Domestic/Family Violence; YOU make the difference between life and desruction

Purple-Rose_13.jpg  October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I hope our society will continue to grow in how we recognize and assist the persons affected as children or adults so they can give something better, SAFER, for their families.

‘Awareness’ is about;

    • Acknowledgement; almost every person in our human society has either experienced some type of Family Harm or is dealing with this today. In America the Centers for Disease estimate that ‘1 in 4 homes’ are coping with some type of violence or abuse. Millions of children & families living in extreme, life threatening, harm or terror. If we look at this ‘human conditioning’ of tolerance as a disease; a human disease which we may have been taught as children to keep secret, we can see it encompasses our entire history. Most children are taught to protect, even respect, the person who is harming them or their family. It has been happening since the beginning of time. Unless we step in and teach our children a better, safer way of life; their kids are going to learn the very same types of behavioral harm and violence.
    • We are supposed to be the most intelligent species on the planet. However, it took us until Jan 2014 to finally enact amendments to Violence Against Women Act to provide services in aiding MALE victims. The amendments provided that ANY person, of ANY age or gender, ANY economic standing or place of residence, ANY ethnic origin or religious beliefs; there are no boundaries that divide an act of family harm or Domestic Violence, even trafficking/slavery of our partners and children; so now we have laws & services growing together to help make a difference in our worst ‘human condition’.
    • Accept that we have a decade of studies by nationally recognized medical, psychological, behavioral, and reported acts that have been evaluated in every level to understand the lasting traumas and distorted behaviors; learned reactions as a result of having been someone’s victim. Our nation’s reports continue to climb and the depth of emotional trauma continues to be studied so that we develop the appropriate resources to help heal these wounds and rebuild to alter the ‘VICTIM’ state of learned behaviors.
    • These offenses if beginning in the early years of a child’s life, even inside the womb, can and do cause an ingrained emotional alteration in our frontal lobe cortex. In young children you can see how living in this every day or week, month, year can affect every person differently. Some might become adult or teen offenders, others might stay in that trained sense of ‘VICTIM’ pattern and submissive behaviors. Either way these young persons grow up to become those who run our businesses, our police officers, judges, and political leaders of our nation. These are the people everywhere around us today, and we are creating the next generation of tomorrow.
    • If you’ve ever lived with someone who has gone through these types of Family Related or Relationship Offenses, you know daily life can be challenging. Usually the result of a heightened anxiety, inability to level our stresses, which then results in emotional reactions that either bury the feeling of harm, triggers harmful behavioral outbursts or cause various types of self harming, even suicidal responses.
    • Address these types of behaviors as if they are an illness within your family or circle of friends. The first way to begin combating this type of illness is to discuss the symptoms and provide a support system of knowledge, friendship, and resources to take care of this illness so that our loved ones know what it’s like to have a SAFE life and laugh without fear.
    • We have pandemic measures of victims recorded for the past decade that prove 1 IN 3 AMERICAN CHILDREN (about 25Million) every year are trying to survive and understand what is happening inside their home or trusted circle. If we had any other type of DISEASE affecting this many children, (these are only the REPORTED cases); if these numbers were reflective of any other illness we would have rallies, legislation, and targeted specialists involving every small rural or urban community across the nation until we ended it’s plague. We would listen to every victim and develop continued working strategies to decrease those affected. We would ensure that somehow the message was connected across the country, courts providing justice, healthcare providing treatment, emotional support, and long-term behavioral life skills development so that new victims do not become tomorrows offenders. We would all talk together and work together because it would not be about how much money you can take in for helping, you would simply just have to help.
    • Right now the annual estimated budget for providing prevention, intervention, and short-term recovery for these offenses is around $145Billion every year. Economically those harmed have trouble succeeding in a self productive manner to care for themselves and their families. If they are working with services, some of these CEO’S are bringing in 6 or 7 figure salaries but show few changes in how many victims they’re helping or how they’re changing the way they help them. Most are short-term recovery shelters to get you started, which give about 45 to 90 days. In this you have to get all your legal paperwork done, find a job, a place to live, apply for any state assistance, and figure out your own transportation. Have you done the ‘Walk in Her Shoes’ event anywhere? You definitely should so that you are fully aware of exactly what it’s like as a single young person in a homeless shelter or a mother of three trying to find somewhere to go and how to care for your kids.
    • Services and rallies for adult males who have been harmed in childhood or in their adult relationships with either men or women; these guys still have very few resources as most shelters have been designed for women and children. They have little if any support and it is still an old traditional ‘hero’ thing if an older woman or girl teaches them about sex early in life; maybe an uncle or the neighbor they mow the lawn for once a week. We really don’t have true numbers of male victims because we’ve made it so difficult in what we teach them. Usually it’s about being a strong man; ‘Don’t you cry when you’re hurt boy, you get angry and you keep going’. It’s been this way forever and will be until every man, woman, and teen is involved in helping those in their circle learn about how to stop this mess and give the support, addiction recovery, and financial ability to live a better SAFER life.

I have taken my own past and use what I’ve experienced, along with Certifying Classes, to educate myself about how deeply wounding these acts can be and what little it takes from family and friends to actually make a difference in a person’s life.  I try to share very personal and upfront knowledge about how detrimental these acts can become over a period of time; tragically thousands ending in homicide and millions ending in suicide. It is crucial to have just one supportive person in our lives who is willing to wipe our tears and help us help ourselves so that we become stronger as adults and parents.

Much like the 50 Million estimated Adult Survivors of Family Violence or Sexual Harm, my life has been a rollercoaster of disasters. Battling alcohol & marijuana addictions, depression, high anxiety, and constant panic. My adult relationships and marriages reflected the male dominant partner who committed emotional/physical/financial/sexual/life threatening acts which continued destruction and fear; control to the millisecond of my life. What I tolerated and lived with was based on the choices of what I knew as ‘normal’, which honestly was pretty violent and depraved. Sadly I lived in this until I was almost 40 years old. I became a young mother who believed that if the kids weren’t being directly harmed, then they were doing alright. However, how do you think they might have felt hiding in the closet in the middle of the night, waiting to see how badly their mother would be beaten, or would she even be able to come calm you down when the fight was over. 

Would she live? Would you live? What if he got the gun out and was threatening everyone with it again? Who would you go talk to about what was happening? Would you be able to concentrate in school or get your homework done? What if both parents were drinking or using drugs, then either violence or sex began happening around you? How do you think our children would perceive life, what was expected of them, how to behave and how to treat others? What behaviors would develop in drugs, alcohol, violence, street gangs, sexual respect, or your emotional wellness? All of it would be altered until that person was in a circle of help that provided a SAFE ZONE, open discussion and support.

What you and I can do is to look at our family circle. Think about how you were raised; was it violent or amazing? Use what you know to begin making a difference today. If you have the same couple in your apartment building or neighborhood where you hear or see violent acts, the kids are screaming and crying; please call someone who can help intervene. If you’re a teacher, healthcare worker, law enforcement, minister or other community member; just take a few moments of gut knowledge and watch a child behave over time. See how many of the behavioral silent warning signs you know and how you remember behaving in what you’ve gone through yourself or seen in the numbers of victims and families you’ve helped. Communication & Community are crucial in helping change the future for our kids. If we don’t focus on the root of the problem at home, then we will never be able to change what is happening in our society. Sadly this ‘human conditioning’ will simply continue.

I hope something I’ve written will touch the heart of others around the country, as well as those areas closest to me. We can make a difference and I really hope that it begins right in this moment for you.

Respectfully,

Patricia A McKnight

Breese, IL 62230

Advocate/Author/Mentor/Survivor

A child may try to avoid situations which place them alone with their abuser such as; not wanting to interact with a particular family member or friend; not wanting to hug or sit on their lap; not wanting to go places with them or where the abuser will be; remember to watch for signs of what your child IS NOT telling you. They may not know exactly how to verbalize their dislike, distrust, or what is happening to them. Pay attention to their actions and reactions around others

Resources:

1) National Centers for Disease/Domestic Violence & Child abuse – http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/childmaltreatment/prevention.html

2) National Child Traumatic Stress Network http://www.nctsn.org/resources/audiences/parents-caregivers/understanding-child-traumatic-stress

3) National Post Traumatic Stress Alliance https://aspe.hhs.gov/basic-report/treating-hidden-wounds-trauma-treatment-and-mental-health-recovery-victims-human-trafficking

4) National Alliance of Mental Illness http://www.nami.gov

5) Department of Health & Human Services; Domestic Violence & Children’s Bureau http://www.acf.hhs.gov/cb

Advisory Member:

National Adult Survivors of Child Abuse

Safe Kids Now National Network

Founder: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery 

Nov 2012

 

To change our world we have to heal our past……

 

Have you noticed the multitude of Adult Survivors of Child Sex Crimes who are sharing their collective voices across the United States? Actually if you really notice it’s happening in every country around the world; filling the internet and becoming part of the norm? I must say myself and every other adult survivor never thought we would be able to break our silence, release the ugly secrets, and have our voices matter. It’s outstanding the pendulum swing and it’s about damn time we take a real hard look at what has been tolerated inside our families throughout our human history.

Often inside our homes is now or can become the most dangerous place in the world!!!

National Institute of Mental Health estimates 4.2% of Adult Americans with Serious Mental Illness (SMI)

 

Why the NIMH Data?

What do we absolutely know about Trauma and our Brain; Emotional Response vs Learned Behavioral Patterns?

Let me make clear that I am in no way a licensed or specially trained psychology expert on any level. However, what I can say is:

  • I lived in a tumultuously dangerous environment for 40 years
  • I have worked through my 3rd nervous breakdown and have been a continuous work in progress for six straight years
  • It has taken days upon days of research to be prepared & provide actual confirmed information in hopes of assisting others like myself. In producing/hosting more than 200 online talk radio programs concerning different levels of this topic; our mental health, physical health, and even family health seriously impacted, which then effects our communities, crime, drugs, alcohol, gang and school violence, bullying, work place violence and societal abuses that plagues America’s most vital Freedom; our justice system.
  • I have attended trainings provided by local & Illinois State organizations to provide my certifications in Domestic & Family Violence Assistance and Prevention received by Violence Prevention Center of SW IL in June 2013. Also certification in Human Trafficking 101 which was provided by Rescue & Restore Coalition of East St. Louis in March 2014.
  • To provide assured information in the website and support provided by Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery. Links and research has been appropriately provided in it’s development and updates since September 2012; along with the honor to share the creative watercolor art by Advocate/Friend/Survivor Michal Madison. www.michalmadisonart.com
  • In my attended trainings throughout 2013 & 2014 this included Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention; Child Abuse Awareness & Prevention; Elder Abuse Awareness & Prevention; Bullying Awareness & Prevention; Mental Health Support Awareness
  • I have dedicated my focus and my drive to be part of this major force and end the stigma related to being abused; either in severe neglect, psychological, physical, sexual, and/or living with a constant fear in Family Violence.

It is factual to quote an FBI Victim’s Specialist in stating;

‘You are indeed an EXPERT’

I would say that while yes, I have a lot of vital information which I’ve collected, published, and shared to help create the change and influence as many positive vibes in helping change knowledge, provide support, and even update our policies & laws; I in no way consider myself an ‘EXPERT’.  In that statement, I have provided at least some 30 other survivors like myself who have built nonprofits, provide help, publish blogs, monitor support groups, assist victims & provide support for any person who reaches out in a difficult or harmful situation.  These are friends, family warriors, and persons whom I’ve actually admired and found strength from in what we are doing together.

We must understand the path of recovery from these issues isn’t just doing without a drug, or a drink, or getting through a moment. This process of recovery influences your education, your life skills knowledge, the ability to work everyday, to not be triggered by something in a grocery store or when with a group of friends. It effects parenting skills, boundaries, and educating our children as well as protecting them from any of this type of negative influence. It requires a complete moment to moment process of changing your lifestyle, your thoughts, your learned behaviors and disrespect for others or a type of person; such as Racism Against a Religion, Sexual Preferences, Color of Skin, Gender, Age, Economic Status or Place of Residence.

Humans have been taught and influenced by the generation before them, those who are responsible for guiding them and providing balance in their growing life. Tragically those who are teaching them in family have already endured the suffering and been influenced by what their parents and then the generation before have believed was appropriate and influenced without punishment or concern against their kids. Each of us can go back for centuries in our cultures and family tolerances to see a cycle that just continues and no one seems to know how to change it. They are either too traumatized & trained to believe this is simply life, or they have been altered by the distress of being victimized and living in a daily battle of survival.

How can we possibly see an end to this behavioral emphasis in our human existence. Yes, we definitely make sure that our laws & policies provide the best possible guidelines and punishments, but also that we provide the best possible community awareness and education in every small rural community across the borders. It is only in helping to develop a NEW way of thinking that this process will ever be achieved or even begin to affect the whole of our society. It starts in what we teach our kids and how we treat them.

The basics:

  • YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HARM OTHER BEINGS.
  • YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SEXUALLY INFLUENCE A CHILD IN ANY MANNER.
  • YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO OWN, TRADE, SHARE, USE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING OF ANY AGE, RACE, RELIGION.
  • YOU DO NOT HAVE THE POWER TO OWN OR DOMINATE; TO VIOLATE THE FREEDOM OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.

Yes, I’m a dreamer. I wish we could flip a switch and end this TODAY, but sadly like it has taken us generations to get as severe as we are today; it will take generations for us to provide that path and create a peaceful type of life with others.

We can however definitely make a CHOICE; make a decision right now, begin this very moment; I will not allow this destruction to touch my life or my family any longer. I will decide to do whatever it takes in getting therapy for myself and my family, to begin teaching respect for the welfare of others and appreciate the most precious right of safety in every home, in our personal circles and to openly discuss this basic freedom in all possible settings. We can influence the life of our friends, our neighbors, and our community leaders. We can absolutely insist that this topic of recovery for our society as a whole begin to be addressed as a Human Recovery in our political agendas and who we put into office in our governments. We can begin holding others responsible for their choices to harm, just as we are responsible for our actions and reactions.

Our human brain, emotional development, attitudes, beliefs, traditions, even violence, rage, sexual behaviors, anxieties, fears, actions and reactions are an affect of what we have lived in and been taught to accept; the creed we live by in our close circles; inside our homes and teach inside our schools.

Teach Positive Life behaviors

Reach out for life so you can grow.

Spread your wings to release your sorrow.

Fly strong to reach the stars

Show the world how beautiful you are

❤ Life Strong & Fly Free ❤

Believe as the Butterflies; ‘Believe Anything Is Possible with You in the Active Equation’

Thank you for reading & I hope you’ll share, comment, post, discuss in casual conversation and begin to live in your own true freedom & recovery today.

Patricia A McKnight

Author; ‘My Justice’

Creator: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

www.blogtalkradio.com/voicesInjusticeRadio

 

Are you a reality thinker?

 

Good Morning

Let me first ask, Who enjoys #BillMaher?

Alright world, especially Americans – How much longer will we continue tolerating certain ‘SPECIAL’ human beings to direct what is or is not a – HUMAN CHOICE OF LIFE – or a harming action AGAINST another HUMAN BEING, (which is also a human choice)? Who are these people so righteous and perfect that they are deciding what is a more serious issue to be addressed in our society?

It is #Vote2016 – America you now get to choose what issues are important and who do you trust enough to uphold your wishes. Of course we have to allow the reality that you cannot make everyone happy all the time. (Isn’t this what we have always been told?)

Today we have a human society filled with intelligent reality thinking and tolerating human beings;

HOWEVER…..

  • If you enjoy inhaling smoke from a cigarette or a joint – YOU ARE CONDEMNED!! You are either imprisoned for one of these actions or society just turns away from you commenting how bad you smell.
  • If you don’t get married but choose to live with your Life’s Love
  • If you choose a #SameSex Spouse
  • If you choose to live thinking outside of the box, more tolerating of a Human Choice in life rather than in man’s written interpretation of God’s Laws or our centuries old way of life….

In all of the above sentences, which are basic human choice in a person’s individual life and how they choose to enjoy their time here on Earth; in all of these choices you are demeaned, condemned in either our #CriminalJustice or in our #Church. If you choose any of these you are ostracized and cut out of our daily acceptable way of life.

Permit me to add here; regardless of how much good you share toward another human being, regardless of the kindness and gentle nature you live to inspire in others, regardless of how much good you share with the world – you are not living in our acceptable perceptions of life.

HOWEVER CONTINUED…….

You can make a choice to REPEATEDLY (day after day, year after year, generation after generation); you teach tolerance and acceptance in repeatedly causing extreme harm to children, spouse, partner; ruling your home in brute force and terror, and NEVER be punished or considered a Bad Person

Do you think if person’s as young as sixteen years old; those who are permitted to work, pay taxes, drive – if these person’s were allowed to have a say in how we determine what is and isn’t a priority issue right now – if they could have a say, would it still be considered the same and would it be a topic our #Politicians will make an agenda for their platform?

You know my writing in horrible now in the running sentences and questions, but I am just absolutely stunned everyday about the dark actions and harm that exists inside our homes, hurts our youth and causes more destruction to a human being than any other disease known to mankind, but repeatedly for five years I’ve seen this issue dismissed in Social Media, Television, News Headlines.

Our youth aren’t really directed to believe that they have written guaranteed inalienable rights to be SAFE. We don’t teach them they can & will be protected under our laws and have their offenders prosecuted for the harm against them. We teach them to prosecute the Coach, Priest, Minister, Neighbor, Stranger who hurts them or someone else they know, but we do everything we can to dismiss a #FamilyOffender.

We force them to carry decades of horror, painful, demeaning, and life destructive memories which trigger drug addictions, criminal or violent behavior, even might affect their being a child predator or harming their own children. The studies & research is published to justify how healthy patterns of thinking and human choice are destroyed and in fact frontal lobe brain impairment is the result of even one incident of trauma. Who they were before the harm is forever gone. Regardless of what happens it seems rarely, only after decades of healing; does the survivor get strong enough to bring forth charges, but tragically most (87%) are NEVER prosecuted or held accountable for their disgusting and grievous choice against persons who may be too young to even understand what is happening to them at all. It simply becomes a daily, yearly, life taught pattern of being beaten, degraded, traded, sold, used and destroyed.

Our neighbors dismiss it, our schools dismiss it, our laws dismiss it – at least for the 2.5 Million registered reports of harm that never receive an investigation and those six others on top of that who will absolutely never reveal to anyone just exactly what types of Human Violations they were taught to accept in their life every single day.

This is absolutely the most cruel part of our human nature. We have been programmed century after century, generation after generation, that any of these types of actions against your own children are tolerable, so long as we teach them through fear, threats, silence, and ignorance of their pain – NEVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT THE UGLY PARTS.

Will it ever really change? Is there anything at all that our society will ever do besides attend trainings, update how we think about mental illness and trauma, how our law enforcement handles a volatile family offender and just how bad does it have to be before someone will even talk to the child at all about what’s happening or if they’re being hurt?

HOWEVER……

  1. We have 1 in 5 Adult Americans with Mental Illness
  2. We have 1 in 4 homes living in some type of violence or sexual predatory behavior
  3. We have 1 in 3 children being Sexually harmed every single day (I’ve got the research to back this up, find it on the Child Maltreatment Page of this blog)
  4. We have 85% of prisoners affected by some form of childhood or #FamilyCrime
  5. We have 87% of drug and alcohol addictions connected to some form of #FamilyCrime
  6. We have study after study, generation after generation, human being after human being who is living a life altering, self destructive, violent, and suicidal perceptions because of some type of #FamilyCrime

At some point this has to be unacceptable, punished, and held accountable for the inability to financially provide for, and protect the healthy safe life for our children. I absolutely will never understand our society’s choice to consider, ‘Oh well, we are doing our best. It’s what’s always happened. They will get over it’

Readers, I do not understand why we cannot work harder, united in efforts to ensure the education of guaranteed inalienable rights of ALL children. There is no human being better than another. There is no human being not worthy of help. There is no human being that has permission by Man’s Law or God’s Law to harm another human being, but we continue to tell our children it does not matter inside your home and family; ‘Laws are different there; my parental/guardian right to cause grievous injury or sexual harm is my choice. You just have to shut up, deal with it, and if you ever tell anyone else what’s happening in our home, I WILL KILL YOU!!!’

If you tell

Are you ready to make a change for them? Are you sick of this acceptance in these horrific actions?

We are a human society that constantly stands up for #LGBTRights ; #AnimalRights ; #ReligiousRights ; and every other issue, but those very young kids out there (especially those too young to support themselves, too young to defend themselves, too abandoned in the absolute control and responsibility of their parents.

I BELIEVE IN FAMILY TOGETHERNESS. I BELIEVE IN HEALTHY FAMILY DYNAMICS. It will never be perfect and we will never be able to help every child or person who is left to live in this mess. It will take a few generations before we actually see a positive outcome as human beings.

HOWEVER……

You have the power to change it beginning RIGHT NOW!! You can sign our #Petition requesting a #Federal review and update of our policies and prosecutions across the country in how we deal with this type of criminal and humanly destructive choice against those who are the very continuing existence of mankind and our world as a whole. You have the power to make a choice in what you start practicing inside your family. How you teach your children to interact and live accepting, rather than harming, of others. You have the power to determine if they will live searching for a drug to ease their turmoil and inner nightmares. You have the power to determine if they learn to be violent or kind. It is up to every adult to protect and be some type of positive influence on the children they choose to bring into this world.

HELP US MAKE A CHANGE AND DIRECT THE ISSUE FOR OUR HUMAN RIGHT TO BE SAFE!!! ‘Free from harm and free from the fear of harm’ Universal Declaration Of Human Rights

SIGN BELOW –

‘Family Crimes Act’ –

Petition for a Federal Review & Update of Policy & Prosecution

The below video is educational, informative, and empowering

It is also

shocking, disturbing, and graphic

https://youtu.be/QaexoCNqhcM

 

Producer/Toastmaster Ms. Rebecca Kimbel interviews

Author/Advocate/Mentor/Researcher/Survivor

Patricia A. McKnight

Thank you for reading, watching, and hopefully you signed because here in Illinois; this proposal has been discussed for over a year, put in front of House Representative, States Attorney, Congressman, U.S. Attorney, Assistant Attorney General Office – All of these person’s have stated what an amazing collection of research, justification, and remarkable outline of statistics in Crimes Against Children,

HOWEVER……

‘We can not address this topic at this time, but we appreciate and respect your work, your mission, and one day we just might be able to address this topic. You keep going and keep up all the work you’re doing. It really does matter, we just don’t have the budget to allow us to address this right now’

Be Well, Live Strong, Fly Free and teach your children to LIVE!!!

A human society creating Victims and Offenders……

Often trying to assist victims of trafficking and other dangerous crimes, we find they don’t always see how serious the harm. For them it is something they just always had to tolerate in order to survive, so as a result by the time they are older teens or adults, they might not even feel it was an actual crime. I know because it happened to me.

The first time he took me out to another location I was about 10 years old and it was a tugboat down around the Baldwin Illinois area. He used to take me with him quite often, something I couldn’t refuse without punishment and something my mother never questioned regardless of what condition I returned home. He picked up a 12pack of Pabst and we took off driving, him feeding me all but three of the beers which he drank. Needless to say I was wasted. I don’t remember everything, but I sadly remember all the hands, the touching, groping, and oral sex I was made to perform on at least one of the men. They lit up a joint and took full advantage of having the intoxicated little girl to play with for their (and his) amusement.

Next it was the bar where my mother worked & all the local coal miners hung out. I was 11 years old when my stepfather involved me in very public exploitative measures so men would buy him beer and he could watch as they all flirted and played with me. He offered the one young man time alone with me outside, thankfully the guy responded ‘She’s just a kid’. However it set off a rage of fury when we immediately left and I was beaten in the car because ‘You’re just too ugly, that’s why nobody wants to be with you.’ My head was bashed against the window a few times, on the dashboard, and his hands clenched around my throat.

Surprisingly my mother came walking up and pulled me out of the car. She didn’t ask why I was crying, or what had happened; she simply hustled me home angry and screaming at me for getting drunk. It was all my fault those men wanted to do things and Malcolm was beating the crap out of me.

This was just the beginning of what would be the next five years of private parties initiated by him with neighborhood boys, schoolmates, and grown men who came to our house on late Friday night. It was all so ‘normal’ for me. It’s what I had been beaten into tolerating and no one was doing anything to stop it. The boys and men always laughed and enjoyed it, my mother stayed in her bedroom and watched tv or she took off for the weekend and left me there.

In all honesty, I had never considered myself a ‘trafficked child’. I didn’t understand how everything that happened and all the ways that I was used, manipulated, and forced into these situations created such a mess and it trained my behavior to be exactly what he wanted; his own personal little prostitute. Sadly by the time I was around 13, that is exactly what the community talked about when they saw me.
How in the world was I supposed to understand exactly how wrong it was when no one was doing anything about it?

The community members whispered about it and how I messed around with their husbands, boyfriends, and sons. They whispered about the filth that covered my body, the body odor, the infected sores, and how I rarely ever had time allowed out of the house because there was always something I had to take care of, or there might be something or someone who needed me to do something. I was the girl their daughters could not hang out with and the girl their sons were never allowed to date. I’ll never forget how it felt growing up in the center of that small Illinois town while neighbors, family friends, teachers, and classmates all made fun of me and shamed me, but not a single person ever tried to help me. In the end the only way I knew how to get through a day without being beaten was to do whatever was ordered, whenever it was ordered, and with whomever was next in line.

It wasn’t until after I started really focusing on coping through my Complex PTSD, and the debilitating injuries from all the physical trauma which existed for some 20 years in my adult relationships. I couldn’t figure out what it was about me, why did all of this stuff happen and why didn’t anyone seem to care? This is when I began writing ‘My Justice’; hoping to put all my pieces back together and help my kids understand that their screwed up ideas about relationships had resulted from how I had been so well trained to tolerate extreme harm and never believe that I deserved anything different. I was almost 50 years old before I was able to connect the dots of trauma, to my lasting wounds today. It was after the book was published and I took a training seminar on trafficking before I realized ‘OMG, that was me’.

Helping victims of Family Crimes, whether it be extreme physical violence, sexual harm, or perhaps even trafficking; these persons do not always understand that they were victims at all. To them, to me, it was just survival. I had to do whatever was demanded and I developed survival coping skills in that horror. This is what happens when we dismiss the possibility or even witnessed exploitation or direct harm of a child.

In trying to help someone cope today, we must have compassion for the emotional instability, remember they are just beginning to realize exactly how much evil they had to endure just to survive. Almost all of the adult & teen prostitutes today, first became victims as a young child. To them their body is nothing more than a sexual object, one built to satisfy others and to endure whatever they might inflict.

Helping victims of Family Related Offenders is a difficult situation because we teach them quite young to be quiet, stop crying about it, it’s nothing, it’s because you did something, it’s because we need the financial help, it’s because we need a roof over our head, it’s your burden to carry those very ugly secrets and never tell anyone about what happens here.

How many more victims of trafficking, grievous injury, emotional trauma, and lasting mental health challenges will our human society continue to raise as we turn our backs and pretend nothing happened, or convince ourselves that it’s not our problem. If you know about a family or person in harm’s way, then it just became your problem. If you don’t get that person help, who will? It’s time to stop raising Victims & Offenders, it’s time to initiate intervention and community involvement to stop ALL crime, even the generational teaching of tolerance about crime inside our family.

Keep in mind that it’s not just the children who are forced or manipulated into multiple sexual interactions or forced to stay quiet as they are beaten beyond recognition. These actions against persons inside our homes affects all races, genders, and most importantly ALL AGES. There are no boundaries when it comes to inflicting harm on those who do not understand or are not able to defend themselves.

We must defend a persons right to be protected regardless of who they are or where they live. Home doesn’t have to be perfect, but it absolutely must be SAFE. To provide any change is going to take a strong united human effort. Ending the harm inside our families, means that we give our children a better, safer world to flourish in their dreams and achievements. Teaching that all beings deserve safety, that we have worldwide laws & constitutional laws defending our right to be safe. This should be taught in every basic history class across the country.

Give a child the gift of freedom without the fear of grievous harm, especially inside their home.
Using information & resources shared on www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery is just one possible source of help. There are resources around the world to aid in this recovery process and life skills development for healthy parenting. If you or someone you know is in distress or being harmed, please research available resources in your area.

 

Thanks & be a blessing to those in your life’s path

Trish McKnight

Author: ‘My Justice’

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Talk Radio Network

Child Sexual Abuse Prevention Specialist

Family Violence Speaker & Educator

Family Crimes and Terroristic Abuse Act – ‘Trecia’s Law’

We all need inspiration…..

Sharing this Beautiful power of HOPE!!!

Today I will do my best. If I have a good day, I will be proud of myself. If I have a bad day, I will not dwell on it. I will forgive myself, I will put it behind me and I will continue to move forward.

Written by Inspirational Quotes on January 9, 2016. Posted in Attitude Quotes, Happiness Quotes, Inspiring Quotes, Life Lessons, Life Quotes, Motivational Quotes,Positive Quotes, Quotes, Self Improvement Quotes, Self Motivation Quotes, Self Respect Quotes

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Today I will do my best. If I have a good day, I will be proud of myself. If I have a bad day, I will not dwell on it. I will forgive myself, I will put it behind me and I will continue to move forward.

 

I’ve been so out of touch again. Is it the holidays? Is it the family chaos? Is it the physical chronic pain? Is it because I am trying to find guidance in what I NEED to do next? How do we make our life happen in some good fashion of function and survival? There is what I CAN do, and then what I CANNOT? Remember the prayer of ‘God grant me the strength, the courage, and the knowledge’; this is what we can only hope to feel inside ourselves each day.

If we hang onto HOPE or FAITH, whichever higher power or Creator you believe is guiding our life; this belief gives us guidance. It kind of keeps us going so that we never give up, that we never stop trying in OUR LIFE to get it right. We have two choices each morning, one is to figure out what we need in order to get through to the next step tomorrow, or we can give up and live with nothing inside us but pain and sadness. Living with the deep WAIT for someone else to come along and fix things for us; however, no one can do for us. You only become completely dependent on that person to provide food, water, money, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, or whatever become the crutch we use to bury the sadness and the ‘should have done that’ thoughts.

I honestly have learned to live with a plan to survive each day; even now when I’m not at my best, but I still try to reach for something ALMOST everyday. In my heart I wish I could learn to live in the moment, but it seems there is so much chaos that keeps popping up and this makes it quite a challenge to be light, positive, strong, to keep believing, to keep reaching. This is where we all have to learn our own way, and walk our own choices. There comes a time in EVERY PERSON’S LIFE, when we have to say: ‘Now it is my bad choices that have brought me to where I am, so something inside ME must change. I will not always have someone else in my life to make sure that I’m warm, that I’m fed, that I’m held tight in comfort; always depending on someone else to FIX my mess again.

TODAY AND TOMORROW – I MUST SURVIVE.

Let go of the past sorrow, at least enough to allow some light to come forward in tomorrow. We cannot sit with blame, but only commit to ourselves that regardless of where we must start today; my choices are mine and the road goes two different ways; today is a new start and yesterday is gone; HOPE, FAITH, STRENGTH, COURAGE, BELIEF – this is what we must see in the mirror as we take our life’s lived knowledge so far to set out our choices each day. At some point it is our own responsibility to survive & to figure out the puzzle of our beginning mess to put things back and FIX IT ourselves. LIVE!! Never ever give up!!!

Voices InJustice Radio – School is back in session – Education in America 08/16 by Voices InJustice Radio | Current Events Podcasts

Voices InJustice Radio – School is back in session – Education in America 08/16 by Voices InJustice Radio | Current Events Podcasts.

Set your reminder friends, TEACHERS, PARENTS & TEENS – You’re invited to join in as we open the discussion about our American Educational System!! What are your concerns as kids return to school? Are their Racial Issues; Low Income Meals; After School Activities; Are kids getting a positive learning environment with the support from teachers & school officials? Do you worry about teachers possibly harming or sexually approaching your child? Would they tell you if it happened? School Violence is on the increase and today’s children deal with constant harassment, bullying, and online condemnation everyday. Their struggles today are unlike any other generation, are you prepared and do you have a relationship which encourages your child or teen to openly discuss their challenges? JoinPatricia A. Mcknight live Sunday evening at 9pm central time for your Voices InJustice discussing our American School Systems. Don’t forget to invite your friends & family to call in live or join the chatroom discussion. There’s a lot we need to address to ensure ALL CHILDREN & FAMILIES are given the open support they deserve to protect our children’s education. Looking forward to hearing music by Marc Joseph Ludeman!!!

Won’t you be sure to join us??

What will you gain from reading ‘My Justice’?

 

MyJustice         ‘My Justice’ by     biopic3

                   Patricia A. McKnight

 

Many people have told me how ‘My Justice’ has influenced their lives in a powerful way.  Sadly, I’ve also been told how my ‘victim’ story is way too graphic and is not suitable for public knowledge.

‘You really should tame it back Trish, it’s just too much in your face and our attendees just are not very receptive. Perhaps if you turned it back a notch or so.’

I’d like to take a few moments to help people out in making the decision to read ‘My Justice’ or hear ‘My Story’.

First off, let me say, this is an extremely violent true account of, not only the twelve long years of ‘terroristic’ child molestation, rape, exploitation, sex trafficking, family servitude, and physically disfiguring neglect, but also how having to endure through all of these pains affected my adult life, adult relationships, marriages, sense of self worth, and most importantly my parenting and independent skills in supporting a family. As you read the chapters, going from one traumatic ugly event to another, you are engaged in the accounts from the child, woman, wife, mother, and then the survivor whose only mission is to be a good person and find a sincere, safe, true love.

  • This book is NOT intended for any reader under the age of fourteen
  • This book is highly recommended for victims of similar types of childhood or adult personal violations and harm.
  • ‘My Justice’ is extremely useful in educating yourself and persons within law enforcement, healthcare, psychology, and family service providers.
  • ‘My Justice’ is a walk through a victim’s life in a home with a dominating forceful personality who engrained a sense of fear so intense, she lived day after day, year after year, in a constant threat of attack. You will see how this type of environment impacted her entire life, her decisions, behaviors, parenting, and how she was trained to be a sexualized, submissive personality with absolutely no other spark of identity within.

‘My Justice’ is a personal journey written first with only the intent to get it all out of my body. The memories were flooding my soul at that time, triggered by my mother’s heart attack and illness. Yes, it had always eaten away at me, how could so many people who interacted throughout so many years of my life, how could they have abandoned me to be so completely destroyed. I really had no idea who I was supposed to be. The second purpose was to explain to my children how it all had played out and affected their lives. I needed them to forgive my lack in skills, see how important they really were to me, and somehow use the knowledge I was beginning to finally understand myself; use what I’d written and studied in my own life changing path so that they could change how things were in their lives. Seeing how Bink reacted as he read through his true love’s life long pattern of pain was like a spark that perhaps I did matter, perhaps my secrets mattered, perhaps my horrific life could help someone else figure out how to change what had been done to them.

I found out just how many adult survivors of these types of childhoods were in our society. Everyone of us felt isolated in our pain, trapped by the expected behaviors & achievements of our society and unable to openly speak about these horrors. In the centuries before the internet, there may have been one or two who felt safe enough to reveal the truth, but most were living life ashamed of what happened and afraid of being ostracized for being that once silent, trapped, manipulated and controlled, terrorized victim. We were living our lives weighed down by all of the disgusting, vile, and brutal acts we had no choice but to endure and accept; no matter how often they happened or what we were forced to do. After some serious consideration, with a reluctance as to how it was going to be accepted, I took a chance and self published these nightmares because to me as I wrote out my dark inner self, there was a inner sense of finally taking back my freedom, my own sense of person, and I began to put together the person, with the values, that I wanted to be today. With me, through many who know me, what you see is really what you get. There are no longer any dark secrets looming behind the curtain. I am no longer trapped with his monstrous hand covering my mouth and holding me silent as I lay there trapped in his evil attacks. No longer was my only identity wrapped up in the sexualized, devalued, and stripped raw person my parents created. Publishing ‘My Justice’ was publishing ‘My Freedom’ and in finding my own identity I realized just how important ‘My Justice’ really was and it became my heart’s mission to change the centuries of human silence about this tragic topic.

 So let’s go forward then…..

Who will be helped and how will they be helped in reading this violent journey through my third nervous breakdown as a result of all that had been my life?

Victims & Survivors:

Although you may find this book triggering or upsetting, take a breath, lay it down and come back to it when you’re in a better place or a peaceful mindset. I want to tell you; ‘Your identity, the magic candle that Creator has instilled within every soul; the magic is still very much inside of you, and you hold the only chance at life it really has to shine. It’s tragic these evil actions have ever been committed against you, but if you want to be truly free from the pain, you simply need to be strong enough to let go of the only way of life you’ve ever known. You need to get angry at being someone’s victim all the time, decide for yourself that YOU will never tolerate another act of harm against you again. In reading ‘My Justice’, many have contacted me about how it inspired them to get away from an abuser, begin looking into their past, catching the repeated dysfunctional ways they parent their children. Readers have looked at the choice patterns they’ve made in life and what they believed was safe, tolerable, accepted within a relationship. If you are now or ever were someone’s victim, there is a life altering impact from the trauma which causes a chain reaction in your choices, behaviors, parenting, perceptions of the world as a whole. There is scientific proof of the frontal lobe brain dysfunctions caused by trauma on a child’s developing brain. the impacts alter your sense of safe, not safe, Fight or Flight; even how you develop your independence as a teen or preteen. Remember that regardless of your past or what your parents may have or have not taught you about life, you are the ONLY person who can control your decisions, your actions and your reactions You cannot and should not be trying to control choices and life patterns for someone else. You are the only one that can put forth the effort and determination you will need to change your life, but this book is something that just might help you re-evaluate your behaviors and relationships and at the end you will find a list of Five Positive Insights to help you through those challenging times.

Close Family & Friends of victims/survivors:

If you are a close friend or you love someone who is dealing with these types of harms from their past, perhaps as a child or even in adult or school relationships, there is an emotional distortion in many of the responses and actions you see in that person. You may disagree with all or some of their behaviors and what they do, you may say to yourself, ‘I’m so tired of seeing her fall down in the cracks all the time’. Please understand, especially in cases of a life raised in a violent home or a sexually distorted environment; they cannot help and may not even realize the level of trauma they’ve been through. It may be necessary to provide an intervention in some way, depending on how bad their life is today. They may not realize how it affects their instant responses to things in their life today. Maybe they are loved and have a happy family, however like many other human beings who have endured such atrocities against them, there are changes in their inner self that may not be like your choices, your reactions, your inhibitions. These persons have had everything that was good about them beaten down, degraded, and at its worst completely discarded for any sadness or pain, even intense fear they may have endured. Today we just want to help them know it is safe. Comfort and support them. If they find the courage to share with you, do not be shocked and disgusted. Do not tell them they shouldn’t talk about such things. Instead we need to see how we can help them. If you see them perhaps being too harsh with their children, making rash decisions, or even abusing drugs or alcohol; please offer them a contact of help. Address the issues with them, as hard or challenging as it may be. Let them know you are not judging them, but just want to help provide some light in their life and make things a bit happier for them. Love and comfort them, let them know they can trust you with their pain.

For educators, healthcare, law enforcement, behavioral specialist, and psychology professionals:

The professionals who come in contact with child victims or person’s in a dangerous situation, you are the front line for them. Remember that we teach our children these are ‘SAFE’ persons and that if they are in danger, not being treated nicely, or someone is harming them in some way; you are the strong one who will help them. In reading ‘My Justice’ you will see how the years of heinous neglect/refusal to provide any form of needs or care for the child, resulted in the belief that there was nothing about her worth helping or saving. The educational system where she attended from 3rd to 10th grade, day after day, as the filth and infected sores covered her skin, the black rotten fangs hanging from her mouth, the constant pattern of homework not done, no after school activities, no social interactions with others, nothing but a pattern of sexualized behaviors because in what she was taught; sex and servitude was the only value she had as a human being. Your professional contact in responding to a victim is crucial. How you make them feel that they absolutely deserve someone to hear them, see them, be gentle with them, and help them get to a safe place matters in how their future beliefs and life patterns will be built. When you respond with care, concern, a sense of tenderness; you have the power to change their lives and the dysfunctional self hatred engrained by years of trauma and pain. In law enforcement, when you disregard the child, woman, mother, father, who has been hit, violated, or dominated by a sense of terror; you have also left them believing they are not worth saving. You can learn to evaluate the care of each individual within the home, then determine if there is cause to take the ‘bad’ person away and give them time to find a safe place. Behavioral specialist & Guidance Counselors at school; rather than continuously reprimanding or suggesting medication control of the child who displays disruptive behaviors, always lagging in homework, no interests in activities, poor social skills, perhaps only one or two persons you see them interact with if anyone at all. There is a more simple direct question and a process of building trust, a respectful bond, with the troubled child/person. You can be much more pro-active in assisting/encouraging a change in behavior when you ask; is there something going on, maybe I can help, is there someone at home that has you scared or is preventing you from doing your homework?’ The direct concern of the person’s well being just might save their life. After you read ‘My Justice’ you’ll be more aware of the details, rather than just the trained bullet point behaviors, of someone who just might need your help. As a community responder, someone who interacts with this person on a regular basis, you will see just how your tuned senses learned from the victim’s words of these horrors and be able to more frequently spot a person in need of your professional assistance providing them with a safe place. 

‘My Justice’ has been used in online psychology courses taught by Dr. Brenda Markert-Green. It is also a regularly recommended read from one of Illinois strongest voices in the Illinois Retired Teachers, Coordinator for the Teacher’s Mentoring Program for upcoming educators. This very personal story has been suggested reading by my own therapist for other patients. It’s also been recommended by advocates across the country, in United Kingdom, Australia, and Canada. As a society we have a direct responsibility to be able to maintain safe communities for our children, this includes the homes where our children aren’t allowed to go and the parents we don’t trust around our children. It is what we do as aware protective parents; as a society who wants to help create some type of change in how these past taught and trained behaviors against people within our homes; those we love the most and those who have no choice but to endure, grow up so they can get away themselves; this is where ‘My Justice’ will change your life and you will become more instinctive and responsive to the victims & survivors around us everyday.

As professionals, neighbors, community leaders, church elders, and responders; it is our adult duty to evaluate what lies underneath this misbehaving, lagging, promiscuous child. Be prepared to find out just how bad it can be sometimes inside the homes of those in our community. There are usually signs of a dysfunctional or harmful environment, learn them and use the guide to determine how best to help someone you know.

As you have read here, ‘My Justice’, has already achieved so much more than I ever thought it would and has influenced the lives of tremendous people with the power, knowledge, and ability to make a difference in the lives of those who suffer. We can all do this by simply caring about whether or not someone is safe. Don’t just listen to the fighting and screaming down the hall from the same family night after night. Don’t turn up the tv or close the window, instead open your heart and allow yourself to pick up the phone and report what you see and hear to the front line professionals who are there to help, especially when it is a child who cannot fight back, cannot refuse, and can be easily manipulated into believing all of the pain is really their fault, they just aren’t any good and it doesn’t matter that they are being hurt. Should we ever allow another being to feel this way about themselves when there is a beautiful light inside each of us, which just might one day change the world?

I hope you purchase ‘My Justice’. I hope you recommend others to read this story, share your copy of the book with a friend, list it as recommended reading for college students studying to become a front line defense person for families, victims, and survivors who just might be waiting for someone to help them see that their life, their smile, their safety really does matter.

Thank you for your time here. I appreciate any feedback you want to share. If you’d like to arrange a speaking venue or perhaps need some assistance yourself, or maybe you want to know more about the full list of things you can do to help; please email direct to trish.mcknight@live.com

Be well & keep on dreaming, your butterfly, your freedom, your sense of safety; your inner magic really does matter!!

Patricia McKnight

‘My Justice’ – A true account, chapter after chapter, of the many horrific years endured through evil, sex trafficking, servitude, brutal beatings, and what is no less than torture. Please use personal care when reading, do not stress to rush through but rather take your time and do not allow your past to take away your amazing future.

 

copyright @ Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Sept 2012