These days it seems they are taking their lives younger & younger. In fact the youngest I have been able to find is 8 yrs. old. What can be so terrifying in an 8 yr olds life that they feel they have nowhere to turn for help, no one who will help them, no one who will understand? How can we change this? What can we do to inspire them to believe in help & rescue, rather than think suicide is the only alternative to end their pain? Discussing #ChildSuicide #Bullying #FamilyViolence
Give it some thought, read what is here, understand why it is absolutely necessary we begin to do whatever small part we can to help others understand just how seriously these types of traumatic terrors and life threatening harms have become pandemic with only an estimation of how much taxpayers are responsible for in assisting victims & survivors every single year. Wouldn’t it be easier if we made the offenders responsible? Wouldn’t it be more life empowering to teach children in their History Class throughout 12 years of education in public & private schools; teach them to understand that our laws are written to protect them, regardless of age or gender. No, we will not allow this any longer and we will require all states to accept a Federal Statute & Policy to create a pattern of punishments, responsibilities, and preventions. It is time to change our way of thinking about these most common harmful behaviors. Help us end Family Crimes & Terroristic Abuse – thank you……
FOR ALL DIRECT CHILD CARE WORKERS : Often it has been determined, now that we do focus on the traumatized child behaviors; it has been researched the MISDIAGNOSIS of ADHD showing a 40% increase in children 6 to 7 years old. However further research into the child’s home environment represents something much different –
CHILDTRAUMA.ORG – Is it ADHD or EARLY ONSET PTSD?….
Hello & thank you in advance for a few moments of your very precious time
Situation – Twelve year old male, admitted anorexic, with physical abuse, emotional destruction, alienation, and familial containment responsibility; child has made personal statements to me regarding the following comments:
- 1 – I’ll just turn myself over to a gang
- 2 – I’ll start doing drugs and get into violence
- 3 – I’ll just kill myself
- 4 – Wish I was big enough to kill my stepfather
- 5 – Why are you the only one who seems to care about this stuff, why can’t I talk to anyone else, why won’t my own dad help me? Nobody believes me. I can’t tell anyone up there because if he finds out he’ll kill me. He really scares me.
There is a young boy in , whom Children Services have investigated more than a dozen reports of child maltreatment, attempted runaway, and family violence over the past two years. These reports have been made by various people, my daughter’s friend, child’s maternal grandfather, myself, and even inlaws, who are not only offenders against the child, but also reside with the child. Everything we buy him, everything he has ever had, has been taken, destroyed, sold, broken; including his new bike he just received and his phone which I just had to shut off due to mother using as a pawn of punishment and torment, you can’t use it, ‘What’s your Nana gonna do about it’?
The boy has repeatedly made statements directly to me about various harms, his Step Grandmother physically attacking him recently, approximately 3 weeks ago. This inlaw was physically beating his mother, when the boy stood up and yelled ‘Stop’, the inlaw came and attacked the boy. He believes this type of behavior is normal. I advised him that I had emailed his school guidance counselor to advise of the ongoing situation of harm for over two years now. There is severe neglect, in the child getting himself off to school, told he does not need a shower, it raises the water bill too much. He is made to sleep on a filthy mattress and rarely washed bedding.
I am in the process now of this being the last time this mother brings me into this situation, the child confirms the harmful slapping, slamming him into doors, calling him various vulgar names and doing all they can to make him act like this family in the massive dysfunction and pain. He was not given anything for his birthday, ‘Cakes are a waste of money’ as he was advised by his parents on his twelfth birthday July 03, 2013.
His maternal grandfather resides just about 45 mins from this boys home, but rarely sees him due to the difficult relationship with his mother and the constant forced alienation. However, he is more than willing to be a temporary foster situation until the boy is able to decide for himself what he wishes to do and what has happened in these last few years to justify that decision.
At this time I am in need of assistance with Pennsylvania Custody Statutes to ensure the safety of this child and have him removed from the home based on his own testimony during a private conversation as he visited this past Summer. Sadly even though I wanted & tried to keep him here then, I gave him one more time for this to explode, and he talked me into allowing him to go back for his young brother whom he absolutely treasures. There were many incidents prior to his visit, which he returned back home early August, and already there have been at least two other altercations which got serious.
In my phone conversation with him Saturday evening I advised him I would be turning off his phone, because his mother was using it to torment him not as the gift it was intended especially for him. He was advised to go in and speak with Ms. Kara Fair, at Apollo Middle School, especially if he was hit, grounded, punished, or called the horrible names because of what his mother has started again. His return comment to me ‘But that happens everyday’ meaning he is condemned by this step family and intimidated constantly simply because they believe he has no one to fight for him and to help him.
His biological father is fully aware of the serious nature of this child’s home. He resides just about a mile from me in the same small town. His paternal grandparents are willing to be of assistance, however their home was condemned some time ago with holes in the upstairs floors and sleeping on a four inch mattress thrown on the floor with no dresser to organize his belonging and no one ensure his bath and teeth brushed everyday to maintain healthy hygiene. The boy’s biological father has stated the unhealthy environment of his parents home for the boy and he has no room for him in the trailer where he and his new family live today.
It was my concerned and professional opion, in his being 12, leagally permitted a voice in Pennsylvania at this age concerning their welfare; I’ve informed him I will do whatever I can to make sure he speaks with a judge, remembering he cannot lie to defend his mother any longer. As a child, you are the one who is the family target and bares all the responsibility of keeping the family together; sometimes you just have to tell the secrets. It is not a safe secret when you are living in this condemning, alienating, manipulating, abusing, and physically harming environment. The Step Grandmother holds a position as dispatcher for ambulance; built alliances in Police, Firemen, Educators, Churches; all who believe there is no way this could happen but they have been repeatedly called to the house for just such a disturbance.
I need a child advocate who can give this boy his right to be in front of a judge and allow the judge to hear ALL evidence, including recorded phone conversations and text messages over the past six months alone.
As an advocate, as his maternal grandmother, there is not a chance I can continue hoping my daughter will get her act together and do as she was raised to do; take responsibility rather than sitting there whining about how bad it is for HER. This is not a Pity Party for her situation any longer. It is time for him to speak to a professional who can assist in his best interest moving forward.
If anyone can assist in this area, remember Armstrong Country DCFS, Kiski Police Department, and even another advocate residing up there, they all know the condition of this child’s home, his younger brother’s situation, and the physical, emotional, and neglectful actions which continue to happen against him.
Contact me via email: email@example.com for more information
Apollo Middle School Guidance Counselor have been directly notified of the ongoing situation. At this time I’m not prepared to say if I am actually getting him assistance. Any information or anyone who can create a working relationship on the best interest of this child; you would truly be a blessing we need in our family right now.
Patricia A McKnight
Bubbly you hang on and be strong. Remember, you cannot lie, it is against the law and right now your family needs help. It just needs to happen as quickly as possible as he has been progressively getting worse, more closed up, and extremely cautious of any human being.
A Narcissistic Personality cannot care about the emotional destruction of others, especially their children. It doesn’t matter if they are male or female offenders with this personality disorder, there is a huge number of parents with wounded personalities from previous childhood harm and torment. These are behavioral patterns we carry forward, we enforce and allow as ‘traditions’ within our family way of life. Thanks for this blog, excellent site 🙂
Narcissists are incapable of sincere feelings and deep relationships. They are brilliant actors. You make believe, even if you have been married to a narcissist for a number of years, that this person loves you. The narcissist in incapable of loving anyone. This is not part of his psyche. He/she views human relationships as stepping stones that will enhance their image socially and professionally, impress the right people.(Bernice). They are vehicles that smooth their way toward goals they have been fixated most of their lives. Absolutely no one, not even their spouses or children is permitted to create obstacles as they climb professionally, creating greater influence and connecting with the right people. When push comes to shove the narcissist is compelled due his dark motivations to manipulate and exploit those closest to them. Narcissists often substitute one family for another. It isn’t unusual for them to start with…
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Surviving Narcissistic Parenting……excellent read!!!
By definition sabotage is a “treacherous action.” Treachery when perpetrated upon a family member means destruction and annihilation. It is beyond ruthlessness.
Growing up in a narcissistic family is like being in the middle of a deadly fire fight twenty four hours a day. The child who survives these skirmishes and all out wars is truly remarkable. I hear and read life stories of those who found survival techniques. Many of them hide in their own shoes, spent time with friends to keep out of the war zone, slipped their minds away into books, video games, drawing, writing, other creative activities. Some children were fortunate to have a grandparent who would give them times of respite.
Some children who have this experience are in a constant state of anxiety–fight or flight syndrome. The narcissist–mother or father or both rule the household. Screams and demands–slaps and threats can be heard and…
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Some of these photos are quite shocking, these show both my amazing truth today and the horrific scars & destruction of my physical appearance which an entire community watched for six consecutive years. It is only after these past 10 years spent in recovery, rebuilding, and training to assist other victims that I am finally able to share my story.
Ask a survivor of forced familial child trafficking; what can you do today to end the cycle of this ugly truth today?
As a survivor of this vicious act against children, I have shared my voice publicly through training seminars, various speaking venues, including the Speakers Bureau for Southwestern Illinois Rescue & Restore Human Trafficking Coalition; Panel Speaker for St. Clair County Illinois Domestic Violence Reform Program; Prosecuting Attorneys Association Of Michigan’s Annual Victims Advocate Training. You will also find me through many web based radio program interviews, and anywhere I am given the opportunity.
The fact that my mother and stepfather encouraged, allowed, and actually invited groups of grown men to come into our home for late night parties with their young developing child, whom they had trained to tolerate such ugly acts; it is still a troubling part of my history. In truth I had to accept the complete disregard I suffered throughout twelve long years of repeated molestations, beatings, rape, physically scarring neglect, and at the age of eleven my stepfather commonly began publicly exploiting, selling, sharing, or trading me to both boys & men in our little town.
This all sounds extreme and you may not want to believe it all; however, back then it was all a ‘normal’ process for me and something my mother and stepfather did on a regular basis. How was I supposed to know that I had any other value as a human being or that I could refuse what was enforced by the parents who had all the control of my very survival? It was a common practice on late Friday night for groups of men, coworkers at Peabody Underground #1 in Freeburg, Illinois; to come to our house for the entertainment of molesting and sharing a young child. When I speak today I use my voice to raise the dark curtain about how those who are in our family, protected by their given parental rights, then use us and destroy us through deviate acts they insist we endure.
Remember, a child has no voice that others actually respect; this was true back in the 1970’s and sadly still a common way we teach our children through family secrets and tolerance today.
I grew up in a small quiet town located in Southwestern Illinois. For nine consecutive years I attended the same school district and lived in the very center of town. It was during these years I was given as property to be my stepfather’s play toy and trained to be his ‘whore’ from the age of five years old. This is when my mother willingly married the devil; a man whose own son had warned her about his evil. When he came into my life the value I had as a person, the happiness I felt as that innocent little girl; all of it was gone. My mother’s complete disregard for her own child, the neglect of all basic human needs or any form of medical or dental care led to rot, filth, and permitting her husband to destroy all that was good in her bright blue eyed little girl. This permitted destruction created a path of self loathing which lasted most of my life; at least until my early forty’s. This type of disgusting abuse and disregard of a child is something we don’t forget, something we can never just erase from our existence; it is who we see in the mirror and the part of us we come to hate.
My mother permitted his acts and actually sacrificed her middle child to this monster for him to use however and whenever he chose. She ignored her own daughter and as he took over control of my life, she chose to treat me as less than human. Our family had the best health insurance back then, but yet the only time I ever saw a doctor was to be put on birth control at fifteen. She permitted, and the community who knew me so well watched, as he began taking me to bars and then eventually started collecting a few dollars from every adult man who wanted to come to our house for the late night entertainment. The men were allowed to get me high, feed me alcohol until I could hardly walk, then trade me from lap to lap as they probed and used the child who should have been sleeping for school the next morning.
‘Malcolm’ took me out to tugboat parties with the workers he met at his common bar stop where my mother worked. My parents took me on their private dates and looked for adult men who wanted to be entertained by the child who was then just twelve years old. For a period of at least four continuous years he repeatedly threw parties at our house where schoolmates were invited for marijuana and alcohol, then as always; I was the prize & entertainment. Some of these nights included me giving everyone oral sex or allowing them to take me into my own bed. The price of refusal was a beating or his own sadistic acts as I lay in fear each night.
I still have nightmares today about these parties, especially when it was more than one single person at a time, but I have learned through research & therapy my stepfather was a sociopath and my mother a narcissist; neither of whom could care less about what they did to this one middle child.
The school personnel of Freeburg, the law enforcement, family friends, and even schoolmates who had been lured into his dark circle of trafficking his step daughter; they all knew who I was and who my parents were, yet not a single person ever questioned my care. There were many who avoided any physical contact with the child whose skin was covered with ugly puss filled sores, which left me today with deep pitted ugly scars. They said nothing about the rotting, broken black fangs, hanging in my mouth, which should have been my young beautiful smile. They saw vicious bruises and witnessed beatings in the street or heard the screams from my house as he beat me for the slightest infraction or late response to answer the ring of that little brass bell; all were signs of extreme abuse and evil against this one little girl growing up in the middle of this family, yet not a single person felt I was worth saving or heard my silent screams for rescue.
The reason I am sending this out now is because I have done a lot of work in my recovery, but unfortunately the trafficking has been the most difficult part of healing. This dark training of permitting multiples of men & boys to use and probe the child I was; it all created a lifelong pattern of extreme violence and degradation from boyfriends & husbands. I endured more than thirty years of severe physical battery, which almost ended in death. Through these vicious relationships I was threatened with weapons, attempted drowning, strangulation, concussions, broken ribs, broken collar bones and constant fear.
The impact of living in these types of relationships, eventually left its own twisted pain and fear in my children’s lives. It wasn’t until my oldest child was fourteen years old that I finally found the courage to fight for my life and give my children the safe, loving home they deserved. They had spent their young years watching and hiding as their mother was beaten beyond recognition and repeatedly told how ugly, stupid, and useless she was. Today my children still see a lot of those same horrible things in the woman who loves them more than they could possibly know. I have watched as the evil inflicted against the little girl I used to be, has invaded the lives of my children and left them suffering their own dysfunctional relationships. It is now in trying to parent their children and develop safe, healthy lives, that they are repeating some of those same behaviors which had become so normal for them.
Above I have attached a photo of myself along with a picture of the memoir I published back in 2011, sharing my voice for the very first time and explaining to my children why their world was so disrupted by all the repeated vicious attacks and disregard of just one human life.
The story, ‘My Justice’, is a true account of what happened in the protective window of family. It is a written apology to my children for how the trained acceptance of these crimes was such a huge part of my life; actually was my life. There was never any person who made me feel I was worthy of being rescued or that anything being done to that child was wrong. As a result of what became so ‘normal’ in my behaviors continues to cycle through, and now my grandchildren’s lives are still being impacted by the behaviors which become engrained in our being.
In my healing I have become a strong advocate for those crimes which exist within our homes and our family unit. Along with a team of volunteers & incredible voices on our Board of Directors, we have built a not for profit, self supported, organization which focuses on providing hope, help, & healing for victims, survivors and families while educating community resources about these atrocities and how we can prevent this continued cycle of evil.
Our society can no longer trade out our children for drugs, food, beer or for the sick pleasure of deviate thoughts. These are people’s souls we are destroying and when the circle of family friends, teachers, and others in these small communities blame and condemn the child victim, see them as less worthy rather than reporting and helping to rescue that child, then we are partly responsible for the destruction of who that person should grow up to become.
Today we are a new generation in charge and we know just how dark the dangers inside our homes can become. We have study after study about the many emotional disorders left on the child victim. Most often the adults who grow up inside this pattern of life they cannot seem to escape, live in an aftermath of Complex P.T.S.D, Depression, Anxiety, and extreme personality disorders that require treatment and medications, which usually cannot be afforded by the survivor.
The burden of these healing treatments become the responsibility of our society, which is estimated by Center for Disease & Control at approximately $124 BILLION in the lifetime recovery cost of a survivor today. You can review a report on Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery which is research from the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data Systems, (NCANDS). This report, along with the allowance announced by Congress,(For every one report that is made of child maltreatment & sexual harm, there are at least three others that are not.); in the balance of this report it proves that at least 1 in 3 children are being forced to endure the brutal acts in heavy silence & family secrets every single day in the U.S. alone.
It is now that our children need us to hear their voices more than ever before. We already have generations of dysfunctional parents wounded by these vicious ugly acts, so when will it be enough that we finally begin a true active prevention within every family circle, every small community school, every law enforcement training, and most definitely throughout our entire medical provider services. We must begin to spot the silent children who endure every single day in the terror of their parents or other close family members. This support and strategic planning of protection for all children will only be possible when we stand strong as a united human society; making the choice today to teach value in every person, and empower every child to believe they deserve safety, love, happiness and that we will end the acceptance of these violent crimes within our very homes. I do hope you will check out the website and organization of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery to find out more about my story and the stories of many others like myself.
Together, with the support of many incredible people today, I am proud of who I am and I am learning to see just how important my survival and healing has been; this is the path so that I could encourage others to be the ones to help end the cycle of harm we have been teaching through silence and tolerance within our homes.
Thank you for any time or consideration you have given here in what I’ve shared. You can contact me personally by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org . You will find links below for the organization of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio.
Spread the message through telling your own survivor story or by sharing the truth of how dark the evil can become inside this man-made hell for children. We cannot allow these ongoing crimes of human destruction. Please stand strong, be proud, and be a voice in ending the repeated generational teaching of silence and tolerance within our family unit. We have the duty today, the knowledge, the studies, the many thousands of adult survivors who share the horror they endured. How many more human beings will we permit to be used, sold, traded out, and forced into a lifelong pattern of self destruction?
Please pass this on and help our society understand exactly what they can do to prevent these crimes and how every living being deserves to be happy, know the feeling of love, and most of all sleep in safety without fear of the hand covering their mouth and taking away their most powerful protection, the power of their own voice.
Together we are empowering our society to defend our children, connecting hearts & holding hands of help around the world.
Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight
Author: ‘My Justice’
Advocate/Keynote Speaker/Radio Host/’Steps to Recovery’ Trainer/Survivor
Crisis Support & Mentor