to thank you so very much for your kind words and shares of the past couple of posts. It is always fabulous to make new friends and from what I can see on your blog, it is a very awesome blast of positive energy and insight. Thank you tons 🙂 trish

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    1. What a wonderful comment my friend, very cool 🙂 I do like to paint a picture for all with the words so glad to know you enjoy them 🙂 sending huge hugs your way, take care and always onward!!! trish

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