In our modern world of ‘Fingertip’ media access our teens are seeing the #MeToo movement bring worldwide awareness to sexually related harms. They are hearing about cases of Child Sexual Abuse & Human Trafficking almost daily. Your daughters & sons are reading the headlines, and talking amongst themselves, but do they fully understand how these types of behaviors happen? Do they really understand what human trafficking is or how to help someone they know who is being harmed or abused, shared or exploited; trapped in silence and shame about their worst fears?
Hopefully, you will read this article, have your teen read it, and then have a very open conversation about it so they absorb what is and is not appropriate behavior in our evolving laws and standards of how we value another human life. Hopefully, if you have a high school student you are encouraging them to beware of the online predators, but also to beware of those closest to them; approx 95% of these harms are committed by someone they depend on for survival or those in their closest circle.
Have you had that very real talk about the changes in acceptable interpersonal relationship behavior?
Keep in mind; Law mandates NO PERSON UNDER THE AGE OF 18 CAN CONSENT TO SEXUAL INTERACTIONS!!! https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/2422 (Federal mandate, but each state is different, most 16 years or older; some permit 12 if the other person is no more than 4 years older) Know and teach your teen the age of consent and the meaning of consent so they can understand and help a close friend in the cloudy waters of teen behavior.
Do you know that if a boyfriend or girlfriend intimidates, manipulates, or forces you to engage in sexual activity with another person, that it is Human Trafficking, ‘Pimping’ and could lead to some serious legal ramifications?
Does your son know that even when a girl is enticing him to engage in a sexual act, then gets angry because he breaks up with her or because it’s a one time thing; does your son realize he can be accused of a sexual offense, and if convicted (regardless of age) could be sent to prison and be a Registered Sex Offender for the rest of their lives? Yes, your son or daughter, could find their lives completely destroyed for a behavior pushed through mainstream society and media since the beginning of mankind himself?
Does your daughter know that when she sends that nude or revealing photo of herself to someone, that she could be charged with pornography or enticing a minor to engage in sexual activity?
Do you realize that if you rush to file a legal complaint when your teen comes to you with an admission of sexual harm or harassment, that you have to be able to talk about the details; both their behavior and the person they are accusing. You need to ensure that it wasn’t a mutual act gone badly between two young human beings. If you do not talk about the details before charges are brought against all those who fail to follow up or respond the right way after engaging in what they believe is mutually equal sexual activity; it could lead to an innocent young person’s life being destroyed over a misunderstanding or a single non-harming decision. Confirm the facts before you contact the police.
Perhaps it was the other person’s first time? Perhaps your teen really did lead the other person to believe they were older than they are, or that they mutually wanted the interaction to occur? I know how difficult that is to admit because I raised two daughters and a son. I’ve raised the teens who have been sexually influenced as young children, lived in a home of dysfunction; yet no one ever talked about it or provided any services, or support to rebuild their sense of value and understanding of sexual behaviors. I know because I tried more than once to get them help.
I know well how living inside a challenging family lifestyle or a directly harming environment can lead to looking for love and respect in all the wrong ways. None of us is perfect. Teens don’t always understand the violence and harm inside schools, on their streets, shared across social media, and our mainstream media. They get pressured or engage in alcohol, dangerous substances, and hormonal behaviors. If we are going to hold them accountable then give them the knowledge. Help them through the muddy, confusing journey of teenage years, especially in a society that has lived and learned by way of what we say today is absolutely unacceptable. Keep in mind we’ve pretty much created the ‘HOOKUP’ culture since the 90’s and rap music promoted women and girls as ‘HOES’. Now we give them ‘FINGERTIP’ access to porn, violence, hookup sites, and multimedia influences and simply expect them to know appropriate behaviors. However, while politicians are updating laws and enforcing prosecutions, no one is having open conversations about how it is meant to change what they’ve been taught is ‘normal’.
As a survivor of child sex trafficking in a Southern Illinois community; one who lived through a decade of my parents brute violence, rape, neglect, and dismissal of evil that affected my very survival. It created a learned behavior of tolerance and a distorted perception of any sense of personal value. It’s taken years of rebuilding, researching, and constant daily efforts to erase the person they created. Today I am a warrior for protection of our children and prosecution of these grievous offenses. However, if we are not living by the example and educating our kids about what it means for them, then we are going to see an entire generation of people prosecuted and registered sex offenders.
We have to address the challenges of our own human influences and behaviors that we represent to our youth and young children every day. We have to be strong enough to discuss it with them so that if their life is safe, they will know what to do when their friend is being harmed or has had a bad experience touch their lives. We have to give them the knowledge and the tools to watch out for the kids around them; siblings, cousins, neighbors, friends. We have to give them the example to create a more equal, safe, and just society because they are the leaders of tomorrow. They will live in the aftermath of our decisions and changes that we apply today. It is their world now, so it’s time to have those real conversations to empower them and inspire the future we are paving the way for today.
As adults, we should be asking schools, hospitals, law enforcement, social services, parents, community leaders, and neighbors to help our kids through all these changing views and policies. Remember, throughout centuries, and especially since the creation of music videos & internet; WE have raised our children with specific gender and sexual behaviors. Now with the swipe of a pen, we expect them to know all of those changes and what is appropriate behavior. We expect them to behave and know better regardless of what someone might be doing to THEM or what THEIR home life represents.
How are they going to be the way of the future if their life is being twisted up by some type of inappropriate or misguided behavior? Sadly, young girls are still being taught, either by actions or society, that their only value is in their sexuality and not because they are intelligent, kind and amazing individuals. Kudos to Justin Timberlake for making a choice to change his music style because he doesn’t want his son to grow up with a view of women even his music created.
What conversations will you have with your friends about this article? What kind of conversations will you have with your kids? How are our changing views in society and the updates in our laws influencing your life and the lives of our youth; the lives of success and failure we want them to give their children?
It’s time to have that talk in a whole new way!!!
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