There is absolutely nothing special about me….It’s about them

 

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You have no idea how many times I’ve asked myself this question over the last five years. It has been day after day of questioning; ‘Trish, what in the hell makes you so damn special that you believe anything you have to say matters to anyone?”

I’m not anyone special at all. What have I done? I simply survived, studied, and personally worked through ten years of very challenging recovery processes to find out who I really am and then put myself back together into the person I wanted to represent and help others. Those years have not been easy, and many of the emotional challenges have been almost as difficult as the actual brutality I’ve managed to survive. This is what it takes though, nothing less; it absolutely has to be something you need to clean out of your system and recognize the broken pieces, then rebuild & repair what has been destroyed by the actions of others. Just because its very difficult however, does not mean it’s impossible. After all I’m still here and I’m still talking, still working it through challenge by challenge and so can you. There is nothing special about me.

Yes, what I went through was fierce, it was evil, it was outright brutal, but I know hundreds of others who have made it through these very same things. Some who I’ve helped to become marvelous advocates today and some who have helped me. This is how we manage to get through the tough days, simply helping and listening to each other.

Thank heaven for the internet and all that connects to bring our world so much closer together. Remember what it was like before; we were all struggling silently; wondering why and who in the world would ever believe what’s happened. It’s that simple.

Millions of people in every single generation have been the beaten, molested, raped, traded, used, and abandoned children. Millions of people in every generation have been the beaten down partners, wives or spouses of constantly unimaginable dominating persons who use their fists, their words, their financial power, their daily threats and desires to hold us down. The dominators who enforce (their way or no way) by means of constant terror, direct use of weapons, brutal violence beyond measure, rape, threats of death to control our silence and isolation; all of it to make certain there was never any prosecution for their crimes of harm and no one ever willing to believe how horrific the attacks were and all they had forced us to do during our entrapment. We lived through it without anyone to help us or encourage us to escape and help ourselves.

However, we can find our way to something better, something SAFE. We have all endured these monsters for different reasons, some for the welfare of shelter & support for our children, care for ourselves, for our survival. However, most importantly – if you are an adult, have the ability to work & support yourself, then you also have the ability to leave. You have the ability to simply walk out the door and never look back.

Yes, it is a damn hard choice to make because then you have to put your broken pieces back together again, but it is absolutely possible. It’s hard because you have to find a job to secure your life and (if you have children) you are now the primary provider for all of their needs. In today’s world that is not an easy thing to do and almost impossible if you haven’t had a chance to build a career, get an adequate education, or handle a checkbook, balance a budget; basically you have to be strong enough everyday to bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, put dinner on the table, and before you can rest you, have to help with homework, bathe and tuck your children gently and reassuringly into bed. Each morning you have to wake up and do it all over again, but this is what we call LIFE; it is what is expected of us and it is damn difficult if your inner self is reeling from the previous trauma, fear, and pain you had to live through. Survival damn sure is not easy for anyone, no matter what kind of trauma, but for a silenced, terrorized, trafficked, and continuously raped child, survival can be almost impossible until we put ourselves back together again. 

I’ve been that broken disaster of a person, going through my breakdown and rebuilding myself while providing a home, food, shelter, and fun for three incredible children. I’ve done it not just once, but more like four or five different times. Suddenly having to run to save my life; leaving with absolutely nothing or being kicked out and having my children stolen from me. The key to my making it through is nothing spectacular, I simply never ever gave up. I just woke up, put myself together to face the day’s challenges, and then before walking out the door, staring in the mirror as I gave myself a pep talk…..

‘It’ll be alright Trish. You’ve survived this far, and you can do this. You have to do this. Get through today and then handle tomorrow’s problems tomorrow. Just smile and go take care of it. Girl you’ve done it before; today just might be a little bit better.’

This is how I managed to handle more than thirty years of insane murderous attacks all committed by one evil monster after another. The reason I went through so many men & three husbands, hellish violence, pain, and terror; this was my developed sense of normal. I was told almost daily from about age nine, I wasn’t worth having; there is not a single person who wants a whore for his wife, so the only thing I had was what my stepfather and all those different men did to me on a regular basis. It changed my thoughts about myself, destroyed any sense of self appreciation or respect; the only thing I would ever be was ‘Malcolm’s trained and terrorized whore’. This is all I ever knew and sadly, if they weren’t beating on me then they must not actually care about me. If they didn’t insist on this type of sex, or this type of perfection, this type of cooking and caring about meeting every single need they had; then they must not care one single bit and I must be doing everything wrong.

Yeah, this was my idea of normal life; each of my relationships built from degradation, control, and constant brutal beatings. It must be because I’m ugly, just like they always said. All of those who approached me for a relationship, all from ‘good standing’ families, but each time they started beating on me, it always involved smashing my face in the mirror and yelling at me because no matter how clean I was, how skinny I was, and how sexy I tried to be; the greatest problem of all was my scarred up  skin and my broken black holed rotted teeth. Hell, I still see this reflection in the mirror everyday.

It’s not like I can get complete plastic surgery of new skin, or spend $10,000.00 on a new smile. This is the part of me as a child, which my mother didn’t give a crap about, nor did she ever take me in for medical or dental care. To be quite honest she didn’t consider me to be anything except her housekeeper, cook, caregiver, and the child forced to play out the sick deviate behaviors of the man she chose to marry and stay with, regardless of what he ever did to me. This is the part of me my parents and the town of Freeburg all allowed to rot as it destroyed the outer beauty of a young prepubescent little girl.

I remember the times for school pictures or trying to impress a cute boy I like, this is when I squished up small pieces of bread to use as fillings for the black holes of my front teeth. Actually I hoped; perhaps my smile would look somewhat like everyone else’s, but it never did. Hell, not a single part of me to this very day looks like anyone else I’ve ever met, Sadly it’s just something I’ve always had to live with and try to cover up as I went through life. You should have seen the way people judged me, considered whether or not to hire me. Could they put someone who looked like me in direct contact with their customers or clients? Would people be shocked or sickened by the way I looked, regardless of how skilled or perfecting I was at my job, there would always be those glaring looks of disgust. It’s brings to surface the anger over how so many adults and small town kids all looked away and whispered about the little girl who couldn’t seem to find a single soul who gave a crap about what was happening to her each and every day. They all simply figured I wasn’t worth their time or concern; I was the 13 year old child tagged with the title ‘Village Whore’. Girls were not allowed to hang out with me and the local boys were not allowed to date me. I was nothing but HIS garbage child!!!

Yes its tragic, but its something I’ve had to accept. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have children stare at you like you’ve got a third eye; to have other women sit there and whisper about you as you tried to work with them; to never ever allow your husband or special someone to caress your legs or arms; to cringe away at their touch, afraid all anyone would ever see is the ugly destruction I am forced to carry with me every single moment of my life.  Yes it was hell, and it still is; even my grandchildren have rubbed my arms, questioning what happened. Hundreds of people have stared at me with that horrific shock on their face, especially when they see me smile.

This is a part of my life that no one else experiences. This is the part that hurts my heart and makes me wonder what the hell it was about me that no one ever cared to question the many years of filth, rot, and infection they watched destroy the outside body of a young girl. Today I think back about the many schoolmates and husbands of my mother’s friends, or coworkers from the mine; all those many who felt up, played with, or paid a few bucks to see just how far she would go, especially if  my constant threatening and brutal attacking ‘terrorist’ was right there to make sure I completed the ordered and paid for deed. The thrill he got talking about all the gory details of the many private parties he arranged with the local boys. All the vicious disregard in using the filthy, rotting, child as their toy to do with as they please anytime time they wished. None of my pain, sadness, fear ever mattered, it’s just what was my life and I simply had to live it; just hoping everyday I would somehow get away and they would never be in charge of what or how I did things ever again. This was my only goal, this was my dream and although it simply has to be an acceptance of the parts of me ALMOST destroyed.

I’m still here, I’m still alive, and I’m telling all the secrets.

The reasons that I discuss all of this is because I’m watching the ongoing emotional destruction which is hurting my daughters and messing up the safety of my grandchildren. I am sick to my stomach with worry and concern for their wellbeing, but not a single person seems to care. Not one person I’ve tried to beg for help, investigation, or even helping my daughters to help themselves and change the path for their children; no matter how loud I am or how obnoxious I have been with phone calls and emails, still no one is helping the lives of these children.

In truth there are over 3.5 million reports of child harm every year in our country alone.

Every day at least 1 in 9 children are suffering in sexual harm and possible secret trafficking by a person within their family.

Every day at least 1 in 3 children are suffering in physical harm, most of them are between the ages of 0 to 15 years old, both boys and girls, but suffering in an ongoing acceptance of family harm, which not even our government wants to get involved to truly help protect them.

It is our greatest human tragedy and something which will continue, like my life, my children’s lives, and now my grandchildren; this same generational pattern will also invade your family and grandchildren until we use our strength as a united human society to make our legislative leaders and law enforcement do their job; give the terrorized child victims the right to be SAFE which is written into our laws and in our Universal Human Rights. Crimes like these, the most evil and grievous harms against the youngest of our society; these are a terroristic control and brutal destruction which must be ended if we are to ever begin the change in respecting ALL human life as deserved. There is not one single human being any better than another. Not one child who is more worth saving than others. Not one community riddled with suffering that isn’t worth helping.

There must be a deterrent for these types of crimes. There must be a criminal prosecution and a sense of justice for all those generations of millions of destroyed and murdered children. There must be a way to balance our system and protect the given Civil & Human Rights to be protected as equal under the eyes of our laws. How can we continue to watch as our children, their children, and the next generation simply keep exploding in violence and brutalizing each other? What will it take for us to help these kids before it is too late and we have an entire generation once again left to suffer, left to be sold, traded, used, and beaten; left to be destroyed because our society is not yet ready to admit just how evil it can become within the sanctity of our home. We all see it everyday, the extreme bullying at school, the violence, the guns, the need to have power over others, and the gangs waiting to suck up the lost souls using them and selling them, beating them down however they wish, and then all of us stand around talking about; ‘Why in the hell can’t we do something to stop this? Dammit each of us can do something, we just have to take on the responsibility and do it!!!

I don’t know about you, but as being one of those forgotten rotting children, it absolutely disgusts me that so many powerful adults are only willing to do so much to help those abandoned and throw away children, but if it is a child in a home; rather than provide a way to get help, we all just turn away because it is the way it’s always been. I believe it’s time to change what we are used to accepting as our normal. I believe that if WE do not take on this responsibility, and all we do is talk about the outside dangers against us, then our children will grow up asking; ‘How in the hell could you just simply stand there and watch me die?”

If you are ready to do something, help out any service you can across the country and in your community. If you are ready to ask for a Federal Legislative Policy to get involved and end this vicious human destruction held secret and private within our homes, then help me and my two incredible partners (Ms Lisa Chilton & Ms. Dana Pfeiffer) as we try to get a voice heard for these types of terrorized victims, in the proposal of the;

‘Family Crimes and Terroristic Abuse Act’ – You each have the power to do something in your family circle, but also you can insist our government get involved when it comes to the extreme dangers that harm the most precious of our society, the victims without a way to escape or help themselves, the victims who are 15 years old or younger and completely dependent upon the adults around them and our society to make sure their right to be safe, and provided with a decent influence of life moving forward; we are here begging you to get involved and help us today to ensure that NOT ANOTHER SINGLE CHILD BE FORCED OR ABANDONED TO LIVE IN THESE TYPES OF TERRORISTIC HARM.

Thank you for every share you give this message, every signature you can rally on this petition, and most of all every discussion you can inspire to help our teens begin to see how they can protect the beauty of human life, rather than hate and destroy it.

Trish, Dana, Lisa

https://www.change.org/p/family-crimes-and-terroristic-abuse-act-amending-prosecution-amp-policy-provisions-in-crimes-of-family-related-exploitation-trafficking-extreme-acts-of-grievous-bodily-injury-threats-to-create-a-believed-sense-of-certain-death-terroristic-violence

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The InJustice of Terroristic Crimes 10/25 by Voices InJustice Radio | Current Events Podcasts

What do you consider a Terroristic Crime? Is it the monster on the other side of the world, or could it be your neighbor? What is the psychology of someone who commits these crimes and could you spot them on the street? Is there a special significance to meet qualifications as a terroristic crime? Join in tonight while the conversation takes a look at the true injustice violations of these issues. Invite your family, teens, and classroom discussions for all of our broadcasts. We are here to inspire new ideas and change the perceptions of our community & societal injustices. Only a strong united human society will ever balance the scales and end the many layers of corruption, not just in American government but also around the world. Live beginning at 7pm eastern time we need your voice and your actions to provide a balanced justice for all human life. Phone ‘Trish’ during the show at 929-477-3163 or take part in our active online chatroom. Thank you

Voices InJustice Radio, Sunday evenings beginning at 7pm eastern time with host/producer Trish McKnight. We bring the conversations of injustices affecting our local communities and our world. As a community ou

Source: The InJustice of Terroristic Crimes 10/25 by Voices InJustice Radio | Current Events Podcasts

UIS Speaker Series to discuss Human Trafficking – Wandtv.com, NewsCenter17, StormCenter17, Central Illinois News-

SPRINGFIELD – The University of Illinois Springfield Engaged Citizenship Common Experience (ECCE) Speaker Series will be examining the topic of human trafficking on Wednesday, November 4.

Source: UIS Speaker Series to discuss Human Trafficking – Wandtv.com, NewsCenter17, StormCenter17, Central Illinois News-

So very excited and extremely honored to have the presention created by myself & Ms. Dana Pfeiffer given at University of Illinois, Springfield Auditorium. I most definitely never thought anything I had to say would be shared at this type of venue.

I’ve spoken at a few classes at U of I, and given a presentation at Lindenwood University, but this is going to be amazing. It’s incredible where our survivor stories and the knowledge we learn in studying about the lasting wounds and emotional challenges; look at how it can make a difference. Encouraging and inspiring the next generation of leaders!!!

We all have an opportunity to make a difference. We are ending the cycle of violence, and trafficking, by teaching our children and grandchildren that harm, even inside our homes or committed by a parent; this is a violation of the most sacred of human rights, the right to be safe in our person. If we cannot give safety to those who cannot fight back or refuse the demand, then how can we say that we truly care about the welfare of our children?

Ask our American Legislators to review and implement the requests as listed in the Family Crimes and Terroristic Abuse Act –

Sign your name today….. https://www.change.org/p/family-crimes-and-terroristic-abuse-act-amending-prosecution-amp-policy-provisions-in-crimes-of-family-related-exploitation-trafficking-extreme-acts-of-grievous-bodily-injury-threats-to-create-a-believed-sense-of-certain-death-terroristic-violence

amscales1Women of Family Crimesmj-2_thumb.jpg

Justice without Corruption

amscalesTonight beginning 7pm eastern time…..Set your REMINDER NOW!!
InJustice manipulated by money, race, and societal status…. While our American Justice is more balanced than in other countries, there is still a strong corruption which sends innocent persons to prison for crimes they didn’t commit, an imbalance of punishment for the same crimes in different races, and millions of children given to abusers because of inequality in economic stability which has been controlled by the abuser. Of all things that should NEVER be invaded by the greed, corruption, and manipulation of our laws; it should be the greatest importance to protect the decency of our justice system. The one certain equality all American Citizens should trust, the one certainty that protects without bias to age, gender, race, religion or societal standing; none should be more important than Equality in Justice. Do not miss this powerful discussion of inJustice…..

Even the collection of Fetal Tissue has become corrupt,

A REPOST FROM PEACE AND FREEDOM BLOG – ENJOY THEIR ATTACHED ARTICLE!

http://wp.me/p1v9F-Jpg

We simply continue to show children just how much we do not care about a the real inner human spirit and wonderous creation of a child. A human whom you as parents, family, educators, medical professionals, and even law enforcement; we all play an influence in how this child will grow and what their beliefs in human beings will be, even what they will see in the value of themselves. Sadly we just don’t think about this deep impact sometimes and things simply happen. However there are other acts, heinous and intentionally vicious acts directly against them, committed with deviate or painful force. It is in this value of a life and even their human tissue which we should care for and handle with gentle spirit, nurture not corrupt and sell as if it were a pot from the stove.

Protecting the personal right of a human being to be safe in their person, to live free from harm and free from the fear of harm. This absolutely must include those youngest and most vulnerable to these harms. HELP US ENSURE EVERY MEASURE OF PROTECTION IS ENFORCED TO PROVIDE THE BEST WE CAN FOR EVERY CHILD.

PLEASE READ & SIGN THESE SUGGESTED MANDATES TO UPDATE OUR OUT DATED LAWS, INCLUDING THE PROCESS OF CHILD MALTREATMENT INVESTIGATIONS BEFORE A CHILD IS SIMPLY REMOVED OR ABANDONED INTO HARMFUL HOME ENVIRONMENTS. THANK YOU

https://www.change.org/p/if-you-believe-it-should-be-a-federal-offense-for-any-person-18yrs-or-older-to-have-any-from-of-sexual-exploitation-or-interactions-with-a-any-person-15yrs-or-younger-if-you-believe-we-need-three-stage-review-for-every-maltreatment-report-sign-today

Voices InJustice – Emotional or Verbal Abuse – Is this a societal abuse? 10/11 by Voices InJustice Radio | Current Events Podcasts

Emotional & Verbal Abuse is how our kids bully other kids, so where do they learn this most? Why do they feel they have to use these bad words and statements against others? Tonight we are talking Emotional & Verbal Abuse  – Is this a societal problem? Set your Reminder, join me live beginning 7pm eastern time. We want to hear your comments because WE VALUE YOUR VOICE. Call me live, connect in the chatroom, invite your friends, LET’S GET INVOLVED. Connect the dots of the InJustices inside every community!!!

Source: Voices InJustice – Emotional or Verbal Abuse – Is this a societal abuse? 10/11 by Voices InJustice Radio | Current Events Podcasts

 

Voices InJustice – Emotional or Verbal Abuse – Is this a societal abuse? 10/11 by Voices InJustice Radio | Current Events Podcasts

Welcome to Voices InJustice, a continuing outreach program of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery. We are here to share your public voice, without sharing your identity. You are able to share your thoughts by calli

Source: Voices InJustice – Emotional or Verbal Abuse – Is this a societal abuse? 10/11 by Voices InJustice Radio | Current Events Podcasts

In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we are discussing Emotional and Verbal Abuse, some of the most harmful and destructive types of abuses against others.
TELL ME – Which would you find more influential in changing our behaviors; Is it what we constantly hear others say about us? Is it the words society uses to describe us, but yet they have no idea who we really are? Is it what our children hear in the comments and condemnation from their parents or other kids at school? The key is that Emotional or Verbal Abuse can happen anytime, by anyone, it is how we pass judgement on others because of their lifestyle choice or certain ways they act. It is the comments by parents simply calling their child stupid, rather than saying, ‘that was a stupid action, but you can do better’. Emotional & Verbal abuse can be the worst in a dominating relationship, one your teen just might be tolerating to date the most popular person in school.
**Join in live Sunday evening 7pm eastern/6pm central/4pm pacific time. Phone calls protect identity so you can speak your truth, controlling what you share, without ever having us share your information. Our chatroom is open by logging into blogtalkradio system with Social ID and scroll to the bottom of our show broadcast page.
**The photos present graphic material, and are originally from Huffington Post article of 2012**