The wounds you can’t see…..

There are many different truths of being a survivor of trauma that I’ve shared in the past two years. Almost everyday I try to share something positive to empower others like myself, to inspire hope for a new awakening to the truths of the damage inflicted by the acts and the darkest of mankind’s evil actions against another.

As many of you are aware also, I spent not only twelve years enduring the vicious attacks, both physical and sexual, from my stepfather; the endless rejection from my family, but also twenty years of repeated physical attacks from FIVE separate men. This isn’t to say that only men are the attackers, it’s just what I went through. (There are thousands of women who are very aggressive and who need the power over others).

So now I look at where I am today. I always talk about living in your present. For most survivors, this means we have to TAKE CONTROL OF OUR THOUGHTS. We have to concentrate and keep them from getting sucked into the past. I, and many like me, deal with this every moment of every day!!! Try it for awhile, it’s not an easy task and it takes time to become good at focusing your energy on staying in the positive. It’s difficult enough for anyone in today’s world, but for someone who has gone through years of brutal trauma; it’s truly much more difficult. Not something I would wish on any other being.

How do I see myself right now?

1) My life is in a very safe place.

2) It is well supported (for the most part anyway). I really don’t have family or friends from my past that are with me now. There are a few who have come from my hometown of Freeburg, a few who I went to school with and their parents know mine. It is not their fault of what happened to me. Its not their fault they didn’t say something or question. They were kids like me and it was a different time in our world. Kids didn’t speak against parents and no one talked about abuse or violence in the home. Sadly this is why we have so many of us who are survivors now. The cruelty of our parents came from the cruelty and discipline of their parents. We live what we know and patterns of acceptable behavior are formed. However, there were many adults who had both a responsibility to question and the authority to help rescue. For today though my friends both who have come into my life through Robbie, and those I have made in the virtual world of social networking; these are the people that stand by me now and accept all I am today. This is huge for me. Never before have I felt like I didn’t have to hide from anyone or hide the truth of who I am and what happened. This is my empowerment and the strand of hope that guides me through.

3) My physical health is a wreck; multiples of vertebral and spinal cord traumas. I suffer from Syringomyelia, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Obstructive Pulmanary Disease, the early stages of Atherosclerosis, Neuropathy in my hands and feet from the spinal cord damage, which caused severe burning, stinging, numbness in my fingers and toes and heels. I’m not wheelchair bound, but not far from it sometimes. There are instant migraines that can hit by simply turning my head to quick to look at something. There are many days that it’s difficult to even climb out of bed.

4) My mental health is a constant work in progress. Do I feel good about where I am today? Yes, but there are still the lasting effects from the attacks. I go through cycles of depression. Most days are pretty good, but then one morning I wake up and all I want to do is sleep it away. I get startled very easily. It freaks me out when my dog pants heavy. These days I don’t feel the need any longer to lock the bathroom door, at least most times when showering, but I still get sudden sensations of my stepfather sneaking outside the shower curtain. When I run a tub of water, I am reminded of having my head shoved under and the attempted (almost completed) drowning at 19. This happened a lot with the first of my chosen men. There are moments and memories of all the attacks that stay with me.

5) The relationships with my children are strained at best. Things happened that placed them in danger, by choices of both their father when he ran with them and me with my different abusive husband/boyfriends. Their stepfather was in my life for either years and only the first six months were pretty. There was one that struck my teen daughter and I ended up in jail for punching him in the face. There was another that threw my daughter into a closet door as he tossed her away when she was trying to defend me. There were constant days of walking on eggshells for them and worrying about if they were too loud, left their toys out, if they stomped around too much upstairs. They had dinners of waiting for the explosion or waiting for the drunk to come through the door. It was horrible for them, how can I expect us to have a healthy relationship? How can I expect them to have healthy relationships and view their life without memories, flashbacks, triggers, repeated patterns of behavior and more?

So why do I give so much of myself to staying in a positive light? I know that with my health, I’ll be lucky to have another FIVE good years. I know this reality and Robbie does as well. It’s alright, I don’t worry about the day of dying; I worry about what happens after I’m gone. Have I given all I can to try to help others learn the importance of being decent, helping to rescue and support those who live with this trauma? Is publishing my story and being an advocate with true passion enough to tell my children how sorry I am for all they had to go through? Will I really be able to build something from all of the bad that’s happened so that I can provide some type of change for the future? All the years of pain have to mean something, it cannot be just because that’s what happened. It cannot be that a soul can be so destroyed and controlled by so many different offenders and live for over THIRTY years accepting these attacks; believing that you deserved each and every single one, this cannot be my only existence in this world.

Moving into 2013 I have shared the new website, http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com I have also shared our radio show will be starting NEXT FRIDAY!!! On Jan 04, 2013 – I will be broadcasting our first show and the other hosts will be calling in to announce their programs. I’m really excited about bringing all of this to one focal point. The website, the Survivors World support group, Generation No More, it’s all coming together and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve spent the greater part of the past two years trying to decide how I really wanted to help. This provides all I was aiming at doing before the Good Lord takes me away.

Staying positive for me is absolutely necessary!!! I cannot maintain any other way. There is too much pain and dark memories that climb into my world as it is, there are too many moments of my wanted happy life that have been disrupted already. I can’t let the numerous abusers of my past take away what’s left of my life. I will not allow myself to wallow in what has been, but instead my drive and my focus is aimed at what I can try to change. In my heart and in my soul I believe there are thousands of women just like me; beaten down from a brutal life of accepting so many violent attacks. There are some still living in these types of relationships, there are others who are still living in the silent pain of what’s happened. There are millions of men who are also finally finding out it’s alright to say, ‘I Hurt’!!! We do hurt, and it sucks, but do not give in and let them win. Please take back the happy moments you deserve in this life. You are not born to be a target of others. You are not given life just so others can destroy it. Every living being has a purpose on this earth. There is life inside every heartbeat. How can we pretend that all of this means nothing?

Hopefully all of you who read this will find one strand of hope written within these truths. It’s not easy to be us, it sucks to be one who was so wrongfully abused and had an entire lifetime taken from them. How can we not try to seek out that star of ours? How can we allow someone to endure this dark pain alone? Friends, there is no other option but to keep moving forward and continue putting forth the effort to live happy!!!

May your new beginning that comes with the spirit of the New Year, 2013; be one that you grab onto and live it for all its worth. May you know unconditional love and feel the friendship of those who see your inside self and still accept who you are. May you build dreams and chase them, create them, design them, and allow them spirit to fly. I’ve given my project the name Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery because I want to help others climb out of the cocoon of their past, no matter what that past has attached. If you are unhappy in life, there is only one person who can change what is. Spread your beautiful wings and become all that you were born to be. Find the you that lives inside and wants to now have their turn. We can all find reasons and excuses why we don’t chase after better happier ways, but it shows great courage to climb out from under all the sadness and pain; picking up the puzzle pieces of your life and building, recreating, the beautiful spirit within.

Here’s to giving hope and love to your dreams come true!!! May you walk proud and with glory for all you’ve overcome.

Be magical, Be you Smile

© Patricia A. McKnight

Advocate/Author/Speaker/Writer/Radio Host/Survivor

Fndr/Pres: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

My Justice’ – This is not about any legal form of justice ever received or charged in my story. The justice is in finally finding my voice and the courage to talk about all that’s happened; the impact it left on me; the cycle that moved forward to my children.

May you find peace and justice in speaking about your truth!!!

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What happens when the Fiscal Cliff hits already overwhelmed services? A time to DO SOMETHING……

As a final last ditch effort, our capital officials are discussing the pending Fiscal Cliff. There is no doubt that we will all see huge cuts across the board and it will hit each of us personally. You may have seen the news this morning about the call to discuss these issues by President Obama. Not only do we face the personal tax increase, but the other half of these discussions will cut spending allowances for Family and Youth Services; agencies, centers, shelters, these will all be impacted by what happens next.

It has been a pattern in our government cuts to hit those services who provide help, shelter, support and life rebuilding skills for those escaping abuse, violence, trafficking. As if these services aren’t already in dire need of revamping and accountability?

Our growing population, the need for housing, the economic break down we are already facing; all of this causes stress and rage within our family unit.

Most common you find two factors that will trigger violence and abuse within our homes.

1) Need for power over another

2) Finances

Advocates, agencies, social services who deal with victims of abuse and violence hear the stories every day.

A) He’s just angry because there’s no work and no money

B) The drinking has increased because of no money and the rage increases as a result.

C) It’s hard to deal with work and the kids always wanting or needing something.

D) I was overwhelmed and had an emotional break down, which led to my burst of violence.

As our government funded resources are cut and our own pockets feel the impact, there will be a greater need to help and provide support for our family members and friends who are dealing with an already difficult situation. Please open your eyes, listen with your gut and be strong enough to offer a source of hope and help to an abused, controlled, terrified victim.

Last year I became acquainted with two women who were making great strides in forcing centers/shelters to provide accountability for their services rendered and the decisions that impact these victims. Maria DiBari, head of Tri county Crisis Center and Alexis Moore, Founder & President of Survivors in Action; are on a strong mission to bring the use of government funds to these organizations in review. It was more than one service/center/shelter, who’s leadership was receiving a Six Figure Salary while victims were being turned away and sent searching for help.

Check out the amazing articles written, posted, shared by DVReform.org

As an advocate I’ve come across more than one or two who I’ve spent countless hours of internet searching, phone calls to agencies, and reaching across the net to other acquaintances/advocates to locate helpful resources for a victim. When the situation involved a child I was told they needed proof before they could act. When it was a woman, there was more than one who had to relocate, some two hours away and others into another state before we could find help. When men have come to me most often they are stared down, made to feel like animals, continuously turned away and denied assistance at all. There have been many victims who I’ve had to personally chat with, talk with, be the supporter and the guide as we work through escape, help, recovery, and rebuilding.

It is terrifying when I think of the explosion to come!!!

We must all make a decision to step up and help each other through. We must make a call to help rescue ANY CHILD in danger. We must offer a supportive shoulder or a helping hand to our family members and friends. Each of us knows a least one family in our circle who are presently living in an abusive or violent situation. We may not want to consider it our business, or even acknowledge that it is happening, but do you want to be the one to wake one morning and find out the someone you thought might be in danger has been beaten, raped, threatened with death, or MURDERED!!??

How abusive or violent does our society have to become before responsible adults start responding and helping as we protect those around us?

When the cuts come down the line, our society needs to react by helping each other. We must insist on services being provided to protect ALL CHILDREN AND VICTIMS. It is a time when the leaders, officials, law makers, and protectors should all be held accountable for their decisions and the salaries they receive vs. the help they provide.

As an advocate, I implore everyone who reads this to consider how this will effect our communities and the services already overwhelmed with victims. How can we, as a human society, ensure that we pass on a better world to our children? We must first give a crap about what is happening in the homes around us today and who is living in the midst of a nightmare.

Working together for the protection of all mankind is the only way we can change the path of our society. It is the only way we can teach our children how to respect another rather than bully over them or use weapons of deadly violence against them. Do you see what I see when you look around in your own community and what’s happening on our streets, within our schools, and unfortunately what starts out in our homes?

There is no way to help them all and protect everyone from another’s violence or disgusting actions; this is indeed a horrible truth. What do you think will happen in our society as funds are continually cut and leader salaries outweigh services; this is the question that scares me the most.

All the efforts from advocates I’ve encountered in these past two years have started a new wave across our globe. Now we are faced with another horrifying blow as our family economic unit is sure to be hit even harder.

I truly believe that only by stepping forward and caring about one another, especially our children, will we ever be able to change our path of human destruction. Let’s go back to when a stranger was offered help instead of being ignored as they starved. Let’s remember what it was like when one human being cared about the safety and well being of another. These are the basics we have lost.

In close, I hope this at least sparks some thought about those around you or maybe even your own situation. I hope in some way it reaches into your soul and begs you to rise into action. I pray that instead of continuing in the materialistic, self-centered actions, that have been a growing pattern in our society; that we can all find some way to see what we have lost and work together and bring back hope and inspiration of building better within our homes.

Every soul deserves a chance to live. Every human being deserves a safe place to lay down their head. Every child should be protected from the dark actions of another. Every breath we are given should be a chance to build our dreams without destroying the life of another.

Hope for building a safer world to guide our next generation!!! It is vital for us to see what happens behind the doors of our homes and within the centers meant to provide us help!!!

Another great site: Sanctuary for the Abused – talk about a hard look at what’s already been happening with our government funds and now to think of how bad it will get in the days to come.

You can also find some great empowering views from The Majority United, Founder & Director, Ms. Betty Jean Kling.

©Patricia A. McKnight

Dec. 28, 2012

Advocate/Author/Speaker/Talk Radio Host & Prod/Survivor

Founder: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

‘My Justice’ – Authorhouse/Amazon/Barne’s&Noble/Lulu

Paperback/Ebook/Kindle & Nook

Magical Merry Christmas wishes for all!!!!

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A magical Merry Christmas from me to you,
I hope you’re not at all feeling blue
Stuck in the thoughts of Christmas past
Perhaps some memories are searing and bad,

When you feel the sadness bearing down,
Let me share a few things to lift up your frown

This time of year can bring lots of tears,
Many may remember with fear
Perhaps thoughts to trigger those feelings lost
Swirling, reeling, through your mind they are tossed,

Don’t get caught in the trap as you ponder the how
Keep a tight hold of the love around you now

Grab hold of a smile from here,
Think of the laughter caught in your ear,

Take a little hug from there
See all the glitter swirling through the air

Take a breath, close your eyes and dream
Of the moments that make Christmas time gleam
There is no better time of year
To find magic all around; some there and a little here

Watch the children’s excitement grow
Watch the stars above you glow
Hold the magical moments tight
These will give you the power of light

You no longer have to fear, those times are no longer here

Those moments are gone, although some may be strong,

Tell the bad to let go, it is your time to grow

It is time to break free, open your heart and see

The beautiful star is glowing inside, there is no reason for you to hide

  Tickle your child; listen and hear
All the magic that is this time of year
Live, love, laugh & be free
Surely there is magic in that beautiful tree

This Magical Merry Christmas Wish
Is for all of you, from little old me
Here’s a smile and a hug to hold you tight
Your new beginning has now taken flight

Patricia A. McKnight

© http://www.survivorsjustice.com

© http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

Author: ‘My Justice’

get your E-book from just $2.99

available also in Paperback, Kindle & Nook versions

 

WArning!!! This blog and video are very powerful, heartbraking and may cause triggers for some. However, I share this for the important value it has to bring another survivor story to the surface. Our children are being murdered by those entrusted with their care, only mankind can stop this ongoing brutality against those who cannot protect themselves!!! thank you, trish

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This story was inspired by an opinion piece about Jorelys Rivera, a seven-year-old girl who will not open gifts this Christmas. If you cannot stomach graphic truth, do not read it, you have been warned.

It was December 25, 1968. A god lived in our old house, a god who didn’t allow his subjects to come from their rooms until he emerged from his. Christmas Day was no exception. He didn’t emerge until after lunch. Four innocent souls stood in doorways trying to get a peek at the tree or the little bundles of heaven wrapped in colored paper and bows.

The day moved on, the egg shells placed carefully to catch unsuspecting little feet were scattered with loving care. Their crunching sounds were barely audible, but screamed in our universe. Step on a crack, break your mothers back…

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Three Coping Skills Everyone Can Use–becoming your own thriver!!!

We all have something that has happened to darken our world, even those who are just regular folks and have never experienced any form of abuse or violence, still have something that has invaded their life with a cloud of bad memories. It’s really hard to focus on our present life when we have all of these dark thoughts around us; even sharing online with others and staying in the advocacy mission can keep these memories bouncing around and often they will overpower what is good.

It is painful to acknowledge what happened. To accept the pain and anger, the grieving and sadness is important to fully heal and process what has been buried for so long, but at the same time we have to remain conscious of our present day life in order to find the strength to get through this. I really find it is hardest during the beginning process of this because you have to accept the truth and come out of your dissociation and denial mode of living. There is a lot I’ve learned about living in my present life rather than being sucked into the horrible times of my past. There are many times during the days of being home alone with just my thoughts, when I find myself facing these memories. It’s during all these quiet moments of being alone that I have to work hardest at a practice I’ve been doing for about 12 years, DISTRACTING MY BRAIN FROM THE BAD!!!

The truth is WE CANNOT TAKE AWAY WHAT’S HAPPENED and sometimes it is very difficult to accept; even more so when family and loved ones shut us out, blame us, abandon us and turn away from the pain we carry. We feel as if we are in a cyclone of whirling emotions and don’t know how to stay grounded. It is indeed a tragedy of what’s been taken from you, what’s been lost in your world and the good others invaded. However, the hard part is realizing the world keeps spinning and you must find a way to go on with your life.

Finding ways to GO ON with life, doesn’t mean living in denial nor does it mean you are ignoring what’s happened; it means  YOU ARE NOW IN CONTROL OF WHAT HAPPENS!!! Yes, you have choices and you are in control of how this effects your life.

1) You can whine and wallow in the horrible trauma you’ve suffered and stay in the rut of darkness. However if you choose this place you must realize the world will not stop spinning and others will go on with their life; no one will stay in the dark world and you will find yourself sinking deeper each day.

2) You also may think you have the option to take yourself out of the picture because it is too hard to deal with, but let me assure you; THIS IS NOT AN OPTION!!! If you respond to your pain and allow it to control your world, then you may think the only way to beat this is by harming yourself in some way. YOU MUST NOT ACT ON THESE THOUGHTS!!! Suicide or committing an act of harm in any way is NEVER AN OPTION!!! You leave behind pain for those who love you; your children, their future, your spouse or partner; these are the people who want to be part of your life and want to make fresh happy memories with you, which will ease the pain of your past when you allow them to blossom!!!

(National Suicide Prevention Lifeline; when you need immediate contact with a voice!!! Please Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Do not allow the abusers of your past to have control over your future. Build something better for yourself. Chase the life you were meant to have and replace those bad thoughts with positive, happy, loving memories of your children or what you want to have in your life. No matter how difficult it may get, and it is very difficult at the different stages of acceptance and healing, but never allow yourself to be over powered by these dark memories. Never give in to the thoughts of being overwhelmed, reach out to connect with anyone when these thoughts begin to take control. You may not believe there are people who depend on you to make them complete and happy, but every soul in this world has at least one person who needs them and loves them unconditionally.

There is a lot we fear; a lot we are angry about; a lot of things can set off a feeling of panic, this is now just a part of who we are. No one can erase or change what has happened. Believe me I wish there was a way to make it all just disappear, but there isn’t. None of us can turn back the clock and what would you do if you could? You would still be that same person faced with the same fear, so why be stuck in that time?

It’s important for anyone who struggles with depression, PTSD, flashbacks, or bad dreams and memories to seek out what is good in their life now. A few important things to focus on, which may help you fight through:

1) Are you in a safe environment? Remembering that you are now safe and no longer have to fear another attack is vital. Although you may be dealing with painful memories or flashbacks of what happened, you can always direct your focus and control your thoughts to feel the area of safety around you now.

2) Who are those you can turn to when things feel overwhelming? Creating this list, complete with phone numbers, will give you a quick go to list of someone who can brighten your moment during your time of need. When you build this list take extra time to think of your partner/spouse; determine if you can talk to them about your darkest thoughts. You want to talk and help them understand why you bounce back and forth between happy and depressed times. It makes it easier for them to stick it out and support you or help you through.

3) What are the positives in your life now? You want to think about your life and where you are now. Not only are you safe and loved, but what about your ability to keep food, clothing, shelter, for you and your family. Our world is in economic crisis right now, so if you can manage those three vital parts of surviving you are doing much better than some others in our country. Many are without housing, hungry, out on the streets or living in their cars. Many do not have jobs of any form to keep a steady flow of income to ensure the necessities are being maintained. This is a HUGE POSITIVE for you and should be your main focus, especially if you have children. Also list any other positives about your life right now, such as; your professional success or the fact you have risen above any other person’s expectations. This meaning, you may have been beaten down to believe you had no value, but if you are in a career or professional status of maintaining your survival; then you have risen above what others may have tried to take away from you.

I realize this time of year is difficult for many of you, but if you are not focused on what is good around you now, then your bad thoughts will win control and the depression will become heavy. You must work at being a thriver in society, but that’s OK because everyone has to work at being a thriver. You are no different than anyone else in our society. Sure you have had bad things happen, or have family who continues to be offensive or battering to you, but if you really take control of your thoughts and where you are right now, then you become stronger with each passing moment and you will build your foundation for the life you want to achieve.

My wish for all of you at this time is that you see how truly strong you are. I wish for you to look in the mirror and see an amazing person standing there. A person who has climbed out of the darkest hole to see the brightness shining around them. A person who is stronger than anyone ever believed possible. A person who has overcome the challenges against them and have pulled themselves from the ashes of destruction and built a magnificent blossoming rose in its place. May you find a breath of strength to seek your own life and see your value, absorb the positive around you, and build fresh happy memories to replace the darkness of your past.

May you break out of your cocoon and spread those beautiful wings to fly upward to your new beginning!!!

Patricia A. McKnight

Author: ‘My Justice’

Founder/President: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

Join me in Survivors World by visiting the website above and completing the membership form. Both men and women who are victims/survivors are welcomed.

© copyrighted All information shared on blogs by Patricia A. McKnight, under the titles of Survivors Justice or Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery are held under copyright protections. Please respect the efforts to bring you this information and all that’s produced to help you succeed.

Thank you

What to expect on Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Radio!!

Announcing our broadcast shows & how you can get involved or support our programming!!!

Friends, Followers, Tweeters, Bookies & All……rainbow butterfly dreams

It is very exciting to share we are moving forward and will be sharing our first broadcast on blog talk radio with you-

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Radio

Jan 04, 2013 at 8 pm c.s.t.

Don’t worry I’ll be putting out the official link and invitation to our first broadcast. This blog is to let you know where we intend to go with the shows, who we are looking for to join us and more.

First off, to let you know we are looking for some other hosts who would like to take a night or two of broadcasting with us and share a specific show with our listeners. If you are interested in becoming a host, have a special show idea you’d like to bring to our programming; please contact me by emailing: butterflydreamsabuserecovery@gmail.com

It would be wonderful to have at least one male host and another female host join the team. Our programming is aimed at discussing all things related to family or relationship violence and/or abuse!!! We want to discuss mental health impacts, costs to our country to aide in the rebuilding and recovery process, coping skills to help you get through those bad days, education/prevention/awareness for our homes and communities.

We will also be discussing some items already initiated on the website:

1) Generation No More – Who are we and what do we hope to do?

Generation No More is a group we are building to speak publicly against all forms of abuse/violence against those we should love & protect; aiming at the crimes existing within the walls of our homes meant to protect us. Our country is coming a long way at a new awakening to the abuse/violence issues. Our media is getting more involved with sharing these reports and friends, neighbors and family are making the calls for help and rescue!!! We really want to keep this positive activity going and allow it to grow across the nation. We need to encourage everyone to get involved with this and let folks know;

‘If we see or hear an act of abuse or violence we will make a call to get help for anyone impacted or to rescue those within the home or where we see/hear these crimes committed.’

There are many who are now parents & grandparents; unfortunately, most of us know what it is like to have a parent sexually touching, raping, or using you for trafficking or other entertainment purposes. There are even more of us who know the pain our parents can inflict on us and then dismiss it by calling it ‘Corrective Parenting’. Those of us who experienced this manner of treatment know there is a huge difference between this type of brutal discipline and corrective parenting.

We also need to keep our voices reporting the violence from our partners, recording it and keeping record of the acts against us or those committed against our sons, daughters, neighbors, friends and co-workers. This is about never ignoring the signs of bruising or any intimidation that seems to be occurring. There are millions of, MOSTLY WOMEN, who know that horrible fear of being held against the wall by our throats, naked at 2am, because the husband/boyfriend came home drunk. Then to make it worse they pull a gun out and force it in your mouth or hold it to your head. Trust me, this happens during the nights of silence throughout many homes around our country. It happens to ONE in FOUR women and other forms of relationship violence happen to approximately ONE in EIGHT men – of course we can only go by the existing reports on file.

Reporting all acts of these crimes will provide better information for statistics, which then provides better information for economic impact, funding resources, education and mental health of our survivors.

Remember; these acts are cruel, terrifying; they change who the person is inside, especially if it is a child. Remember when you are with your friends the fact that at least 93% of ALL CHILD ABUSE occurs within the home of the child and by the parent or guardian of that child!!! As you look at your front door and you see the homes around you, keep in mind – ONE in FOUR homes are dealing with some for of abuse or family violence!!!

Generation No More is about no longer ignoring the truth of these actions and breaking the cycle of dysfunction and cruelty, which almost always passes forward to impact the lives of YOUR children and then to grandchildren. Why? Because it is a generational pattern of accepting these acts as normal; not seeing the destructive trained behaviors it creates in the victims and the lifelong mental health aspects victims are left to struggle through.

2) We will be bringing Survivors World to the broadcast. Many of you have probably heard me discussing the online support group I started back in Jan 2011. There is still the Facebook ‘secret’ group for women victims and survivors. However; I have also added ‘Survivors World’ to the website. The website group is open to both MEN AND WOMEN who have either been victims of child abuse and/or family/intimate partner violence, have a loved one who has been a victim, or perhaps you are trying to figure out ways to escape a bad situation. The group is about sharing information, building friendships with others like ourself, providing positive support, building goals and coping skills together; helping another soul figure out the best way to make it through and rebuild for their happiness.

You can join the online group by submitting the membership request form on the homepage of http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

The broadcast group will be OPEN PHONES for anyone to call in and discuss a specific issue of your experience or ask for a resource of help to escape an abusive relationship. I WILL NOT BE SHARING NAMES ON THE AIR!! Whether you share your true identity or not is strictly up to you, but I will never ask you to release any of your personal information on the air!!!

I hope you will feel at ease, whether male or female, to join us for the online group and the on-air broadcast of ‘Survivors World’

(If you are a women and are interested in joining the ‘secret’ Facebook group, please message me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

If you have taken a few moments to view the pages of our new website; you may have noticed the ‘Resouces’ page. This page holds about 20 references of help and support. Mental Health support with foundations and survivors. Recovery through connecting with Authors and Survivors who are helping others through blogs or groups. There is Creative Arts Healing Oraganizations and Survivors. We want to give you not only information to educate you about Child Abuse, Relationship Violence, Parental Abduction & Human Trafficking; we want you to have multiple resources of organizations, foundations, survivors, authors, bloggers and more to help you get through and understand there is life after abuse.

Your happiness is waiting for you to reach out and grab it and all of us deserve to have safety within our homes!!!

What I am also asking is; if you have a local or state resource in your area that you would like to share for others…..please go to the FORUM DISCUSSION on the Generation No More page and leave the listing on the discussion started by me in the ‘News’ topics!!! We want to share resources around the globe and list all links of help to encourage awareness, provide rescue, empower our parents with the ability to help their children and themselves get through the aftermath of abuse/violence.

You can also email me your local/state/global resource by sending it to butterflydreamsabuserecovery@gmail.com

**Special Note** The Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Talk Radio is looking for supporters to help us share a premium broadcast for everyone. You can be a supporter for one month of programming or a year’s worth. In return for the support/donations to help our premium broadcasting; we will give you a prerecorded commercial and share it during our broadcasts. We will also announce your organization, promote it throughout the month; help you advertise for that month with special interviews and announcements!!! 

If you are interested in becoming a supporter for the talk radio programming and want to find out more about the advertising benefits for you or your organization, please email to tricia.mcknight@hotmail.com

I really do look forward to joining back in on the talk radio programming. I’ve truly missed connecting in voice with all of you amazing listeners. You each have a very special story to be respected and recognized for all you’ve endured. You each have a very special voice that deserves to be heard. We all need to help others by being that extended arm to hug them, support them, guide them, and most of all cheer them on!!

Here’s to the very exciting New Year 2013 and how we can change the generational behaviors of mankind to encourage a brighter, safer world for our children and grandchildren.

Thank you for taking the time to read my posts and to share any of it’s information with others. It truly all makes a difference and we need to make a very big difference in the world to come!!!

Sincerely,

Patricia A. McKnight

Advocate/Author/Speaker/Blogger/Talk Radio Prod & Host/Survivor

Founder/President – Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Founder/Mngr – Survivors World Support Group Online

Creator – Generation No More

Author: ‘My Justice’

Contact Information;

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

tricia.mcknight@hotmail.com

butterflydreamsabuserecovery@gmail.com

survivorsworld2013@gmail.com

Available for Speaking/Writing/Interviews ……                       41 vspIdtUL__BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA278_PIkin4,BottomRight,-62,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_

 

Missing and Throw Away Children vs. Abuse Factors and Risks

 

                    Pulbished Article in MPN.com back in Feb 2012……..

Feb. 13, 2012 – original writing

Missing Children and Abuse
Written By: Patricia A. McKnight
Author: “My Justice”

Recently I was approached about writing an article on the relationship of abuse and our missing children. When I first began to look into the many different aspects involved with abuse and the “Missing Child”, I was astounded by the numbers of our youth who are affected and the many different reasons provided. First, let me explain that I found quite a few sites that provided information on this subject, but I’d like to outline a few of the most reported reasons before proceeding.

1) Missing Children can be the result of parental abduction
2) Missing Children can be taken by a stranger or some other predator, (maybe even one they trust).
3) Missing Children can be the result of fleeing the fear of abuse, sexual assault, or confrontation with their parents.
4) Missing Children can be the result of outside influences, such as: gangs, bullying, drugs, or temptation from peers to challenge their parent’s authority.
5) Some of the reports of missing children are related to what is referred to as “throwaways”. These reports are usually made by someone other than the child’s parents.

All of the above issues came into play when doing the research for this article. However, according to the National Runaway Switchboard (NRS; http://www.1800runaway.org/) report provided for year statistics of 2002; “The exact reasoning for why a child leaves home is hard to determine because many of them do not reach out for help.” This report is based on the children who call the hotline number to be provided with a safe place from our streets and those who prey on them. The young children who make up the largest portion of these cases reported fleeing because of abuse. It seems that an astounding 1.6 to 2.8 million youth, age 12-17, escape from the fear of those around them each year. The NRS found 77% of these children, both boys & girls, reported fear of physical or sexual abuse prior to leaving home.

This is phenomenal to me and these stats are a bit outdated. I find myself curious about the new number of those living in shelters or making the call to get help from our streets. What is even more astounding to me is that their report also shows at least 50% of our homeless youth are what they refer to as “throwaway” children. These are children who were either told by their parent to leave or told their parent they were leaving but no one seemed to care. I can only think of one way to actually bring you into the mind of these homeless children and to what their world must be like, that is by writing the below opinion for you to consider.

If you could sit for a moment while reading this article and imagine that you are a young child. Let’s say about fifteen years old for the sake of this experiment. Also, I would like you to think about your own demographics as a mid-teen. Was your home low income? Was there a great deal of tension or anger inside your home? How about your parents? Was one or both of them abusive or neglectful towards you? Did they get involved with your daily life? Did you have dinner as a family together in the evening? Was it a time of healthy discussion or was it quiet with little conversation about what you were dealing with at school or with existing peer pressures? How about drug use? Was it discussed openly? Did either of your parents provide you with the positive support and guidance that a teenager so often requires?

Hopefully you have the picture of your own childhood and your home environment in your thoughts. It is now that I want you to take the pressures of your childhood and multiply those issues by ten. This will allow for the 10 years of growth in our society since you were that age and these above statistics were provided. Consider the added pressures of our youth today with the gang influences; the continuous cyber bullying that plays into their daily life. Add the stress of parents to keep a decent income within the home and the often requirement of both parents to maintain a job outside of the home. How about the increase of single parent households or the many parents who are on medications relating to their mental health and possible emotional scars from their own abusive childhood?

We have now created a vision for our teens living in the new age of social development. You might often see a teen that appears to be having problems and brush it aside, but have you taken time to consider what might be troubling that child? At least 80% of the total number of homeless girls, who reached out for help in the study from 2002, reported being sexually or physically abused. This isn’t to say that young boys are not a factor in this situation, but the larger reports of sexual abuse came from girls. Many of us know that girls, especially between the ages of 9 to 18, are at a higher risk of being sexually abused; but that risk is only about 1 in 4, where boys are at a 1 in 5 risk of being sexually abused within this age range.

The impact of the silence surrounding abuse leaves a child feeling desperate, alone, broken by those they trust. Imagine a child being so terrified of those who are entrusted with their every day care. They are forced to keep secrets of being raped or molested for years. Perhaps they are even terrified with a serious threat of death from their abuser. This is a cruel start to their young life and we are forced, when they leave home to the streets, to think about the severe impact of the abuse they’ve suffered.

When a child is abused within what should be, the safety net of their home, it will leave them to doubt their own self-worth, which often leads to the use of alcohol and drugs to help bury that personal shame. It is way too often that the traumas of these crimes are brushed aside and rather than deal with the damage they are told, “It happened, now just get over it”. That is an impossible feat for a child. Many of the adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse, on average 60 million, are living with what they often refer to as “A lifetime sentence”. Even if the child gets support and is helped to understand the sexual crime, they are still often left with the long term affect and will undoubtedly be troubled in their adult relationships; some may be so severely traumatized that it requires years of therapy and daily personal struggles to overcome. There is nothing to say that a person ever recovers from the trauma of sexual abuse. Most often they can come to terms with the situation, but will still be plagued with nightmares and flashbacks, which can be triggered by certain smells, music, a kiss, a touch, colors; everyday types of basic daily living can cause panic or anxiety for decades. It is estimated that about 32% of all abused children will attempt suicide before they consider running away to life on the streets.

The crimes of abuse against our children have become, and are now, a pandemic situation. We hear it on the news and read it in the papers every day. Most often, however, it doesn’t gain our attention until a child is found brutally murdered, either on the streets as a runaway or in their homes by someone who is supposed to love and guide them through these difficult years. More often than not these children will leave home to escape being abused, fleeing for safety elsewhere, but then are taken in by pimps and predators who at first will lead them to believe all is well but then push them into prostitution, sell them into sex slavery; some may be kept prisoner by a predator for their own personal satisfaction. This is the cruel reality of our children who are so broken that they are left with no choice but to run for their own protection.

We must as a society, take on the responsibility of protecting all of the children around us. They have such an extreme amount of pressure to keep up in school with technology and advanced learning. The new age of social media leads to an increase of being lured away from home or added bullying from their peers online. Our homes have become a view of how much can “I” own to show a certain status in society. In this challenge, or need, to earn more and gain more our children are left with little of our attention to show them a positive support system in a home that is loving and, most importantly, safe.

In the end there are more and more children running away, become missing or are even throwaways because of our blind acceptance of abuse. The growing number of these children cannot all be helped and supported by the volunteer programs or the state and nationally funded programs. This reason is simply because of our country’s financial breakdown as a whole. The allowance for state and nationally funded programs are being cut continuously. Sometimes this is because of misuse of funds, but mostly because of the constant budget cuts, of which we all are aware. The volunteer programs cannot be sustained if our neighbors are all out of work or having their own incomes cut in half. It is a crucial time to step up in our country. Whether we like it or not there is a dire need for vigilance against abuse and a simple nature of caring for another, especially when it comes to our children. This simple attitude of caring can create a great change in the number of our missing youth.

It is time to realize the constant pressure they are under and the many ways that they can become influenced to go in what seems to be the wrong direction, which without a support system, can leave them to run away and fend for themselves. This is like giving them to the wolves and saying to ourselves that some must be sacrificed. No child should ever have to feel that deep pain of being abandoned by the family who should provide them with unconditional love.

There should be no “throwaway” children in our society. Each and every child deserves the benefit of knowing someone good in their circle of life; someone who will protect them, support them, guide them, and most of all want them to grow in a healthy loving manner. They should have the possibility to become a very important person, perhaps creating a cure for the largest disease that plagues our society; not cancer, but instead the violence around them. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we had a way to promote and create kindness and love towards each other? A simple way to change the pandemic of child abuse, runaways or throwaway children is by truly starting in our homes and actually caring about the children we bring into this cruel world.

***References:

1) NRS Statistics on Runaways from Peer-reviewed Journals and Federal Studies     http://www.1800runaway.org/)
2) Suicide Risk Among Abused Children/Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on August 4, 2008 http://psychcentral.com/news/2008/08/04/suicide-risk-among-abused-children/2685.html