Are you a single parent wounded by your past?

 

Help enforce the RIGHT TO BE SAFE for every child, every young vulnerable person, that they should never be threatened, tormented, beaten, or even manipulated into protecting their abuser or the one who abuses their children………https://www.change.org/p/mr-president-please-enforce-the-right-to-be-safe-for-all-persons-especially-our-children-enforce-family-terrorist-act-trecia-s-law

Perhaps you may never feel safe enough to speak up and you may never be able to find justice for all the crimes against you. However, if you are one of these persons and you’ve not yet found the courage to face the darkest of your demons, let me ask;

How are things in your relationships today? Does your spouse or partner have a good relationship with your child? Do they use forceful punishment, then tell you the child deserved it? Have they ever left a bruise on your child, used a belt, or even punched your child?

Do you feel powerless against them or believe them because they show such remorse, possibly even shed a tear over the harm they caused against your child? Do they over power you, cut you down, then turn around and praise how beautiful you are and show sincere emotion when you forgive them?

There was a particular case which was kind of tossed into my lap yesterday. I cannot explain how close to home this case is, nor cannot discuss much in detail, as the case itself is still pending.

A young woman I know, whom I love and trusted as a person, had her young child taken into protective custody a few days ago. The 5 year old had been beaten with a belt and when I saw the pictures my stomach turned. I knew the case was much more than this young woman had shared with me, in fact she and her significant other had me convinced that CPS had taken the child away for a fall which left a bruise. However since it wasn’t the first time they had been investigated I knew that something must be wrong. In fact, the case was so personal for me that I actually feared how much could have happened and exactly how it had all been allowed to get to this extreme.

The young mother had been beaten and left in her crib to cry without comfort by a stepmother when she was a child. She had seen her mother be beaten and had lived the first 10 years of her life in chaos. Although her mother had tried in a number of ways to heal the past pain, this case showed me just how serious providing conviction of offenders, giving support services for all victims involved, and ensuring that family support is accessible to everyone; rather than something a family should be ashamed of needing.

This young woman had fallen for the wrong man twice already by the time she was just twenty years old. None of her romantic involvements ever made her feel good about herself, most commonly that had berated her and never taken care of her, not even the father of her child. The two relationships ended badly and when the baby was just 1 year old the mother ran to someone who said, ‘Stay here with me and I will help you.’

She fell for this man hard. Many times I’d go visit with concerns about little warning signs I’d seen in the little child’s development and how this child connected with the new man in mother’s life. I had personally tried many times to help mom get them safe, rebuild life skills to always take care of her child, even discussed my concerns about his manipulating & controlling this young mom and how I truly felt he was a danger to them both. Sadly, nothing I’d ever said or did worked, even addressing the issue would cause this young mom to shut me out for months at a time. Mom stayed with this man, who I later found out the other night, has quite some history of his own.

The past four years Children’s Services had been to their home, twice I’d reported them myself out of extreme concern for the child’s wellbeing. Sadly, no case worker ever found cause to remove the young child. I could see the fear in her face however, saw mother’s inability to actually interact with her child and knew it would take something severe before anything would ever happen.

Together, as I was asked to come and help support this young mom now facing a protective custody hearing for her child; the man in her life who I had witnessed his direct control over her many times, sat and told me about his history. I was shocked this young mom could be pulled in to such a web of insanity. He had a diagnosis of Schizophrenia. He had been sent to maximum security as a juvenile sex offender; he was 14 the young girl then was 10. He had been arrested for Crystal Meth, and now he was intent on packing a bag to run away with this young mom. He didn’t even want to stay for the hearing. He kept telling me how it would be turned against him, be exaggerated into something much more than a fall; he was afraid of returning to prison for the third time, especially for beating a young defenseless child.

I spent the night at their house, only for the mother and to help speak for how much she loved her baby so much and the positive changes I had seen in her, especially these last few months. As I lay on their couch that night I couldn’t believe that I’d been drawn into a mess like this, a mom whom I would never suspect but a man I most certainly knew from the very beginning had a dark past and now had this young wounded mother twisted around his finger like a little puppet. He could make her believe anything because she had been so broken before. He told her how beautiful she was. He told her and me how he loved this little child of hers like his own and would never ever do anything to harm a fragile person who could not defend themselves.

When we arrived at the hearing, I was asked if I wanted to see the pictures of this so called bruise, which this mom and her man had spent four hours the night before convincing me was from a fall off the couch she had been jumping on…..children will be children and they do fall. Anyway, this was no ordinary bruise from a fall, that is unless she fell off of a house. It was deep purple, yellow, black, and had red lashes which at first I thought were from a large handprint. It was sickening and I knew this young mom loved her special needs child so very much. I knew she was vulnerable, in fact had been vulnerable all her life simply because of the chaotic history that she’d lived in those first ten years herself.

Needless to say the young child was kept in protective services, pending further investigation and another hearing. As I drove this young mother back to her house she informed me that her man had used his belt on this little child. The bruise covered her entire side, so my thoughts were horrified at how it could be possible. Mom said, ‘if she wouldn’t have moved’. Couldn’t believe what I was hearing, couldn’t believe that I thought this young mom, although vulnerable to fall in with the wrong man, would certainly protect HER young child.

This young child had just started school this year. She was in special learning because her mother didn’t know how to interact or the heavy responsibility of having a child in the first place. Mother told me her child was misbehaving, jumping around and screaming, she wouldn’t listen. Mother told me her man was so remorseful, he had been crying for days over this and it would never happen again. No it won’t if I have anything to do with it at all, this young mother whom I trusted, believed, and thought for sure; although a bit broken would do the right thing when it came to her child, had sat silent listening to her child scream for mercy and cry because of this huge 300 lb man beating her with a leather belt. Now this mom is defending this man, saying she will take the blame so that he doesn’t have to go back to prison. We never really know what type of abuse or harm is being inflicted on a young child. They cannot speak out, they may not be able to speak clearly at all. They cannot fight back. They cannot run away and they cannot do anything their parent/parents do not allow.

I’m grateful the system finally stepped in and is now in charge of what happens to this child, yet I feel such guilt over just how much I thought I believed in this young mom, however only to find that I never really knew anything at all. It had all been lies to cover up the cruel actions against this precious child. Do we really know the truth about anyone, even those closest to us? Do we know what really happens inside their house, inside the realm of their family circle? It is up to us to change how cases are investigated, to change the system and make sure above all else the right to be safe is always upheld, especially when it is the right of a child to sleep and live in a SAFE & LOVING home.

Today I’m begging everyone to be on alert for the sake of the children around you. Do not wait until its too late to do something and protect these children, all children. Help us amend our public policy and our prosecutorial processes to make sure and hold even those who we believe are trusted persons, responsible for the harm they inflict against a defenseless child. Help us by reading the ‘LETTER TO….’ section of this petition. Help us by signing your name and then begging your friends to do the same. If they refuse, please ask them why, perhaps they themselves are secret abusers who teach their children they are bad, they deserve this punishment, they deserve to be beaten because they did not listen. There is a huge difference between corrective parenting and these secret types of predators. The man this mother chose has a juvenile sex offender record, he’s been caught having sex with a 16 year old neighbor girl, whom this young mother then blamed that girl because ‘she came on to him’. Please friends help us ensure that the right to BE SAFE & LIVE SAFE is upheld for all persons but most definitely our young children who are trapped inside the control of their parents and whom, without intervention, may never know what a loving safe home is really supposed to be like. Thank you ——- FOLLOW THIS LINK——

https://www.change.org/p/mr-president-please-enforce-the-right-to-be-safe-for-all-persons-especially-our-children-enforce-family-terrorist-act-trecia-s-law

Thank you for reading. I pray you will help us move forward. You can encourage your local politicians, your prosecuting attorneys, family service providers to begin addressing this very serious issue. You can donate, by just clicking the ‘PROMOTE’ button on the petition, which helps reach out to more persons within the Change.org system. Please help us enforce the Universal Right to be Safe for all Children.

Petition Creators/Partners:

Patricia McKnight, Author & Owner, Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Lisa Chilton, Director Legal Advocacy Dept. St. Clair County

Dana Pfeiffer, Exec. Director – Grounds of Grace

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My Justice Read by Author Patricia McKnight 01/20 by Fire Talk Production | Politics Progressive Podcasts

My Justice Read by Author Patricia McKnight 01/20 by Fire Talk Production | Politics Progressive Podcasts.

This was one of the most powerful interviews. A huge thank you to Nell Cole & David Little Eagle for this fabulous opportunity to share my story, ‘My Justice’

 

Welcome Warrior Child Patricia McKnight who will join us to read from her book My Justice.

 

This amazing story of survival will capture you from Prelude to Ending. It will shock and disturb the deepest parts of your being. In it you will walk the path of a little girl so utterly destroyed by those entrusted with her care. You will feel her strength to survive as the towns people around her ignored the child’s cry. Trecia Ann will allow you into her thoughts; her exasperating fears that haunt her soul.

 

http://bookstore.authorhouse.com/Products/SKU-000373503/My-Justice.aspx

To have ‘Trish’ come speak at your next training event or a community awareness mission, please email direct: butterflydreamsteam@live.com

Connect on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

Its a ‘Family Defender’ Campaign from Butterfly Dreams!!

BioPic3.png          Patricia A. McKnight

Author/Advocate/Speaker/Radio Host/Survivor

Owner/CEO – Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Talk Radio Programming

 

Its really wonderful to wake early in the morning and have the very quiet, bird chirping, sun rising time to myself. Its like an injection of life. This quiet time of morning is when my senses are most heightened as a writer. This flow of energy also drives me to become an activist and no longer the person who just thinks about doing something; the person who is right there; confused perhaps but willing to begin helping the process of change. This is where I come to you for help, advice, guidance, conviction in what I’m sharing. So hopefully,  you’ll read on a bit then give it some thought. If this article in anyway makes you believe there is a way to begin changing what the past has lead us to today, then please pass it on to just one friend and let’s get this party started!! Thanks much ~~

‘ Always believe anything is possible with you in the ACTIVE equation’ ~~ trish mcknight

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Throughout these past four years now I’ve been networking and connecting with other resources of help. Thankfully I’ve found many across the country here in the U.S. but also in many other parts of the world who are speaking out, supporting survivors, providing ways in which studies can be conducted, reports published and voices discussing the deep impact of trauma left in the aftermath of those who’ve endured continuously dysfunctional, deviate or harmful attacks. Think of the perceptions of life you would develop and the behaviors you would pass on to your kids. You may know a young parent dealing with this today.

In having the Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio Network, we have talked with hundreds who’ve been interviewed by myself and other hosts.  All of these person’s have shared the path of self destruction from these types of personal trauma. Keep in mind that most often it is so extreme and so habitual that it is because of a need to survive this person’s wires would automatically adapt to the environment and the behavior of those around them. As once one of these victims I can say that the worst possible part of all those years growing up in pure evil; not one other single adult who had the ability and the training to notice the severe neglect; all those who knew about the trafficking, and those who were close family friends who witnessed it all or heard all the stories shared over the kitchen table about the parties with ‘Trecia Ann’, there were many who knew but not one of these person’s felt that I mattered enough to protect or help in some  way. This is extreme societal abandonment & judgment of a child.

How many children do we have living in this type of life pattern at this very moment? If you think real hard about things you see and the behaviors of others around you, there is a very good chance that you know someone who is trying to pretend nothing horrible is going on.

We can not accept that one more child be abandoned to live in their nightmare. I believe our duty is to educate and continue to discuss how the repeated patterns within our family occur. It becomes our ‘NORMAL’, the constant harm is how we see the world and we don’t expect things to change, yet we somehow know inside that its wrong. The victim grows and their behaviors are often a repeated pattern from what they endured, so this all gets passed on generation after generation. I’m witnessing today how it all impacted the lives of my children and grandchildren. We know that as we become adults it all has to change, it must end somewhere for us or we will surely explode. This is probably where all the psycho serial killers begin.

What if we tried something NEW???

We have been accepting and discussing many changes in our human society. Acceptance, ending bullying & school violence is at the top of everyone’s list. Here is our chance to influence a better way for our children. We can teach the new generation a better way, just as we have already begun to do in many communities around the world; influence a more humane and protective way to view the world around them. Think of the influence it would make if you were to stand up to your family members, not in a rage over what has happened in the past, but instead what you will not allow to happen today. Tell them you have learned what harm occurs to a child’s development when left to grow up in pain and having to keep dirty little secrets. We know what it feels like to be so isolated in the control of your household monster. We have already been there and we will not be quiet while it all continues to happen and destroy another generation; especially when it comes to your own children.

Choose to tell your friends about the choice you made and how you want to make sure we are watching out for all the kids in our circle. Today you choose change. You are your ‘FAMILY DEFENDER’!!

What is a ‘FAMILY DEFENDER’ and how do you become one?

Visit our website at www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com . Please scroll to near the bottom of the page, you will find a contract; ‘BECOME YOUR FAMILY DEFENDER’.On this contract you are providing your signature and making a commitment to change; to be brave enough to end the repeated pattern of harm which occurs in our homes, floods into our streets and is destroying the SAFETY of our children in their schools. Our kids are being bombarded everyday with all types of criminal and deviate behaviors, look on the net and you will see the world our children live in. I’ve seen Youtube displays of torture and explicit sexual contact between our children and adults.

Think about the fact we all only have Six Degrees of Separation between any one person. This means someone knows that child. Someone knows these adults. Someone out there may even suspect or have been a victim of these same adults previously. Someone Knows!!

This is a sincere plea to all those persons who follow my writings about these topics and for the many thousands who support, share and like what is being done through our team at Butterfly Dreams. You can meet each of them by visiting our website, where you’ll also find their links. Take a look at our incredible Board Members, which we are grateful for the outstanding persons they are in their special arena. Review the local training & active support ‘Trish’ is building within her own small community. These are amazing resources, which have the ability to reach out further and encourage our society to take the ‘Family Defender’ pledge. This is a state of mind and if we are going to live in a world of freedom for all person’s then we must provide the tools and commitment to protect those who do not have a voice; those who are forced to live in what are the presumed innocent behaviors within our family unit.

If you’ve read this article and feel you are ready to begin change in your own circle, please visit our website and make the choice today, TAKE THE PLEDGE & BECOME YOUR OWN FAMILY DEFENDER!!

You hold the power of change in your hands, you can create its path and influence its growth. What pattern of human behaviors do you want to teach?

Here are some excellent resource links to share what our FBI VICTIMS ASSISTANCE, COMMUNITY OUTREACH, VIOLENT CRIMES AGAINST CHILDREN, and TRAFFICKING OF MINORS divisions are doing across the country. Also a link for you to learn your VICTIMS RIGHTS, no matter what type of crime is committed against you. These are your constitutional rights under national law in the United States. You can have these rights enforced for any criminal actions committed against you, even Identity Fraud, Online Bullying, and other such acts.

Here in Clinton County, Illinois I am continually reaching out to let people know who I am, what I do and why I make the choice to be active against these horrific violent acts against own family members; worst of all being the continuous behaviors of tolerance and victim abandonment. Will you decide to support & protect those who are unable to speak up, fight back, or protect themselves from their household monster? Begin an active change for our decent human morality and begin with the attached pledge. I do hope those hundreds of members in our Talk Radio Group and the thousands on my friends list will help us out here. Please be brave enough to tell the monsters ‘NO’.

Take the pledge to become your FAMILY DEFENDER.

Thank you

May you always be safe & live strong

Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight

Contact me direct by emailing: butterflydreamsteam@live.com

In case someone you know is being harmed right now, please contact 911 or your local emergency response. Make the right choice!!!

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For more information about our government resources please contact www.fib.gov

 

Its a Family Affair – Pedophilia, should it be an accepted act? 03/10 by Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery | Self Help Podcasts

Its a Family Affair – Pedophilia, should it be an accepted act? 03/10 by Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery | Self Help Podcasts.

Pedophilia, should it be an accepted act today??? BUTTERFLY DREAMS TALK RADIO – HOT TOPIC FEATURE BLOG TONIGHT w/ guest cohost Michal Madison. Live calls at 347-215-7754 or join in the chatroom. How can we protect the souls of our children???

Missing Persons & Stealthfind w/ Kelly & Julia -Learning is a Family Affair 03/03 by Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery | Self Help Podcasts

Missing Persons & Stealthfind w/ Kelly & Julia -Learning is a Family Affair 03/03 by Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery | Self Help Podcasts.

Tonight on our very special March broadcast kickoff, welcome Kelly Townsend & Julia D’Alfanzo, This team is phenomenal and their magnificent rescues have been a ‘FEATURE’ on DISCOVERY ID CHANNEL’s, ‘Last Seen Alive’. Missing Persons & Human Trafficking Rescuers, Arizona Private Investigator team and Board Members of National Domestic Violence Registry & Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery. They search and rescue, actual boots on ground recovery missions, for those who are reported missing or trapped in human trafficking circles. We are honored to have them join us tonight, and please reach out to them @ http://www.stealthfind.com if you would like them to review your MISSING PERSONS CASE. You can also connect with them at Tracker Suspicions here on Facebook!!!

 

Show starts at 9pm eastern/ 8pm central/ 7pm mountain/ 6pm pacific time and we will be taking your live calls for Kelly & Julia at 347-215-7754. Let’s hear how each of us can play a role in helping to find the missing, protecting our kids from Human Trafficking, and the real truth of how intense these ongoing cases can become. Hope you invite your teens, friends, neighbors, & local resources to listen in to our programming. We are Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio and together we are connecting hearts & holding hands to give our children a safer world tomorrow!! Thanks always, trish

When parental alienation becomes grandparent alienation

 

If you know me at all, then you know I am quite open and honest about the aftermath of life as a result of all the brutal acts. Yes, I know that we have all come through some pretty horrific histories. However as I have looked into the lives of so many others like myself, seriously trying to find someone whose life has been ripped apart as deeply as mine; I still have not found anyone impacted by these issues of violence and rape in the same ongoing tragic way.

Perhaps I am just feeling sorry for myself right now because of the holidays, but seriously those who know me know exactly what I’m talking about.

There has been huge amounts of joy in my life, even with all the horror. My children of course are the ones who have provided the greatest of those joys. However, these days there is always at least one of my children, at all times, who feels in some way that the ugly lies their father and other paternal relatives filled their heads with during their younger years is true.

There are many times in the present when I wonder if their father thinks at all about what happened during those four years when he had them and the ongoing years when I raised them? Does he think about how he was able to completely destroy this incredible magic bond I felt with my children when they came into this world? They were my babies dammit, and he and his family who stood by him and allowed this all to happen had no f’n right. I was a great mother and my children knew that I loved them.

Do you think the family realized the damage it would do to the positive Mother/Child bond my children and I shared?

No, I was not perfect at any time, but they all knew I loved them and I would never have done anything to harm them in any way. He also knew taking my children and destroying the bond we had was the only way he could do anything to hurt me at all, it just didn’t matter what he did anymore. I was done with all of it. Still today my family, my children and grandchildren, are so far away I’m not sure if we will ever be able to truly connect.

‘D’; you got what you wanted, you destroyed it all!!! You infected their lives with your dysfunctional thinking. How dare you put my children in that home or in that woman’s care. How dare you steal them away from me and take away the one true love I always thought I would be able to call mine; those whom I had nurtured and loved would at least care enough to show some form of love for the mother who fought each day simply because they needed me to be there. 

It is because of his lies about my abandoning them; permitting him to steal them away; to keep them away from me and to run with them again after I had relocated for the specific reason of maintaining some form of contact with my babies. It is all of his vicious lies because he couldn’t handle that I didn’t want him any longer, so he used his rage and his need for control as a weapon to destroy the incredible loving bond I had with my children.

My kids do not see the real me as their mother; they see a woman with that name tag. I am not worthy of that connection, that special bond, that respect.

There are times when I feel like I am no different than the stranger down the street with them. If anything goes wrong in their life I am, and have been for years, the first one they call; especially for one child specifically. However, the holidays, birthdays, any day at all; this is when I often hear F**k you  or I hear nothing at all. It is another Christmas time and again, no one is around and the only contact I get is ‘What are you sending out for the kids?’

Most often they play the game of holding back contact with the grandchildren. The one grandson I was able to talk with briefly on Thanksgiving, it had been 3 or 4 months since I had talked directly with him, but his mother felt the need to call me crying through her depression every day; and I was there for her through all of it. Never did I turn her away not in these past 10 years since she became pregnant have I ever been the one to turn away from her at all. When I got the chance to finally chat with him I found out his world was in turmoil.

Again now, they have cut off all communications. They use their children against me just as their father used them. They cuss and swear at me, they condemn me in front of their children without a care for the disrespect or destruction of another generation of my own blood. I am so sick of this crap invading the lives of my blood. How dare this shit still go on.

My children are not babies any more. They have a brain and they are old enough to make their own decisions about the mother I was or wasn’t. If they would take a day to think about all we went through together and really remember the bond we had as a family, not too long ago. Where in the fuck did it go? What the hell have I done to deserve another generation turned against me as a person. My grandson and I had an incredible relationship together until about two years ago. This is when I was told not to tell him ‘I love you more than the whole wide universe’. That was something I’ve always said to all of my children when they were little. We sang when we went shopping together. We played with toys in the store together. We laughed together and yes we cried together, but it was a family love. Now my son rarelyif all even talks to me. My daughters, well we won’t even go there because of all I’ve said already, I’m sure you get the picture.

When does this insanity end? What is it going to take for me to mend this broken bond?

Parents your children are not pawns in a chess game of power and territory. They are human beings who should be loved and empowered to become the very best people they can by as many around them as possible. What in the hell is the problem if no one is being abused or harmed in some way?

Courts when a child is in the middle of this type of revengeful battle, you are supposed to maintain the child’s best interest, not condemn based on the amount of money or the attorney standing in front of you.

Do you know that I took pictures of my son’s little 7 yr old ass to a judge because in 2nd grade he had his ass beaten with a leather strap called ‘The Dancer’, the same strap their father had been beaten with. Let alone the times I was allowed to pick them up for visitation and one would have a bloody nose the other a handprint across the face, or some kind of smacking around because they were arguing. He told my children; ‘I beat you because you are bad and you deserve it’, this is what they still believe today. A punch in the face to my 14yr old for touching a weight set in the garage. 

Kids, when will you stop believing in all his lies and see what your life was really like?

Do you remember the Santa Claus who made sure to bring ‘The Dancer’ with him on Christmas Eve and if my children were biting their nails, or misbehaving in class, then they received a couple of mild swats with that same strap. What in the hell type of crazy ass impression of Santa does this leave on young children who have been stolen away from their mother? What in the hell kind of people make this impression of Santa on a child?

YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE NO LOGICAL REASON TO HOLD MY GRANDCHILDREN HOSTAGE FROM ME AND USE THEM AS A PAWN IN YOUR SICK GAME OF POWER!! I am so tired of having to play this game. Be careful what you say and do because the kids will keep the kids away from you. NO not any more. Those babies may never know what kind of Nana they have. I know at least one will have good loving memories and I hope they help him through. I pray all of you children see your mother for who she is and who she has been to you throughout your entire lives before the chance to heal is gone forever.

The more I try to do to help my children through all of our past issues, I am simply ‘the crazy lady’, the emotionally disturbed woman who is always over reacting. I’m sure if they read this they will also think that I am again just ‘over reacting’. It is a knife wound they have made deep in my heart and today they just keep twisting it to make sure they know I hurt in some way. It really is as if they are not happy when connected with me, nor have any clue as to how to maintain a regular Mother & Child relationship.

I am so desperate for any recognition from them at all that I would appreciate even a simple text or any form of menial connection from them.

How is it that the one who put them in harm’s way, the one who has hurt them physically & emotionally, the one who never once supported their dreams or told them how well they are doing, how proud he is of them; yet this person who literally STOLE THEM AWAY all those years ago has left this deep of a wound in our relationship. I do not know if there is a way to repair all the damage that’s been done. It is the deepest abandonment I can feel.

Maybe because of my not being there to rescue them when they were being harmed the worst, they want to be sure I feel what they must have felt.

I tried to have that witch arrested for what harm I heard she had done to my children, as soon as I found out!! Funny it was their father whom she called and it was a meeting with him when he told me about helping her put her family back together, but he had left her not because of what was happening but because she also cheated on him; that’s what caused him to finally get pissed enough to leave. 

Dearest Creator Above, you know how hard I’ve tried to mend all of the pain in their lives, but today I am still the one they choose to shut out.

My oldest child remembers the day that I suddenly wasn’t there any longer. He remembers standing there in his ‘Woogie Boogie’ footed pajamas, waving to me as I waited for a cab to pick me up and take me to work that morning.

Our relationship, although I’ve tried endlessly to mend it in many ways, still not one single child cares enough about the woman who gave them life;  the one who dedicated the memoir about the impact of her childhood wounds and the grief of how it impacted their lives; she is not worthy of their respect, their love, their connection for the person I am.

How tragic things can turn out no matter how hard we try sometimes. I’ve looked at my life over and over again. I’ve dissected this over and over again. I’ve tried to see where it all broke apart and why they treat me like they do. I’ve allowed for them in some way because its how they always saw other people treat me, so maybe they feel its just a habit or they don’t see it as a problem at all which is even much worse. I just know that the only thing that ties me to them at all is the word ‘Mom’ rather than the affection you normally feel for that person. I’ve never beaten my children. I cried when I had to correct them, it broke my heart to see all the pain they had gone through.

All I can say at this point is I am so tired of this crap bleeding through my family’s veins. I must find a way to heal these wounds and give my heart some peace before my time here is done. I don’t want it to be after the fact that they realize later, how much I truly loved them and supported all their dreams, stood through all their challenges and even accepted their outrages and anger over all the pain.

I am done feeling guilty for what has happened. I can’t go back and change how things happened then. All I can do is be me in the moment today. The me who is now a devoted voice against these types of harmful actions, especially within our family unit. We always hurt those closest to us and our relationship has paid the ultimate price.

May Creator above find a way to help me bring a resolution to this heartbreak I’ve had for so long. I can’t stand one more holiday season or one more day knowing that I am being shunned away from my grandchildren now all because hey it is so damned easy to shut mom out, its what we’ve always done. She’s just a figure in our lives. Why should they feel any respect or kindness for me at all, they were not raised with those values instilled in them by anyone, except of course by all the acts of love & care I’ve given throughout all these years. I am lost. I am abandoned. I feel very alone. I pray for strength as I wait for this storm to pass.

Wondering if it ever really will?

Thanks for reading, hopefully it helps connect with another soul out there somewhere who is also dealing in this same painful reality. What happens when our children become the ones who emotionally & verbally disrespect and abuse us, shut us out and then use dangerous words to alienate the precious babies we should be cuddling and enjoying rather than begging for just a five minute phone chat so that you can say; ‘I love you and I’m still here.’

Much love, prayers and always those Butterfly Dreams

 

 

©Patricia A. McKnight

Dec 2013

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Praise for a modern day ‘Peter Pan’

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Peter Thomas Senese

Best Selling Author

Devoted Child Advocate

Founder: I CARE Foundation

Preventing International Child Abduction

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about those who have played a role in the voice I have today and the path I’ve come to follow.

When I first published ‘My Justice’ in Feb 2011, it was just about six months later the first incredible Five Star Review was shared on Amazon. Amazingly enough, somehow this story had caught the attention of Best Selling Author/Child Advocate/Founding Director for I CARE Foundation; Mr. Peter Thomas Senese.

To me it was incredible that my story of a life endured and battled through more than thirty years of vicious, almost deadly, abuse and relationships, had made an impact on his already highly devoted heart at protecting children. He shared his novel, ‘Chasing the Cyclone’ which was taken from a few true events he had gone through in the aftermath of International Parental Abduction. Upon reading this page turning whirlwind of unimaginable dangers in which children are easily submitted to by an abducting parent, all I could do was give my unending support in his continued mission.

Peter then reached out to me on a personal level to share with me how my fight for true freedom had influenced his drive to push through even harder to protect and rescue as many children as he could. His team at the I CARE Foundation has developed tools which are battling through the international barriers; fighting through the Hague Convention Treaty; rescuing kids from Sex Trafficking Rings and they have now provided one of the most impacting of those protective measures; they have developed the ‘International Travel Child Consent Form’ which is dedicated to Officer Chris Morris and the mission to return his beautiful daughter to the land of her birth and the arms of a loving father.

To say the least, I’m very excited to know that my journey to live in ‘UHURU’, as Peter states, has inspired him to delve deeper into his mission of child protection advocacy & activism. He has written many blogs about this impact and has shared his views many times about seeing me as a ‘Hero; A conqueror over abuse’; to share I had the very blessed distinct honor to be his first chosen ‘Today’s Heroes’. He has shared many personal phone chats to encourage me and remind me of how important it is for me to continue; how I really am making a difference and how when he is in doubt he always asks himself, ‘What would Tricia do?’.

Throughout our friendship I’ve had the extreme pleasure to host at least three interviews with this ‘MODERN DAY PETER PAN’ who gives his heart to creating protection for children every day. He also makes sure to enjoy the simplest of pleasures in each moment as he well knows how things can change in an instant and our world becomes filled with darkened clouds of challenge.

There is an extensive personal interview I did with Peter, which was published in St. Louis Examiner.com, but I’ve also shared a much deeper interview in full length with him on the page of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery, which I’ve dedicated to the great work of I CARE Foundation and most of their recent updates.

In the past two years I’ve watched as his foundation grows and the impact they are making to protect children around the world from international parental abduction continues as hundreds of cases are prevented each month. This new tool, ‘International Travel Child Consent Form’ is already being used by family lawyers around the world in just a few short weeks; imagine how many children will be protected from this growing trend in the next six months, or even within the next year. If you are planning a trip abroad from your child’s home country, check out this form to ensure that your parental rights and the rights of your child are protected.

Believe me, from what my own children and I went through during the 4 years when their father took off and ran, not once but twice to another state with them; breaking the bond between a parent and child is indeed a very deep wound that sometimes can never be repaired. Parental alienation is most definitely child abuse. Our children are NOT pawns in a chess match of the most strategic force, but should grow in the love and support of both parents equally for the most positive impact on their world and their healthy development.

When it comes to child abuse, we never know when tragedy will strike. Sadly, the repeated stats are published every year and the most harmful dangers to our children are often the pain endured from their own parents. We must teach ALL children the power of their voice to speak out when someone, ANYONE, is harming them. Also to let them know that there are millions of responsible adults out there who will believe them and help them when they reach out. It is horrifying to think that our children today must tell SEVEN ADULTS about being abused before someone will believe them. Always remember that young children will rarely make up such lies; that sexual abuse is a silent crime which rarely leaves any physical signs; that emotional abuse is extremely harmful; and kidnapping our children, even by a parent (unless it is a life saving measure) should never be permitted or supported, but instead fought against just as we would any other form of abuse.

The momentum we are seeing now with the rise in survivors of various types of abuses come forward and speak up, should be the teaching path of what we need to watch for in society today. We can no longer pretend these crimes don’t exist, or that they aren’t harmful; these are life changing and life impacting crimes that are being committed against 1 in 5 children every second of every day. We can no longer pretend not to know.

Join me in giving thanks to the thousands of advocates protecting children and raising awareness against all forms of abuse. Join me in thanking Mr. Peter Thomas Senese for the protective measures his team at I CARE Foundation are building everyday as he continues to give his financial and personal devotions to protecting and rescuing children from abductions and trafficking. Read the full personal interview with Peter through this provided link – http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com/parental_abduction.html

 

You will find the link to ALL OF PETER’S fascinating geo-political thriller novels through Amazon here – http://www.amazon.com/Peter-Thomas-Senese/e/B0040RCZY8

Stay up to date with I CARE Foundation by visiting: http://www.stopchildabduction.org

Read Peter’s many blogs and personal shares by visiting:

http://peterthomassenese.blogspot.com/2013/06/child-custody-fights-divorce-summer.html

From one devoted abuse advocate/author/talk radio host, I am very proud to say that I have a trusted and incredible friend in the heart, soul, and passions of this magnificent modern day ‘Peter Pan’; Mr. Peter Thomas Senese thank you for all you have inspired in me today!!!

©Patricia A McKnight

Founder/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Talk Radio Programming

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery

Author: ‘My Justice’ 12156430-butterfly-dreams-abuse-recoveryBookcvr1