We all need inspiration…..

Sharing this Beautiful power of HOPE!!!

Today I will do my best. If I have a good day, I will be proud of myself. If I have a bad day, I will not dwell on it. I will forgive myself, I will put it behind me and I will continue to move forward.

Written by Inspirational Quotes on January 9, 2016. Posted in Attitude Quotes, Happiness Quotes, Inspiring Quotes, Life Lessons, Life Quotes, Motivational Quotes,Positive Quotes, Quotes, Self Improvement Quotes, Self Motivation Quotes, Self Respect Quotes

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Today I will do my best. If I have a good day, I will be proud of myself. If I have a bad day, I will not dwell on it. I will forgive myself, I will put it behind me and I will continue to move forward.

 

I’ve been so out of touch again. Is it the holidays? Is it the family chaos? Is it the physical chronic pain? Is it because I am trying to find guidance in what I NEED to do next? How do we make our life happen in some good fashion of function and survival? There is what I CAN do, and then what I CANNOT? Remember the prayer of ‘God grant me the strength, the courage, and the knowledge’; this is what we can only hope to feel inside ourselves each day.

If we hang onto HOPE or FAITH, whichever higher power or Creator you believe is guiding our life; this belief gives us guidance. It kind of keeps us going so that we never give up, that we never stop trying in OUR LIFE to get it right. We have two choices each morning, one is to figure out what we need in order to get through to the next step tomorrow, or we can give up and live with nothing inside us but pain and sadness. Living with the deep WAIT for someone else to come along and fix things for us; however, no one can do for us. You only become completely dependent on that person to provide food, water, money, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, or whatever become the crutch we use to bury the sadness and the ‘should have done that’ thoughts.

I honestly have learned to live with a plan to survive each day; even now when I’m not at my best, but I still try to reach for something ALMOST everyday. In my heart I wish I could learn to live in the moment, but it seems there is so much chaos that keeps popping up and this makes it quite a challenge to be light, positive, strong, to keep believing, to keep reaching. This is where we all have to learn our own way, and walk our own choices. There comes a time in EVERY PERSON’S LIFE, when we have to say: ‘Now it is my bad choices that have brought me to where I am, so something inside ME must change. I will not always have someone else in my life to make sure that I’m warm, that I’m fed, that I’m held tight in comfort; always depending on someone else to FIX my mess again.

TODAY AND TOMORROW – I MUST SURVIVE.

Let go of the past sorrow, at least enough to allow some light to come forward in tomorrow. We cannot sit with blame, but only commit to ourselves that regardless of where we must start today; my choices are mine and the road goes two different ways; today is a new start and yesterday is gone; HOPE, FAITH, STRENGTH, COURAGE, BELIEF – this is what we must see in the mirror as we take our life’s lived knowledge so far to set out our choices each day. At some point it is our own responsibility to survive & to figure out the puzzle of our beginning mess to put things back and FIX IT ourselves. LIVE!! Never ever give up!!!

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery.

Hi everyone, are you aware that most of the Domestic Child Sex Trafficking cases occur by the direction of a family member, more specifically usually parents. Its actually quite tragic that the child doesn’t even realize they are being trafficked until many years later. A child’s mind, especially the young children, are first going to go with any person their parents say, that’s just the way it is. Over the years they are conditioned, but by the time they reach 12 or so, they become defiant or they get used to the fact there is nothing they can do to stop the insanity, they are trapped and they want to die. It happens every day here in the United States but no one is ready to accept this truth of mankind’s depravity. What’s even worse is when we say we are Christians, say we are one who truly cares, but yet turn away and pretend the cruelty or over abundance of attention given to one direct child by one or two direct individuals, be suspicious and let your gut guide you through. Help the children who do not have a say in this part of the path in their lives, but yet by the time they grow to escape this insane reality of their existence; the damage is deep and the path is set. How many more will we ignore in our human society simply because we’re just not sure yet how to handle it. It is an epidemic and if it were  or other form of illness, we would be waving flags of rescue & assistance. Please friends, be aware of how dark it often gets within the households of our society. There are no boundaries, not economical, not geographical, not religious, not anything at all. ANYONE CAN BE A VICTIM OF ANOTHER, ANYONE CAN BE AN OFFENDER – just always remember the perfect reputation and community status of 
  visit Grounds of Grace, Human Trafficking in the U.S. or visit Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery for more information & awareness you can use.

 

Believe in the true power of your inner strength to survive

blkwhtpromoFriends it is time to take a deep breath in, concentrate on what is blocking you from feeling the true happiness in your heart, then as you exhale blow it out with force. Think of all those obstacles challenging you today and blow the fears into the wind. Allow the outer energy to absorb them and remove them from your path. Send it all out into the swirling winds of our earth to allow the angels around you to grab them and feel your heart pounding with the true belief in your new beginning. Your life has been blocked by many self doubts, blow them away into the wind. Believe in your heart of hearts, deep within your soul, find the you that truly lies within and allow that person to rise, to stand strong, and to be your leading guide.

youwereborn Believe inside this one simple truth; each of us was created with an innocent soul. Perhaps there may have been monsters or controllers who came into your path with a force so strong they pulled you in deep, they altered your true being, they took away that very special innocent soul. Don’t give up because the person you were born to become is still waiting there inside, just waiting for you to make that choice and breath the life back into your dreams.

Whatif_159x171 Today is your new beginning!! Today is the day you can grab hold of your dreams, you can decide how you want to live your life. You can believe in the true power of you!!

Friends I know how dark the days can become, in fact I was recently at a place so dark I called a crisis line, not just once but twice just this past week. My world became so small I couldn’t focus on the reality of where I am today or the personal strength I hold inside. You must admit, if you know anything at all about my past, there had to be a huge circle of inner strength that has protected me and kept me alive to share with all of you today. How bad it can be sometimes when the pain of our trauma takes from us the desire to continue building the life we want to have. All trauma, because trauma is trauma, it all alters your life. It doesn’t matter if it is from suffering in the loss of someone you love, or the monsters of the night, or even the illnesses we may be trying to cope with today; it is all trauma and the trauma is yours. No one can tell you how this trauma SHOULD affect you. No one can tell you how to cope through the pain you feel, because the pain you feel is also yours and no one else knows how all of these struggles are affecting you. This is something that is completely in your control and it really depends on how you want to view your life. Remember that within that innocent soul you were also given the power of RESILIENCE, which can be the greatest tool ever when put together with the strength & drive to live the life you so definitely deserve.

you matter As this new day begins, believe in this simple but very powerful truth – YOU MATTER!! How you feel matters. How you want to live matters. What dreams you want to chase and achieve matters. You hold the power of the choice today.

Believe in the truth I share that I have absolutely been where you are. It is so painful you have no idea how to even begin to face it all, so list the challenges out in pieces much like those of a puzzle you are trying to put together. Often the multiples of emotions or struggles we are facing are too overwhelming to handle it all at once, so breath and then begin to sort out your pieces of trauma and then put them back together one single piece at a time. It is much like a deep Maddening Silence, so do not allow it to consume all the amazing power of you.

You may be in someone else’s control and so terrified that you are actually afraid to breath. You’re afraid the slightest infringement out of rhythm will cause an explosion that just might cost you your life. You may be holding your breath so tight that you are afraid your breathing pattern of inhale and exhale will not match that of your controller, so you hold your breath; you alter your pattern of breathing to ensure you are keeping everything calm, everything perfect; nothing to upset the monster. I’ve been there and I know that intense fear; the doubt that we are not capable of anything at all on our own. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CAPABLE!! There are resources today that were not available 20 years ago. We have ways to help each other in support, understanding & friendship. Our legal system responds differently to the calls for help. Many states, such as Illinois, are now educating their law enforcement on how to respond when a call of abuse or violence is made. They respond strong and ready to act, ready to protect, ready to assist, ready to give you the local resources & shelters there waiting to help you breath again. Your day is waiting when you are No Longer Afraid to Breathe     

youarenotalone

My website is just one beginning list of daily tools you can use to help you rebuild and begin to take back your power; your control over your true destiny. You are NOT alone!! No matter what you may be trying to overcome and heal, there are resources around the world, no matter what country you live in. I want to take a moment to encourage every person who is dealing with some form of fear, pain, trauma; reach out to a hotline when you are in the lonely desperate place. The voice on the other end of the phone is there waiting to help you through. If you are in that silence of pain, remember there are places of help and you no longer have to fear the future, because the future truly belongs to you.

This is the time to believe in yourself

You deserve to be happy

You deserve to be respected

You deserve to feel love, just as sincere as you give to others

You deserve to plant the roses & watch them blossom in your garden of life

You deserve to soar into your own path

You hold the power inside to truly

Live Strong & Fly Free

Always believe anything is possible

with you in the active equation

livestrong

Artwork creation courtesy of

Michal Madison Art

www.michalmadisonart.com

Begin rebuilding by using these completely free

‘Steps to Recovery’

Daily focus tools to help you through the moments of darkness

Rebuild your self confidence

Understand the connection between your trauma & the impacts left on your life

Learn what abusers look for in a person

Learn the early silent warning signs of child sexual abuse or relationship violence

Dedicated to empowering you to become a protector

Prevent secondary wounding & re-victimization

Be well angels,

Sincerely,

‘Trish’ McKnight

Author: ‘My Justice’ – One of the most powerful true crime stories of survival and rebuilding life after trauma that you will ever read. This amazing true story will change the belief in your strength to survive!

All information & writings are copyright protected under the creation of:

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Nov. 2012

Email me direct at trish.mcknight@live.com

Empowerment Speaker/Human Trafficking Awareness Trainer

Writer/Research/Mentor

Some other great websites of help;

NAMI.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Childhelp.org

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Adult Survivors of Child Abuse, ASCAsupport.org

RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network)

‘Its a Family Affair’ -We are back in the saddle, kick off show tonight!! 06/02 by Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery | Self Help Podcasts

‘Its a Family Affair’ -We are back in the saddle, kick off show tonight!! 06/02 by Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery | Self Help Podcasts.

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS, IT IS POSSIBLE TO SEEK & RECEIVE HELP, PLEASE RESCUE YOU TODAY!!

Working through your recovery and understanding your trauma, here are some great daily steps you can use to take back your power!!!  Artwork via Michal Madison Art!!

Guess what’s in store for Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio

Friends, family, followers; we have some exciting news to share about the upcoming broadcasts on Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio!!! This blog will share all the new shows and our updates on the website, including our brand new online store where items you purchase fund our services as well as provide year end donations to other great organizations who are helping on a much larger scale. Be sure to browse through here to see who you know coming to our network!!

2014BDAR

First off some huge news for fans of RACHEL GRANT COACHING’

http://rachelgrantcoaching.com/

Rachel is bringing her masterful skills in Sexual Abuse Recovery to the airwaves with the broadcast of ‘Real Talk with Rachel’ on Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio. Be sure to join in with her beginning her first show on January 14th – http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamstalkradio/2014/01/15/real-talk-with-rachel-3-ways-to-build-a-strong-foundation-for-recovery

Rachel has an M.A. in Psychology Counseling and her expertise lies in helping survivors of sexual abuse find their inner peace, let go of the pain, and learn to live in their own true light. It is a huge honor to welcome her to the broadcasting team on our network. You will not be disappointed with her skills, gentle nature, and a keen understanding about the aftermath we carry. Be sure to click the link above to set your ‘REMINDER, LIKE & FOLLOW all of the programming.

Make no mistake we are one of the best on these issues broadcasting today. Our shows began after I had spent 10 months doing radio for another organization and then decided I wanted to create something truly special and bring many topics to our society for discussion, so began the creation of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio. In our first year out we have reached a phenomenal 38,819 listens to our 158 broadcasts. How is that for a first year on air???

We are interested also in finding a male radio host , who has some background in research, press, and ready to bring the amazing male voice to share their perspective. Most definitely our shows are broadcasted to bring awareness, prevention and healing for Men & Women; Teens & Adults. However I truly believe that a male voice on our network would complete our circle of fabulous talent.

If you are interested in joining the team as a volunteer, either as a broadcasting host or as a social media assistant, send me over an email to butterflydreams@charter.net – be sure to tag ‘Host’ or ‘Volunteer’ in your subject line so that I can take a look at your information.

Trish continues to broadcast on Monday & Wednesday evenings. However our show on Monday; ‘A Family Affair’ is based on removing the taboo of these topics and empower our youth, broken parents, and society in general to finally get comfortable in speaking about these topics. In learning together about the trained human behaviors against our loved ones and our children which have been going on for centuries, we can begin to give a positive voice to our children. When we are comfortable learning about the Warning Signs of Sexual Abuse, Maltreatment, and Family Violence, then our children will feel more confident when speaking against the family who is harming them.

Yes, our children know that if a stranger attacks them it’s alright to make a police report and go to the hospital for a forensic exam, which is a process of collecting the evidence left behind by your perpetrator and used to gain justice in our court system. However, when it comes to those in our family, which in truth parents are 94.6% of all offenders when it comes to sexual mistreatment, physical and emotional cruelty, neglect and harassment of children. We teach them to tolerate the one who rapes and molests them; to accept the beatings because they are bad and deserve it; to laugh off the crude comments about being ‘stupid’ or ‘worthless’, ‘ugly’, ‘fat’, ‘lazy’, ‘useless’. We teach them to protect their attacker and remain silent about what really happens in their home. We teach them tolerance and acceptance which leads to dysfunction, self destructive behaviors, self harm, and self loathing for the acts they are forced to take part.

We Must Change This Now!!! Those of us who have endured these types of childhood attacks know the lifelong impacts of the imposed silence and tolerance. We know how we have gone decades hating ourselves and blaming ourselves, simply because that is what we were taught. We were not told that it wasn’t our fault, or that our rapist was a criminal, or that they had no right to burn us, use leather straps to beat us, or even sell us out to others. They were our parents and we were taught ‘Do not speak about the family ‘secrets’. Do not speak about the family dysfunction, the finances, or the cleanliness of our homes. Do not speak against those who are there to give you food, shelter, and clothing.’

To our younger generations, I am telling you today that these types of brutal crimes most certainly are not to be tolerated. It is not your fault they treat you in this manner. You absolutely have a HUMAN RIGHT to safety, especially in your own home.

For all victims of these crimes, please take note of the THREE EMERGENCY RESPONSE STEPS which I do hope you will follow and encourage your friends to follow through with if they have been attacked, even in their home.

1) IMMEDIATELY CALL YOUR 911 or OTHER EMERGENCY RESPONSE NUMBER FOR HELP & RESCUE

2) DO NOT SHOWER, DO NOT CHANGE CLOTHES – YOUR BODY IS EVIDENCE OF A CRIME. You will need a forensic exam to document the attack and collect the evidence to prosecute your attacker.

3) MAKE A POLICE REPORT!!! Our justice system cannot prosecute the offenders until we make a complete police report. I know its hard to imagine making a report against your family or parents, but the truth is the truth and often our parents can be the most dangerous people in the world for a child.

Think of what we force our children to tolerate and even to take part in  disgusting vile acts of sexual perversion, which many now broadcast through webcam or other service, while they charge money for others to watch. How can a parent do these acts and still expect to be protected from our justice system?

A parent loves and nurtures their child. A parent should guide and protect their children, not force them to do unspeakable acts of sadistic sexual perversion for the pleasure of others or for their own pleasure. We can no longer teach our children silence & tolerance. This will only allow the destruction of another generation of human beings and a continued acceptance, which could end up invading the lives of your own children later in life.

————————————————————————————–

A few special notesSmile

Michal Madison will be brining back her show ‘Creative Resilience’ which will broadcast once every month, so please watch for an event notice. Also, Dr. Brenda will be back with us again as a guest host, so we will be sharing an event reminder on this excellent show as well.

Well, I guess this takes care of this part of our news right now, but be sure to check back often or visit our website for more information and things you can do to help prevent these types of soul destructive abuses within our family circles. We can teach our children to believe in their value as human beings and stand up to be a voice for the rights of others.

Enjoy your week and hope you are ready for an exciting beginning to our New Year of Broadcasting on the Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio Network, a ‘FEATURED’ broadcast on the blog talk radio network.

Thanks much everyone, hope you pass it forward, become part of #RESOLUTION4CHANGEhttp://youtu.be/JU-c-3G1R_U

©Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Patricia A McKnight

Founder/CEO, Author, Advocate, Key Note Speaker, DV Reform Panelist

Authorhouse.com, Amazon, Barne’s & Nobel – get your copy of ‘My Justice’ an incredible FIVE STAR READ, which has reached collegiate levels for upcoming family therapists, counselors, educators. Compared to be as powerful and touching as ‘A Child Called It’ a New York Times Best Seller written by another amazing survivor, Mr. Dave Pelzer.

My Justice – Patricia A. McKnight : AuthorHouse

My Justice – Patricia A. McKnight : AuthorHouse.

“He had a balding head of strawberry blond hair and thick rimmed black glasses. When I made eye contact with him and saw the shine in his cold blue eyes, the hair on the back of my neck started to quiver. This man was evil and I could see it in his eyes. The evil ran through him like blood ran through my veins. His huge thick hands reached out for me as I walked past him, yelling for Mom. She finally came walking out of the kitchen, drying her hands on a dish towel. Mom looked at Richie and I and said, “Trecia. Richie. I would like you to meet your new dad.” I couldn’t believe what she said. Sadly I looked up at her and said, “New dad. But I have a dad. He’s a good dad and he loves me.” Mom pushed me towards the strange man as she introduced me to Walter. Walter would become the ruler of my life. He would make all decisions from that day forward concerning my contact with my father, grandparents and anyone else carrying the McKnight name. He would also control everything else in my life, including my existence. Walter became my nightmare. He would destroy everything good in my life and the day would come when no one was permitted to even say my last name. Then on a winter night of February 1968 he made his first sexual attack. The next twelve years of my life would be under his complete control. His brutal attacks would come constantly with no recourse from my mother. His huge thick hand would sneak in to forcefully cover my mouth as I lay in bed at night; trying to sleep peacefully next to my sister, but quietly crying as I endured his sadistic games.” The evil of just one child’s nightmare….

A Letter to an Angel…..Dearest Danyelle;

Wishing I could be like you……

danyelle

You’re beautiful you know. When I first met you and we shared those first cheers together, we rode on the wagon through town in the biker parade. I didn’t know how to talk to you. I was afraid I’d say or do something that would cause you to see me as unacceptable.

Your spirit was amazing. Such a beauty you carried. In truth, your confidence and astonishing smile intimidated me. From the very first time we spent together I questioned,

Why can’t I be more like her?

You loved so openly and you saw beauty in absolutely everything. You allowed yourself to be free in every glorious way. How do you do this?

Every time I was around you, I was simply amazed by you. You know the hayride we shared, when Robbie and I had just recently started hanging around the area again? Not sure if you know how excited I was to share the fun with you, but of course the wuss I am; tequila rose didn’t allow me to make it very far on the ride. So sorry I passed out in your lap dear friend. Thank you though for taking good care of me. Truly appreciate it my friend.

You probably felt I was secretly bi-sexual, especially the night I walked mesmerized smelling your perfume, lol!!! I’m not girl, you were an idle to me and I know I never said those words to you. Perhaps you would have understood me better if I could have said what I can only write to you now?

You see, it’s too late for me to tell you what I saw in you. How the love you openly shared of everything in life, is something I could only dream of doing. Your beauty, your smile, your laughter, your kindness; it all intimidated me. I know if you knew this you’d give me a hug, buy me a shot and tell me, ‘Don’t be silly Trish. Look at what you do and what you’ve done; you’re beautiful girl!!’

Problem dear friend, I don’t know I will ever be able to see me through your eyes or through Robbie’s eyes for that matter.

Dearest Danyelle, I know many will miss you. Hell, look at the mile and half long funeral procession you had, it was magnificent to see how you had touched so many lives in the short time you were on this earth. You touched every heart you came in contact with. Danyelle your spirit is something I dream of having. No matter what the need or what the fighting cause, you were there. Who could tell you no?

Dear sweet, beautiful lady, you touched my life in ways that I never had the guts or words to tell you. Every time I tried to be around you, I screwed it up. Did you know how uncomfortable I was? I didn’t know what to say or do. I didn’t want you to see how my horrid life had marred me and how dysfunctional I am around people I admire so much. People Like You!!!

I’m so sorry I never shared this with you while you were here on earth, but some part of me hopes you know and that your magical spirit will find a way to help me become more like you.

Fly free Danyelle!!!

Stay glorious my beautiful friend. You are missed by many, but somehow, I want you to know how much you will be missed by me!!!

Tricia McKnight

Friend, Author, Advocate for the Abused

The Maddening Silence!!

The Maddening Silence!!.

The Maddening Silence!!

When you come from a battered past, whether it be emotional, physical, sexual or even a neglectful pattern of generational abuse/family or relationship violence; we are trained, as anyone would be, to behave in certain manners.

These teachings can reflect in many ways throughout our life.

 
Patterns & Beliefs Of Victims:
    

1) We don’t see any personal value

2) We often see ourselves as objects

3) We don’t have any feeling or acknowledge any pain

4) There is no good example of what love or life is really like

5) You do everything to accommodate others (i.e……having sex – its just sex so give it up when they want it, right? Isn’t that your purpose in life to be an object without feeling or deserving of tenderness, consideration?)

m1    stained1

However, because you are living in these patterns of abusive behaviors, which shut you off in every possible manner; you are unable to see your feelings. As you grow into life and relationships, education, career; you present this to others around you. Unfortunately this often opens the door to another abuser. It seems they can pick you out in a heartbeat and know exactly what to do to lure you into their world. Throughout your journey in the ‘norm’ of life, you simply follow the lead of others.

“Maybe you’ve experienced those relationships where you are so terrified of being attacked that you actually breath in motion so you don’t disrupt your attacker.”

After living in these generationally trained actions for five, ten, (thirty or more years for those more traumatic cases); you tend to walk through life like a cloud is all around you.

“You’re in a heavy cloud of fog and can’t see see to steer the car. You try and try to make the right choices. There are times when you really think it’s all over and it’s going to work out, then you get a little way into positive and suddenly you crash. However, when you look around there’s nothing to grab hold of to help you through, but all you can do is keep moving onward.

Simply put, ‘ The world keeps spinning and you have to keep moving with it. Life comes in responsibility, financial independence, family, children, and you have to take care of all of it, that’s your nature.”

Remember every human action, every human perception, every human response is absorbed; it’s built into us because of the actions to us and around us. Also, every human has a different spirit and each spirit has its own level of tolerance. Each will be traumatized in their own separate way and no one can say how deeply an action did or did not hurt you. No one but you knows the depth of your wounds.

You get to a point where you just want to stand up and scream; I’m a human being! I’m Alive! Listen to me please! He hurt me, help me…” You want to scream so loudly, so fiercely and for so very long that others cannot help but to hear you. For whatever reason though, whether its because you are terrified/traumatized or have simply shut down inside; you just can’t seem to make any noise. Hell, many of us cannot even mouth the words I’ve been raped and beaten.” Then one day, although it may take years or even decades before you can begin to see the pattern of acceptance you’re living inside, it begins to attack in all different directions.

monster appears

If your abuser was your parent and then you become parents, you may even be prone to doing some of those very same acts against other kids or your own kids. These may be physical, or perhaps emotional outbursts they don’t understand or deserve. You’re screaming because of the reflection of yourself and your childhood you now see in them. This sets off a huge trigger and in being humans, having been traumatized in our own separate way; we then respond very differently. There are many abusers who have been victims. There are resources of help for parents who were once victims, one such resource is; Fighters Against Child Abuse.

Remember when you react to children, even a simple, ‘Your stupid’, will stay in their head forever. They will always remember those words, regardless of how hard they try to erase them.

Some of us may turn our head even when our gut tells us something different. Perhaps you are, in a habit or trained manner, and allowing the same Maddening Silence, which once blocked your voice, to continue; unfortunately, this is simply our human genetics.

It is what it is and we’ve been abusing our kids for centuries, probably going back to the creation of mankind.

The silence is all around us, it’s bearing down on us like this huge burden. It’s stained with shame and guilt, and it’s darkened with abandonment and blame.

why

You’re brain, in functioning like that of anyone else, being in its normality; follows what you’ve been taught. You get confused when you see the reality of your world. Then it suddenly hits you that you’ve been living in your entire life in this ‘Maddening Silence’. Your emotions aren’t normal, life is falling apart around you. No matter how hard you try you still can’t scream, you can’t get out; you’re a shattering China Doll.

m2

You walk through life trying to keep the pieces together. When something falls off or gets broken; just get out the glue and keep going. As my friend, Michal Madison so eloquently stated, ‘There isn’t time to slow down and mend the pieces, so just put them in your pocket and go.” One day all the glue disintegrates. Your pieces are all over the place. You can’t pick them up and glue them back together fast enough.

Then as you are on your knees, weeping and begging for it to be over, you suddenly hear something inside of you, it’s like a little scratchy laryngitis voice, but it’s there. You’re completely drawn to what’s going on around you, in a sense you have been letting things happen.

In all practical purposes you’re an adult and the decisions and choices are yours to make. You have to own them, own what the rebound effect of these decisions has been, then get up and make those changes to create something better.

If you’re still a minor then you’ve been going through it long enough and it’s time to break free! You don’t deserve what’s happening to you. Your strength for enduring should be noticed and seen as a great quality. Please give yourself a hug. Forgive what you have done and what you have allowed to go on. Look around where you are right now. See an island in front of you. Take a step and then jump into a new path of life, a new chance at just being you. This happens when you hear that voice and you decide to just start talking.

At first you may say it to yourself, ‘I’m done, and never again will they hurt me. Never will I be raped and beaten again, disrespected and degraded; no I will not do it anymore.’

You have to feel that explosion of madness screaming out,

‘If I don’t change things I’m going to die!!’

no

Now you may not die in a physical sense, but you will die emotionally. Your spirit will slowly disintegrate as you live trapped inside the maddening silence. Unfortunately there are many that break apart and never come back to us. Perhaps you may know someone who’s taken their lives, because they believed they couldn’t change things or they couldn’t escape.

You may know someone who’s died emotionally or the pieces have all fallen apart and they don’t have the strength to put them back together any longer. Tragically they can’t find away to escape the nightmare so they live in a separate world completely. How sad when you know someone like this, so deeply traumatized never to return to the normal happy person as they were born to become.

Rather than allow this to happen to yourself, you are going to learn about your pieces. As you put yourself back together you will see them for the creation they hold; the strength, the wit, the intellect, and the possibilities. As you learn, you are able to see what you do like and what you don’t like. You have a choice to put down and redo the pieces. Shave off a bit here and remold those parts you don’t like. Those pieces that contain the shame, the blame, the stains of your past; these are not who you are, they are the actions from those around you.

 This darkness and stain is not where you are anymore, so those shadows do not have to show any longer.

know where you are

It’s truly magical when you find the piece that is your voice!!! You hold it close, appreciate its value, know its strength, and be proud that you can finally let out the madness, you can stand up and say ‘No, I don’t like this’.

In a sense, you should be extra proud of this ability. You’ve been living as an object all these years, now you are just learning what some have known all their lives. We see them around us and their world seems so wonderful, but it is your perception. You never know what another person holds inside, what they’ve endured or what they battle down each day before they leave the house.

One day you wake up and this pounding Maddening Silence is everywhere. It seems to be louder, although no one else seem to hear it. They wonder what is troubling you,

‘What’s wrong with them? Why does that bother them? It’s only sex, even though it is her father? Why is she all upset and going crazy?’ 

You hear yourself screaming. You know it’s the truth and finally you can speak it. You have found the path to taking care of you. This is the beginning steps and you decide what happens next. It is possible to live safely; trust your own actions, choices; see your true beauty inside.          

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‘It’s blossoming like a gorgeous butterfly, learning to spread it’s wings and soar into possibilities.’ 

It’s possible to see a future and more importantly you learn to believe in that future. ‘You are human, you are alive!!

You deserve kindness
You deserve respect
You deserve to be safe
Your deserve to be happy

As your life builds and your dreams begin to become your reality, the more confident you become. Those around you will see that strength shine inside you. Your career and relationships, the partners you choose will be safe. We have to learn the true beauties of who we are without all the ugliness because we are not in the ugliness or the maddening silence any longer. We can speak and be heard; hell some may even respect what you say.

If you’re really blessed; you are safe, found your voice, learned what you don’t want, and accepted the things you can’t change.

Life is never fair, some of us get hurt, some of us die; but some of us heal – become strong and have someone who loves us despite what has happened.

They see our wounds, the scars, the dysfunction; but you are glorious and have the world waiting to see you. One baby step forward each day, one learned acceptance of all that you are, the true beauty of your soul, the spirit you were born with comes out to play and suddenly you are truly beginning to live.

See your beauty, be amazed by your strength, absorb your wounds, build and chase your dreams.

true beauty1 

Be all that you were born to become. Your soul is still there. All the magic you hold is waiting to be opened. Shine on!!

©Patricia A. McKnight rainbow butterfly dreams

All artwork courtesy of: Michal Madison Art

Advocate/Watercolor Artist; http://www.michalmadisonart.com

Founder/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery/2013/02/21/survivors-world-w-trish-michal

Author: ‘My Justice’

Amazon, Barne’s & Noble, Authorhouse, Lulu

Paperback/Ebook/Kindle & Nook

Survivors World Online Support Group – Private by membership resquest only when visiting the website.

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