Who I am today

 

miracles-happen  “I’m not feeling sorry for myself, so please don’t pity me, it really just makes the situation worse. What I need is to know that something I say or do or write will help you support someone whose been harmed, as well as prevent or intervene when something happens in your circle today.”

Over the past ten years I’ve been on a reality mission to figure out who I am, without focusing on what has been done to influence my past beliefs and behaviors. Learning about the aftermath of my personal war and the influence I have left on those I treasure most. This is not an easy process and one which comes and goes in different situations and challenges as I get stronger and learn more about myself and the actions of others; all resulting in who I am today.

My idea of self appreciation and self worth was never developed because I was put in my place, and lived in the example of who THEY thought I was or the value I carried as a person. Tragically, just in America, we have 3.7+ Million children still living in those same types of environments today. Even worse is that myself and millions of others know exactly who that child might become tomorrow, especially if they are not given help or have at least one positive person who gives them something more to believe in and seek to achieve a greater good.

My stepfather, Malcolm White, was truly walking evil; to me he was and always will be the devil himself. In fact, he used to quote; ‘Heaven doesn’t want me and the Devil is afraid I’ll take over’. I knew in my heart that he would definitely kick the Devil’s ass and de-throne him without an ounce of effort. However ridiculous as it might sound, I am still afraid of his ghost some six years or more after his death. I can still feel him lurking around like an animal after his most favorite prey. I can’t sleep for more than three or four hours at any one time, then suddenly I’m shocked awake and for a split second I’m still in harms way, even though I truly am not.

For Malcolm, the violent molesting attacks that began before he married my mother was not enough. His appetite for cruelty and deviate influence progressed to the point I became HIS PROPERTY; my mother, Mona, stepped aside and did absolutely nothing to help me or care for me ever again. I was told to shut up and stop whining. I still hear this from my siblings today on the rare occasion I speak to them at all. For me the only family I had died in March 1989 and I still mourn his death today. I just stopped by his grave last week and thanked him for helping as much as he could. He was just a boy, a boy who willingly lived in our home until he was 22yrs old; but he was a boy who stepped in front of Malcolm’s rage more than once and he stepped in front of the loaded weapons pointed at my head. He would have taken that bullet rather than see me be harmed. For John, I will never have the chance to repay what he did for me, which was the best that had happened until I was 40 yrs old.

Malcolm influenced my sexual behavior with other boys and men within the community of Freeburg beginning around age 11, when he first arranged a special party with a case of beer and about five neighborhood boys who hung with my brother. I was instructed on who to invite, how to dress, and what to encourage and allow these boys to do with me. It is the most shameful and disgusting memory that I carry. I attended school with these boys. I saw them hanging in the park everyday, and I would party with them being my ‘friends’ for the next five years.

It was just a few weeks later he took me to JB Tavern, just two blocks from our house, where my mother worked and all the coalminers hung out. I was fed double shots of vodka with orange juice, so many that I puked the entire evening and next day. We were there for about two hours when Dave and a crew of miners came in to shoot pool and toss back a few beers. I was given a dollar for the jukebox and instructed on how to ‘shake my ass’ as I played the music. I was asked to pick out the cutest guy, and then taken to his table and offered out for a trip out back or in the car; all it would cost is a couple of beers. This was my value if I had any at all, and when he looked at Malcolm and said; ‘She’s just a kid’, I was taken to the car and beaten for being so ugly no one would ever want anything to do with me at all. ‘I was lucky they wanted to ‘f***’ me’. This was who I became and just part of how I was used until I finally escaped, running to move in with the first guy who asked; a guy from thirty miles away who didn’t know anything about me or my family history. I just needed to get away before I either killed Malcolm or he killed me.

At that time I was 17yrs old; he was going to purchase a mobile home and put me on a plat of ground where he would have his own special key to come over anytime and bring whomever he wished. I didn’t care who helped me get away and I certainly didn’t take time to evaluate who he was or how he treated me. As a result of my inability to realize the inner cruelty he had, the following two years would be almost deadly on a weekly basis.

In the influence of my parents, I became the perfect lifetime victim. It didn’t take much kindness for me to open my legs and my heart; for me to seek their approval regardless of the cost, so long as I felt they wanted me. My behaviors became coping strategies. I was fed a case a beer before I turned 10 years old. It was the way Malcolm reduced my rejections or put me in a manipulating and controllable condition. I was given my first joint before I was 12 and to say the least, this is what I depended on to numb the loss and disgust that I couldn’t escape. Lance was the first to give me cocaine, and I even did a few small hits of acid; but it definitely was not for me and the cocaine was too expensive, so my constant state of being was either drinking or high, or both until I got pregnant and left the country. It was a blessing to be removed from all that surrounded me, but the man I married was not the same man I lived with over there. This man had me in the perfect place; I couldn’t escape and had no one around to talk with or convince me that I wasn’t as low a piece of crap as he insisted I was. Our society wasn’t even discussing the acts of child abuse or family violence back then and I definitely didn’t know anything other than what I had been so well trained to accept; it was my ‘normal’.

From 20 to 40 there was a handful of failed and cruel relationships, some more violent and destructive than others, but each a reflection of the only thing I knew. I fought constantly trying to absorb all of the bad so that my kids would never know that type of pain; however, I didn’t realize just how the chaos was affecting them and the example of womanhood I was giving my daughters. Imagine seeing your mom be beaten to a pulp while you’re sitting at the kitchen table waiting for her to come eat dinner with you. Suddenly the perfect plate of food she delivered to him goes flying across the room, and because she wasn’t going to sit on the couch with him, she was thrown, kicked, punched and slammed against walls, the stove, the sink and the door. Finally the fighting stops and she comes into the table, trying to calm your little sister and get everyone to eat as if nothing happened. Imagine the confusion and human value your children learn in our examples of tolerance. How do you think they will grow to see the world and what value they will hold precious about themselves? What will their children learn and how will they behave in school or in the teenage social situations as they develop?

This is our human conditioning and it leaves an ugly mark on all those affected. It distorts our value of ourselves and how we treat others. Some might become extreme protectors and put the needs of others higher than the needs of themselves and their happiness. Some might become lost in drugs, alcohol, or even deviate attacks on others. Some of those like me get so lost they can’t get out and are emotionally wounded forever; these are those prone to submissive and self harming behavior, that which commonly ends in suicide or overdose ending in death. They can’t hold productive steady employment and have chronic health conditions which studies are finding are actually early onset conditions that first show up as Juvenile Fibromyalgia or Early Post Traumatic Stress; conditions that hold trigger reactions before the person is old enough to realize the effect at all. The overall economic cost to society, becomes the taxpayers burden because of these invading health and emotional conditions that cause a reduction or inability to sustain in self supportive life development. Most have difficulty in learning skills or the development of healthy, productive life skills. After all when did they have time to concentrate on homework or study for that big test?

Personally, I’ve got so many injuries and health problems my body and my daily life are a mess. The cost of my constant healthcare in pain management, medications, various procedures, circulatory and pulmonary progressive diseases; I’ve been on disability since 2007. I would have to say that the worst of my conditions today is the permanent spinal cord trauma which has caused elongated cystic sacs to grow inside of my central canal, a condition called Syringomyelia. This alone causes wide spread severe pain, but add in the intense Fibro & Head Trauma and you’ve got a disastrous mess. I’m not feeling sorry for myself, so please don’t pity me, it really just makes the situation worse. What I need is to know that something I say or do or write will help you support someone whose been harmed, as well as prevent or intervene when something happens in your circle today.

Victims and Survivors need to know that their suffering and their voice matters to someone; that someone cares enough to help heal the wounds and make us stronger so that we can provide a better life for ourselves and more importantly our children. We need the law changes to prosecute these types of repeat heinous offenders. For most of us, we will never be given a chance at justice, because the laws of our past allow absolute minimum time to report or press charges; in Illinois these offense statutes allow only ONE YEAR after victim’s 18th birthday. Hell, I didn’t even know what the word trafficking was and definitely feared this couple so much, along with the condemnation of those around me; my life was something so destructive and disgusting I couldn’t tell anyone what happened to me at all until I was around 35 years old. Some knew that my childhood wasn’t pleasant, but no one, including myself, really knew just how evil and tragic it was.

We are NOT our parents, and we do NOT have to live in the sorrow, pain, and pattern of harm or victim they taught us. We have a choice today and we can actually use the strength of amazing survivors who are finally able to discuss what’s happened; use their courage to speak up as a precious gift. This is a strength beyond measure they cling to and can use, not just to help themselves, but to influence how we help and how we can truly save the life of someone else today. You can be the one to step in and take the bullet; you can stop the bleeding and help stitch up the wounds of our kids lost in the pattern of destruction, crime, drugs, and harm they are trying to survive today. Please don’t sit on the sidelines and judge what that person should or shouldn’t do, because until that same personal violation is against you, then you can never know how it feels or the damage it causes. You may be stronger than they are and bounce back with no problem, but you may watch someone else slowly disintegrate so horribly that it becomes their own extinction.

Today I use my past, all of it; my behaviors and my pain, my bad choices and the influence I’ve seen continue in my children and grand children’s lives; I use all of this hoping that somehow I can help empower one other survivor to believe they absolutely matter. Hoping that I can inspire one victim to get help for themselves and their family. Hoping that I can change the offensive behavior of someone who has been harmed, but reacts and attacks others in their pain. We DO NOT have to harm others or devalue ourselves, because on this amazing planet; every life and every breath taken truly matters and we all have the power to do something about it.

Be a Hope-Line & save a life

Thank you for reading & I do hope you’ll share

Love for all,

‘Trish’

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Author: ‘My Justice’     mj-2

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62  

Promo 07.17.2016

‘My Justice’ the survivor story from hell that will change your perception of family harm

coverkindle   https://youtu.be/0Rpt_oHU5NM

Patricia A. McKnight ~~ ‘My Justice’

By John Miller on January 4, 2014 ~~ “Without any doubt, “My Justice” by Patricia A McKnight is one of the most horrifying, chilling and shocking accounts of child abuse, that I have ever read.”

By Stormy on March 26, 2016 ~~ “Difficult to read though it is worth it for the knowledge gained about one of the most horrific crimes against nature and the destruction that is left in its tracks.”

Lynn C. Tolson – Survivor/Advocate/Avid Reader/Inspiring Speaker for Survivors of Sexual Harm ~~”McKnight uses details, descriptions, and a direct writing model to convey the terror of her childhood and young adulthood. The style seemed stream-of-consciousness, as if telling a story all in one breath. While reading, I held my breath, waiting to exhale.”

Attention Media

‘My Justice’ is one of those survivor stories you will never forget. Described as ‘Shocking, Horrifying, Disturbing’; ‘It is amazing you are alive today’

I am constantly amazed in the types of careers who have focused their expertise in some form after reading ‘My Justice’ or have used this memoir to help others in their type of profession to truly understand the complex levels of the child, the woman, the mother who was brutally offended over a forty year period. From her early development extending into her third marriage this woman did not know what it was to have someone who didn’t try to degrade or harm you. She never received any medical care for her serious injuries sustained in the many attacks. Everything from serious concussions from being knocked-out or the many layers of filth, infected sores, and rotting, broken black fangs that replaced her childhood smile by the time she was thirteen.

Imagine never being hugged by your mother, never hearing ‘I love you, I’m here to protect you’ from the woman who brought you into this world. Mona kept me from the father & grandparents who would have helped me, rescued me and cared for me throughout my entire childhood. She permitted my stepfather to claim me and use me as property, to exploit me at our local taverns for a few beers, to hold private parties with large groups of grown men, or to take me on their dates to entice other men to buy our drinks while he grinded his groin against me as he slow-danced with me in front of everyone.

Imagine a mother who could be so dismissing and cold towards just one of her children, that she used her as a household slave. Everyday it was getting my younger sister to school, picking her up, walking her home, starting dinner immediately, helping my sister with homework, setting a proper table and cleaning up all the mess from whatever meat, veggie, and potato meal had been prepared by her alone. Imagine being told to use the toothbrush to scrub the lime from around the sink, scrub the crevices of the bathroom with bleach, to spend every day doing household chores and praying for just two or three hours during summer weekends to escape.

This is a survivor story that in truth still continues, because you simply cannot erase the physical, sexual, violent, and verbal destruction that became the only type of existence this one child ever knew. The depth of viciousness and disregard against this one girl is something so twisted, that not even the best psychiatrists have been able to understand. Most will say the story is completely unbelievable and that it was published as a ‘novel’ so it must not, and could not possibly have really happened. I assure society as a whole and welcome ANYONE who knew me as a child growing up in our small coalmining area to comment or prove me lying. If you know my family, if you grew up and went to school at Freeburg High School, Carl L Barton Elementary School, even those who passed through my life knowing my parents Malcolm & Mona White; I invite you to speak up and share whatever memories you might have of me. I know that if John Spurlock were alive today, he would be there supporting me and defending me as he almost gave his life on more than one occasion when he stepped between Malcolm as he was coming after me.

This is a story that is definitely happening to at least 1 in 20 kids in America today. It is a story on so many disturbing levels of harm, you may think of the brutal cultures that exist in other countries and just how horrific they really are against children. The worst tragedy of this story however, is that for the author, the influence and the impact of all the sustained injuries is a huge part of her life today. She desperately tries to fight to change our laws. She has educated her children on the rights and wrongs against other people and helping their children rather than living in the circling emotional suffering. This author gives her voice, her story, and reveals all of the ugly parts of her real person so that we can provide the support, recovery, and changes in our policies and healthcare system to ensure that we are able to be a society protecting tomorrow’s children today.

Join this strong advocate who gives presentations at universities, for nonprofit services, churches, and in community settings. You will find her across social media empowering others to honestly believe that life is in their control, they can change what is happening in their aftermath today and how it will affect their life skills, parenting, and even successful employment if they do not begin their own life changing recovery process today. She is a peer support person in addictions, substance abuse, sex trafficking, family violence, and most of all as an ‘expert’ in the constant drive to becoming whomever you wish to be as you take your chance at life.

Connect for more information online through the below links;

https://www.linkedin.com/in/patriciaamcknight?trk=hp-identity-photo

www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

https://twitter.com/triciagirl62

 

 

Begin the Human Recovery….

Attention Please!!

Re: CSA Survivors

The history of Family Offenders, Grievous Permanent Injury & Sex Crimes Against Children, Understanding Family & Trauma Dynamics

Public Plea for our Media Journalists & Advocacy Organizations;

You hold the answer to everything!!!

In your journalistic program you share knowledge with the world, not just in our local area. It is your team that puts information out there, and lately we are hearing more about the predators of Crimes Against Children. You inform the neighborhoods of new predators to watch out for, those arrested or help our legal system find the possible victims of these predators. You also keep society on it’s toes about the growing gang violence, street crime, home invasions, drug overdoses, domestic shootings and homicides, as well as details concerning the very alarming rates of Mental Health & Chronic Pain Management on our already broken healthcare system..

Some huge Illinois changes. The Criminal Committee passed, with full support; HB 1127, 1128, 1129 each covering the Statute of Limitations for Sex Crimes Against Children!!! Now I am personally pushing Illinois Legislators & our Nation’s Federal Policy Division to address the problematic system when Child Trafficking is connected to a relative or direct person of care/guardian.

What if I told you that I have absolute proof of how all of these are connected to trauma in our childhood, especially trauma affect related to Child Sexual Abuse/Assault/Trafficking?

Here are a few details which I’ve personally spent five years researching to confirm every detail.

Centers for Disease/Child Maltreatment

Data from the most recent National Survey of Adolescents and other studies indicate that one in four children and adolescents in the United States experiences at least one potentially traumatic event before the age of 16, and more than 13% of 17-year-olds—one in eight—have experienced posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) at some point in their lives

National Child Traumatic Stress Network/Traumatic Stress and Substance Abuse

In the National Survey of Adolescents, teens who had experienced physical or sexual abuse/assault were three times more likely to report past or current substance abuse than those without a history of trauma3 n In surveys of adolescents receiving treatment for substance abuse, more than 70% of patients had a history of trauma exposure. This correlation is particularly strong for adolescents with PTSD. Studies indicate that up to 59% of young people with PTSD subsequently develop substance abuse problems.

Several studies have found that substance use developed following trauma exposure (25%–76%) or the onset of PTSD (14%–59%) in a high proportion of teens with substance abuse disorders. Recent research in this area also suggests that traumatic stress or PTSD may make it more difficult for adolescents to stop using, as exposure to reminders of the traumatic event have been shown to increase drug cravings in people with co-occurring trauma and substance abuse.

Child Welfare/Maltreatment and Brain Development

The structural and neurochemical damage caused by maltreatment can create deficits in all areas of executive functioning, even at an early age (Hostinar, Stellern, Schaefer, Carlson, & Gunnar, 2012; National Scientific Council on the Developing Child, 2011). Executive functioning skills help people achieve academic and career success, bolster social interactions, and assist in everyday activities. The brain alterations caused by a toxic stress response can result in lower academic achievement, intellectual impairment, decreased IQ, and weakened ability to maintain attention (Wilson, 2011).

An underdeveloped cortex can lead to increased impulsive behavior, as well as difficulties with tasks that require higher-level thinking and feeling. These teens may show delays in school and in social skills as well (Chamberlain, 2009

They may be more drawn to taking risks, and they may have more opportunities to experiment with drugs and crime if they live in environments that put them at increased risk for these behaviors. Maltreatment as a younger child can have longitudinal negative effects on brain development during adolescence. Adolescents with a history of childhood maltreatment can have decreased levels of growth in the hippocampus and amygdala compared to nonmaltreated adolescents (Whittle et al., 2013).

In the FFY 2011, Dept of Health & Human Services/Children’s Bureau; I researched the 237 page report to determine the crucial factors that we needed to know in our statistics concerning the reporting & confirming of child maltreatment in the United States. It took three months of day and night connecting the crucial demographics which directly impacted the lives of our children. I have published this now 5 page specific report along with an Excel Sheet for exact demographics in each state.

Here is the critical information we can absolutely prove as it is provided in the official report publications.

https://survivorsjustice.com/child-maltreatment-report-ffy-2011/

FFY 2011, ended in a GRAND TOTAL OF 3,734,012 Child Maltreatment calls to CPS and Alternative Response reporting systems. A total of 2,360,614 were written off as either Unsubstantiated, Closed with no finding, No need for further investigation.

***Total Child Population Reported = 74,830,766

***Total Number of Calls to CPS Services = 3,734,012

  • Substantiated = 687,817  = 18.5%
  • Unsubstantiated = 2,360,634 = 58.9%
  • Boys are 48.6% – Girls are 51.1%
  • 1 in every 9.5 girls & 1 in every 8.5 boys are the victim of maltreatment.
  • More than 75 percent (78.5%) suffered neglect
  • More than 15 percent ( 17.6%) suffered physical abuse
  • Less than 10 percent (9.1%) suffered sexual abuse

As of this published report via Children’s Bureau; 1 in every 9 children are the victim of some form of maltreatment. Apply the Congressional Statement of 2012 in addressing Adult Sexual Assault on Campus & Military (adults who had control over reporting);

Congress released; ‘For every ONE report that is made, at least SIX others are not.’

When using the confirmed counts of 1 in 9 children being sexually abused, apply the six reports never made, we can reasonably estimate 1 in 3 children being sexually abused!!

How poverty is connected, although these heinous acts cross all demographics, there are some environments which have a more devastating influence on the lived & learned behavioral patterns of teens and adults.

http://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/publications/2015/demo/p60-252.pdf

In 2014, the official poverty rate was 14.8 percent. There were 46.7 million people in poverty. Neither the poverty rate nor the number of people in poverty were statistically different from the 2013 estimates

During the 4-year period from 2009 to 2012, 34.5 percent of the population had at least one spell of poverty lasting 2 or more months. The poverty stressor within the family unit or home, can influence addictive or raging behaviors, it can fuel the fire so to speak for more deviate or grievous actions.

It is a well known fact by many World & National Anti Human Trafficking organizations, the economic & family stressors, an abusive parent or a guardian with pedophile tendencies; these are all factors for children at risk of forced sexual encounters with other persons or adults. At least 1 in 10 children, those who live in these high risk environments, are at a much higher risk of being sold or shared, exploited for money, food, shelter, or simple control of the child.

In closing this hopeful reach for your help to educate our society about these facts, there is one more truth that is crucial to connect – the connection to Prostitution.

The average age a child is trafficked into the commercial sex trade industry is between 11 and 14 years old. National Center for Missing and Exploited Children estimates that one of every seven endangered runaways reported to the Center are likely victims of minor sex trafficking. And, from 2004 through 2008, the Internet Crimes Against Children Task Forces have experienced an increase of more than 900 percent in the number of child victims of prostitution.

The National Human Trafficking Resource Center confirms at least 70% of Adult Prostitutes report Childhood Sexual Abuse. The early influence that it is just our bodies, it is just for sexual pleasure; this takes away from the true inner value of that human being and sets a negative life path that will be continuously challenging, even relating to later life chronic health conditions as a result of high stress environment.

On average our National Funding Provides the following in the lifetime recovery & prevention estimates:

$124 Billion every year in the recovery of child abuse

$    8.3 Billion every year in the recovery of domestic violence

$       120 Million every year spent in Anti Trafficking measures

Gross estimate = $ 132,420,000,000.00

Our United States Taxpayers are covering the ongoing cost, and multiple growing deficits in supplying rescue, recovery, life skills, and prevention of our own learned destructive human behaviors. Think of lifelong medical & mental health problems, inability to maintain steady employment, and the cost of providing drugs or alcohol in their addictions, the cost of crime rates and incarceration. It is a never ending dollar amount that only our change in tolerance and teaching appropriate behavior and connections in social settings that will change any of this human destruction.

It is time we get a public interview and constant discussion with our political representatives about just how important this topic is for our Human Recovery as a whole and rebuilding our families in a more supportive and assistive circle between community, schools, healthcare, law enforcement, and our judicial system in Child Protective Services.

Please contact me so that we can discuss any opportunities that your special talents can help us unite across the country and around the world.

Respectfully,

Patricia A McKnight

Email: p.mcknight@charter.net

CSA Survivor Force Regional Spokesperson

Child Abuse & Child Sexual Assault Expert

Cert Human Trafficking 101 Trainer

Cert IL DV & CA Support Advocate

Family Crimes Act – Trecia’s Law

Creator: ‘A View from the Inside – Connecting Family Crimes & Human Trafficking’   A View from the Inside

Facebook.com/triciagirl62

www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamstalkradio

To change our world we have to heal our past……

 

Have you noticed the multitude of Adult Survivors of Child Sex Crimes who are sharing their collective voices across the United States? Actually if you really notice it’s happening in every country around the world; filling the internet and becoming part of the norm? I must say myself and every other adult survivor never thought we would be able to break our silence, release the ugly secrets, and have our voices matter. It’s outstanding the pendulum swing and it’s about damn time we take a real hard look at what has been tolerated inside our families throughout our human history.

Often inside our homes is now or can become the most dangerous place in the world!!!

National Institute of Mental Health estimates 4.2% of Adult Americans with Serious Mental Illness (SMI)

 

Why the NIMH Data?

What do we absolutely know about Trauma and our Brain; Emotional Response vs Learned Behavioral Patterns?

Let me make clear that I am in no way a licensed or specially trained psychology expert on any level. However, what I can say is:

  • I lived in a tumultuously dangerous environment for 40 years
  • I have worked through my 3rd nervous breakdown and have been a continuous work in progress for six straight years
  • It has taken days upon days of research to be prepared & provide actual confirmed information in hopes of assisting others like myself. In producing/hosting more than 200 online talk radio programs concerning different levels of this topic; our mental health, physical health, and even family health seriously impacted, which then effects our communities, crime, drugs, alcohol, gang and school violence, bullying, work place violence and societal abuses that plagues America’s most vital Freedom; our justice system.
  • I have attended trainings provided by local & Illinois State organizations to provide my certifications in Domestic & Family Violence Assistance and Prevention received by Violence Prevention Center of SW IL in June 2013. Also certification in Human Trafficking 101 which was provided by Rescue & Restore Coalition of East St. Louis in March 2014.
  • To provide assured information in the website and support provided by Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery. Links and research has been appropriately provided in it’s development and updates since September 2012; along with the honor to share the creative watercolor art by Advocate/Friend/Survivor Michal Madison. www.michalmadisonart.com
  • In my attended trainings throughout 2013 & 2014 this included Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention; Child Abuse Awareness & Prevention; Elder Abuse Awareness & Prevention; Bullying Awareness & Prevention; Mental Health Support Awareness
  • I have dedicated my focus and my drive to be part of this major force and end the stigma related to being abused; either in severe neglect, psychological, physical, sexual, and/or living with a constant fear in Family Violence.

It is factual to quote an FBI Victim’s Specialist in stating;

‘You are indeed an EXPERT’

I would say that while yes, I have a lot of vital information which I’ve collected, published, and shared to help create the change and influence as many positive vibes in helping change knowledge, provide support, and even update our policies & laws; I in no way consider myself an ‘EXPERT’.  In that statement, I have provided at least some 30 other survivors like myself who have built nonprofits, provide help, publish blogs, monitor support groups, assist victims & provide support for any person who reaches out in a difficult or harmful situation.  These are friends, family warriors, and persons whom I’ve actually admired and found strength from in what we are doing together.

We must understand the path of recovery from these issues isn’t just doing without a drug, or a drink, or getting through a moment. This process of recovery influences your education, your life skills knowledge, the ability to work everyday, to not be triggered by something in a grocery store or when with a group of friends. It effects parenting skills, boundaries, and educating our children as well as protecting them from any of this type of negative influence. It requires a complete moment to moment process of changing your lifestyle, your thoughts, your learned behaviors and disrespect for others or a type of person; such as Racism Against a Religion, Sexual Preferences, Color of Skin, Gender, Age, Economic Status or Place of Residence.

Humans have been taught and influenced by the generation before them, those who are responsible for guiding them and providing balance in their growing life. Tragically those who are teaching them in family have already endured the suffering and been influenced by what their parents and then the generation before have believed was appropriate and influenced without punishment or concern against their kids. Each of us can go back for centuries in our cultures and family tolerances to see a cycle that just continues and no one seems to know how to change it. They are either too traumatized & trained to believe this is simply life, or they have been altered by the distress of being victimized and living in a daily battle of survival.

How can we possibly see an end to this behavioral emphasis in our human existence. Yes, we definitely make sure that our laws & policies provide the best possible guidelines and punishments, but also that we provide the best possible community awareness and education in every small rural community across the borders. It is only in helping to develop a NEW way of thinking that this process will ever be achieved or even begin to affect the whole of our society. It starts in what we teach our kids and how we treat them.

The basics:

  • YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HARM OTHER BEINGS.
  • YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SEXUALLY INFLUENCE A CHILD IN ANY MANNER.
  • YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO OWN, TRADE, SHARE, USE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING OF ANY AGE, RACE, RELIGION.
  • YOU DO NOT HAVE THE POWER TO OWN OR DOMINATE; TO VIOLATE THE FREEDOM OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.

Yes, I’m a dreamer. I wish we could flip a switch and end this TODAY, but sadly like it has taken us generations to get as severe as we are today; it will take generations for us to provide that path and create a peaceful type of life with others.

We can however definitely make a CHOICE; make a decision right now, begin this very moment; I will not allow this destruction to touch my life or my family any longer. I will decide to do whatever it takes in getting therapy for myself and my family, to begin teaching respect for the welfare of others and appreciate the most precious right of safety in every home, in our personal circles and to openly discuss this basic freedom in all possible settings. We can influence the life of our friends, our neighbors, and our community leaders. We can absolutely insist that this topic of recovery for our society as a whole begin to be addressed as a Human Recovery in our political agendas and who we put into office in our governments. We can begin holding others responsible for their choices to harm, just as we are responsible for our actions and reactions.

Our human brain, emotional development, attitudes, beliefs, traditions, even violence, rage, sexual behaviors, anxieties, fears, actions and reactions are an affect of what we have lived in and been taught to accept; the creed we live by in our close circles; inside our homes and teach inside our schools.

Teach Positive Life behaviors

Reach out for life so you can grow.

Spread your wings to release your sorrow.

Fly strong to reach the stars

Show the world how beautiful you are

❤ Life Strong & Fly Free ❤

Believe as the Butterflies; ‘Believe Anything Is Possible with You in the Active Equation’

Thank you for reading & I hope you’ll share, comment, post, discuss in casual conversation and begin to live in your own true freedom & recovery today.

Patricia A McKnight

Author; ‘My Justice’

Creator: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

www.blogtalkradio.com/voicesInjusticeRadio

 

What if you realized how powerful you really are?

As you go about your day…..remember how much every voice, every story, every painful journey walked is giving to help change the future for our human race as a whole. It is a huge honor to have made our friendships, empowered each others day, and shared our knowledge so that no one is ever abandoned without hope or help. We all deserve to have our voices shared, if only finally breaking the silence and changing the cycle for those in our immediate circle of friends and family. We all hold the power to give a hug of hope because those who have suffered know exactly the value and greatness in every human being. Respect ❤ ❤ ❤

‘JUDGING EYES’

“What if they say something to me,” she wonders. “What am I supposed to do if they ask me about the bruises or the filth growing on my skin? If they tell anyone he’ll kill me, but I need someone to help me. I am just a little girl who wants to have friends to play with and have quiet when I do my homework, but most of all I just wish I could take a bath again.” This little girl standing so brave is screaming inside, “Please help me, but be careful what you do or say, he will hunt me down; he will kill me!!”

One of the first pieces of writing I ever shared online. Hope it still shares as much power as it did way back then; strength, courage, wisdom

Inspiring new ideas, changing old perceptions, and empowering daily recovery for men, women and children dealing with some form of past or present abuse, violence or trafficking; ending the cycle of what has become
Common Human Behaviors & Our Greatest Human Tragedy

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

**Always believe anything is possible with you in the active equation of life ** trish 🙂

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com/uploads/Whatif.jpg

 

Shocking, disturbing, unbelievable, horrific, but brutally honest….

‘My Justice’  mj-2_thumb

Patricia A McKnight  cropped-bnd11.jpg

“When we dismiss a Family Offender, especially if the outburst becomes grievous or terrorizing; who will teach our children there is help? What path of life will they believe they deserve? Will they grow knowing only to harm their family or will they always allow someone to terrorize them?

Their life path could be drugs, violent outbursts, criminal behavior, maybe gangs and murder; perhaps they will endure silent suffering in extreme depression, or other form of mental illness….This survivor is not trying to take the stage, she is trying to give the stage to the severity of our community violence and sadly how our refusal to address this issue continues teaching silence, tolerance, and acceptance of what’s inside their worst nightmare everyday.

This survivor is using her terrifying life; the enslaved battered child who was shared and traded, used and abandoned, attempted suicide, and continued tolerance of almost murderous attacks, including weapons constantly threatening her daily survival. ‘Trecia Ann’ hopes she can encourage the lost, broken, wounded parents and grandparents today. Let’s open the door, address the inner suffering and become a positive force in your child’s life. They will live in manners taught through our parenting, and leave your home with the life skills you have ingrained; what will be their perceptions of life?

Remember the silence and disregard of the abuses around us, creates what can become the most dangerous crimes in our communities.

‘Yes, I come from a different generation and since that time, throughout the 1970’s, 1980’s, 1990’s we have learned a lot about the detrimental impact to our human psyche when we are violated and harmed. However, these same studies & statistics show these types of destructive crimes are still happening inside many neighborhoods, apartment buildings, and in our families across the nation. This is what has become a heart wrenching process in trying to bring this topic to the forefront of our legislative leaders, social services, all medical professionals, educators, and law enforcement today.’

Author/Advocate/Mentor/Survivor, Ms. McKnight, shares her life & focused research in this two part interview with Producer Rebecca Kimbel.

In the first interview McKnight shares some of her personal journey growing up inside a house of hell, while an entire community and school system watched as she was traded, shared, exploited and brutally attacked inside her home. In part two you will hear about how early onset PTSD could possibly be misdiagnosed as ADHD. You will hear about her partners who are strong resources of their own; they are finding victims being trafficked/shared by family, beaten and abandoned as she was back then. You will hear about the legislation proposal currently being reviewed by Illinois leaders, hoping to update Prosecution & Statutes when dealing with Family Offenders.

Her story is one which most readers, even survivors, are shocked in disbelief that a mother or a community could be so uncaring about a child. However, the scars that cover her body, the mouth filled with broken (half repaired) teeth, and the ten years in trauma recovery therapy are most definitely proof of just how extreme it actually was for her. Her stepfather was feared by all. Her mother played the perfect impression of his victim. Her siblings were not like her in anyway.

Tragically for this little girl, she was given to her stepfather like property by a narcissistic mother who forced the child into constant family servitude actually purchased a little brass bell for her husband which only ‘Trecia Ann’ was expected to answer. She scrubbed the corners of their family home with a toothbrush every weekend, but she was never given one to brush her teeth or permitted safe time for any personal care or hygiene. She was neglected of all basic human needs, including the most basic need; the crying child begging for her mother’s love and protection.

Please read her story, the first five chapters free, “My Justice’ on Authorhouse.com

ONE OF THE MOST GRIEVOUS CASES OF CHILD MALTREATMENT & DOMESTIC VIOLENCE  however our statutes will never give her justice…..

Some material may be graphic, please watch at your own risk and interest……

PART 1 – https://youtu.be/yqQ7e2564yU

PART 2 – https://youtu.be/QaexoCNqhcM

Here is a PETITION on CHANGE –

Mandatory Federal Prosecution for repeated grievous or sexual harm against a child 0 to 15 years old……. MAKE OUR LEGISLATORS ADDRESS THIS TOPIC NOW!!!

OneChild

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/voicesinjusticeradio

Please read her story, the first five chapters free, “My Justice’ on Authorhouse.com/Amazon & Barne’s Nobel. Watch the two new personal discussions via Youtube, or join in an upcoming event to hear her speak about the trauma that can exist within our homes.

Connect with Trish McKnight @ Facebook.com/triciagirl62 or email direct: p.mcknight@charter.net

President Obama back in Springfield Today….

First KPLR News 11 announced the expected Presidential Speech today sharing his thoughts on National Budget and the huge Budget Crisis in Illinois these past eight months. 

Daily Herald out of Chicago, Journalist Mike Ripello, has written this article for today’s expected speech..

Now they say only a credentialed persons will be allowed in the Capitol Building today, even employees are out. There will be a small gathering at a local Art Venue afterward, but those are also a select few who can attend.

Nine years ago President Obama stood in the same place as Abraham Lincoln did many years ago when he announced his Presidential Campaign. Now as we all know in America, #PresidentAbrahamLincoln is the one president who actually did something amazing for our country, he gave equality to all mankind.

In the past year I’ve been collaborating with Dana Pfeiffer of Grounds of Grace & Lisa Chilton of Violence Prevention Center SW IL; together we have met with House Representative Jay Hoffman; States Attorney Brendan Kelly; U.S. Attorney Fairview Heights Office; Congressman John Shimkus. Dana and I have done about 5 or 6 speaking presentations at U of I Springfield, Lindenwood, Prevent Child Abuse Illinois, and a few Anti Human Trafficking events in Effingham, Springfield, Vandalia. I personally have collaborated with Kailyn Hill, legal writer for House Representative Office. I’ve also recently submitted five years of research to Assistant Attorney General Jessica O’Leary.

Each meeting, speaking event, and collaborating work has been based on Updating Illinois Legislation in our Statute of Limitations and Prosecutorial Guidelines for Violent Crimes Against Children. Last March after receiving an expected rewriting amendment

#HB 3242, finally providing Involuntary Sexual Servitude of a Child; Criminal Sexual Assault of a Child; Forced Servitude; Criminal Sexual Abuse of a Child – HB 3242 Amending a 20 YEAR AFTER VICTIMS 13TH BIRTHDAY in Illinois for these crimes. 

Last March, I received a statement – ‘We regret that due to recent budget crisis in Illinois, we are unable to address the proposed amendment #HB3242 at this time. Hopefully we will be able to address this next session in September. Well, September came and went, and NO, I’ve never heard anything but a ‘NOT AT THIS TIME’ statement from all of the persons named above.

The most recent response, no responsibility of responder, Assistant Attorney General Office Of Policy, but rather our Legislative Leaders, ‘We do not have the budget to introduce any new bills at this time.’ Continuously I am told how incredible the justification and laws already in place to defend the amendment to better protect ALL children, across our nation and around the world. However, even in election year, the massive numbers (3.7 Million Criminal Reports of Maltreatment & Sexual Abuse) these are the plus numbers of children being reported hurt in our country every year and growing in the past ten years; even with all of this and the Congressional Statement of 2012 in addressing Adult Related Sexual Assault – ‘For every ONE report that is made, at least SIX others are not’; allowing this same variable for children who live under the direct control of their parents, who are sometimes terrorized in physical and mental grievous injury ‘DO NOT EVER TELL OR I WILL KILL YOU’ –

Illinois Legislators, what happened to the greatest gift from President Abraham Lincoln, the one true Civil War where some 50 Million Soldiers died to give FREEDOM FOR ALL MANKIND ACROSS THE COUNTRY –

13th Amendment

Section 1.

Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

Section 2.

Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

So for Illinois Legislative Leaders, Governor Bruce Rauner, President Obama – TODAY I ASK YOU ALL – When will it be time to address the constant disregard of those being hurt, molested, trafficked, trapped in servitude and fear – Leaders when will it be time to make all things equal and uphold the laws to PROTECT ALL PERSONS EQUALLY, regardless of age, gender, race, religion, even place of residence or economic standing? This 13th Amendment protects all persons, not just some. We have laws written at a higher level, United Nations General Assembly, Universal Declaration of Human Rights – Ensuring at the highest ruling of mankind, a guaranteed inalienable right to be free; free from harm & free from the fear of harm.

I am all for the full support and development necessary to protect Healthy Loving Family….we should all be so lucky to live in such a home. However, according to centers for Disease and Control, at least 1 in 4 homes are dealing with some form of violent or abusive action. As a survivor of one of the most grievous cases of child abuse in history, and still baring the disfiguring scars and broken decayed smile to prove it; we can never allow this to happen to another human being again- NEVER!!!

The below video interview with Rebecca Kimbel shows some very disturbing photos of what I look like today as the final result of what an ENTIRE COMMUNITY WATCHED HAPPEN AND WHISPERED ABOUT IN THE DESTRUCTION OF A CHILD THROUGHOUT THE 1970’s in Freeburg Illinois. My mother permitted late night special parties with grown men paying my stepfather a couple of bucks to come party with the little girl from about age 13, by 15 it is just the way it was and I did not dare complain, but many saw me beg for my life and still turned away. The school system, the law enforcement, the lack of medical and dental care, the bruises, lack of passing school grades and homework rarely done; regardless of every RED FLAG I COULD POSSIBLY FLY – it was all still ignored for six consecutive years. Yes, it is one of the worst cases of child abuse, forced sexual servitude of a child, exploitation of a child, criminal sexual abuse of a child, extreme neglect of all basic necessities of a child – all of these crimes and not to mention how many times a week I was beaten to a pulp for some stupid reason or another, even putting on a pair of Flannel Pajamas like they had some type of special force that would protect me from the vile acts I tried to escape.

When will we have a budget necessary to begin simply teaching the RIGHT TO BE SAFE? iS IT LIKE TRYING TO DETERMINE IF YOU HAVE THE FINANCIAL NEEDS TO BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD? If so, NO Parent is ever actually ready for a child,but when you bring them into the world, the law is very clear they are your responsibility UNTIL YOU CAN NO LONGER TAKE CARE OF THEM OR YOU ARE HARMING THEM. Sadly, our Family Court and Social Services are all directed to guide reunification, despite reports of maltreatment and regardless of ability to care for the child. They are not the State or Government’s problem, and since they cannot vote, their voice is ALWAYS disregarded. It has been stated by Childhelp America – ‘A child must tell 7 different people about their pain before someone will actually listen and believe them enough to help them’. A young person barely has enough courage to tell one person about their horror, much less seven.

Technically in trying to gather support and get a Federal Mandate protecting young persons; I’ve been rejected by SEVEN – will I find someone that really believes the data & studies put together before ever bringing this request forward. If I didn’t have the data to prove what I say, how I feel, and what is absolutely necessary – I certainly would not be trying so hard again and again, rejection after rejection, to do something so society will listen.

When will we have a leader that will open the door and step inside the crime that happens every single day, in every single neighborhood and apartment building; sometime happening day after day, year after year; holding the quiet tears of a young person who cannot refuse, cannot fight back, and cannot run away. These should be our highest priority in our strength as a human society today, but somehow we just DO NOT HAVE THE BUDGET TO INTRODUCE ANY BILLS OR MEASURES AT THIS TIME.

President Obama I beg you sir, If you really want to cause and create the greatest change for all persons in our society today; ADDRESS THE FAMILY CRIME STATUTES & PUBLIC POLICY PROVISIONS ACROSS THE COUNTRY. Our kids need us to pay attention NOW!!

Thanks for reading,

If you agree and believe that change is absolutely necessary, if you are a survivor who wants to share their voice to speak for children today, if you are a warrior of a resource of help – we need you to collaborate together across the country.

As said by Ms. Rebecca Kimbel & Ms. Stephanie Mann (Safe Kids Now National Network)

‘A single voice can never be heard in the forest, so we must be a Forest of Voices to help put the ‘Good’ as intended in our belief in God’

SIGN THIS PETITION—- MANDATING FEDERAL PROSECUTION & FAMILY OFFENDER RESPONSIBILITY FOR COMMITTING VIOLENT CRIMES & FORCED SERVITUDE OF CHILDREN…..

Video interview Parts 1 & 2 by Producer Host Rebecca Kimbel

 

 

Ask your legislators why they feel it is not important to address this issue at this time?