No Charges Filed against Officer Darren Wilson

I’m watching live on Fox 2 Now, St. Louis Channel 2 News, showing the statements announced by St. Louis County Prosecutor, Mr. Eric Holder shares the final determination of the Grand Jury convened back in May 2014 quite some time before shooting of young Michael Brown.

The Grand Jury, having been provided with multiple victims interviews and personal testimonies, also all physical and forensic crime scene evidence, and three separate autopsy reports; one from the St. Louis Medical Examiner’s Office, one from an independent resource requested by Michael Brown’s family and attorneys, one also provided by the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s Medical Examiner.

The members of the Grand Jury, 7 Men, 5 women of those twelve there were 7 white and 5 African American citizens, however this is what was shared prior to the broadcast and shared by other news related media resources, so until the official release of all details related to this incident we cannot be certain of these demographics.

‘No formal criminals charges to be filed against Ferguson Police Officer Darren Wilson’…shares St. Louis County Prosecutor as he provides this detail, ensuring the public locally & around the world that his office, the duty upheld by our justice systems, including the Federal Bureau of  Investigations, has an innate duty to ensure that true justice is achieved. This justice can only be completed after reviewing all presented facts, with a dominant view of physical & forensic evidence, on top of victims testimonies or accounts.

I can appreciate the full measure of this statement, as it is most definitely a horrible experience when any life is taken, but that of a young man is truly sad. More concerning to me is how his life had been infected with a twisted societal impact of both social injustices and distorted perceptions built from the inner working of our family unit. When we wish to find a way for a tragedy such as this to never happen again, it is our duty as a human society to continue implementing working resolutions to both empower a positive influence on all youth & young, as well as provide all families in need with the needed  resources in healing or working through the traumas that can and do occur within our families.

For centuries we have seen injustices committed from those of mankind trying to take control and dominance, through use of  inflicted harm or serious believed fear of death. In most cases these actions are committed  against those beings, who are believed to be the weaker of our society; against children & animals, those who cannot defend themselves or speak out in hopes of rescue or justice. Sadly, these instances have ranged in severity throughout our nation beginning with the landing of those ships when our country was first discovered back around the ending of 1400’s to early 1500’s. In fact it was after the first Thanksgiving when newly landing person’s began to fight with American Natives, which resulted in almost complete annihilation of our Native American Indians.

We then had the issue of wars, ending most recently with war against terrorism. We have seen a continuous increasing focus on the recovery and support services for our returning war veterans and heroes being provided with a ‘fear based inflicted trauma’ as a result of what they may have endured personally or witnessed against others.

America, if we can do this for our soldiers, if we can understand that for centuries the layers of injustices and extreme harm have developed an inner twisting of our family relationships and the levels of violence now overflowing into our schools, onto our streets in violent gang activities are a direct result of the ongoing harm we continue to ignore the greatest, and which also inflicts the greatest levels of depravation and harm; the ongoing criminal actions to inflict a deep sense of fear through physical or sexual harm, or imposed or actual threats of grievous bodily injury or possible death if these victims do not comply completely without objection to the attackers requests. The force used to dominate and trap victims can last for days, weeks, years, and even decades into adulthood if criminal acts without intervention continue to be inflicted against young developing children & youth. These same levels of imposed or actual acts of harm are used also to hold victims silent about these criminal actions of terror. This physical or believed captivity then prevents victims from finding any resource of help or rescue. The enforced silence, or fear felt by neighbors or other such persons, also prevents early intervention and traps victims in further isolation and believed sense of ‘I deserve these attacks’ or ‘I deserve to die’, which  also increases the sense of victims shame, blame and even abandonment from society or other family. 

The very critical impact of ongoing trauma based on the ultimate impact of fear, is nothing less than the act of terrorism itself, as described in our world, national and state statues of terrorism. These ‘terroristic acts’ are also described in our trauma based recovery definitions, which outlines the guide for  healing as a continuous life altering wounding requiring intense trauma skilled recovery in Behavioral Responses, Life Skills Development, and Emotional Development or support.

I plea all citizens of our country to do exactly as suggested in the brief statements of Prosecutor Mr. Eric Holder, and continue doing the good productive work needed to educate, empower, and encourage our society to do the right thing. As a human society we need to heal, and in order to do this we must first address the inner perceptions of violence and the extreme levels of harm that exist and inflict extreme detrimental fear & dominance through vicious control and terror within our homes, our families, and sadly do the greatest damage to our children.

I beg you to visit the Change.org website, review all the posts and information provided to justify & outline the amendment of the ‘Family Terrorist Act’ – Trecia’s Law, then please sign, share, and promote this petition to every person across the United States, requesting also that we see these types of extreme criminal actions as they are, personally violating of all human rights issues around the world.

Petition Link – https://www.change.org/p/u-s-house-of-representatives-family-terrorist-act-trecia-s-law-use-the-federal-definition-of-terrorism-for-those-who-abuse-with-unspeakable-actions

Thank you & Be well,

written by; Patricia A McKnight biopic3

Creator: Family Terrorist Act – Trecia’s Law

Owner: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio

Author: ‘My Justice’ sold through most online resources, Paperback, Ebook, Kindle & Nook Versions – Authorhouse Publishing Co.MyJustice

Advocate/Activist/Speaker

Peer Counselor/Mentor

Certified Human Trafficking 101 Trainer

40 hr. Certified Training in Illinois Domestic Violence Best Practices & Awareness

Panel Speaker St. Clair County Domestic Violence Offender Reform Program

Artwork creation by: www.MichalMadisonArt.combdarbanner

 

Shocking, Disturbing, Disgusting, Atrocious, and horrifying!!!

These title words are just some of the adjectives used when people hear the true evil of my published story. The many responses, press announcements, Five Star Reviews shared about My Justice’, have been shared around the web for almost two years now. Our world media outlets and our First Amendment Right to Freedom of speech is what enables us to our stories to teach the next generation about the dark destructive evils of mankind!!!

I know very few people ever get their stories noticed in the media; especially if it has anything to do with the most darkest actions of our human society. However isn’t it rather weird that we are drawn to those televised reality shows of addiction, dysfunction and despair, so long as it doesn’t hit in the deepest secrets of our home?

“My Justice’ is a story that rocks the moral fortitude of our human society. It is a story that most don’t want to even think could happen in our small American, hometown style, communities.

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This true life horror story, ‘My Justice’, has now been read by hundreds. It isn’t a life I am proud to have lived by any means, but it is one that I am thankful to have survived!!!

TRUTH: Survivors of abuse, especially years (decades) of evil, violent and vicious degradation, disfiguring neglect, and being passed around to others like a party favor; this is something that is extremely difficult to admit to ourselves. Accepting that our parents are the guilty parties who trained us to be less than human; taught us that nothing about us is worth noticing. We were not raised as children, but merely objects to be used and brutalized; objects for sexual gratification to our parents, friends of the family and those permitted into this secret world. Our human value is never instilled, guided, or protected. It is stripped away from us and ripped from within our being. We believe there is nothing about us that matters and one of the most difficult challenges is to believe we have value or to promote ourselves in any manner!!

I have found my voice, found my strength; found my value as a human being. As hard as it is to pat myself on the back, especially for the truths of subject matter involved; I HAVE FOUND MY COURGE TO SPEAK UP AND REMOVE THE COAL STAINED HAND THAT HELD ME CAPTIVE FOR DECADES, FOR THIS I AM EXTREMELY PROUD!!!

‘My Justice’ has been incredibly reviewed by astounding individuals and the FIVE STAR RATED REVIEWS and comments continue to be shared by those who read the story!!!

Best selling author of geo-political thrillers such as: ‘Den of the Assassins’; ‘Cloning Christ’ and the novel he published from parts of his own amazing journey, ‘Chasing the Cyclone’; devoted child advocate, Founder/CEO of I CARE Foundation, Mr. Peter Thomas Senese has published many outstanding PR Web announcements, Amazon Reviews, and his own many blog shares about his thoughts on ‘My Justice’……….

Renown New York based Attorney Joel Walter has given the story huge praise and a big two thumbs up!!!……….”There are occasions when a book is written that shakes the very foundation you stand on. In ‘My Justice,’ Patricia McKnight has written an excellent, inspiring story of the human spirit. It serves as a reminder of many things. First, the importance for those who fall victim to abuse to stand strong and unashamed in the wake of their ordeal, and to find the courage to liberate themselves from those that chain their body, their mind, and their spirit. It too, is a reminder for each of us in society to not turn a blind eye to abuse, and to say ‘abuse will not be tolerated, ‘My Justice’ is an incredible story of courage and freedom in the wake of those who try to withhold these essential liberties. Clearly it took Ms. McKnight a great deal of courage to break her own personal chains, and to share this remarkable story. This story will impact many who Ms. McKnight knows, and many, many more she never will meet, but who’s lives she will make better. I highly recommend this story as much as I urge others victimized by abuse to emulate Ms. McKnight’s courage.”

Ms. Linda Walcher, a retired teacher of Freeburg Community School system; now a tutor for other up and coming teachers has shared her FIVE STAR RATING of this story……….. “This novel is a teaching of awareness for anyone who has direct contact with children to the extreme tragedy of neglect that is so commonly overlooked, but which can be the beginning signs of something much deeper. As a teacher, a mother, a person who cherishes all children; this amazingly well written novel made me want to scream and beg for others to read the details that are so exceptionally shared in the glorious strength of a child’s words.”

Dr. Brenda-Joyce Orozco Markert_Green- an educator of up and coming therapists has shared her FIVE STAR REVIEW…….. Please pick up a copy and read it. Most people do not understand all of the factors and variables that come into play in abusive situations, and this book spells out many of these. You will get more of an idea of what children who are being abused go through, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well, in order to survive their abusive situations. Trish also describes the abuse that she survived in her adult life, which points out the dynamics that play out in adult abuse situations also. Once you pick up the book, you will not be able to put it down! This is a must-read, and one that everyone should share with others, so that we can eradicate both child abuse and partner abuse! 

Dr. Brenda, also personally shared with me her desire to use this story as a recommended reading source for her students to see inside the silent child and survivor who struggles to exist in her daily life.

The absolute best quote I can share about ‘My Justice’ is from Ms. Darlene Jones, Exec. Director of Violence Prevention Center of Southwestern Illinois, whose comments were video taped by News Channel 5, KSDK videographer/reporter Kevin Held, as we spoke at S.W.I.C. about the Illinois Healthcare Grant they received to provide education, prevention measures and assistance to victims of abuse and/or family/relationship violence. Unfortunately however, the final published cut of the video did not share her beginning words about the story.

Ms. Darlene Jones, Exec. Director
Author/Advocate/Survivor Patricia A. McKnight

Her special words: ‘If Patricia’s story would have been shared just ten years ago, we’d be hearing her share it on the Today Show’!!!

I cannot say enough about how much this means to me, but there is much more to be said about the value of this novel. There are many hundreds and even thousands who have connected with me simply because the power of sharing my story has given them the courage to speak their own truth. Every day there are survivors, victims, followers, even personal friends who have been so deeply shocked at this story, so incredibly moved by this story they have been impacted in ways that have changed their world. At one time they may have been one of the many still held in that heavy steel cage of silence. Once they may have been someone who turned away and pretended not to notice these evil acts around them, but now they have been empowered with voice and they are passing that inspiration forward to others and all of us are finding the courage to stand against these crimes. The greatest power of sharing these horrifying details is the very public apology I give to my children throughout the story, which was my greatest inspiration; to explain the why of all the turmoil and dysfunction that flowed in to invade their lives because of the ignored, abused, trafficked child then became their mother.

‘Yes I am one of those millions in our society who was once a victim of these vicious abuses by those entrusted with my care’!!

My Justice’ has inspired victims to reach out and seek help. Survivors who have been trapped in these dark secrets for years have now been empowered to speak up and come forward. A few of these incredible survivors who have reached out to me and stated they’ve been inspired with hope by my story; have also been sharing their own secrets and touching the souls of other victims. They are journalists, bloggers, advocates, Facebook support group leaders and founders, such as; Viga Boland, Mary Graziano, Patricia Caldwell-Singleton, Michal Madison and Janice Meadows-Hedrick, Author Sharon Newkirk-Wells, of course this is just to name a few off the top of my head.

I am continually truly amazed by the wonderful strength of these voices. For me to feel like ‘My Justice’ has been not only highly praised and reviewed by some of these astounding every day friends, gives me hope and fills my spirit with drive to continue supporting them, while driving forward to reach out to our media outlets about the importance of making it public. One day it will shine for the many well written qualities it carries and the spirit of the survivor who has walked this amazing journey to freedom.

To all of you who have read my many blogs, read the novel, heard my voice on blog talk radio or connected through private messaging or phone calls; you have all made a huge impact on my world!!! There is no way that I can ever thank you enough for sharing your support, kindness, and most of all for finding your voice to speak your own truth!!! I am forever indebted to each of you. Perhaps one day we will live long enough to see it all make a difference!!!

There is more that has come from publishing my story two years ago. Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery has been built because of all of you who have reached out to me and shared your own journey. Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery has been built because of all the interviews written; some already published, some still waiting to be published, but without you I never would have believed in this dream or built this site to provide information, resources, and help others understand the wounds we carry from the traumas of our past. To take what I’ve learned through life’s journey and know that it matters; to know it is helping in a greater mission; to inspire some human kindness, to give hope to many who have had none; this is much like the bond and deep self appreciation of giving birth, which is exactly what has happened.

I have found and given birth to the me who has been hiding inside and this new child will never be held in silence again.

There is also the connection I have made with those other shining survivors who have come before me to share their stories and carry a devotion of advocacy and change, a mountain of hope filled with information and inspiration for our society. These many who I highly respect and hope to one day have all of us sharing our stories; hearing them and reading them through our many media outlets, which then allows it to penetrate our society and climb into the cracks of our homes, giving hope to those trapped inside that there are others fighting for their freedom from these atrocities.

There are millions of these incredible survivors who know the depth of pain and evil that our own parents and those who walk among our society as law abiding citizens, pillars of the community, or worse those who are seen as vicious souls, but not one person around them ever worries about the children within their care.

Some of those who I respect most for their courage to make a difference are; Annie O’Sullivan, Michael Skinner, Lynn Tolson, Paula Phelps, Jan Frayne, and of course Miss Erin Merryn who is making great changes by the enactment of Erin’s Law across the country!!!.

As I said, its difficult for a survivor to believe it matters and market themselves and their incredible work to reach the hearts of society. Someone could make a ton of money by choosing to market these survivor stories. Of course I’m speaking for those of us who don’t already have some type of marketing resource for our voices to be heard.

The Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Talk Radio is out to help get those voices out there and allow them to be heard. We want to share your story and share the amazing work you have dedicated to making a difference. I hope each of you will join me as a guest or co-host for a live broadcasting. It is vital to bring these stories out, let society see our numbers, and bring an ease of topic and discussion about the darkest of these ugly actions from one human being against another.

It all matters because of the growing epidemic of abuse and family violence/relationship violence that is still plaguing our society today and it just keeps getting worse. Mankind is destroying the moral fortitude that lies within us all. We are still living in the hell that generations before us have taught and passed forward, yet very few stories are ever heard and rarely make it to the news and other media outlets.

We have created our own manmade cancer and it has been festering in the silence, eating away at our society for centuries. Now we have the opportunity to change what has been. Our choice to do the right thing and teach our children through the stories of our past, is the only chance we have at bringing an end and giving them a better, safer, world in which to flourish.

You don’t see our stories make it to the New York Times Best Seller List. These truths are not read about in the Time magazine. They are not read about or reviewed in the Chicago Tribune, the LA Times, or the Riverfront Times here in the St. Louis area. Even our televised talk shows such as The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Ricki Lake, Dr. Phil, or Dr. Drew, and The Today Show; all of these turn away from the growing numbers of voices who are sharing these truths. Here in St. Louis area we have St. Louis Today, or Great Day St. Louis, but none of these will broach the subject of sharing a special on these dark pasts, which are incredible stories of survival. It truly makes me want to stand up and scream at the top of my lungs, hoping to reach every person within 500 miles of my voice; “Dammit it Matters People’!!!

We continuously see commercials for the Humane Society and the ASPCA; the abuse, malnourished, abandoned creatures of these dysfunctional homes are given more attention and supported by our financial donations, but the children and abused, beaten souls within the homes are left to rot in the plague of evil actions.

Isn’t our society at all shocked by the horrific nature of these brutal acts within our homes? If not, shouldn’t we be? The longer we remain silent about these vicious attacks within our own homes, the longer we allow our children and future generations to be destroyed!!!

These horrific nightmares still continue to infect the lives of our children every second of every day. The Illinois Department of Children and Family Services released the 2012 PDF file reports, which show 218 Children Murdered by acts of physical or neglectful abuse, yet there is only minimal response from our politicians and lawmakers who have the power to make a difference.

Was there a response to the email I sent to our President Barrack Obama? – No

Was there a response from the THREE PAGE LETTER and copy of ‘My Justice’ that I personally mailed to our beautiful family oriented First Lady Michelle Obama? – No

Was there a response to the video I made as a public plea for help to Dr. Phil? – No

Was there a response to the email I sent to our Senator Dick Durbin? A very basic return email was received, stating quite simply; ‘Thank you for your interest’. REALLY????

Has Congress yet passed Protect our Kids Act? – No

Have our Senate and House Representatives yet given the approval and passed into action the Reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act? – No

Perhaps we are turning away from these evil brutal truths because there are so many millions, if not billions, who still walk in the silence of these crimes today? Perhaps we do not want to open the door to all of these stories because we are afraid it will hit too close to home and we will realize there is someone we know; someone who is close to us; someone we love; perhaps even our own children who are still struggling to survive these atrocious acts of evil?

If we do not bring these truths to the forefront of our discussions then how will we be able to convince our kids it is safe; they CAN talk, they CAN speak up, they DO NOT have to feel ashamed of what’s happened to them. How can we empower our kids with the greatest weapon they hold; their voice? IF WE ARE NOT PUBLICLY TALKING ABOUT THESE STORIES AND THEIR GROWING NUMBERS, HOW CAN WE TEACH OUR CHILDREN TO SPEAK UP FOR THEIR OWN PROTECTION? How can we possibly teach them there is no shame if we are still turning away, pretending not to see or hear; whispering about the acts, but yet telling our kids there is nothing to be ashamed of, it is not their fault?.

We cannot remove the stain of shame on these victims until we can talk about it comfortably ourselves. What example of decency are we giving them if we are still whispering about the crimes of abuse and violence within our homes? I believe it continues to drive into our children that they must remain silent rather than reveal their rapist is their father, or their mother, or even their sibling. It’s alright to come forward and speak when it is someone outside the family unit, be it a teacher, minister, coach, boy scout leader; admitting this and charging them publicly is an act of courage and they should be proud of those they saved from falling prey to these monsters, but stay quiet if it is one of us who is attacking you and beating you, raping you, molesting you; don’t air your dirty laundry is what we are still teaching our kids today.

Excuse my blunt nature, but this is not a crime we survivors have committed; it is a crime that has been committed against us!!! The acts of child rape, molestation, beating, neglect, murder; the acts of beating and degrading, controlling and attempting to murder our spouses or partners; these are all crimes, but yet they are never heard in criminal courts. These acts are dealt with in family courts. Why? If it is a stranger who pushes me, punches me, attacks me in any manner, then it is a criminal case. However; if my father rapes me, my mother beats me and the entire community around me refuses to see the harmful neglect of rotting teeth, filthy hygiene and growing disgust of flesh eating infection, then all of this should be kept quiet. Never again will I be silent about what those around me did and those within my community either watched it happen or they took part in the trafficking of a child. They ignored the horrifying screams of me begging my husband to please stop beating me. They pretended not to see the face so beaten that it was beyond recognition and the broken ribs, collar bones, and severe bruising that covered my body was all just a ploy for attention. Really?????

To all of you incredible survivors who have fought through the madness that is inflicted by these crimes, I say to you;

NEVER GIVE UP!!! Our stories may never make it to be great success stories, but I guarantee you that each of your stories are touching the lives of those who read them. We are opening up the door so that others can see the horrific destruction that is caused by these acts. Your stories are being whispered about, but they are touching the lives of other victims and relieving the burden of shame they carry. Your stories and mine are making a difference ONE SOUL AT A TIME and we will make an impact on the generations to come. We are all saving the life of someone we don’t even know and rescuing those who live trapped in this hell. 

My choice to speak up was made for my children so that I could help them understand and see the person who lies within their mother. My choice to break free from the trained pattern of accepting these violent acts against me was because of the desire to give my children a better way of life. The choice I make right now to commit the rest of my years as an advocate is done for the children yet to come. It is a hope that things will change, that our society will see what is happening; our children falling apart and the surge of mental despair that is exploding around us; this is my drive to build what I feel is my path, my destiny. It helps me to take the thirty years of brutal and almost deadly attacks I’ve survived, then turn it all around into something as precious and gentle as a butterfly coming to life.

Now is the time for all of us to climb out of the darkness of our cocoon and soar into the possibilities of a better life. I am one of the many, one of the devoted, now one of the strong adamant souls who are spreading my wings and flying through the wonderful freedom of safety and happiness, which of course is something we were all intended to have as we took our first breath of life.

Live Strong & Fly Free

© Patricia A. McKnight

Advocate/Author/Speaker/Writer/Talk Radio Prod & Host/Survivor

Founder/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Survivors World online support group

Generation No More

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

My Justice’ is available through most online book resources

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Paperback, E-Book, Kindle & Nook Versions

Triggers; what are they and how do we work through them?

What I’ve learned about these horrible little bugging annoyances.

Here is a list of definitions:

    • 1:  a piece (as a lever) connected with a catch or detent as a means of releasing it
    • 2: something that acts like a mechanical trigger in initiating a process or reaction
    • Psychiatry
      A factor that initiates and aggravates a behaviour or response.

Etymology

D, trekker, that which pulls

a substance, object, or agent that initiates or stimulates an action.

For ‘Survivors of Trauma’ triggers are any combination of person, place, thing or action, which sets off a remembered emotion or fear. These are instinctive reactions ingrained in our system from the attack/traumatic situation, which caused the original terror.

Just like we have remembered happy moments, which set off laughter or tenderness; compassion, we can also have negative and fearful moments. In fact; as my therapist shared with me, ‘When the trauma is severely impacting our body will gravitate strongest to the negative memory before a happy memory because the negative emotions are much stronger.” We have to challenge ourselves in working through our triggers. One of the first ways in this healing process is understanding what they are and how they work. Know that a trigger will lose its initial power as you first accept the fearful reaction; note here I highly suggest if the terror is extreme then please break down the memory and the challenge of the trigger in sections. Please do not run headstrong into  that which could result in a permanent break in our psyche. In facing little bits of the trauma at each step, we will find it easier to breathe through the trigger, rather than instantly respond; we can learn to control our reactions just like we do with anything else in life.

Its important to have patience with yourself or the person you are supporting during these challenging times. It may take years to finally be able to gain control over the trigger, rather than the trigger controlling you. Sadly the how and when of your control really depends on the person themselves; what they can tolerate, how badly they were traumatized, what specifically was done, if it was a repeated trauma, then how often did it occur and how long did it last overall? All of these go into play when we are learning to deal with these instinctive reactions, the emotions suddenly felt and the memories which take over our thoughts.

Society doesn’t know that you are sensitive to loud noises, or that you get sick when you get around the smell of a certain cologne. Even our family & friends would rather hear how you get ‘turned on’ by a certain cologne or giggle everytime they see you jump out of your skin from being startled. We have to be able to cope in society’s rules. Not everyone will be sensitive to our responses, which means we have to take away the trigger’s power and learn how to control our reactions & actions.

Now you can pretend it didn’t happen; you’ve already been doing this for years and it hasn’t helped you any yet. So instead, try to recognize the physical impacts of your body’s reactions, (tense muscles, clenching teeth, holding your breath, heart pounding, other types of specific body pains). Understand there is something about your surroundings at that moment that just hit a nerve. What nerve? Why did I react like that? What is it I’m afraid of in this situation? Try to connect with the emotions and understand the memory which is flashing through your body. Sometimes we may not understand the connection, because as a mode of self-protection our mind might have tried to completely blank out the memory. However, if you come from a trauma filled home or life, then you can pretty much put the dots together. You don’t need to know every horrific detail in order to take back control of your actions and reactions. Keep in mind you survived something, something which must have been excruciating, but you survived it.

In becoming adults and parents, we know there is a huge level of responsibility, self-responsibility is part of that development. For certain situations in life society doesn’t accept your wounding, no matter how terrifying.  What if you are a parent who is triggered by something that either happens to YOUR child or something YOUR child does? You don’t want to freak out in front of them, so instead we have to take responsibility for our reactions, let it out at a more opportun time. While organizations like N.A.M.I. are developing and thousands are discussing the mental health of adult survivors of child sexual violence, there is still more which needs to be done,  so be patient with yourself and with society. Explain to yourself just as you would to someone else. Comfort yourself and congratulate yourself for your accomplishments, just as you would do for others. Continue educating as many people in our circles as will listen. The more we understand, the more we accept and the better we are able to assist victims today.

Think about this:

(We wouldn’t blame a soldier for being in a public place and suddenly breaking apart from a remembered fear. However, you will hear people whisper; “He/she needs to stay home and work through this. They need held. Be careful you don’t know what they might do. We warn others about their responses, be it for their sake or ours.)

Living in society is a lot different from sitting in our homes with our family. To LIVE in society means to work, run errands or be out in the public rules on a regular basis. Being out among friends, enjoying a meal out, taking a walk; these are all things which make our lives enjoyable. What if you suffer from the issues of ongoing triggers, or you have your own societal fears; the feeling of constant shame or judgment by others? You can see how this would be a problem.

Often times we are out doing something quite pleasurable in society, escaping the isolation of living with these pesky flare ups; this is when we are suddenly faced with something that sets off our reactions. We aren’t expecting it to happen, in fact we would rather it didn’t spoil our good time. There are some triggers which may take a few seconds before we realize it is setting us off at all. Many times if the trauma itself was a way of life then it may well be a trained behavior, so the initial traumatic response may not be as intense, but it may grow in momentum. It may be three days later when suddenly the memory has us swirling, it has taken over our thoughts and set off a series of tensions & fears, which may be completely incapacitating for a few days or more. I’ve seen this occur within adult survivors of child sexual violence time and time again.

Recognize the trigger as a trauma induced memory or reaction. When we look at it logically rather than emotionally (even if at first it is emotional; try taking a breath, snap your fingers, step out of the moment and regroup). As we learn to recognize this in connection to a serious perception of fear, then we can begin working through each reaction or memory of that specific trauma. This can be done on your own through simple daily tasks in life rebuilding skills to help gain back your sense of self-confidence, prove your value to yourself in completing little chores and set goals for yourself that help you in the rebuilding steps. However if you are having difficulty you may want to seek out a support group or mental healthcare professional for guidance.

Understand that some of this healing may involve teaching ourselves a completely new process of life. Meaning of  course, that we completely change our living behaviors and learn to re-do something without the trauma being a part of that specific behavior, such as some of the things I’ve challenged in my own healing. These things may seem pretty stupid to others, but for my life in extreme horror they are very real issues. One of the things I had to completely re-teach myself to do in life, driving. I learned how to drive beginning age 11 driving drunk stepfather around in the country while he repeatedly attacked me with sexual actions, but ‘Don’t you dare wreck’. When I got to be about 17 I couldn’t drive without liquor or the use of marijuana to relieve the initial trauma. These days I still have issues when driving sometimes, especially if I’m in or around my hometown area. However, today I do not have to be under the influence of any medications to get behind the wheel and take off for a day.

We can’t work through the emotions if we do not re-visit the trauma itself. As we work through the imposed fear, we become stronger & the trigger loses its power. True healing comes when we begin changing the impact the trauma has on our life. Understand how it’s all connected, then share that knowledge with others around us. Explain it is proven to be worse than the recovery of our amazing veterans returning from battle. The one important connecting factor in these two realms is that our vets travel around the world to do battle with a weapon and a team around them; survivors of child sexual violence have only themselves, there is no weapon to defend from an attack, an attack can happen on any level and at any moment, the attack can be a repetitive lived action, which most commonly is an attack from their direct parent/caregiver; the one person who has complete control by law and has the responsibility to make decisions about their daily life and how they are raised. In this type of harmful environment it normally doesn’t just happen for a period of time, but rather continues throughout the entire lifespan. This is when the end result is Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and recovery takes an extreme personal commitment.

May this writing help you understand a bit more about these life changing & impacting difficulties, which will invade our children’s lives if healing and support are not achieved. We as a society can continue to pass forward all of this dysfunction or we can begin to understand all that’s connected and how it directly affects our personal development, then begin teaching our children about what it means to truly live strong and to live safe even inside their homes.

Healing begins when we make the effort to understand!!

Love, strength, and courage for your ongoing challenge to heal <3>

Thanks for reading & be well Smile

Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight

Author: ‘My Justice’

Owner/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Talk Radio Programming

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamstalkradio

https://www.facebook.com/survivorsjustice?ref=stream

©ButterflyDreamsAbuseRecovery 2014

‘My Justice’– Immediate Press Release

 

Be inspired and empowered to change just one person’s life, your own!!

AmazonCvr    promopic2     

         ‘My Justice’

              written by:

               Patricia A. McKnight

Would you read the one powerful memoir that will change your life?

What if I told it would change your complete perception of abuse within our homes & communities? What if I promised you it would compel you to raise up ready to scream out in anger; cry out in sadness, and wrap your arms around all the wounded souls?

You will walk in the footsteps and thoughts of one little girl. A child sacrificed by her own mother. A child trained as the family slave to jump at the ring of his little brass bell. His torment & control of her every waking moment so intense she would not find peace or safety from his horrifying attacks and trading her out at his pleasure until she was brave enough to face her demons and break their hold at the age of forty three, finally finding her own true freedom!!!

‘My Justice’ is not any form of legal resolution, but you will wonder how these monsters were never punished.

‘My Justice’ is about one woman’s courage to share the ugly secrets which tried to destroy all that was good within her spirit.

The monsters did not win!!

This incredible memoir has been used in the collegiate level to teach upcoming therapists, upcoming teachers & other child educators.

‘My Justice’ written by one survivor who is now a highly devoted advocate for others, this was the beginning of taking the evil she endured and turning it into something absolutely beautiful. Through the publication of “My Justice’ ,distributed by Authorhouse Publishing, Patricia McKnight has created a new not for profit Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery. This is a resource of change providing help, hope, healing, recovery & prevention. You will be empowered to conquer any battle you may face through the courage of the one little girl, ‘Trecia Ann’.

She may have been the child the town forgot, the child they all judged as the ‘Village Whore’, the child who physically rotted away right before their eyes every single day, but still they could not destroy her. The men who came and went through her life inflicting more brutal, almost deadly violence, but still they could not destroy her.

Today the little girl who once was so ashamed to exist that she hid away in the torture and torment, but today her scars give her the drive to ensure it never happens again. She is out to tell the world, ‘I AM HERE, I AM ALIVE, I DO MATTER’.

You can read all of the amazing testimonials of her work, the outstanding ‘FIVE STAR REVIEWS’ and the many reputable persons who have used this book as their teaching guide for tomorrow, read it all when you visit the website she created at www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com or listen to her radio shows on blog talk network every Monday & Wednesday evening. This is the amazing spirit of strength to endure, with a story so dark and brutal it could only be compared to the work of New York Times Best Seller, Mr. Dave Pelzer and his story of hell in ‘A CHILD CALLED, IT’.

The town’s people who ignored and abandoned her; the monsters who controlled her every move; the men who would beat and almost take her very last breath; none of them could take away the strength, but most certainly those around her should have done something then.

You will be swept into this page turning, true crime, immensely powerful read, and you will close the story with the need to do something NOW!!

Get your copy of ‘My Justice’ today, paperback/ebook/Kindle & Nook, available through Authorhouse.com, Amazon.com & Bn.com – Today is the day to make the choice to change your life and live to chase your dreams tomorrow.

‘Always believe anything is possible with you in the active equation ~~trish mcknight

©Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Patricia A. McKnight

Founder/CEO

Advocate/Speaker/Radio Host/Consultant/Survivor

For speaking engagements & other information about the author – please email direct to:

p.mcknight@charter.net

Call Direct – 618-304-7438

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamstalkradio

**If you need assistance or support this author/survivor/Il. Certified Domestic Violence Advocate/ will help you find the services you need, invite you into her online ‘secret’ support group, or help you one on one to conquer your past and soar into your future. You hold the power to live strong & fly free!!

 

 

 

IMMEDIATE PRESS RELEASE for My Justice!!!!

It is with great honor that I am extremely happy to share the latest news and reviews for ‘My Justice’. Bookcvr1

You may be aware this is my own true story of a life lived in hell throughout thirty-two years of extreme violence, sadistic sexual attacks, repeated physical attacks, which were nothing less than attempted murder. The more crucial part of this novel is the emotional, neglectful, and mental conditioning which left me trapped in this life.

Beginning at the age of just five years old, I was viciously molested and probed by my then to be stepfather the night of my mother’s bridal shower while he was watching over as babysitter for me, my brother and two neighbor boys that evening. He took claim to me that night and would hold me as his property, his slave in all aspects of the word, for the next twelve years. His attacks would grow more severe and the entrapment I felt would deepen as the members of the community around me watched and some even took part in the trafficking of a child for the exploitation and satisfaction of this demon in the flesh. At the age of 11 he began exploiting and selling me out for the cost of a couple of draft beers. At the age of 12, when I reached out for my mother’s help, he viciously took my virginity with the barrel of his favorite shotgun; ripping my insides apart that would leave me scarred and torn without ever so much as a phone call to a doctor for medical care as I walked away dripping blood on the floor. My brother and sister were downstairs watching television during the attack, but I was held so silently with the fear of having him pull the trigger with the barrel inside me that I never spoke another word about his brutal evil until I was thirty-seven years old and in the middle of my second nervous breakdown.

My mother completely sacrificed me to this devil without ever saying a word about the bruises, the torture, or the selling and exploitation of her daughter. She walked in and found us in bed naked together with his erection ready to be inserted when I was just nine years old. In her words she repeatedly talked about the time when “she walked in and caught us in bed together”. Using the word “caught” would somehow imply that I had a say in the action and that I was the instigator of his sexual advances. She blamed me, yelled at me, and sent me to my room for the night. It was early on in their marriage that he began walking in and ‘teaching’ me how to bathe and what to wash, with instructions on how to wash the intimate parts of a child’s body. There were many times when I yelled out over the years for her to make him leave the room or to make him stop, but with her disregard of her child she allowed him to do with me as he pleased so that she would not have to be held to the responsibilities of their marriage. For me however, this would be an ongoing experience, much like his nightly visits to my room where he held me captive in silence with his coal black stained hand gripping tightly over my mouth. It was at the age of twelve that I then made a conscious decision to quit bathing completely in order to provide some measure of protection for myself. Sadly, although we had excellent healthcare insurance, the decision to quit bathing led to the filth, stench, and a skin eating infection that would rot my arms and legs away over the next four years; all of which were without seeing a physician for my care or providing so much as a toothbrush to prevent her daughter from completely rotting away. Also, during these years his acts of exploitation and selling, raping, beating her daughter into submission would continue to escalate in their evil nature. I clearly remember that one Friday late night party when the call came in for me to prepare the house for his after work party with another ten adult men and me as their entertainment, when my mother simply looked me straight in the eye and stated “have fun” as she went in her bedroom to watch television and closed the door behind her. I was his and she could have cared less. My existence in her house was simply to be the cook, the housekeeper, babysitter and family caretaker. This is all that she found useful or valuable in the child she had given birth and brought into this world.

The community in which I spent most of my life, Freeburg, Illinois was a small coal mining community where everyone knew each other and their business. I attended the same school system for nine consecutive years; Carl L. Barton Community School and Freeburg Community High School. We lived in the same town and as I grew I would work in two of our local restaurants. My point on this is still one that I have problems with today. The entire community, again all who knew me by sight if not by name, to include the school officials, law enforcement, local business owners where either I or my mother worked, the many adult men who attended the parties at our house or were at the bars where again I was the drunken child and entertainment; all of these and including even some school boys who were in attendance at many of the teen drug and alcohol filled parties, they were all witnesses to and some even took part in the vicious trafficking and exploitation of the child who was brutally and viciously beaten into submission and handed out like a party favor. They watched over the years as my body decayed; my arms and legs covered with deep flesh eating infected sores, my mouth filled with plaque covered black broken fangs from lack of medical or dental care, but NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON EVER SAID A WORD OR QUESTIONED MY WELL BEING.

This is why I share my story, why I published ‘My Justice’, why I give voice to the horrific child maltreatment and the community ignorance which left me believing I deserved nothing better and no one would ever find value in my existence. This is the ignorance that teaches our children that these acts are to be expected or seen as normal in their relationships. This is the continued ignorance that I will battle against trying to educate and build a strong front of vigilance to protect the life and well being of all living creatures, but more specifically our children and their value as our next generation. If we do not become involved with the prevention and help rescue the children who live in this hell today, our society will continue on the escalating downslide of human disregard of decency, respect, concern and mental dysfunction. This abuse and violence within our homes has become our own man-made cancer that we have allowed to silently flourish and destroy all that is good in the creation of mankind. We have stood idly by listening and witnessing repeated child brutality by their parents and caregivers. We’ve allowed them to be bought and sold as property to live a life of hell in sex slavery or tortured labor without ever giving a second thought to their purpose and value as children building the basis for our next generation.

Will you continue to watch and allow this madness to rule our existence or will you decide to become a protector of others and allow the opportunity for them to live in what is deserved, simply to live SAFE IN THEIR HOMES?

Having shared these thoughts with you, allow me to provide you with the latest update in the continued success of ‘My Justice’.

Dr. Brenda Joyce Orozco Markert-Green whose highly skilled reputation as a Family & Marriage Counselor, Owner & CEO at Afterglow Counseling, Mediation & Family Services, Trainer for American Association for Marriage & Family Therapy, Educator and Adjunct Faculty Board Member of La Sierra University, located in Riverside, California is now using this incredible novel as REQUIRED READING for her  students in the field of therapy and family counseling. Along with the REQUIRED READING she also presents them with an exam and classroom discussion about the many silent warning signs of abuse and violence in our homes and the wounds it leaves on the victims. She uses this novel to educate her students about the many mental and emotional impacts of these horrific crimes, which they then maintain in their skills and awareness for their future in family and childhood therapy, social services and other arenas of education and support. It is a huge honor to have this story be shared in such a manner to leave a lasting impression on these students. There is no higher gift which can make such a an impact on our society tomorrow and how we handle the many lifelong mental, physical, and emotional wounds inflicted by these heinous crimes which we so easily disregard.

Dr. Brenda Joyce Orozco Markert-Green, there is no way that I can share with you the amazing depth of appreciation for what you are doing and for your support in my voice, my activities, and most importantly ‘My Justice’. I so sincerely hope that one day I have the opportunity to meet you and speak with you so that I can somehow at least share my sincere gratitude. You are using ‘My Justice’ to make a definite impact on how our society will handle these issues for years to come. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Friends please share this and pass it forward in however you are able. It is crucial for all of us to come together as one strong stand in our society and bring an end and hope for rescue in the lives of our children and the positive influence we hope to leave on the next generation.

Respectfully,

Patricia A. McKnight

Author: ‘My Justice’

Advocate/Speaker/Blogger/Talk Radio Prod. & Host/Survivor

Founder: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Blog Talk Radio Programming

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery

References:

Dr. Brenda Joyce Orozco Markert-Green

Educator & Adjunct Faculty Member, La Sierra University

Mental Health Expert & Trainer for Family & Marriage Counseling

For more information or to connect with Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight

please email: trish.mcknight@live.com

Shocking, Disturbing, Disgusting, Atrocious, and horrifying!!!

These title words are just some of the adjectives used when people hear the true evil of my published story. The many responses, press announcements, Five Star Reviews shared about My Justice’, have been shared around the web for almost two years now. Our world media outlets and our First Amendment Right to Freedom of speech is what enables us to our stories to teach the next generation about the dark destructive evils of mankind!!!

I know very few people ever get their stories noticed in the media; especially if it has anything to do with the most darkest actions of our human society. However isn’t it rather weird that we are drawn to those televised reality shows of addiction, dysfunction and despair, so long as it doesn’t hit in the deepest secrets of our home?

“My Justice’ is a story that rocks the moral fortitude of our human society. It is a story that most don’t want to even think could happen in our small American, hometown style, communities.

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This true life horror story, ‘My Justice’, has now been read by hundreds. It isn’t a life I am proud to have lived by any means, but it is one that I am thankful to have survived!!!

TRUTH: Survivors of abuse, especially years (decades) of evil, violent and vicious degradation, disfiguring neglect, and being passed around to others like a party favor; this is something that is extremely difficult to admit to ourselves. Accepting that our parents are the guilty parties who trained us to be less than human; taught us that nothing about us is worth noticing. We were not raised as children, but merely objects to be used and brutalized; objects for sexual gratification to our parents, friends of the family and those permitted into this secret world. Our human value is never instilled, guided, or protected. It is stripped away from us and ripped from within our being. We believe there is nothing about us that matters and one of the most difficult challenges is to believe we have value or to promote ourselves in any manner!!

I have found my voice, found my strength; found my value as a human being. As hard as it is to pat myself on the back, especially for the truths of subject matter involved; I HAVE FOUND MY COURGE TO SPEAK UP AND REMOVE THE COAL STAINED HAND THAT HELD ME CAPTIVE FOR DECADES, FOR THIS I AM EXTREMELY PROUD!!!

‘My Justice’ has been incredibly reviewed by astounding individuals and the FIVE STAR RATED REVIEWS and comments continue to be shared by those who read the story!!!

Best selling author of geo-political thrillers such as: ‘Den of the Assassins’; ‘Cloning Christ’ and the novel he published from parts of his own amazing journey, ‘Chasing the Cyclone’; devoted child advocate, Founder/CEO of I CARE Foundation, Mr. Peter Thomas Senese has published many outstanding PR Web announcements, Amazon Reviews, and his own many blog shares about his thoughts on ‘My Justice’……….

Renown New York based Attorney Joel Walter has given the story huge praise and a big two thumbs up!!!………."There are occasions when a book is written that shakes the very foundation you stand on. In ‘My Justice,’ Patricia McKnight has written an excellent, inspiring story of the human spirit. It serves as a reminder of many things. First, the importance for those who fall victim to abuse to stand strong and unashamed in the wake of their ordeal, and to find the courage to liberate themselves from those that chain their body, their mind, and their spirit. It too, is a reminder for each of us in society to not turn a blind eye to abuse, and to say ‘abuse will not be tolerated, ‘My Justice’ is an incredible story of courage and freedom in the wake of those who try to withhold these essential liberties. Clearly it took Ms. McKnight a great deal of courage to break her own personal chains, and to share this remarkable story. This story will impact many who Ms. McKnight knows, and many, many more she never will meet, but who’s lives she will make better. I highly recommend this story as much as I urge others victimized by abuse to emulate Ms. McKnight’s courage."

Ms. Linda Walcher, a retired teacher of Freeburg Community School system; now a tutor for other up and coming teachers has shared her FIVE STAR RATING of this story……….. “This novel is a teaching of awareness for anyone who has direct contact with children to the extreme tragedy of neglect that is so commonly overlooked, but which can be the beginning signs of something much deeper. As a teacher, a mother, a person who cherishes all children; this amazingly well written novel made me want to scream and beg for others to read the details that are so exceptionally shared in the glorious strength of a child’s words.”

Dr. Brenda-Joyce Orozco Markert_Green- an educator of up and coming therapists has shared her FIVE STAR REVIEW…….. Please pick up a copy and read it. Most people do not understand all of the factors and variables that come into play in abusive situations, and this book spells out many of these. You will get more of an idea of what children who are being abused go through, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well, in order to survive their abusive situations. Trish also describes the abuse that she survived in her adult life, which points out the dynamics that play out in adult abuse situations also. Once you pick up the book, you will not be able to put it down! This is a must-read, and one that everyone should share with others, so that we can eradicate both child abuse and partner abuse! 

Dr. Brenda, also personally shared with me her desire to use this story as a recommended reading source for her students to see inside the silent child and survivor who struggles to exist in her daily life.

The absolute best quote I can share about ‘My Justice’ is from Ms. Darlene Jones, Exec. Director of Violence Prevention Center of Southwestern Illinois, whose comments were video taped by News Channel 5, KSDK videographer/reporter Kevin Held, as we spoke at S.W.I.C. about the Illinois Healthcare Grant they received to provide education, prevention measures and assistance to victims of abuse and/or family/relationship violence. Unfortunately however, the final published cut of the video did not share her beginning words about the story.

Ms. Darlene Jones, Exec. Director
Author/Advocate/Survivor Patricia A. McKnight

Her special words: ‘If Patricia’s story would have been shared just ten years ago, we’d be hearing her share it on the Today Show’!!!

I cannot say enough about how much this means to me, but there is much more to be said about the value of this novel. There are many hundreds and even thousands who have connected with me simply because the power of sharing my story has given them the courage to speak their own truth. Every day there are survivors, victims, followers, even personal friends who have been so deeply shocked at this story, so incredibly moved by this story they have been impacted in ways that have changed their world. At one time they may have been one of the many still held in that heavy steel cage of silence. Once they may have been someone who turned away and pretended not to notice these evil acts around them, but now they have been empowered with voice and they are passing that inspiration forward to others and all of us are finding the courage to stand against these crimes. The greatest power of sharing these horrifying details is the very public apology I give to my children throughout the story, which was my greatest inspiration; to explain the why of all the turmoil and dysfunction that flowed in to invade their lives because of the ignored, abused, trafficked child then became their mother.

‘Yes I am one of those millions in our society who was once a victim of these vicious abuses by those entrusted with my care’!!

My Justice’ has inspired victims to reach out and seek help. Survivors who have been trapped in these dark secrets for years have now been empowered to speak up and come forward. A few of these incredible survivors who have reached out to me and stated they’ve been inspired with hope by my story; have also been sharing their own secrets and touching the souls of other victims. They are journalists, bloggers, advocates, Facebook support group leaders and founders, such as; Viga Boland, Mary Graziano, Patricia Caldwell-Singleton, Michal Madison and Janice Meadows-Hedrick, Author Sharon Newkirk-Wells, of course this is just to name a few off the top of my head.

I am continually truly amazed by the wonderful strength of these voices. For me to feel like ‘My Justice’ has been not only highly praised and reviewed by some of these astounding every day friends, gives me hope and fills my spirit with drive to continue supporting them, while driving forward to reach out to our media outlets about the importance of making it public. One day it will shine for the many well written qualities it carries and the spirit of the survivor who has walked this amazing journey to freedom.

To all of you who have read my many blogs, read the novel, heard my voice on blog talk radio or connected through private messaging or phone calls; you have all made a huge impact on my world!!! There is no way that I can ever thank you enough for sharing your support, kindness, and most of all for finding your voice to speak your own truth!!! I am forever indebted to each of you. Perhaps one day we will live long enough to see it all make a difference!!!

There is more that has come from publishing my story two years ago. Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery has been built because of all of you who have reached out to me and shared your own journey. Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery has been built because of all the interviews written; some already published, some still waiting to be published, but without you I never would have believed in this dream or built this site to provide information, resources, and help others understand the wounds we carry from the traumas of our past. To take what I’ve learned through life’s journey and know that it matters; to know it is helping in a greater mission; to inspire some human kindness, to give hope to many who have had none; this is much like the bond and deep self appreciation of giving birth, which is exactly what has happened.

I have found and given birth to the me who has been hiding inside and this new child will never be held in silence again.

There is also the connection I have made with those other shining survivors who have come before me to share their stories and carry a devotion of advocacy and change, a mountain of hope filled with information and inspiration for our society. These many who I highly respect and hope to one day have all of us sharing our stories; hearing them and reading them through our many media outlets, which then allows it to penetrate our society and climb into the cracks of our homes, giving hope to those trapped inside that there are others fighting for their freedom from these atrocities.

There are millions of these incredible survivors who know the depth of pain and evil that our own parents and those who walk among our society as law abiding citizens, pillars of the community, or worse those who are seen as vicious souls, but not one person around them ever worries about the children within their care.

Some of those who I respect most for their courage to make a difference are; Annie O’Sullivan, Michael Skinner, Lynn Tolson, Paula Phelps, Jan Frayne, and of course Miss Erin Merryn who is making great changes by the enactment of Erin’s Law across the country!!!.

As I said, its difficult for a survivor to believe it matters and market themselves and their incredible work to reach the hearts of society. Someone could make a ton of money by choosing to market these survivor stories. Of course I’m speaking for those of us who don’t already have some type of marketing resource for our voices to be heard.

The Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Talk Radio is out to help get those voices out there and allow them to be heard. We want to share your story and share the amazing work you have dedicated to making a difference. I hope each of you will join me as a guest or co-host for a live broadcasting. It is vital to bring these stories out, let society see our numbers, and bring an ease of topic and discussion about the darkest of these ugly actions from one human being against another.

It all matters because of the growing epidemic of abuse and family violence/relationship violence that is still plaguing our society today and it just keeps getting worse. Mankind is destroying the moral fortitude that lies within us all. We are still living in the hell that generations before us have taught and passed forward, yet very few stories are ever heard and rarely make it to the news and other media outlets.

We have created our own manmade cancer and it has been festering in the silence, eating away at our society for centuries. Now we have the opportunity to change what has been. Our choice to do the right thing and teach our children through the stories of our past, is the only chance we have at bringing an end and giving them a better, safer, world in which to flourish.

You don’t see our stories make it to the New York Times Best Seller List. These truths are not read about in the Time magazine. They are not read about or reviewed in the Chicago Tribune, the LA Times, or the Riverfront Times here in the St. Louis area. Even our televised talk shows such as The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Ricki Lake, Dr. Phil, or Dr. Drew, and The Today Show; all of these turn away from the growing numbers of voices who are sharing these truths. Here in St. Louis area we have St. Louis Today, or Great Day St. Louis, but none of these will broach the subject of sharing a special on these dark pasts, which are incredible stories of survival. It truly makes me want to stand up and scream at the top of my lungs, hoping to reach every person within 500 miles of my voice; “Dammit it Matters People’!!!

We continuously see commercials for the Humane Society and the ASPCA; the abuse, malnourished, abandoned creatures of these dysfunctional homes are given more attention and supported by our financial donations, but the children and abused, beaten souls within the homes are left to rot in the plague of evil actions.

Isn’t our society at all shocked by the horrific nature of these brutal acts within our homes? If not, shouldn’t we be? The longer we remain silent about these vicious attacks within our own homes, the longer we allow our children and future generations to be destroyed!!!

These horrific nightmares still continue to infect the lives of our children every second of every day. The Illinois Department of Children and Family Services released the 2012 PDF file reports, which show 218 Children Murdered by acts of physical or neglectful abuse, yet there is only minimal response from our politicians and lawmakers who have the power to make a difference.

Was there a response to the email I sent to our President Barrack Obama? – No

Was there a response from the THREE PAGE LETTER and copy of ‘My Justice’ that I personally mailed to our beautiful family oriented First Lady Michelle Obama? – No

Was there a response to the video I made as a public plea for help to Dr. Phil? – No

Was there a response to the email I sent to our Senator Dick Durbin? A very basic return email was received, stating quite simply; ‘Thank you for your interest’. REALLY????

Has Congress yet passed Protect our Kids Act? – No

Have our Senate and House Representatives yet given the approval and passed into action the Reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act? – No

Perhaps we are turning away from these evil brutal truths because there are so many millions, if not billions, who still walk in the silence of these crimes today? Perhaps we do not want to open the door to all of these stories because we are afraid it will hit too close to home and we will realize there is someone we know; someone who is close to us; someone we love; perhaps even our own children who are still struggling to survive these atrocious acts of evil?

If we do not bring these truths to the forefront of our discussions then how will we be able to convince our kids it is safe; they CAN talk, they CAN speak up, they DO NOT have to feel ashamed of what’s happened to them. How can we empower our kids with the greatest weapon they hold; their voice? IF WE ARE NOT PUBLICLY TALKING ABOUT THESE STORIES AND THEIR GROWING NUMBERS, HOW CAN WE TEACH OUR CHILDREN TO SPEAK UP FOR THEIR OWN PROTECTION? How can we possibly teach them there is no shame if we are still turning away, pretending not to see or hear; whispering about the acts, but yet telling our kids there is nothing to be ashamed of, it is not their fault?.

We cannot remove the stain of shame on these victims until we can talk about it comfortably ourselves. What example of decency are we giving them if we are still whispering about the crimes of abuse and violence within our homes? I believe it continues to drive into our children that they must remain silent rather than reveal their rapist is their father, or their mother, or even their sibling. It’s alright to come forward and speak when it is someone outside the family unit, be it a teacher, minister, coach, boy scout leader; admitting this and charging them publicly is an act of courage and they should be proud of those they saved from falling prey to these monsters, but stay quiet if it is one of us who is attacking you and beating you, raping you, molesting you; don’t air your dirty laundry is what we are still teaching our kids today.

Excuse my blunt nature, but this is not a crime we survivors have committed; it is a crime that has been committed against us!!! The acts of child rape, molestation, beating, neglect, murder; the acts of beating and degrading, controlling and attempting to murder our spouses or partners; these are all crimes, but yet they are never heard in criminal courts. These acts are dealt with in family courts. Why? If it is a stranger who pushes me, punches me, attacks me in any manner, then it is a criminal case. However; if my father rapes me, my mother beats me and the entire community around me refuses to see the harmful neglect of rotting teeth, filthy hygiene and growing disgust of flesh eating infection, then all of this should be kept quiet. Never again will I be silent about what those around me did and those within my community either watched it happen or they took part in the trafficking of a child. They ignored the horrifying screams of me begging my husband to please stop beating me. They pretended not to see the face so beaten that it was beyond recognition and the broken ribs, collar bones, and severe bruising that covered my body was all just a ploy for attention. Really?????

To all of you incredible survivors who have fought through the madness that is inflicted by these crimes, I say to you;

NEVER GIVE UP!!! Our stories may never make it to be great success stories, but I guarantee you that each of your stories are touching the lives of those who read them. We are opening up the door so that others can see the horrific destruction that is caused by these acts. Your stories are being whispered about, but they are touching the lives of other victims and relieving the burden of shame they carry. Your stories and mine are making a difference ONE SOUL AT A TIME and we will make an impact on the generations to come. We are all saving the life of someone we don’t even know and rescuing those who live trapped in this hell. 

My choice to speak up was made for my children so that I could help them understand and see the person who lies within their mother. My choice to break free from the trained pattern of accepting these violent acts against me was because of the desire to give my children a better way of life. The choice I make right now to commit the rest of my years as an advocate is done for the children yet to come. It is a hope that things will change, that our society will see what is happening; our children falling apart and the surge of mental despair that is exploding around us; this is my drive to build what I feel is my path, my destiny. It helps me to take the thirty years of brutal and almost deadly attacks I’ve survived, then turn it all around into something as precious and gentle as a butterfly coming to life.

Now is the time for all of us to climb out of the darkness of our cocoon and soar into the possibilities of a better life. I am one of the many, one of the devoted, now one of the strong adamant souls who are spreading my wings and flying through the wonderful freedom of safety and happiness, which of course is something we were all intended to have as we took our first breath of life.

Live Strong & Fly Free

© Patricia A. McKnight

Advocate/Author/Speaker/Writer/Talk Radio Prod & Host/Survivor

Founder/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Survivors World online support group

Generation No More

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

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