Learn the Red Flags of the abuse that leaves no signs – Molestation

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery.

Did you know there are presently about 50 million Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse in our society today? Did you know ​ (1 in 3) children are being harmed in some form, and 1593 deaths related to child abuse were reported in 2012? The proof can be found on the Child Maltreatment Report published by Butterfly Dreams, Patricia A. McKnight April 2013

​​Please click on the ‘Child Abuse’ page of our website to learn a lot more about the reality of child molestation. Do you know it rarely leaves any physical signs that you will ever see or notice? Do you know that early intervention relies on watching the child’s behavior and how they interact with other persons, other children, their toys, and a lot of what they say in playtime when they think you are NOT listening. Keep your ears & eyes open!!

Patricia A McKnight

Author: My Justice

Owner/Creator: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio

 

Butterfly Dreams Presents: Meet Your Resources

https://www.facebook.com/events/1464179837193901/?ref_dashboard_filter=calendar

 Butterfly Dreams is featuring a very special event in Breese, IL at Northside Park, Sept. 27th from Noon to 4pm – Be sure to join with us as our local area providers for #ClintonCounty  gather to share their special work in assisting our families. Help share this event and encourage your neighbors to come listen in. We will also have a very special presentation from Jennifer Bishop Jenkins, Director of Marsy’s Law for Illinois, Protecting All Crime Victims Rights!!! If you live in #Breese   #Carlyle   #Aviston   #Albers   in or around the surrounding areas, please mark your calendars and bring your family!! Speakers will include #ClintonCountySheriff  Mike Kreke, Chief of Police Robert Fix, DARE Program w/ Officer Kurt Weh, Hoyleton Ministries, Children’s Home + Aid and more to join in!!
We all may know a family in need or a person who needs some extra support. We hope to introduce you to the resources here on a NOT FOR PROFIT SERVICE to help you and your neighbors at any time!!
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Shocking, Disturbing, Disgusting, Atrocious, and horrifying!!!

These title words are just some of the adjectives used when people hear the true evil of my published story. The many responses, press announcements, Five Star Reviews shared about My Justice’, have been shared around the web for almost two years now. Our world media outlets and our First Amendment Right to Freedom of speech is what enables us to our stories to teach the next generation about the dark destructive evils of mankind!!!

I know very few people ever get their stories noticed in the media; especially if it has anything to do with the most darkest actions of our human society. However isn’t it rather weird that we are drawn to those televised reality shows of addiction, dysfunction and despair, so long as it doesn’t hit in the deepest secrets of our home?

“My Justice’ is a story that rocks the moral fortitude of our human society. It is a story that most don’t want to even think could happen in our small American, hometown style, communities.

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This true life horror story, ‘My Justice’, has now been read by hundreds. It isn’t a life I am proud to have lived by any means, but it is one that I am thankful to have survived!!!

TRUTH: Survivors of abuse, especially years (decades) of evil, violent and vicious degradation, disfiguring neglect, and being passed around to others like a party favor; this is something that is extremely difficult to admit to ourselves. Accepting that our parents are the guilty parties who trained us to be less than human; taught us that nothing about us is worth noticing. We were not raised as children, but merely objects to be used and brutalized; objects for sexual gratification to our parents, friends of the family and those permitted into this secret world. Our human value is never instilled, guided, or protected. It is stripped away from us and ripped from within our being. We believe there is nothing about us that matters and one of the most difficult challenges is to believe we have value or to promote ourselves in any manner!!

I have found my voice, found my strength; found my value as a human being. As hard as it is to pat myself on the back, especially for the truths of subject matter involved; I HAVE FOUND MY COURGE TO SPEAK UP AND REMOVE THE COAL STAINED HAND THAT HELD ME CAPTIVE FOR DECADES, FOR THIS I AM EXTREMELY PROUD!!!

‘My Justice’ has been incredibly reviewed by astounding individuals and the FIVE STAR RATED REVIEWS and comments continue to be shared by those who read the story!!!

Best selling author of geo-political thrillers such as: ‘Den of the Assassins’; ‘Cloning Christ’ and the novel he published from parts of his own amazing journey, ‘Chasing the Cyclone’; devoted child advocate, Founder/CEO of I CARE Foundation, Mr. Peter Thomas Senese has published many outstanding PR Web announcements, Amazon Reviews, and his own many blog shares about his thoughts on ‘My Justice’……….

Renown New York based Attorney Joel Walter has given the story huge praise and a big two thumbs up!!!……….”There are occasions when a book is written that shakes the very foundation you stand on. In ‘My Justice,’ Patricia McKnight has written an excellent, inspiring story of the human spirit. It serves as a reminder of many things. First, the importance for those who fall victim to abuse to stand strong and unashamed in the wake of their ordeal, and to find the courage to liberate themselves from those that chain their body, their mind, and their spirit. It too, is a reminder for each of us in society to not turn a blind eye to abuse, and to say ‘abuse will not be tolerated, ‘My Justice’ is an incredible story of courage and freedom in the wake of those who try to withhold these essential liberties. Clearly it took Ms. McKnight a great deal of courage to break her own personal chains, and to share this remarkable story. This story will impact many who Ms. McKnight knows, and many, many more she never will meet, but who’s lives she will make better. I highly recommend this story as much as I urge others victimized by abuse to emulate Ms. McKnight’s courage.”

Ms. Linda Walcher, a retired teacher of Freeburg Community School system; now a tutor for other up and coming teachers has shared her FIVE STAR RATING of this story……….. “This novel is a teaching of awareness for anyone who has direct contact with children to the extreme tragedy of neglect that is so commonly overlooked, but which can be the beginning signs of something much deeper. As a teacher, a mother, a person who cherishes all children; this amazingly well written novel made me want to scream and beg for others to read the details that are so exceptionally shared in the glorious strength of a child’s words.”

Dr. Brenda-Joyce Orozco Markert_Green- an educator of up and coming therapists has shared her FIVE STAR REVIEW…….. Please pick up a copy and read it. Most people do not understand all of the factors and variables that come into play in abusive situations, and this book spells out many of these. You will get more of an idea of what children who are being abused go through, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well, in order to survive their abusive situations. Trish also describes the abuse that she survived in her adult life, which points out the dynamics that play out in adult abuse situations also. Once you pick up the book, you will not be able to put it down! This is a must-read, and one that everyone should share with others, so that we can eradicate both child abuse and partner abuse! 

Dr. Brenda, also personally shared with me her desire to use this story as a recommended reading source for her students to see inside the silent child and survivor who struggles to exist in her daily life.

The absolute best quote I can share about ‘My Justice’ is from Ms. Darlene Jones, Exec. Director of Violence Prevention Center of Southwestern Illinois, whose comments were video taped by News Channel 5, KSDK videographer/reporter Kevin Held, as we spoke at S.W.I.C. about the Illinois Healthcare Grant they received to provide education, prevention measures and assistance to victims of abuse and/or family/relationship violence. Unfortunately however, the final published cut of the video did not share her beginning words about the story.

Ms. Darlene Jones, Exec. Director
Author/Advocate/Survivor Patricia A. McKnight

Her special words: ‘If Patricia’s story would have been shared just ten years ago, we’d be hearing her share it on the Today Show’!!!

I cannot say enough about how much this means to me, but there is much more to be said about the value of this novel. There are many hundreds and even thousands who have connected with me simply because the power of sharing my story has given them the courage to speak their own truth. Every day there are survivors, victims, followers, even personal friends who have been so deeply shocked at this story, so incredibly moved by this story they have been impacted in ways that have changed their world. At one time they may have been one of the many still held in that heavy steel cage of silence. Once they may have been someone who turned away and pretended not to notice these evil acts around them, but now they have been empowered with voice and they are passing that inspiration forward to others and all of us are finding the courage to stand against these crimes. The greatest power of sharing these horrifying details is the very public apology I give to my children throughout the story, which was my greatest inspiration; to explain the why of all the turmoil and dysfunction that flowed in to invade their lives because of the ignored, abused, trafficked child then became their mother.

‘Yes I am one of those millions in our society who was once a victim of these vicious abuses by those entrusted with my care’!!

My Justice’ has inspired victims to reach out and seek help. Survivors who have been trapped in these dark secrets for years have now been empowered to speak up and come forward. A few of these incredible survivors who have reached out to me and stated they’ve been inspired with hope by my story; have also been sharing their own secrets and touching the souls of other victims. They are journalists, bloggers, advocates, Facebook support group leaders and founders, such as; Viga Boland, Mary Graziano, Patricia Caldwell-Singleton, Michal Madison and Janice Meadows-Hedrick, Author Sharon Newkirk-Wells, of course this is just to name a few off the top of my head.

I am continually truly amazed by the wonderful strength of these voices. For me to feel like ‘My Justice’ has been not only highly praised and reviewed by some of these astounding every day friends, gives me hope and fills my spirit with drive to continue supporting them, while driving forward to reach out to our media outlets about the importance of making it public. One day it will shine for the many well written qualities it carries and the spirit of the survivor who has walked this amazing journey to freedom.

To all of you who have read my many blogs, read the novel, heard my voice on blog talk radio or connected through private messaging or phone calls; you have all made a huge impact on my world!!! There is no way that I can ever thank you enough for sharing your support, kindness, and most of all for finding your voice to speak your own truth!!! I am forever indebted to each of you. Perhaps one day we will live long enough to see it all make a difference!!!

There is more that has come from publishing my story two years ago. Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery has been built because of all of you who have reached out to me and shared your own journey. Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery has been built because of all the interviews written; some already published, some still waiting to be published, but without you I never would have believed in this dream or built this site to provide information, resources, and help others understand the wounds we carry from the traumas of our past. To take what I’ve learned through life’s journey and know that it matters; to know it is helping in a greater mission; to inspire some human kindness, to give hope to many who have had none; this is much like the bond and deep self appreciation of giving birth, which is exactly what has happened.

I have found and given birth to the me who has been hiding inside and this new child will never be held in silence again.

There is also the connection I have made with those other shining survivors who have come before me to share their stories and carry a devotion of advocacy and change, a mountain of hope filled with information and inspiration for our society. These many who I highly respect and hope to one day have all of us sharing our stories; hearing them and reading them through our many media outlets, which then allows it to penetrate our society and climb into the cracks of our homes, giving hope to those trapped inside that there are others fighting for their freedom from these atrocities.

There are millions of these incredible survivors who know the depth of pain and evil that our own parents and those who walk among our society as law abiding citizens, pillars of the community, or worse those who are seen as vicious souls, but not one person around them ever worries about the children within their care.

Some of those who I respect most for their courage to make a difference are; Annie O’Sullivan, Michael Skinner, Lynn Tolson, Paula Phelps, Jan Frayne, and of course Miss Erin Merryn who is making great changes by the enactment of Erin’s Law across the country!!!.

As I said, its difficult for a survivor to believe it matters and market themselves and their incredible work to reach the hearts of society. Someone could make a ton of money by choosing to market these survivor stories. Of course I’m speaking for those of us who don’t already have some type of marketing resource for our voices to be heard.

The Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Talk Radio is out to help get those voices out there and allow them to be heard. We want to share your story and share the amazing work you have dedicated to making a difference. I hope each of you will join me as a guest or co-host for a live broadcasting. It is vital to bring these stories out, let society see our numbers, and bring an ease of topic and discussion about the darkest of these ugly actions from one human being against another.

It all matters because of the growing epidemic of abuse and family violence/relationship violence that is still plaguing our society today and it just keeps getting worse. Mankind is destroying the moral fortitude that lies within us all. We are still living in the hell that generations before us have taught and passed forward, yet very few stories are ever heard and rarely make it to the news and other media outlets.

We have created our own manmade cancer and it has been festering in the silence, eating away at our society for centuries. Now we have the opportunity to change what has been. Our choice to do the right thing and teach our children through the stories of our past, is the only chance we have at bringing an end and giving them a better, safer, world in which to flourish.

You don’t see our stories make it to the New York Times Best Seller List. These truths are not read about in the Time magazine. They are not read about or reviewed in the Chicago Tribune, the LA Times, or the Riverfront Times here in the St. Louis area. Even our televised talk shows such as The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Ricki Lake, Dr. Phil, or Dr. Drew, and The Today Show; all of these turn away from the growing numbers of voices who are sharing these truths. Here in St. Louis area we have St. Louis Today, or Great Day St. Louis, but none of these will broach the subject of sharing a special on these dark pasts, which are incredible stories of survival. It truly makes me want to stand up and scream at the top of my lungs, hoping to reach every person within 500 miles of my voice; “Dammit it Matters People’!!!

We continuously see commercials for the Humane Society and the ASPCA; the abuse, malnourished, abandoned creatures of these dysfunctional homes are given more attention and supported by our financial donations, but the children and abused, beaten souls within the homes are left to rot in the plague of evil actions.

Isn’t our society at all shocked by the horrific nature of these brutal acts within our homes? If not, shouldn’t we be? The longer we remain silent about these vicious attacks within our own homes, the longer we allow our children and future generations to be destroyed!!!

These horrific nightmares still continue to infect the lives of our children every second of every day. The Illinois Department of Children and Family Services released the 2012 PDF file reports, which show 218 Children Murdered by acts of physical or neglectful abuse, yet there is only minimal response from our politicians and lawmakers who have the power to make a difference.

Was there a response to the email I sent to our President Barrack Obama? – No

Was there a response from the THREE PAGE LETTER and copy of ‘My Justice’ that I personally mailed to our beautiful family oriented First Lady Michelle Obama? – No

Was there a response to the video I made as a public plea for help to Dr. Phil? – No

Was there a response to the email I sent to our Senator Dick Durbin? A very basic return email was received, stating quite simply; ‘Thank you for your interest’. REALLY????

Has Congress yet passed Protect our Kids Act? – No

Have our Senate and House Representatives yet given the approval and passed into action the Reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act? – No

Perhaps we are turning away from these evil brutal truths because there are so many millions, if not billions, who still walk in the silence of these crimes today? Perhaps we do not want to open the door to all of these stories because we are afraid it will hit too close to home and we will realize there is someone we know; someone who is close to us; someone we love; perhaps even our own children who are still struggling to survive these atrocious acts of evil?

If we do not bring these truths to the forefront of our discussions then how will we be able to convince our kids it is safe; they CAN talk, they CAN speak up, they DO NOT have to feel ashamed of what’s happened to them. How can we empower our kids with the greatest weapon they hold; their voice? IF WE ARE NOT PUBLICLY TALKING ABOUT THESE STORIES AND THEIR GROWING NUMBERS, HOW CAN WE TEACH OUR CHILDREN TO SPEAK UP FOR THEIR OWN PROTECTION? How can we possibly teach them there is no shame if we are still turning away, pretending not to see or hear; whispering about the acts, but yet telling our kids there is nothing to be ashamed of, it is not their fault?.

We cannot remove the stain of shame on these victims until we can talk about it comfortably ourselves. What example of decency are we giving them if we are still whispering about the crimes of abuse and violence within our homes? I believe it continues to drive into our children that they must remain silent rather than reveal their rapist is their father, or their mother, or even their sibling. It’s alright to come forward and speak when it is someone outside the family unit, be it a teacher, minister, coach, boy scout leader; admitting this and charging them publicly is an act of courage and they should be proud of those they saved from falling prey to these monsters, but stay quiet if it is one of us who is attacking you and beating you, raping you, molesting you; don’t air your dirty laundry is what we are still teaching our kids today.

Excuse my blunt nature, but this is not a crime we survivors have committed; it is a crime that has been committed against us!!! The acts of child rape, molestation, beating, neglect, murder; the acts of beating and degrading, controlling and attempting to murder our spouses or partners; these are all crimes, but yet they are never heard in criminal courts. These acts are dealt with in family courts. Why? If it is a stranger who pushes me, punches me, attacks me in any manner, then it is a criminal case. However; if my father rapes me, my mother beats me and the entire community around me refuses to see the harmful neglect of rotting teeth, filthy hygiene and growing disgust of flesh eating infection, then all of this should be kept quiet. Never again will I be silent about what those around me did and those within my community either watched it happen or they took part in the trafficking of a child. They ignored the horrifying screams of me begging my husband to please stop beating me. They pretended not to see the face so beaten that it was beyond recognition and the broken ribs, collar bones, and severe bruising that covered my body was all just a ploy for attention. Really?????

To all of you incredible survivors who have fought through the madness that is inflicted by these crimes, I say to you;

NEVER GIVE UP!!! Our stories may never make it to be great success stories, but I guarantee you that each of your stories are touching the lives of those who read them. We are opening up the door so that others can see the horrific destruction that is caused by these acts. Your stories are being whispered about, but they are touching the lives of other victims and relieving the burden of shame they carry. Your stories and mine are making a difference ONE SOUL AT A TIME and we will make an impact on the generations to come. We are all saving the life of someone we don’t even know and rescuing those who live trapped in this hell. 

My choice to speak up was made for my children so that I could help them understand and see the person who lies within their mother. My choice to break free from the trained pattern of accepting these violent acts against me was because of the desire to give my children a better way of life. The choice I make right now to commit the rest of my years as an advocate is done for the children yet to come. It is a hope that things will change, that our society will see what is happening; our children falling apart and the surge of mental despair that is exploding around us; this is my drive to build what I feel is my path, my destiny. It helps me to take the thirty years of brutal and almost deadly attacks I’ve survived, then turn it all around into something as precious and gentle as a butterfly coming to life.

Now is the time for all of us to climb out of the darkness of our cocoon and soar into the possibilities of a better life. I am one of the many, one of the devoted, now one of the strong adamant souls who are spreading my wings and flying through the wonderful freedom of safety and happiness, which of course is something we were all intended to have as we took our first breath of life.

Live Strong & Fly Free

© Patricia A. McKnight

Advocate/Author/Speaker/Writer/Talk Radio Prod & Host/Survivor

Founder/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Survivors World online support group

Generation No More

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

My Justice’ is available through most online book resources

Authorhouse.com/Barnes&Noble/Amazon/Lulu

Paperback, E-Book, Kindle & Nook Versions

My Justice Read by Author Patricia McKnight 01/20 by Fire Talk Production | Politics Progressive Podcasts

My Justice Read by Author Patricia McKnight 01/20 by Fire Talk Production | Politics Progressive Podcasts.

This was one of the most powerful interviews. A huge thank you to Nell Cole & David Little Eagle for this fabulous opportunity to share my story, ‘My Justice’

 

Welcome Warrior Child Patricia McKnight who will join us to read from her book My Justice.

 

This amazing story of survival will capture you from Prelude to Ending. It will shock and disturb the deepest parts of your being. In it you will walk the path of a little girl so utterly destroyed by those entrusted with her care. You will feel her strength to survive as the towns people around her ignored the child’s cry. Trecia Ann will allow you into her thoughts; her exasperating fears that haunt her soul.

 

http://bookstore.authorhouse.com/Products/SKU-000373503/My-Justice.aspx

To have ‘Trish’ come speak at your next training event or a community awareness mission, please email direct: butterflydreamsteam@live.com

Connect on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

Survivors World – Understanding YOUR Trauma 02/19 by Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery | Self Help Podcasts

Survivors World – Understanding YOUR Trauma 02/19 by Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery | Self Help Podcasts.

Hi ya Bookie Darlins 🙂 Are you ready for Survivors World tonight on Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio. Join in w/ Trish & special co-host tonight, returning for a continuing chat from Monday’s discussion concerning the heavy prescription dosage of #Psychotropic #Medications. Tonight we are discussing the functions of your wounding from trauma. There is a Five Step suggested process on our homepage, please learn to understand the impact of your wounding. How is your emotional and responsive wiring been jolted and sometimes impossible to manage. If you’d like to join in we are broadcasting live at 9pm eastern tonight. You’re invited to call us at 347-215-7754 or connect with Support Butterflies in our chatroom. Breathe and know it will be alright ❤

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS, IT IS POSSIBLE TO SEEK & RECEIVE HELP, PLEASE RESCUE YOU TODAY!!

Working through your recovery and understanding your trauma, here are some great daily steps you can use to take back your power!!!  Artwork via Michal Madison Art!!

Broken Parents creating Broken Children

 

IMG_6807 Through this writing I hope to touch the heart of just one family, just one broken parent or confused child, to believe in hope. I hope that in some way, through my voice and the hundreds of others, we as a society can provide a resource within every community to help families deal directly with these issues, rather than turning away, passing judgment, placing blame, and ignoring the signs we have learned can lead to something much worse; look deeper than the surface and heal the broken souls within.

This is what happens when broken children become broken parents without anyone willing to notice or help provide the resources and support they need to mend their family unit. This is the part I cannot stress enough, which should be so important in our society today; healing the parents to empower their ability to protect & guide their children with love, patience, understanding and most of all without the threat of sexual contact stealing away their child’s inner being.

There is a very large piece of the puzzle which I cannot speak about publicly in detail, because it is not my story to tell; it is the inner lives of my children and grandchildren. Many of you have heard me share about the dysfunction which continues to invade my bloodline; the 3rd generation touched by the evil which so many witnessed, permitted and some even took part in a long time ago.

 Those many adults in the small community of Freeburg decided I wasn’t a harmed child, I was just a whore!! Sadly I was just a kid forced to endure his evil, her disregard & severe neglect; all those years abandoned within a house of hell!!

They trained me you know. Mona & Malcolm both; they trained me to believe I was not even human. If they would have forced me to eat from the dog’s bowl, which I’m really surprised they didn’t; it could not have been any more evil in that house. You may not have been aware of just how cruel it was on the inside, but that which many of you did witness would be enough to hopefully alarm any neighbor, family friend, educator or police force today. However, it still amazes me how many children still fall through the cracks of our distorted perceptions of what is allowed within the family unit.

Today all my nightmares are history and despite the deep scarring effect, it only matters because of how that which was permitted against a little girl way back then, twisted the child’s thoughts, decision process, and perception of what was to be accepted & tolerated within her life; leaving a broken dysfunctional mess who went from one abuser to the next looking for love and acceptance, then had children in the mix of her own adult confusion.

 Well today the dysfunction left behind still invades the lives of my grandchildren in some form and that makes me angry, hurt, sad.

In all honesty I didn’t think I’d ever be able to get pregnant. After all those years of unprotected sex, internal injury from multiple rapes; worst of all being the shotgun barrel he used when I was twelve. Then there was all the ongoing years without any medical care or cleaning, how could I have expected to ever have children? Really I didn’t think God considered me worthy of being a ‘mom’ but in the end He did and they are still the three most cherished gifts I’ve ever been given.

When I begin to look inside myself during these past years of healing. The hardest part was accepting how what I had allowed and the decisions I made in my broken adult self, had effected the healthy development of my children and their sense of what a stable secure life was really like. There were many years of painful abuse & violence which distorted my views and until I was 35 years old, I seriously didn’t even know there were places of help who would have given us safe shelter and provided me with a beginning start on life skills to better handle things.

My children were stuck going through the physical rule and verbal degradation of their father, then the wrath of their stepfather for another four years before I was strong enough to take a chance and break away from my ‘normal’; the only way of life I had ever known. I wasn’t sure I could handle providing what my young children needed to survive. Housing, food, clothing, school it was all a terrifying thought, but I absolutely had to take that chance if I ever wanted them to know some sense of family love without harm.

Today we often ask; ‘Why does that abused parent stay when they are being harmed, beaten, almost murdered? We blame that parent rather than see their broken distorted views of what life and family is all about.  You wouldn’t even begin to imagine how well I was trained to believe this type of thing was all I deserved. In truth this type of brutal cruelty was the only ‘normal’ I ever knew.

The tolerance, the need for wanting to be loved, the sense that I wasn’t capable of providing my kids the life they deserved, that I couldn’t survive without a partner in my life, the desperate need for someone to ‘love’ me and just accept me lasted through twenty years and six different men. The abuse covered absolutely every form and exploded on many different levels. I just cannot explain the full impact this ended up having on my children’s lives.

 How many other children and families are dealing with this same cycle of pain passing through their lives today? We can only take the statistical information and multiply it by what Congress has stated; ‘For every one report that is made at least six others are not’. Think about the HUGE number of families and victims who never report a single attack against them, and the children who have no voice at all in their home.

What of those who are like me; abandoned and left to believe it was all they deserve and no one will ever care, so why should they ever reach out for help or bother with making a report? What of those broken parents who believe they will have their children whisked away because of the violence and abuse they continue to tolerate? We need to provide resources so they can heal their own lives, then help them become the parents they need to be, responsible & protective, nurturing & gentle.

My greatest guilt is that I didn’t realize the wounded impact it would have on their lives as they grew up, even though we had broken away and had our own house of safety, filled with a family bond, love, laughter, and no exploding violence. 

Although my children may admit they knew I loved them, or they may even remember the treats, special holidays, birthdays and other such events filled with many moments of laughter, love, and family bonding; our lives were chaos from my emotional stresses, the wounding left from all those decades of violence mixed with the lack of life skills to keep us going. Needless to say most of their good memories are outweighed by the disruption of violence or emotional dysfunction within their home. The relationship I have with my adult children is still very broken; it is all so crisscrossed with the insane aftermath of what happened way back when.

Today my greatest worry is my grandchildren? Are they going to live knowing what it’s like to really be safe and be at peace within their homes? Will their lives be stable or will they grow within the invasion of the ongoing cycle of dysfunction? Sadly, I know this answer as I’ve seen how its already played out in their early lives, but I pray there will be someone who can help me convince my children of how deep this ugly nightmare bleeds into our family and the need for them to find a way to face the truth of their own need to heal. I’m constantly worrying about their decisions and what I know they already accept in their relationships, the sacrifices they lay on their children rather than listening to the pleas of their mother to connect with the resources I give them and heal themselves; become the parents their children deserve before there is serious harm and they have to face the same child/parent crisis I deal with today.

Do you think they will ever understand why I have chosen to be the strong voice against abuse that I’ve worked so hard to become today? Do you think they understand how it all connects together and until they heal their wounds, accept their own faults as much as their abilities; only then can they become the truly capable parents their children need? Will they ever understand how it breaks my heart to know there is nothing more I can do to help them, that today it is all in their adult hands and they lay out the future for how it will effect their children’s normal growth, development and possible success in life?  The truth is that the more I beg them to look at their lives and decisions, their choices and feelings, and how it all impacts their children’s lives, this is usually when they become tempered with me or they cut me out altogether.

Sadly, as I look at this deep set disconnection with my children all I can do is cry. It rips my heart apart and shreds me of any desire to continue moving forward at all. I want to break into pieces, I want to hide in the darkness, I want to scream out ‘I LOVE YOU’, but I know the depth of that love will never be heard. It is a tragedy I hope none of you have to bare, but for those many broken parents like me it is almost a certainty. Today I am so tired of this screwed up insane disconnection to the three persons who had given me a reason to live.  How I long for them to understand the strength it took for me to take that chance and escape the violent life, buy us a house, and then be even stronger to get rid of the different abusers who would follow. Isn’t it time they found some level of compassion for the woman who did her best to create a safe home for them, instill decency and good values, made sure we had dinner together every night, attended school functions with great pride in their accomplishments and some special treat for their efforts; the one who kept them believing in their dreams even when others told them it was a waste of time.

It feels as if nothing will earn me the compassion and forgiveness from my children, not their understanding or simple love for the mother I tried to be then and the woman I am still becoming today. I cannot wish away the mess of yesterday nor can I be the one who heals their wounds today. They are broken, they are enduring the aftermath of those once tolerated acts of their mother.. They are treading water trying to figure out why they can’t get out of the mess or how in the hell they ended up there in the first place? Now I can only suggest ways for them to work through things, provide resource contacts as I would for anyone, or be the one to hear their cries over the phone. They are adults now and it is time for them to take on their own adult responsibilities. It is time to release me from the sole blame for all that went wrong, and let go of the brainwashing forced into their heads so long ago. It is time for them to mend their ways, accept their own wrong behaviors & decisions, and begin giving their children the lives they deserve.

This share is for all of the parents who carry the heartbreak of how their own wounding that has cycled into their children’s lives despite all their efforts to change and protect, love & guide. This is what we as a society must begin to accept today if we hope to help end this ongoing insanity and life altering impact of family violence & dysfunction in our children’s lives. Can we continue allowing it to go on without addressing the deep rooted truth? We continue to learn through the many hundreds sharing their history of wicked torture and dysfunction, that what happens within our own family can often be the most evil danger our children will ever experience. I hope we can learn from these many incredible survivors of hell.

Thanks so much to those who help me make it through with your positive hope and the friendships I’ve built. Blessings to the wounded souls of yesterday. May our families heal and this be the end of the ever present ongoing destruction that cycles through our generations. Believe that you can be the beginning of change within your family unit. I wish you peace and inner balance to mend the wounds of our past and provide the healing hope many families are in need of today. 

Dream big, expect miracles, and never accept anything less than love & safety

Thank you  bdarBANNER

©Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Fndr/CEO: Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight

Crisis Support/Mentor/Key Note Speaker/Radio Host/Author

‘My Justice’ Finally sharing the voice stolen away so long ago.

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

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~~Always believe anything is possible with you in the active equation~~