Neighbors helping Neighbors in 2014 Resolution for Change

http://youtu.be/JU-c-3G1R_U

018 Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com    

Resolution for Change!!

After the Christmas holiday and now things are looking into the New Year, 2014 is quickly approaching. Have you given though to your New Year’s Resolution? You know, those list we make out every year and hope to achieve completing at least one of them.

This year I am asking you to think about a different type of resolution. A resolution that is not just a good way to help yourself, but also a great way to help your neighbors and empower your community teen involvement. In our environment, be it an apartment complex or a community neighborhood, we may not want to admit there is a problem with any type of abuse or violence within our homes and our family unit, but during the holiday gathering you just might have been triggered by something which made you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

Maybe you have a memory of something that happened to you? Perhaps you have seen rage or violence break out during family gatherings or you saw something against another person in your circle? Maybe you heard fights or even cries for help in a neighbors house?

There are many generations of families, which have been trained into the acceptance and tolerance of cruel actions from others within our family. Yes some of these actions are to be expected within this unit; however, when it comes to getting attacked in some physically violent way or being sexually assaulted or touched without giving your approval; these are things which we do not have to tolerate. We can change the teaching we have accepted throughout centuries and begin to teach our children to respect, not only their own rights to be safe & feel safe, but also for the rights of others. We can empower them to follow the moral decency and inspire kindness among their peers.

When we teach our children to look out for their friends at school and whom they socialize with, we are able to empower them with confidence and a sense of community pride. They begin to feel as if they are part of something, that something is the better safer world we want to give them tomorrow.

Please talk with your children, age appropriately but openly, about the actions of violence within the family unit and inappropriate sexual contact. Teach them to watch out for their senior neighbors who may need help or emergency assistance. Teach them to watch out for younger children out playing in their yards or in our community parks; at school events, sports activities. Teaching them to keep their eyes open and be ready to intervene in some way. It is by talking about these actions which most often happen in secret; behind the closed doors of our own homes and in the houses of our neighbors, being honest with our children today is the best way to teach them about defending their own rights as human beings and protecting themselves no matter who may be harming them or someone they know.

As a radio host & crisis/peer support advocate; I’ve talked with hundreds who have endured severe sexual violence and physical battery in their homes, by members of their family. We know by the reports reflected by our National Child Abuse and Neglect Data Systems collected from every account, that most often parents are the offenders of child maltreatment. We also know from reports that Domestic Violence is perpetrated by both male & female offenders. We know that the offenders of these types of crimes are only protected by the forced silence within our taught family unit to tolerate and see past these crimes. However, when the victim is old enough, ready to face the dark secrets of crimes committed against them, that might seriously have impacted their lives with the after effect of trauma; these victims will eventually speak out to some person. It may be a therapist or counselor, it may be law or another family member, but they will speak out. You can begin to tell the offenders in our community that only secrets protect them from being prosecuted, so when someone reports the crimes they will indeed have to pay the price for the harm they have caused.

I would not want to be the one who allowed a sexual predator around my children, or other children, to be later held accountable for never reporting the crime and for the harm caused to the child from forced and unacceptable sexual contact.

Think about your New Year’s Resolution and how we can begin to change the past and mend our family unit. It is love that binds a family together and that love should not be destroyed by the secrets of harm we have been taught to ignore. Be the beginning of change in your family and make a different kind of new year’s resolution this year.

 
Resolution for Change
Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery
Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight
Breese, Il
Advocate/Author/Speaker

Radio Prod & Host

Survivor

Founder/CEO

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Devils of my childhood no longer protected

No More Secrets!! It is your shame not mine, it is your crime, not mine. The most popular blog for 2013. Wow, incredible the support for this final secret. thank you to one and all who have supported me through every step of this journey. I am so very blessed to have you in any part of my life. Be blessed and always those wonderful Butterfly Dreams!!

Patricia McKnight ~~ My Justice

? Why did I call it a ‘novel’ rather than the truth of what it actually is, an AUTOBIOGRAPHY? It is every possible memory I have held deep inside for years, the memories that trapped me in a world of darkness.

for me to call it a novel; it was typical of me to put myself much lower than any other deserving being; I WAS TRAINED THROUGHOUT MANY YEARS THAT I HAD NOTHING ANY OTHER PERSON WOULD BE INTERESTED IN HEARING. I HAD AN ENTIRE COMMUNITY ABANDON ME IN THIS HELL FOR TWELVE YEARS, SO THEY DROVE HOME THE WORDS OF MY PARENTS —-

. Mother you let everyone believe that you were the victim in that house, that you had no control over what happened and poor little you had to deal with the drunk, but I know the truth!!! TRUTH – he was putty in your hands. He…

View original post 1,249 more words

When parental alienation becomes grandparent alienation

 

If you know me at all, then you know I am quite open and honest about the aftermath of life as a result of all the brutal acts. Yes, I know that we have all come through some pretty horrific histories. However as I have looked into the lives of so many others like myself, seriously trying to find someone whose life has been ripped apart as deeply as mine; I still have not found anyone impacted by these issues of violence and rape in the same ongoing tragic way.

Perhaps I am just feeling sorry for myself right now because of the holidays, but seriously those who know me know exactly what I’m talking about.

There has been huge amounts of joy in my life, even with all the horror. My children of course are the ones who have provided the greatest of those joys. However, these days there is always at least one of my children, at all times, who feels in some way that the ugly lies their father and other paternal relatives filled their heads with during their younger years is true.

There are many times in the present when I wonder if their father thinks at all about what happened during those four years when he had them and the ongoing years when I raised them? Does he think about how he was able to completely destroy this incredible magic bond I felt with my children when they came into this world? They were my babies dammit, and he and his family who stood by him and allowed this all to happen had no f’n right. I was a great mother and my children knew that I loved them.

Do you think the family realized the damage it would do to the positive Mother/Child bond my children and I shared?

No, I was not perfect at any time, but they all knew I loved them and I would never have done anything to harm them in any way. He also knew taking my children and destroying the bond we had was the only way he could do anything to hurt me at all, it just didn’t matter what he did anymore. I was done with all of it. Still today my family, my children and grandchildren, are so far away I’m not sure if we will ever be able to truly connect.

‘D’; you got what you wanted, you destroyed it all!!! You infected their lives with your dysfunctional thinking. How dare you put my children in that home or in that woman’s care. How dare you steal them away from me and take away the one true love I always thought I would be able to call mine; those whom I had nurtured and loved would at least care enough to show some form of love for the mother who fought each day simply because they needed me to be there. 

It is because of his lies about my abandoning them; permitting him to steal them away; to keep them away from me and to run with them again after I had relocated for the specific reason of maintaining some form of contact with my babies. It is all of his vicious lies because he couldn’t handle that I didn’t want him any longer, so he used his rage and his need for control as a weapon to destroy the incredible loving bond I had with my children.

My kids do not see the real me as their mother; they see a woman with that name tag. I am not worthy of that connection, that special bond, that respect.

There are times when I feel like I am no different than the stranger down the street with them. If anything goes wrong in their life I am, and have been for years, the first one they call; especially for one child specifically. However, the holidays, birthdays, any day at all; this is when I often hear F**k you  or I hear nothing at all. It is another Christmas time and again, no one is around and the only contact I get is ‘What are you sending out for the kids?’

Most often they play the game of holding back contact with the grandchildren. The one grandson I was able to talk with briefly on Thanksgiving, it had been 3 or 4 months since I had talked directly with him, but his mother felt the need to call me crying through her depression every day; and I was there for her through all of it. Never did I turn her away not in these past 10 years since she became pregnant have I ever been the one to turn away from her at all. When I got the chance to finally chat with him I found out his world was in turmoil.

Again now, they have cut off all communications. They use their children against me just as their father used them. They cuss and swear at me, they condemn me in front of their children without a care for the disrespect or destruction of another generation of my own blood. I am so sick of this crap invading the lives of my blood. How dare this shit still go on.

My children are not babies any more. They have a brain and they are old enough to make their own decisions about the mother I was or wasn’t. If they would take a day to think about all we went through together and really remember the bond we had as a family, not too long ago. Where in the fuck did it go? What the hell have I done to deserve another generation turned against me as a person. My grandson and I had an incredible relationship together until about two years ago. This is when I was told not to tell him ‘I love you more than the whole wide universe’. That was something I’ve always said to all of my children when they were little. We sang when we went shopping together. We played with toys in the store together. We laughed together and yes we cried together, but it was a family love. Now my son rarelyif all even talks to me. My daughters, well we won’t even go there because of all I’ve said already, I’m sure you get the picture.

When does this insanity end? What is it going to take for me to mend this broken bond?

Parents your children are not pawns in a chess game of power and territory. They are human beings who should be loved and empowered to become the very best people they can by as many around them as possible. What in the hell is the problem if no one is being abused or harmed in some way?

Courts when a child is in the middle of this type of revengeful battle, you are supposed to maintain the child’s best interest, not condemn based on the amount of money or the attorney standing in front of you.

Do you know that I took pictures of my son’s little 7 yr old ass to a judge because in 2nd grade he had his ass beaten with a leather strap called ‘The Dancer’, the same strap their father had been beaten with. Let alone the times I was allowed to pick them up for visitation and one would have a bloody nose the other a handprint across the face, or some kind of smacking around because they were arguing. He told my children; ‘I beat you because you are bad and you deserve it’, this is what they still believe today. A punch in the face to my 14yr old for touching a weight set in the garage. 

Kids, when will you stop believing in all his lies and see what your life was really like?

Do you remember the Santa Claus who made sure to bring ‘The Dancer’ with him on Christmas Eve and if my children were biting their nails, or misbehaving in class, then they received a couple of mild swats with that same strap. What in the hell type of crazy ass impression of Santa does this leave on young children who have been stolen away from their mother? What in the hell kind of people make this impression of Santa on a child?

YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE NO LOGICAL REASON TO HOLD MY GRANDCHILDREN HOSTAGE FROM ME AND USE THEM AS A PAWN IN YOUR SICK GAME OF POWER!! I am so tired of having to play this game. Be careful what you say and do because the kids will keep the kids away from you. NO not any more. Those babies may never know what kind of Nana they have. I know at least one will have good loving memories and I hope they help him through. I pray all of you children see your mother for who she is and who she has been to you throughout your entire lives before the chance to heal is gone forever.

The more I try to do to help my children through all of our past issues, I am simply ‘the crazy lady’, the emotionally disturbed woman who is always over reacting. I’m sure if they read this they will also think that I am again just ‘over reacting’. It is a knife wound they have made deep in my heart and today they just keep twisting it to make sure they know I hurt in some way. It really is as if they are not happy when connected with me, nor have any clue as to how to maintain a regular Mother & Child relationship.

I am so desperate for any recognition from them at all that I would appreciate even a simple text or any form of menial connection from them.

How is it that the one who put them in harm’s way, the one who has hurt them physically & emotionally, the one who never once supported their dreams or told them how well they are doing, how proud he is of them; yet this person who literally STOLE THEM AWAY all those years ago has left this deep of a wound in our relationship. I do not know if there is a way to repair all the damage that’s been done. It is the deepest abandonment I can feel.

Maybe because of my not being there to rescue them when they were being harmed the worst, they want to be sure I feel what they must have felt.

I tried to have that witch arrested for what harm I heard she had done to my children, as soon as I found out!! Funny it was their father whom she called and it was a meeting with him when he told me about helping her put her family back together, but he had left her not because of what was happening but because she also cheated on him; that’s what caused him to finally get pissed enough to leave. 

Dearest Creator Above, you know how hard I’ve tried to mend all of the pain in their lives, but today I am still the one they choose to shut out.

My oldest child remembers the day that I suddenly wasn’t there any longer. He remembers standing there in his ‘Woogie Boogie’ footed pajamas, waving to me as I waited for a cab to pick me up and take me to work that morning.

Our relationship, although I’ve tried endlessly to mend it in many ways, still not one single child cares enough about the woman who gave them life;  the one who dedicated the memoir about the impact of her childhood wounds and the grief of how it impacted their lives; she is not worthy of their respect, their love, their connection for the person I am.

How tragic things can turn out no matter how hard we try sometimes. I’ve looked at my life over and over again. I’ve dissected this over and over again. I’ve tried to see where it all broke apart and why they treat me like they do. I’ve allowed for them in some way because its how they always saw other people treat me, so maybe they feel its just a habit or they don’t see it as a problem at all which is even much worse. I just know that the only thing that ties me to them at all is the word ‘Mom’ rather than the affection you normally feel for that person. I’ve never beaten my children. I cried when I had to correct them, it broke my heart to see all the pain they had gone through.

All I can say at this point is I am so tired of this crap bleeding through my family’s veins. I must find a way to heal these wounds and give my heart some peace before my time here is done. I don’t want it to be after the fact that they realize later, how much I truly loved them and supported all their dreams, stood through all their challenges and even accepted their outrages and anger over all the pain.

I am done feeling guilty for what has happened. I can’t go back and change how things happened then. All I can do is be me in the moment today. The me who is now a devoted voice against these types of harmful actions, especially within our family unit. We always hurt those closest to us and our relationship has paid the ultimate price.

May Creator above find a way to help me bring a resolution to this heartbreak I’ve had for so long. I can’t stand one more holiday season or one more day knowing that I am being shunned away from my grandchildren now all because hey it is so damned easy to shut mom out, its what we’ve always done. She’s just a figure in our lives. Why should they feel any respect or kindness for me at all, they were not raised with those values instilled in them by anyone, except of course by all the acts of love & care I’ve given throughout all these years. I am lost. I am abandoned. I feel very alone. I pray for strength as I wait for this storm to pass.

Wondering if it ever really will?

Thanks for reading, hopefully it helps connect with another soul out there somewhere who is also dealing in this same painful reality. What happens when our children become the ones who emotionally & verbally disrespect and abuse us, shut us out and then use dangerous words to alienate the precious babies we should be cuddling and enjoying rather than begging for just a five minute phone chat so that you can say; ‘I love you and I’m still here.’

Much love, prayers and always those Butterfly Dreams

 

 

©Patricia A. McKnight

Dec 2013

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery.

Seriously friends, have you seen our face-lift over the weekend, its really pretty cool!!

Check this out – “Do you know there are presently about 50 million survivors of Child Sexual Abuse in our society today? Do you know that at this very moment, every moment of every day, there is a proven statistical ​ (1 in 3) children who are being harmed in some form? You can check the facts yourself through our published report here – Child Maltreatment Report 2011” – come on pass it around, PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT HOW OFTEN THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!! WHY IS NO ONE CARING OR PAYING ATTENTION? We are but one of the great resources of help out there. No matter where you go for help or empowerment, training or intervention; the key is to be active and help prevent this ongoing cycle within our human society. Check out all of our information, listen in to the radio shows with me live every Monday & Wednesday evening at 8pm central time. Begin teaching our kids to protect themselves and their community, be part of the ongoing mission to end the tolerance of violence and unacceptable child sexual contact within our families. Be part of #ResolutionforChange in 2014!!! Thank you for visiting our site and please check out our online store. A full catalog of special gifts and items to be used all around. All proceeds benefit Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery and other great organizations.

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery.

 Great news to share!! Please come on over, check out our facelift and share away, Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery!! ‘You just took the very first step in changing your life or inspiring someone else to begin their own healing journey’ – Enjoy and OH YEA!! – CHECK OUT NEW & AWESOME ‘Shopping4Survivors’ – YOU CAN SHOP FOR CHRISTMAS AND HELP US CONTINUE ALL WE DO TO HELP VICTIMS, SURVIVORS, FAMILIES & EMPOWER COMMUNITY PREVENTION!!

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery.

 Great news to share!! Please come on over, check out our facelift and share away, Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery!! ‘You just took the very first step in changing your life or inspiring someone else to begin their own healing journey’ – Enjoy and OH YEA!! – CHECK OUT NEW & AWESOME ‘Shopping4Survivors’ – YOU CAN SHOP FOR CHRISTMAS AND HELP US CONTINUE ALL WE DO TO HELP VICTIMS, SURVIVORS, FAMILIES & EMPOWER COMMUNITY PREVENTION!!

Recovery in the aftermath of hell

 

butterfly dreams logo                MyJustice You can & will recover

You hold the tools to change your life beginning right this very moment!!

IMG_6807     Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight

Author/Advocate/Key Note Speaker/Radio Host/Survivor

Founder/CEO; Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio

Always believe anything is possible with you in the active equation~~trish mcknight

As a person rebuilding your life after someone has taken your value there are a few things I would suggest doing to help you through.

1) Make a list of long term goals; You can start by creating a list of long term goals, such as I want my education or to build may career in abuse recovery. This will give you and end goal and when you hit this mark you will see yourself as a true thriver, not just a survivor.

2)Make a list of your daily goals; This can be anything from cleaning out closets, going to the grocery store, or checking into a school to begin those classes to keep you as an employable person, which then makes it possible for you to earn a paycheck, pay for housing, food, clothing, vehicle or other transportation. If you have had to relocate to escape your abuser, moved away from your parents or your abusive partner, you may want to have your goal list include such things as; applying for work, finding an apartment, apply for assistance through the state to help with shelter and therapy services. These daily goal lists are important to keep you going. You will see yourself checking off your accomplished tasks, doing silly little things by yourself and getting them done teaches us that we CAN do and CAN succeed at taking care of ourself, supporting ourself, and you will begin your life over again.

3)Start a Positivity List; this list is important for you to realize the good in you as an individual. You want to take a good look at yourself, not necessarily physical traits, but more about your inner person; such as, I’m nice to other people, I have good manners, I have good hygiene, I can accomplish my daily goal lists. These little positives will help you when you rebuild your self esteem from that inadequate sensation your abuser drilled into your head. Many times our abusers have to strip away our value and make sure we are dependent upon them, so we tend to lose sight of what is good in us. Make your list and add one new item to it each day!!! If you are around family and friends who support your healing, it is good to ask them to write down one thing they see good in you. This helps you to see that others have value in you as a person, so you don’t feel as if you are all alone in believing your personal worth.

4) Learn About Your Wounds; It’s important to understand how the abuse has effected you in other ways and learn to recognize the wounds you carry inside. There are many levels of emotional damage that come from the abuse. Every abuser is different, while they may have many of the same traits, their abuse is carried out in their own dark ways. This means that not every survivor is effected in the same way. We are all different souls with different tolerance levels. While one survivor may be able to walk out the door of their abuser and never look back; others may hang onto the abuser because of the deep need for parental approval or because you truly loved that particular partner; when it was good it was good, but when it was bad it was evil type of thing.

Having gone through multiple abusers and relationships myself, there have been different reactions to the leaving and rebuilding, recovery aspect. Each abuser left different wounds from their emotional degradation, control, battery, rape and attempted murders. Therefore, I find it important to understand what wounds you carry from the abuse.

1)​Do you have issues with anxiety over small things that wouldn’t matter or seem important to a ‘normal’ person?
2)​Do you wake with nightmares or have flashbacks which make you feel your life is still in danger?
3)​Do you have those really down days and not sure why?

​​These are all signs that your wounds are emotional and mental health scars such as; Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression, Generalized Anxiety because you were always living in high alert of the next action against you. It’s important to know the scars you have and understand how to live with these scars of your abuse​​​​​​​​​​​​​​.

Recovery and rebuilding from abuse is like trying to put the pieces to your personal puzzle back together again. We may have known who we were before the abuser got to us, but then we have to learn who we are now. I have had many different issues from the abusers in my life. I’ve had to study on these conditions to learn how they impact my life now. Once I began to understand the why and the how of these conditions it has made it more possible each day for me to live in my present day life, rather than thinking constantly about what happened in those thirty-two years of hell.
As you gradually begin understanding how the abuse has effected you, then you too will learn how to see the new you.

There is a lot of personal strength gained from being an abuse survivor. We have to live as ‘normal’ in society while carrying these physical and emotional wounds from the trauma. We still have to support ourselves and society expects us to act as if nothing happened. They often don’t want to hear our sad story of pain. They don’t want to understand how we have these scars that still effect us. In most cases of family abuse (child sexual abuse or incest) the family will ignore it all together. No one will acknowledge the abuse or that it has any lasting affect on you. No one will stand up to protect you, instead they protect the abuser.

Find and Treasure the piece of you that was taken so long ago; FIND YOUR VOICE!! Hold it tight, admire its power. You can use its power to heal you.

Positive Thoughts About You
You deserve a safe place to sleep 

You deserve respect 

You deserve kindness and support

  You deserve as much love as you freely give to others 

You deserve roses in your garden of life

©Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Nov 2012                                   Purple Rose_13

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

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#MARSocial Author of the Year Competition – Give it a share and help get our survivor stories recognized for the numerous voices of silent children still living in this hell today!!! Thank you tons Smile 

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