Highest Praise for Author Lynn C Tolson

Tolson 4 Tears; Lynn C Tolson Reviews ‘My Justice’ – http://beyondthetears.blogspot.com/2013/07/tolson-4-tears-reviews-my-justice.html

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Recommendation for Author/Advocate, Ms. Lynn C. Tolson

In these last two years it has been a great pleasure to meet and interview some of the very best devoted advocates. One of these incredible advocates is Author Lynn C. Tolson, whom our first contact originated from her autobiography, ‘Beyond the Tears; A True Survivors Story’. Having first communicated with Ms. Tolson during an interview on Dreamcatchers Talk Radio, I researched and read her intense story of child abuse, child sexual abuse, rape and the aftermath of the broken adult survivor. Her story opens up at the age of twenty-five as she contemplates suicide due to the mess of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, along with many other related emotional dysfunctions. However, it isn’t until she goes through the process of therapy to break through the barriers of understanding the many confused emotions, when finally she realized how all the pieces begin to fit together.

Her memoir, published in September 2003, is one of the first survivor stories to be shared at a time when only a few had challenged breaking down the barriers of silence about lives tormented from the impact of Domestic Violence, Sexual Abuse, Physical & Emotional wounds, which she finally pieced together as the deep embedded scars from all she had endured as a young girl. Her childhood home was chaotic with broken dysfunctional parents and a terrorizing father who’s only shown emotions were that of rage and sexual destruction of his daughter.

As you read this powerful memoir you are taken through her recovery from the madness, the life lived in self-destruction from alcohol, drugs, and constant thoughts of suicide. You walk with her through regaining her strength as a human being, reclaiming the life taken and invaded by the ever so present violent and abusive actions that had existed since her beginning. Ms. Lynn C. Tolson had finally found her healing courage, which has led now to her mission in life; telling her story in all its ugly truths and empowering others with the belief in their own power to heal. In publishing her story she leaves her soul vulnerable to the general judgments and condemnation from a society trained into the ever so present heavy silence about these horrendous crimes within our homes. Thankfully as Lynn has shared in her own words many times during our chats, ‘Writing her story to help others find their way is simply a labor of love’, but in this path she has found also a blessing of peace from the treacherous journey of rebuilding her inner self.

It is in these last six months that I have become quite close to the voice that had been so strong. She had quieted back some not sure of her ability to truly make a difference; however, this is one true survivor who has resurfaced with the spirit and determination not only to talk about her journey, but to create a program that is educating society about the connections between Rape & Suicide.

Author/Advocate, Lynn C. Tolson, has published a synopsis on the relative connection between these two topics. Her devotion to helping survivors find their way through to reclaiming their true life in the spiritual, physical, and emotional healing is a non-stop mission. Lynn’s education in Social Services led to her created program, Research 4 T.E.A.R.S., which she presented at the Annual Social Work Institute, held at Missouri Western State University in Saint Joseph, MO, which was also published in an article of the National Association of Social Workers Missouri Chapter Newsletter.

This was her new beginning, this was her found path; the path intended and embedded within her soul. She now gives her expertise and her voice as she shares her study, TELLING EVERYONE ABOUT RAPE & SUICIDE. Lynn has brought all that she went through in her healing to a published study on the correlation between these two entities. Having reviewed many cases and studying the destruction and desire of suicide, she found there was a distinct connection between the sexual assault and sexual abuse of a child to the ever present thought of suicide. If you think of the many broken souls of adult survivors of childhood rape, molestation, and even the cases of adult rape; you will also find most if not all of those affected by this crime have also contemplated or succeeded at taking their own lives. She has given the world another conclusive fact concerning the deep impact of these crimes. Many studies have been provided by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, and also by the National Institute of Mental Health, which I have studied long and hard in my own healing path and what I wanted to pass forward to others in education and prevention. Ms. Tolson’s relative connection study of these two factors is another study which should be shared and published around the world.

It is with the highest respect and a personal sister survivor spiritual connection to the amazing work of Ms. Lynn Tolson, that I gladly submit this recommendation for her studied program of education to be shared, but also as a survivor myself encourage everyone to read her memoir Beyond the Tears; A True Survivors Story’. I would also recommend that survivors who are struggling today review the information supplied in Ms. Tolson’s study and perhaps you may find a glimpse of your person in the aftermath and destruction felt by the impact of these many silent, but soul murdering crimes.

You can connect with Author/Advocate, Ms. Lynn C. Tolson, through many of our social networking sites. I also highly recommend that you take the opportunity to read her blog site, which provides the published article of the Rape & Suicide Study, the many links to her memoir, and a huge collection of reader reviews, which just on Amazon alone you’ll find at least 50 or more who have given their Five Star recommendations for her journey of reclaiming her life in the aftermath of a lived filled with pain and terror of a child, young woman, who has grown strong and found her happiness; her own true freedom from abuse and sexual violence.

Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story: Welcome 2 Beyond the Tears

Recommendation by: Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight

Author/IL. Cert. Advocate/Speaker/Talk Radio Prod & Host/Survivor

Founder: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Talk Radio Programming

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery

Think you know about child abuse? Hear it from the voice of a child.

Another brave voice sharing their story of the evils lurking about in the homes intended to protect us. These survivors should be the teaching path for society today. We can no longer turn away and pretend not to know about the impacts of these crimes. Let no child suffer these cruel actions. Stand up and intervene, let them know they are worth the effort to rescue, give them hope & help for recovery and strength. Thank you. Read ‘Dear Teddy’ by JD Stockholm!!!

JD Stockholm.

Think you know about child abuse? Hear it from the voice of a child.

Free for five days.

teddy new 1

Little boy little boy,
Curled in a ball.
I know your secrets,
I know them all

I write in my journal as much as I can. I talk to Mr. Ted. He is my only friend. He understands when the bad man comes. He holds my hand when I have nightmares and my mummy doesn’t hear me cry. Mr. Ted doesn’t tell. He won’t say when my daddy hurts me. He keeps my secrets and my stories. I love Mr. Ted. He is the only one who loves me back.

Amazon.com

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An Open Letter to the Mainstream Media

Most definitely a must read blog to ‘Mainstream Media’

Queen Victoria

Mac and WillDear Mainstream Media,

I know we haven’t exactly got along in the past, but I’m just writing to let you know the status of our relationship is now in an emergency zone. I’m no longer just pissed off. I’ve reached the point of contempt. It’s not like I didn’t already know you were a broken-record narrative, full of bias, inaccuracy and completely anti-balance, but now I have a fictional model of just how good you could be if you gave a shit. And this just makes the reality of your inadequacy even more obvious. Yes, I’m watching Aaron Sorkin’s Newsroom and it’s completely depressing.

Since you probably haven’t watched Newsroom, and if you have you’re no doubt laughing it off just like your biggest defender, @sclark_melbs, calling it ‘fictional’ and ‘drama’, I thought it might be timely to let you know you could really learn something from this television…

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My skin and her neglect

Friends I’d like to share a very personal part of me with you. Many of you have heard me talk about the severe neglect of all basic human needs and caring, which I endured throughout twelve years while living in Freeburg Illinois and attending the same school district for six consecutive years. (I dropped out in my sophomore year so that I could go to work, hoping to find some escape).

The video I’ve uploaded here was just recently taken so that I could share in a few direct press contacts I’ve made, which if you’d like to forward to anyone please do so. It would help share the message in a big way!!!

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Thankfully after leaving home and being able to bathe the sores and infection cleared right away, but sadly the scars never will. This is my constant reminder of hell!!!

The inability of being able to safely bathe in my home led to the horrifying scars you are about to view. At the age of twelve I made the conscious choice not to bathe and be trapped in his most favorite torture room. My mother would never intervene and ask him to leave me alone, as I’ve shared she had given me to him like property when they first married; I was five.

We had excellent health insurance and all medical would have been provided had she chose to do the right thing and at least take me to see a doctor, but I rotted for four years before that ever happened. It wasn’t until just before quitting school that I was finally taken to a dermatologist for evaluation. By then the dirt crusted deep in every crevice of my body and what had started out in a rash had then ate away at my almost every inch of my skin, which you’ll see what has been left behind.

No medication or treatment was given after the doctor did his biopsy for testing. We were given a jar of Ucerin cream and sent on our way. I don’t know what the doctor said to my mother, for he took her in another room when he was done checking me. I do know that she berated me the entire way home about how ashamed I should be because I look like that, how disgusting that you don’t even bathe, do you know how bad you stink, how dare you embarrass me like that, on and on and on…..  

 

My parent’s both worked so the money in our family was pretty good, at least for those times. He was a certified electrician with the coalmine and she a bartender, having left the restaurant then. We should have had what we needed in the house with just five of us there. Hell I supported myself and three kids on much less than this in the 90’s. However, it seemed my parents couldn’t even afford toilet paper or tooth brushes, let alone sanitary napkins and such. You see where I’m going with this right? It was horrible conditions and there was my older brother and younger sister; but I was the target child. The child who did the cooking, laundry, cleaning, child care, and also had to tolerate the beatings, molestations, rape, exploitation, trafficking and whatever else he could think of.

When ‘My Justice’ was compared to the incredible work of Dave Pelzer and his autobiography ‘A Child Called It’, that somehow gave me a sense of validation. It meant that finally someone had heard my voice and all the pure evil that was my world. It didn’t surround my world, because there wasn’t any form of Domestic Violence or other such things going on. It was just them using me as their property and not seeing me as a human being or deserving of human needs.

So as embarrassing and shaming as this short clip is, please don’t leave me negative comments or degrade me any further than has already happened. This is to share how the entire community all turned away from what they saw with their eyes and could not ignore. The girls in the locker room at gym class all witnessed the disgust, whispered, pointed and shamed me. But hey, isn’t that what kids do?

The teachers and parents all made sure to avoid any contact with me for fear of catching something. The girls were told to stay away from me and the boys were told never to date me. This was my hell and almost everyone in the community played a part in someway. It is those adults that I hold responsible. You don’t see a child covered in this type of disgust and do nothing. Especially the school system, the law enforcement and others who had the authority to intervene.

Where the hell were you people and why in the world didn’t you say something? ANYTHING???

A ‘Higher Power’ can help abused children recover.

Once again the excellent Dr. Nicholas Jenner has shared his expertise in the hope of providing recovery and hope to those survivors of childhood abuse and nightmarish acts of hell. As he shared the quote by Alice Miller ‘soul murder’ and taking back our power through forgiving but not forgetting. Moving on from the cage of abuse and finding your life of happiness, inner peace today.

Once again the excellent Dr. Nicholas Jenner has shared his expertise in the hope of providing recovery and hope to those survivors of childhood abuse and nightmarish acts of hell. As he shared the quote by Alice Miller ‘soul murder’ and taking back our power through forgiving but not forgetting. Moving on from the cage … Continue reading A ‘Higher Power’ can help abused children recover.

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Recommended bloggers and resources of help

Recommended bloggers and resources of help

Friends this link will take you to the blogger spot which I fail to use as often as I should, but wanted to share some of those incredible friends I’ve built bonds with in this mission of awareness, education, and vigilance against all forms of abuse. I do hope you’ll check out those listed and see what they are sharing today and tomorrow. Perhaps you’ll follow what they’re doing and make new friends as I have. Perhaps you’ll also check out our radio programming on Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio by visiting http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery – We are NOT JUST ANOTHER ABUSE RADIO PROGRAM!!!With only 70 broadcasts under our belt we have an incredible 22,939 listens to the shows already!!! I’ll be broadcasting every Monday & Wednesday evening and our new host Debra Mize brings her Life in Transformation broadcst of Metamorphosis to the show. We are also looking for a MALE HOST to join our team. If you are interested, please contact me at butterflydreamsabuserecovery@gmail.com Thank you for supporting our programs and we hope you check out and use the website!!! Remember to hit those share buttons as we all are hoping to rally our voices to end the crimes of abuse and violence, especially those within our homes!!!

Three Men and a …….Me

Dads giving their very best to be the shining example of tender, kind, supportive, these are the dads who indeed deserve wonderful wishes always – passing it forward 🙂

Out of The Dungeon

So, I was thinking about Father’s day, which I really loathe for me.  I wondered if I would discuss all the men my mother had married.  I wondered if I would discuss all sorts of things that would really not build anyone up.  I came up with another plan.  A better plan, at that.

There are three men in my life who have shown me what a real daddy is supposed to be like.  I love each of these men, and if I could have ever picked how I wanted a dad, I would have chosen something about each of these men to make a “whole dad.”

The first man I ever met who, literally, was the perfect father was Dan Harley.  I had never known a man in my life who was such a good dad.  He loved his children regardless of what kind of messes they had gotten…

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Writing tips from author EL Farris

From the incredible author, E. L. Farris and her award winning title ‘Ripple’ in adult and now young adult format – check out the amazing writer tips this author is sharing to help you become the next great self-published author!!!

http://p.atcontent.com/CPlase/869390839751999L6.text/

Silence is not a lesson we should be teaching

As the attention in our country continues to circle around Mental Illness our media has increased their reporting on these issues. This morning my local news, KMOV News 4 Awake Reporter Laura Hettiger provided such a report. In her most excellent talent, she shared the St. Louis County Police Department’s actions to develop a special team; Crisis Intervention Team. This details at least one officer on every shift in St. Louis County is undergoing a special training course directly related to defusing a situation they respond to that involves a person with mental illness.

The C.I.T. program provides direct training for intervention to communicate and talk with a person to get them help. This was actually influenced by the escalation of shootings and such occurring in our area. The officers are trained on how to talk with the person in an attempt to calm them and prevent escalation into a more serious or deadly act of violence. The person is then taken to area hospitals where they can be seen and treated before a determination is made. Truly I think this is a wonderful step in preventing the outbreak of serious crimes as our warmer months begin and the tempers escalate into something much more dangerous. As many advocates & centers are aware, the heat has a very adverse reaction on tempers especially within our own families.

I’ve done a few write ups about mental illness and the direct relation to abuse or violence. There is more and more data being shared about mental health and the correlation with these forms of direct traumatic personal violations. Since I suffer with some of the mental health problems myself; P.T.S.D., Generalized Anxiety, and off and on Depression; I wanted to address this once again. I also personally know a few people who were perfectly fine until traumatic sexual assault or abuse was inflicted and now they suffer with some of these same illnesses, but also a few others have gone into extreme cases where Bipolar, Schizophrenia, Clinical Depression have been diagnosed a few months or even a few years after the attack.

The National Institute of Mental Health and Center for Disease Control and Prevention both have studies on this topic abuse and violence directly impact our brain function and the trauma of survivors. The recent attention on mental health has prompted new studies to begin by advocacy organizations as well. I do believe the ongoing attention of our mental health and faulty healthcare system will hopefully provide updated reports to better enhance services within the next few years.

The direct impact of abuse or violence has a high relation to the many diagnosis of mental health prominent in society today. In her report Ms. Hettiger shared alarming numbers of statistics known at this point; 1 in 5 Americans suffer from some form of mental illness. This is 20% of our society, which means most of us know someone who is suffering with some form, even a slight form of mental health issue. I’m not saying that all diagnosis are related to abuse; I’m merely pointing out the direct impacts of abuse and violence proven related through various studies today.

One way for me to explain this better is for you to think about our military. Our men and women have to undergo exams for physical and mental health before being accepted into our armed forces. Once determined they meet the guidelines, they are then sent into war zones and will serve anywhere from 3 months to a year or more in constant high alert and life threatening situations. In these battle zones they hear gun fire, watch their team members get blown up by buried bombs; many loosing limbs or even their lives right in front of them. As we are realizing today, more and more of our veterans are coming home with deep emotional trauma resulting in their difficulty settling back in with general society and the ‘norm’ of daily behavior. Many have rage outbreaks because of the flashbacks and nightmares. Many are constantly haunted by the visions of what they endured. This is a concern for all of us, especially those many millions directly related to these incredible soldiers and war heroes. Our society consoles them, we offer friendship, support, any praise we can to let them know we want to help them and give them great honor for the battles they’ve fought to protect our freedom and the rights of humans in other countries; which of course I feel is exactly how we should honor them..

Sadly however, there is one war zone of constant high alertness and life threatening situations which general society hasn’t been so easily acceptable to understanding yet. This is the war zone that exists within our own homes every day. Men, women, and especially children are living in this same intense threat of being harmed, beaten to death, raped, tortured by those who should guide and protect them; those these victims love most in the world become the repeated violator of their personal wellbeing. Our homes become the most dangerous place in the world as relative to our lives.

According to the Children’s Bureau report for FFY 2011; 80.8% of reported cases of child harm violators are the child’s parent or parents. In only 2.1% of the reported cases is it a stranger who has harmed or murdered them. Even more grave is the fact that 78.3% of Child Death is directly related to abuse from a parent; calculating to be 906 DEATHS BY A PARENT for that one year alone. Keep in mind this is reported stats only when it is clearly documented on the death certificate as to the related cause of death. Many of these murders, like with Domestic Violence, are not properly documented. Also to note that 85% of abuses against children and in relationship violence is NEVER reported.

Along with this report and the studies by N.I.M.H. and the C.D.C., we have proof updated as early as two years ago as to the growing severity of abuse and violence within our homes and the extreme emotional trauma as a result of these epidemic crimes. If we are willing as a society, to accept the emotional wounds of our war heroes, veterans, then we must also accept the studies for the extreme trauma of the abuse and violence; supporting those who have survived these battle zones.

Throughout centuries we have ‘TAUGHT’ silence and acceptance to our kids and the victims of Domestic Violence or Sexual Assault. We’ve shamed them and shunned them; blamed them and silenced them because we could not accept our own refusal to help them and place the shame on the perpetrators; most often because it brought shame to the family. Let me ask you this; if we tell our kids they deserved the extreme beating as discipline or that sex between a parent and child is normal, then why is there so much shame and silence placed on the victim? Is this because we cannot accept our own guilt in the acceptance of these actions? Since we as family members and close friends cannot see that our own blindness and our ‘TAUGHT’ acceptance of these actions result in a greater emotional trauma on the victims, then in a sense we have to accept our portion of blame for the growing rate of mental illness related to these crimes in society today.

There are five easy steps we can take to be pro-active in the measure to help ourselves, or a family member or close friend cope and rebuild from the impact of these attacks:

1) Accept the truth of how the acts of physical and sexual abuse against ANYONE at any point in their life impacts their emotional and mental wellbeing; specifically the severe after-affects of these crimes and the cross-wiring of our normal brain functions and emotional responses.

2) Understand how PTSD, Anxiety, Depression directly affect our emotional behaviors. This allows you to pick up on the subtle signs of an action or reaction, which enables you to better help that person through the moment or guide them to resources of counseling or medical care.

3) Always report an act of this type. Encouraging victims to get help or call the police, rather than enforcing silence and acceptance.

4) Ask our healthcare system to provide not just a pill for the primary diagnosis, but to research the root problem and help provide services for healing and rebuilding.

5) Most importantly DO NOT SHAME THE VICTIM!! Do not say or ask inappropriate things in which places blame on the victim. These acts themselves have a long centuries old enforcement of blaming and shame, so its imperative for us NOT to act or react in this manner; but instead show compassion, empathy, understanding of the deep trauma caused and the suffering of the victim.

It is possible for society to help change what has always been TAUGHT in the silence and acceptance of these crimes, which they are indeed crimes. If we encourage those harmed to begin healing by releasing themselves from the burden of secrecy about past acts against them; teaching talking because this is always the first step to recovery from any form of trauma.

Also teach children today that no matter who is harming them, extreme acts of ‘so called’ discipline or any form of sexual contact by an adult, their parent, a sibling , or any uncomfortable touching by another child or adult, is never a secret and is never acceptable. Teach them they are allowed to tell someone; even when the abuser tells them it is a ‘special’ secret or threatens harm against them. The only way we will ever be able to battle against the pedophiles in our society is to be sure it is prosecuted as a crime and that the victims feel encouraged to tell someone rather than be manipulated into secrecy. The secret is what helps hide the pedophiles and beaters in society today. They attend our churches, teach our children, they babysit for us; they are most commonly the parents of these harmed children!!

Empowering society to become involved and better able to be the supportive person needed, we can begin to change our world and the pandemic rates of abuse and violence throughout our families. We do not have to accept these actions any longer. We can learn from the generation of present day society, and the past generations of silent victims, letting their experiences be our teaching guide. This allows us to help rescue and reduce the impact of this trauma by providing early intervention; thus reducing, at least on some level, the continued growth of mental illness in the United States today.

If you or someone you know has just been physically or sexually assaulted:

1) Do not shower or change your clothing, there is crucial evidence on your person.

2) Call 911 or your local emergency response right away. It is necessary to report the attack and have the formal charges brought against your abuser.

3) Go to the hospital and get a physical exam, which may require a Rape Kit. The hospital will document the attack, photograph and provide necessary medical care.

These 3 STEPS are difficult at best, I understand that, but they are necessary to prevent another attack and to allow for the victim to be provided the proper resources and intervention needed to help them recover. Please be a friend and help these homeland war heroes who endure vicious attacks every moment of every day right here in our own country. Thank you

 

©Patricia A. McKnight

Author: ‘My Justice’

Founder: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Advocate/Speaker/Talk Radio Prod & Host/Survivor

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

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