A Child the Town Forgot

promoblkwht

Hello;

May I please ask for just a few moments of your time to read this message & view the short two minute attached video? Any consideration is hugely appreciated. http://youtu.be/0Rpt_oHU5NM

My name is Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight and I am reaching out to find an organization or person who will help me continue the healing journey forward.

Why I am contacting you….

There are many thousands of survivors of past abuses & violence speaking up today about the horrors of their past. In our society it seems we have become almost numb, trained into tolerating a certain level of these attacks within our homes. Today, I am trying to break this silent barrier!! Myself and many other advocates work online and in our communities constantly helping those who’ve been harmed to find their way out of the cloud of madness and finally find their own path in life, letting go of the pain to soar into their future. So now, I am contacting any and all who have the power to create change in our society. You have this power and you can encourage many others to stand with the survivors, rather than blame the victims. We were children left by the tolerated generational acceptance to these acts, but we no longer have to teach our children this tolerance. We can change how these crimes are looked at & prosecuted today. We can change their future by empowering them with voice. Erin’s Law has paved the doorway for us to teach our children about sexual abuse, but are we teaching them? Are we teaching them to speak up no matter who is harming them; even if it’s their parents. As most of us well know, these acts are most often done within the walls of our own homes. The families don’t want the embarrassment of the public’s knowledge so they put on the best front possible to the outside world, but when the door to our home is closed, then only the victims know how dark the evil can become.

You see, my family didn’t put up any kind of false front at all in our rural community, there was no perfect family life on the outside of our home. It was simply that my stepfather and his vicious temper were so well known that my mother got away with placing herself as a victim, but I know that she was never harmed by this man. Instead she gave him her oldest daughter, the child she had with her second husband and the one she used as a house slave, a family caregiver, the family whore.

A bit of my history; I grew up in Freeburg, Illinois, which used to be a small town American coal mining community. My time spent there was most of my youth from about 1969-1983. I know during these times things were much different than they are today, but not that much has changed in our rural areas, nor our cities when it comes to abuse & violence within our homes.

Sadly, I was the child a town forgot, a town dismissed, a town ignored and today I carry the emotional wounds & the physical scars because of the fear of my stepfather’s evil. At the age of five he first viciously molested me while my mother was at her bridal shower preparing to marry him just a few weeks later. This attack was done while he was babysitting my brother and two other neighbor boys. He enjoyed that he could be evil with an audience to watch and it just got worse from that moment forward.

At the age of nine my mother walked in early from work and found him in bed with me; completely naked with his erection ready to be inserted. At eleven he began offering me out to other local men at the town’s bars for the price of a couple of beers. I was just twelve years old when he brutally raped me with the barrel of his favorite shotgun, my younger sister & older brother were downstairs watching their favorite television show. By the time I was thirteen the people of Freeburg didn’t see a child being sold out, brutally attacked, ignored & neglected from all forms of medical care & human kindness; they saw the girl who was used to excite their husbands, too well informed about sex for her age. In short, the reputation I had at this very young age was simply put as, ‘The village whore’ and this reputation would stay with me throughout my teens.

My mother would not protect me from him, although she knew exactly what was happening. She wouldn’t stop him from trapping her child in the bathroom every time I tried to bathe. He used his ugly games to teach me how to wash the right parts of my body; this started right after they were married. Mother also refused ANY & ALL forms of medical care or basic human needs, even human kindness for her own daughter was something she just couldn’t allow herself to do. She used her daughter as her housekeeper, babysitter, family caregiver, cook and willingly sacrificed her daughter so that she would not have to tolerate the sadistic needs of the man she chose as a husband.

By the time I reached thirteen, I had already taken my own small step at protecting myself when I chose to stop bathing, sounds disgusting I know. From the age of twelve when he wouldn’t leave the bathroom and mother wouldn’t chase him out as she sat downstairs hearing me shout out for her help; this is when I took that horrible choice and never bathed again for almost FIVE YEARS. Think about this please, just for a moment, a young girl beginning her periods, growing through puberty, used as a house slave, given as property, sold to local men for their enticement & wandering hands; even her own family still see her today as HIS WHORE and not the child who needed rescued from their evil cruelty. The small town of Freeburg left me to grow in this hell; filthy, rotting, and disgusting.

I attended Carl L. Barton Elementary school at the early stages of his evil attacks, which haunted me in the bed I shared with my much younger sister. His almost nightly visits were predatory and his thick coal stained hand clamped tight around my mouth to prevent so much as a whimper from seeping out. The next day at school my homework was never completed and the teacher’s would berate and belittle me, calling me stupid, lazy; making a point to direct attention my way. They were disgusted by the child whose skin was rotting away; encrusted filth covered my skin, my teeth plaque covered and broken black fangs dangling in my mouth. Almost everyone avoided physical contact in fear of catching whatever was eating away at my flesh. You’ll see a brief video attached above which shows the scars from the infection that covered almost every inch of my skin. My breath was rancid, my body horrifying and with an order as bad as the breath from my mouth. Simply put, I carried every single sign of wicked abuse, neglect, disgusting hygiene, a reputation that was built from being traded out; the local daughters were not permitted to hang out with me and the sons were not allowed to date me. I was garbage and EVERYONE in our small American town knew who to call when I did something wrong, they knew who the parent’s of this rotting whorish child were, but not ONE SINGLE PERSON ever asked so much as a question about my well being. Not one single teacher ever said a word, not one single adult man who attended the late night parties at our house for years ever said a word about the girl they used and then discarded; not one young school mate who came to the house parties filled with marijuana & alcohol, accepting the forced oral sex and handed this filthy girl as a toy ever said a word when they saw me in school the next day. It seemed all those years not one single person, not family, not neighbors, not even our local law enforcement or the many who came for the fun; I MATTERED TO NO ONE and THEY LEFT ME TO ROT IN THE HOUSE OF HORRORS.

The life I lived when I left my childhood, was one filled with self destruction; lost, confused, alcohol & marijuana addition, then into more than 20 years of almost deadly relationship/domestic violence. My three beautiful children born to my first husband had no choice but to grow in the shadow of a broken abused mother. They hid in the closets as my second husband violently beat me and on more than one occasion almost killed me. This evil of violence & abuse which took the voice of the little girl so long ago, then invaded my children’s lives and it took me until their mid teens to finally break away and slowly build a broken, but safe, existence for them and for me.

Today, people have referred to me as a ‘Hero’, ‘Conqueror over Abuse’, and even a ‘Freedom Fighter’, however I’m just simply doing what is now deeply engrained in my soul. I, along with co-founder Michal Madison, are presently building a nonprofit organization to help provide knowledge, understanding, and help for families, victims, survivors & communities who have been harmed or are dealing with some form of abuse; Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery the website Steps to Recovery, along with the community outreach broadcast of Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio, which has built a huge social following and reached over 30,000 listeners is turning into a great success – bringing awareness, enlightenment, empowerment, support, hope & faith for the many millions of survivors & advocates around the world.

I’m so grateful to say I’ve been doing a number of crucial speaking venues’; one recently with Dr. Elaine Alpert; an educational speaker for the Division of Global Health & Human Rights.

This was a chance to empower healthcare professionals to take every opportunity to question the safety of everyone who visits their offices; they may not get a second chance to save a life or rescue a victim. Coming up next, on the 19th of Sept., I am giving a two hour training presentation at the Victims Rights Annual Conference in Bay City, Michigan; invited personally by the Prosecuting Attorneys Association of Michigan.

Thankfully, by the grace of Creator, I am alive today to share hope & help for the many who are still living trapped in the silence of these crimes.  I’ve published my memoir of hell, in the story ‘My Justice’, built an incredible talk radio program, and am now moving forward with building the official nonprofit status for Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Talk Radio Programming. I am here to encourage others to stand up and say something, protect the children within our families, within our neighbor’s homes, and never let another child be so ignored by a community that they are left to rot in the evil within their home.

Thank you for any time you have given this message and plea for your attention. I’m grateful to be able to speak up and help others know their life after abuse is possible. I am grateful that I have finally found love; I am finally safe, and although I carry the physical & emotional wounds, although I carry the ugly scars & broken teeth; I am still alive!! I am building dreams in hopes that one day we can end this tolerance and begin teaching the true value of our children’s lives. They are not simply objects to be used, beaten, raped, sold and stolen away. We can inspire hope & help together, connecting hearts & holding hands around the world.

Respectfully,

‘Trish’ McKnight

Patricia A. McKnight

p.mcknight@charter.net

butterflydreams@charter.net

Phone: 618-304-7438

Author: ‘My Justice’myjustice_patriciamcknight

Exec. Director: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Talk Radio Programming

12156430-butterfly-dreams-abuse-recovery

Website: http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

Talk Radio: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery

Educational & Empowerment Speaker

Survivor & Emotional Health Abuse Recovery Research

Survivors World online support group

Blog: http://www.survivorsjustice.com

Linkedin: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/tricia-mcknight/39/2a8/753/

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

**Believe all things are possible with you in the active equation** ~trish mcknight

art designs by: Michal Madison, Watercolor Artist for the Abused

©Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery 2012

Published by @ButterflyTrish

I am a survivor of over thirty years trapped inside the silence and brutality of Family Crimes, Child Sex Trafficking, and a life lived pattern of tolerance for over 30 years in almost murderous relationships. In Feb. 2011 I chose to publish the truth about what happened in our home, the community around me, and the learned patterns of self-hatred and tolerance which became such a huge factor in my life. My life today was built through publishing 'My Justice'. I never would felt worthy of life, breathing, love & respect with first healing myself. There were many things the traits and tragedies that influenced my life seemed to control everything inside me and it was nothing but sadness and fake emotions. Only by facing the horrors I went through, the choices I made as a woman & mother, then relating to the greatest guilt I have; how the trauma behavior has affected my children's lives. It's my hope to help others get through their battles, regardless of the type of trauma because when we hurt our lives are forever changed. This graphic, violent memoir is NOT SUGGESTED FOR ANYONE UNDER 14 years of age. It discusses the permanently wounding life and the cycle of destruction that held me in expecting/tolerating ridicule and violence in my adult relationships. This truth was published to inspire others to take an in-depth look at their life and behaviors as a result of their past. Connect the dots of your rebuilding in understanding the pattern of adult choices in coping addictions, parenting, and partners; even affecting our careers and self-sustainable life. I'm so honored to have 'My Justice' used at the collegiate level for psychology classes, upcoming therapists and educators. Today my life is very blessed. I'm finally safe, finally truly loved, finally feeling the magic of what life is supposed to be like. My greatest power only began to show when I first made the choice to end the violent relationships and behaviors around my children; to give them something better, something SAFE!! In choosing to share my own story, I've also gone that serious extra step to educate myself through years of research, attending training opportunity, and collaborating with other advocate resources, abuse, sexual harm, and the experts digging deep to recreate help and healing. I've chosen to use my past as a way to inspire a greater good; hopefully somehow change the cycle of tragedy in our homes so that we empower our kids to live a more positive path. The best education we can give, is a survivor of traumatic experiences who can use what they felt then and what they wish they would have had available; those who could have and should have said something. We can change things for our life today, but best of all in healing our wounds, we give communities a supportive working strategy in assisting the people in our lives. One step at a time, one caring soul at a time, we can give them a path to changing our human society as a whole. This is a tell all, which was written in the midst of my third nervous breakdown as I struggled to put all my distorted pieces back together, help my children understand how the violence I tolerated against me invaded their emotional well-being. My children have always been my world, but my behaviors, lack of healthy parenting and life skills, and an inability to remain stable has caused another generation of suffering for my grandchildren. This is a very difficult thing to watch and the continued tragedies that seem to keep affecting the choices in my family. Writing this book was only the beginning of trying to release all that has haunted me for so many years. I have finally removed his thick, cruel, coal stained hand which trapped me in fear for decades. Those hands and his evil, her housemaid and caregiver; they created a slave and that slave submitted to horrific and brutal attacks but always felt it was her burden to bare. I lived with that hand holding me down to terrorize and steal away my voice, holding me captive in the dysfunction of the aftermath and casting a shadow of darkness on everything good in my life. Living in the true spirit of freedom, I have now become a strong advocate against the life cycle of human destruction. We cannot live stuck in the tragedy of hardships and pain. Life is meant to be lived, to be enjoyed, to see what you can do and what you can achieve, to find out what is important to you. We all become adults. We all have a burden to bare. Stand up and keep moving, keep living, keep dreaming. You have two choices in recreating and rebuilding yourself. Do you stay stuck in the dark shadows of your past? Do you dig deep and find that spirit that kept you alive so that you could become the proud, strong, capable, resilient, kind human being ? Which do you choose and how will that choice affect your children and theirs? We can be supportive, provide resources and suggestions for help so that families suffering with addiction or past trauma themselves can find a recovery balance to rebuild their family in a more positive life pattern. We will recover, we will rebuild, we will conquer the pains of yesterday to live in the true sense of life, freedom and safety today. Patricia 'Trish' McKnight Author: 'My Justice' Fndr/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Alliance, NFP Mentor/Advocate/Speaker/Survivor

4 thoughts on “A Child the Town Forgot

  1. Hi Trish, I watched your powerful video & saw your survival scars. I read your amazing life journey & can only say I’m humbled to share this earth with such an amazing spirit. Keep up the good work. I wish you & your girls an amazing journey full of fabulous surprises. From one survivor to another, much love XOXO

    1. Hello Kriz, thank you so very much for your wonderful supportive words. Indeed we walk this earth together, and every single spirit who has been harmed by the evils of their parents should be heard above all others, we are the teachers of the next generation, we can empower them with the tools to protect themselves and their own children from the impact and trauma of these life altering crimes. My heart goes out to you, your words are so appreciated, my story is there only as one of many hundreds who are sharing today. I simply pray that somehow it will all make a difference in how we prevent this within our families today. big hugs, many prayers, much love ❤ trish

  2. Wonderful Patricia , You are one true Angel of strength
    and we love you dearly , I am trying so hard to accept that
    my three siblings are gone due to the effects of horrific ,sadistic severe trauma
    abuse and i think my mind is getting so tired just thinking how could people
    that were there to protect us were there just watching , dear God please keep Patricia strong and well because i am not right now and i know i will get there it is just not my time yet, thank you lord for lovely Angels like Patricia, Sending hugs your way always Maria Ortiz.

    1. Maria, dear angel, I so appreciate your prayers and support. Please know that I am here also to support however possible. If you need help or if I can do anything at all, please send me a message through email or facebook, I assure I will do whatever possible even a listening friend can create a huge change in our lives. my best & many hugs for your ongoing healing & strength, May you find your way dear friend ~~t

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