Shocking, disturbing, unbelievable, horrific, but brutally honest….

‘My Justice’  mj-2_thumb

Patricia A McKnight  cropped-bnd11.jpg

“When we dismiss a Family Offender, especially if the outburst becomes grievous or terrorizing; who will teach our children there is help? What path of life will they believe they deserve? Will they grow knowing only to harm their family or will they always allow someone to terrorize them?

Their life path could be drugs, violent outbursts, criminal behavior, maybe gangs and murder; perhaps they will endure silent suffering in extreme depression, or other form of mental illness….This survivor is not trying to take the stage, she is trying to give the stage to the severity of our community violence and sadly how our refusal to address this issue continues teaching silence, tolerance, and acceptance of what’s inside their worst nightmare everyday.

This survivor is using her terrifying life; the enslaved battered child who was shared and traded, used and abandoned, attempted suicide, and continued tolerance of almost murderous attacks, including weapons constantly threatening her daily survival. ‘Trecia Ann’ hopes she can encourage the lost, broken, wounded parents and grandparents today. Let’s open the door, address the inner suffering and become a positive force in your child’s life. They will live in manners taught through our parenting, and leave your home with the life skills you have ingrained; what will be their perceptions of life?

Remember the silence and disregard of the abuses around us, creates what can become the most dangerous crimes in our communities.

‘Yes, I come from a different generation and since that time, throughout the 1970’s, 1980’s, 1990’s we have learned a lot about the detrimental impact to our human psyche when we are violated and harmed. However, these same studies & statistics show these types of destructive crimes are still happening inside many neighborhoods, apartment buildings, and in our families across the nation. This is what has become a heart wrenching process in trying to bring this topic to the forefront of our legislative leaders, social services, all medical professionals, educators, and law enforcement today.’

Author/Advocate/Mentor/Survivor, Ms. McKnight, shares her life & focused research in this two part interview with Producer Rebecca Kimbel.

In the first interview McKnight shares some of her personal journey growing up inside a house of hell, while an entire community and school system watched as she was traded, shared, exploited and brutally attacked inside her home. In part two you will hear about how early onset PTSD could possibly be misdiagnosed as ADHD. You will hear about her partners who are strong resources of their own; they are finding victims being trafficked/shared by family, beaten and abandoned as she was back then. You will hear about the legislation proposal currently being reviewed by Illinois leaders, hoping to update Prosecution & Statutes when dealing with Family Offenders.

Her story is one which most readers, even survivors, are shocked in disbelief that a mother or a community could be so uncaring about a child. However, the scars that cover her body, the mouth filled with broken (half repaired) teeth, and the ten years in trauma recovery therapy are most definitely proof of just how extreme it actually was for her. Her stepfather was feared by all. Her mother played the perfect impression of his victim. Her siblings were not like her in anyway.

Tragically for this little girl, she was given to her stepfather like property by a narcissistic mother who forced the child into constant family servitude actually purchased a little brass bell for her husband which only ‘Trecia Ann’ was expected to answer. She scrubbed the corners of their family home with a toothbrush every weekend, but she was never given one to brush her teeth or permitted safe time for any personal care or hygiene. She was neglected of all basic human needs, including the most basic need; the crying child begging for her mother’s love and protection.

Please read her story, the first five chapters free, “My Justice’ on Authorhouse.com

ONE OF THE MOST GRIEVOUS CASES OF CHILD MALTREATMENT & DOMESTIC VIOLENCE  however our statutes will never give her justice…..

Some material may be graphic, please watch at your own risk and interest……

PART 1 – https://youtu.be/yqQ7e2564yU

PART 2 – https://youtu.be/QaexoCNqhcM

Here is a PETITION on CHANGE –

Mandatory Federal Prosecution for repeated grievous or sexual harm against a child 0 to 15 years old……. MAKE OUR LEGISLATORS ADDRESS THIS TOPIC NOW!!!

OneChild

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/voicesinjusticeradio

Please read her story, the first five chapters free, “My Justice’ on Authorhouse.com/Amazon & Barne’s Nobel. Watch the two new personal discussions via Youtube, or join in an upcoming event to hear her speak about the trauma that can exist within our homes.

Connect with Trish McKnight @ Facebook.com/triciagirl62 or email direct: p.mcknight@charter.net

Understanding Family Terrorism–‘Family Terrorist Act’

 

As I was looking around for some more information to share in support of the ‘Family Terrorist Act’ – Trecia’s Law, mainly to bring you an update on just how many amazing signatures from strong advocate leaders, both independent & as organization leaders, who are supporting this measure. It will be wonderful to share your names with Illinois General Assembly Member, House Representative Jay Hoffman when I meet with him to discuss this further on November 25th.

So what exactly is ‘TERRORISM’?

Believe it or not there is no set explanation of ‘Terrorism’; the governments, it seems, cannot come to terms with its exact directives. This being said I’ve found quite a few written definitions during my search through our laws and miscellaneous articles. The best I’ve found is what’s written in this great article shared from Emergency Department of Military Affairs 2008.

UN Security Council Resolution 1566 (2004)

gives a definition: criminal acts, including against civilians, committed with the intent to cause death or serious
bodily injury, or taking of hostages, with the purpose to provoke a state of terror in the general public or in a group of persons or particular persons, intimidate a population or compel a government or an international organization to do or to abstain from doing any act.

United States
The United States has defined terrorism under the Federal Criminal Code. Title 18 of the United States; Code defines terrorism and lists the crimes associated with terrorism. In Section 2331 of Chapter 113(B), defines terrorism as: “…activities that involve violent… or life-threatening acts… that are a violation of the criminal laws of the United States or of any State and… appear to be intended

(i) to intimidate or coerce a civilian population;

(ii) to influence the policy of a government by intimidation or coercion;

(iii) to affect the conduct of a government by mass destruction, assassination, or kidnapping; and…

(C) occur primarily within the territorial jurisdiction of the United States…”

ref: Various Definitions of Terrorism

http://www.azdema.gov/museum/famousbattles/pdf/Terrorism%20Definitions%20072809.pdf

What do you think our familial understanding of terrorism looks like?

     There are a few examples of this I can share with you, this information is based on just a small reference to the many cases that happen like these everyday. On average, as referred to by the CDC; we have approximately 1 in 4 homes suffering in some form of Mental Health problems, substance abuse, and also violence (what we commonly refer to as Child Abuse & Domestic Violence).

     When you combine these three highly escalating issues, then we have outbursts, which can often go on for days on end, then slack off a bit before starting back up again without warning. Very rarely do we see it end permanently without intervention of some type. Commonly the acts of what we will refer here to as ‘TERRORISM’; these outburst of the dominating personality within the home will rage fiercely for quite some time about something as silly as a child’s toy being left in the living room, or perhaps dinner was not as expected; perhaps they may suspect, in their own insecurities, that their target person has said something to someone, because they know these outbursts of fierce dominating control through acts of violent rage, sexual depravity, and threats with weapons are not approved by society. These types of abusers will attack a target member of the household because of their need to feel powerful, controlling that one particular family member or perhaps the entire household; but it is their place to dominate and they will not allow another person to take that power away from them.

    These types of ‘family terrorists’ will use vicious threats against their target, and it may vary from person to person within the close family unit. Their threats are commonly done with weapons, guns or knives usually. They can hold their victim in control for hours during one specific attack or for multiples of years in repeated attacks and heinous depravity, all because there is no one to stop them. These actions are even more impacting and life traumatizing if the target of these attacks is a young child and either both parents are using extreme harmful actions against the child or they are terrorized by just one dominating parent who has terrorized others so viciously that no one feels brave enough to step in and protect that child. Terroristic acts can also be used in the severe cases of child rape, hurtful (as apposed to ‘gentle’) acts of molestation, which is also the case in painful forced oral sex acts with the parent, or in cases of child sex trafficking any of these acts might be forced between multiple persons. It is not uncommon to find more and more cases of familial child sex trafficking here in the United States, just as it is in many other countries. 

    The ‘Family Terrorist’ is also well know normally for being an alcoholic or addicted to some type of substance. This is as the numbers of unemployed or living below normal average income puts additional stress on the household. You will find that the already documented statistical information personally researched by ‘Trish’ McKnight of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery; the stats for 2011 confirm through the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data Base that parents are 92% of all offenders in cases of Child Maltreatment Reports entered into our system across the United States.

     A person who commits an act of extreme violence, such as use of weapon, risk of severe bodily injury or a believed fear of death, they deserve to be classified as a ‘TERRORIST’ no matter which of the above definitions you wish to use. These types of monstrous attacks happen about every 10 seconds in our country and as of the report mentioned above, along with Congress noting that “For every one act of sexual abuse against a child that is reported into our nation’s systems, at least six others are never reported’; with this collected information our country has 1 in 3 children at risk of being harmed within their family. Sadly in most of the other allotted six who are never reported and no intervention or recovery process is initiated; the secret is then carried to an early grave for the survivor living in distress without the proper support services and specialized counseling to help heal the intensely deep hidden wounds left behind in the mass of destruction committed against them by the ‘Family Terrorist’ who tortured and violated them until they had hidden so much away in their trapped silence, they no longer knew their true identity and the many possible dreams they could have achieved.

I am presently searching for an attorney who would like to assist in my own case using these definitions, just so that we can have a case on the books with these already provided guided laws of ‘terrorism’. Surely there is a way we can hold these types of monsters responsible for the acts they either ignored in their home or inflicted upon a person within their home. Hopefully there is an attorney with the guts to take this crucial piece of legislature in to prove the lifelong trauma and continued level of self destructive acts which occurred because there was no person that intervened to help prevent this harm or to provide any hope of rescue. When the trauma is so severe it scars your soul and leaves you worrying about the afterlife itself, then these are cases of ‘’’terrorism’ and they should be held accountable for their actions.

      Please help in the continued work for this important measure by signing the petition through this link, Change.org –

https://www.change.org/p/u-s-house-of-representatives-family-terrorist-act-trecia-s-law-use-the-federal-definition-of-terrorism-for-those-who-abuse-with-unspeakable-actions?utm_medium=email&utm_source=notification&utm_campaign=new_petition_recruit#share

Feel free to leave your thoughts; Do you feel a law of this type will or will not work in today’s society? I believe that we have become a society complacent with the words Child Abuse & Domestic Violence/Interpersonal Violence. We are not shocked until it becomes an extremely vicious account declared newsworthy and shared by the media locally or even nationally. If these cases are so immensely horrific then why prosecute them for only part of the deep wounding they have left on their victims, let’s use a distinction between the different levels of abuse and the extreme types of violent depraved actions committed by what may seem a ‘monstrous’ personality.

Please friends, sign & share, let’s keep this measure moving forward.

Remember NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON IN THIS GREAT COUNTRY HAS ANY GIVEN RIGHT TO TAKE AWAY YOUR PERSONAL RIGHT TO BE SAFE!!

Patricia A. McKnight

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Cert Trainer Human Trafficking 101

Il Domestic Violence Advocate Support

Panel Speaker/Mentor/Author

‘My Justice’ – get your copy through Amazon, bn.com, Authorhouse

Although it is written as a novel…..My Justice

biopic3    MyJustice   reflection

  Although it is written as a novel, the accounts written here are true as they happened then. The impact and thoughts of the child, woman, mother, who endured it all are true. The names of the characters have been changed to protect innocent siblings & children, but this is the most powerful story of redemption & survival that you will ever read. Thanks so much to all who have given this a 5 Star Review on Authorhouse.com Amazon.com &  BN.com – Very Exciting

When I published this story I didn’t know anything about writing, publishing, marketing; I just simply needed to write through my third nervous breakdown and explain to my children about how the horrifying attacks endured in my young life created an ongoing opinion of myself and what I tolerated in my adult life. Sadly, it was a life of more than 30 years in one repeated beating after another. It was a life filled with heartbreak, terror, depression, but it was not a life I wanted my children to continue living.

Admitting to myself just how dysfunctional I was, was one of the most difficult challenges I’ve ever faced. When I had to get away from my 2nd husband, after a near death beating at 4:00 am, completely nude being strangled, beaten with a chair and spit on as he walked away; it was as I crawled to the phone to call 911 for the first time in my life that I realized only I could change the pattern of life I was in. Only I could give my children the safe, loving, supportive home they deserved to know. Sure I did my best to always give my children those things, but sadly even when they are not the ones being directly harmed, they still feel every punch against their mom as if they were going through it themselves, especially when they are young.

No, the police didn’t help me. It was the very first time I had ever reached out for someone to realize how badly I was being beaten. His mom knew it, she would come sleep on the couch to keep him from killing me. She did this at least three times in a 9 year relationship. All my life people had constantly dismissed my pain as if it were nothing to be raped with a shotgun barrel at just 12 years old, be traded out to my stepfather’s friends as my mother lay in her bedroom watching television, or to be left to have your skin rot away in her neglect of medical care when our health insurance would have covered any treatment I needed. Schoolmates attended weekend parties with me as the ‘whore child’ who would serve them. They saw the constant bruises and welt marks from beatings. They saw the filth which covered a young girl’s body from FIVE YEARS of not bathing because it was his favorite room of torture. The teacher’s, law enforcement, family friends and many others all knew, witnessed, or attended the many horrific acts I was forced to accept within my childhood home for twelve long years, but not one single person in our small community ever spoke up to help save me or rescue me from the man they all feared.

No my mother did not ever try to stop him, not even when she walked in and saw him in bed with her naked 9 year old daughter. She didn’t leave, she didn’t yell at him, but she did send me to my room. She was not afraid of him, in fact he was a complete pussy cat with her. She controlled their relationship and how their marriage went, because he just did not want to lose her. So why did she sacrifice her one child to this man? Why did she do nothing all those times he hurt me or handed me out to others? No one will ever know, because she still thinks in her mind, she did nothing wrong!!!

This is an amazing read about a child who wasn’t just abused, but was terrorized, used, traded out, and left to rot in hell by absolutely everyone who had the power to do something!!! It is about how all of those years in evil influenced what I tolerated as I got older. The many relationships in dysfunction, the dangerous and almost deadly beatings that were all I ever knew. Then as I was refused help by the police after the last brutal beating and knew one of us would die if I stayed; I fought through it all to break the cycle, give my children a home where they could sleep in peace, they could be happy, run, play and invite their friends for sleepovers. Yes, you can climb out of hell and still be happy in life, but only you can make that a reality. Only you can make the choice of what type of life you wish to give your children and then make that life happen.

Today I am safe, today I am truly loved and respected. Today I give everything I can to help others like myself. I have studied through Mental Health, took my 40 hour Illinois DV Advocate Classes, am a Certified Trainer in Human Trafficking Prevention & Awareness, and have been working with victims/survivors since Nov. 2010 when I started my first women’s support group, Survivors World on Facebook. I’ve since built a website filled with information to help others recover & rebuild after abuse. It is complete with Child Abuse Prevention, Relationship Violence Awareness, & resources of other survivors and orgs who are on the net to help your recovery. There is also two years spent as a talk radio host and the many hundreds of interviews with org leaders, mental health professionals, survivors, authors, and our Survivors World online radio. You can find out all you wish from this site by visiting

www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com
In a world that can be filled with so much pain~~
‘Always believe anything is possible with you in the active equation’~~

trish mcknight

Francine’s review of My Justice:

My Justice by Patricia McKnight

” Awesome book by a tremendously STRONG woman! ”

Delete

Mar 05, 2014 04:17AM · see review

Can you hear the children screaming???

promoblkwht     195892_354927684584083_441633201_n

coverkindle.jpgThese are pictures of my past, but now have become pictures of my present day life. Yes, the Breese Journal, Belleville News Democrat, and even KSDK News 5 have all done articles or have shared video from local speaking events. Today even the FBI Victims Services & Citizens Academy have recognized what I am doing here locally (Clinton County Illinois) and as a Trainer in Human Trafficking, Certified Domestic Violence Advocate, Child Abuse Prevention Specialist, and ‘Steps to Recovery’ presenter; what I do to help others is a constant area of work for me today. It is crucial, as in URGENT we begin paying attention to what goes on in our surroundings and circles. There is not enough we can do independently in everyday concern and respect for another, which will outweigh what has been passed on throughout centuries in the acts of domination over another.

My story is one which comes from a life growing up in Freeburg, Illinois during the years from 1970 through 1980, a period of ten years as a child living in a publicly displayed nightmare of horrific abuse, child sex trafficking with community members; actually husbands and sons who were co-workers of my stepfather, schoolmates of my brothers, and directly related to some of my mother’s best friends. The actions of my stepfather were never hidden, as my mother and stepfather truly didn’t care, who did or didn’t know, about how they used and tortured this one middle child in their care. There were so many individuals who were involved with or knew about how I was being used that I can’t even remember how many hands have touched me. Many times I’ve been hit with memories and even shared some of the direct evils inflicted in the true story written in ‘My Justice’. What’s worse however is what has been triggered in my subconscious by permitting myself to travel back in time to reveal the ugly family secrets I’ve carried throughout my life. Those who know me from this town remember little things here and there. Schoolmates have contacted me after reading ‘My Justice’ and all share remorse about what they as children, didn’t recognize, but they remember how my parents used me, isolated me in family responsibilities that went as far as to answering the ring of that little brass bell. Some have contacted me and stated ‘I knew something was going on, but Trish, I had no clue how vicious the life you spent in that home really was.’ Sadly the adults who know my parent’s and, especially my stepfather,only one or two have reached out with words of sorrow or statement about any of what I wrote in being untrue.

Even my own mother, who is still alive, has asked but a few questions, the most ridiculous of those is, ‘How would you like me to talk about a few SECRETS about you?” Thanks Mother, that statement in and of itself validates everything I’ve shared about all that happened and what YOU took part in the training of your little girl whom you helped develop as his forced child whore. How dare you Mother? Do you see what you have done to your child? Do you see just how ugly and brutally neglecting you were? You threatened to SUE me; REALLY MOTHER!!! Step up and claim yourself as being my mother, the mother of all mothers who would allow such evil against one of your own children, but hell you never really cared about any of them!! All you were worried about was the fact you had someone to put a truly evil roof and dysfunctional views for your children. Why was I the only one you allowed him to target in these evil acts? Why was he not ever put in jail? Why didn’t some of your circle of ‘FRIENDS’ ever say a word, or what excuse did you give them for their questions? You probably told them you were the VICTIM. All you ever focused your attention on was what you wanted to make you happy. You knew you could make him do anything, or was I part of that bargain? I hope these questions reach you, since you will not permit me any form of concern or apology, you have given me VALIDATION and for that I guess I can do nothing but at least thank you for that.” your daughter, ‘Trecia Ann’ – Now I am a published author, now I have even developed my own source of business as prevention and awareness, support and information for all those communities today. Are you proud of me yet mother?

Today I find it also validating to hear from others who knew me as a kid, who share with me statements their parents made, such as; ‘I always wondered why that man was so mean with that little girl’, ‘I remember how he used to always take her with him out drinking and hanging out at the bars’. In truth, I was the girl their sons were not allowed to date and their daughters were not permitted to befriend. I was the girl that the boys, groups of them, knew they could come to, either one on one or together, to use in games of ‘Post Office’ where each one had a chance to see how far they could go and just exactly what I would allow them to do with me. There is one childhood friend who started reading ‘My Justice’ and when they got to the part about the one time I spent the night at a slumber party and the only nightgown I had was the see-through little cotton gown purchased by my stepfather at ‘Victoria Secrets’, which my mother permitted him to buy as a gift for me. Well, this friend had to throw the book down and was sickened by what suddenly became the reality of the girl she knew so well. At this time I was just twelve years old, it was his favorite age; the age where my body started to grow into a young woman, the breasts changing and pubic hair just starting to grow. It makes me sick as I think back on it even at this very moment.

Malcolm, ‘Walter in the book’, which I changed names to protect siblings; however, not a single sibling will even talk to me today. My brother condemned me a long time ago, at least ten years ago and has not spoken a word to me since. He only sees my stepfather’s trained whore when he looks at me, says my actions make him sick because I do not live up to the standards of his perfect little life. My younger sister, used to connect and was willing to talk with me about how dysfunctional our home was as a result of the severe alcoholism and mental health disorders in our parents unfolded. She would discuss her emotions of how it was for her after I left, when she was just nine. I say to them both, ‘Neither of my siblings have endured anything remotely close to the harm they witnessed against me.’  Its validating enough for you to discuss the raging alcoholic who was so vicious and the parties, which kept her awake all night.

Mona, ‘Shirley in the book’, is the mother who turned against her own child and abandoned her in the evil of his touch. She has read ‘My Justice’ and repeatedly tried to reach out and talk with me, threatened to sue me, and worst of all; ‘How would you like it if I went around a told a few secrets I knew about you? How about if I tell them how I used to have to go searching for you dirty clothes? How about if I tell them about the boy who climbed through your bedroom window and caught you having sex with him at just thirteen?’ She has not once apologized, she has never denied any of it at all. When she found out about the time he shut me up forever by using his favorite shotgun barrel to take my virginity while my brother and sister lay downstairs watching their favorite show; all she had to say was ‘That sounds like something that sick son-of-a-bitch would do’. She admits that she was warned by his own son from his first marriage about how evil and disgusting he was, yet she chose to marry him and allow him complete control over just one of her children, her young daughter who was just then five years old.

It was a lifetime of haunting by a monster. He would prowl around in the dark like a lion hunting his prey. He would beat me for having boyfriends, and stalk me even after I had grown up, had children, moved out and gone through my first divorce. He even hunted me down to smash my head against the truck window and dash, drag me across the very public street, call me every name he could think of as the neighbors watched and did nothing. The boyfriend I was dating, whose father’s house we were at, simply said; ‘He’s here for you, outside screaming your name. You really have to go now.’ This man preyed again when I was forty years old, had just lost everything I had due to an illness (Pulmonary Embolism), which caused me to be out of work and depend on credit only to take care of my children; well I ended up at my mother’s house to stay in her basement till I was able to get settled again. Guess what happened, guess who prowled around outside the basement shower room which I was told I absolutely had to use, because her bathroom with a lock on the door was completely off limits? She told me he couldn’t climb down those stairs anymore. The bed I was supposed to sleep in was the very same bed I had used as a young teen, even had the same yellow lace bedspread. She would not permit her granddaughter who desperately wanted to travel with me; Mother simply stated; ‘I am not responsible for anything that might happen, so don’t you start your shit’. SHE KNEW!!!! Mother has never denied a single event or action of her neglect for all basic human necessities. She never apologized and in fact there was one slip of the tongue when she stated, ‘You got the life you deserved’, ha-ha really Mother????

You see, I am the one left today with many broken parts still inside. I doubt they will ever fully be able to heal, and some well the scars are so deeply embedded there is no magic surgery from any specialist around that can give me back any sense of normalcy as I look at my reflection everyday. You’ll see in this brief video the horrifying skin which covers my body today. I am left with scars inside and out that will never be able to be erased or healed, the child they tried to destroy and the one an entire community allowed to simply rot away. You will be horrified by this brief video – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Rpt_oHU5NM The Rot of Abuse, uploaded by Patricia A. McKnight

We as a society continue to ignore the hundreds, thousands who are sharing stories of evil today. You can search the net and find video after video, story after story, of lives destroyed and many who are now so extremely wounded by these acts they cannot even be parents to their children. Some so broken into actual separate personalities developed to protect them from the extreme trauma they endured. I ask you all, media, literary agents, book promoters, local press, organizations who defend children or rescue them; ‘When will all of this be enough to create a society strict on its punishments and supportive in recognition of the surviving souls today?” Help share the many stories today; let no child suffer in silence and become your own defender of children. Allow their screams of mercy and rescue be heard!!!! Our children are not expendable, they are not sex objects, they are not household slaves to be beaten and tortured for the slightest infraction. They are person’s waiting for us to lead them through growing to become the next generation in charge of our society. Let the monsters be known and protect our country’s children as one united force against these types of evil. No more can we ignore their screams, their tears, their secrets being shared today.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I pray there is a path for ‘My Justice’ and the many other survivors who are finally speaking out for their freedom and their recovery today.

Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight

Owner/CEO Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Author: My Justice’  READ THE FIRST FIVE CHAPTERS COMPLETELY FREE!!!!

Mentor/Crisis Resources/Speaker/Child Abuse Prevention & Steps to Recovery Trainer Member: Southwestern Illinois Human Trafficking Task Force Board Development Member: Illinois Victims Assistance Network (I.V.A.N.)

(c) Patricia A McKnight

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Sept. 2012

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art via www.michalmadisonart.com

Devils of my childhood no longer protected

Have you ever thought about going public with the names of your abusers? Have you thought about finally holding them accountable for what they did and what you were forced to endure?

This has been heavy on my mind for quite some time. I’ve shared the horrific details, which have been compared by incredible people, to the horrible life of Mr. Dave Pelzer, New York Times Best Seller – ‘A Child Called – It’.

So I think to myself many times over what else is there for me to share, what else do I have to work through to get this finally released from my soul so that I can live free from all the ugly secrets? There is only one secret left which plagues me constantly, the names of those two people who were responsible for my well being, nurturing, teaching me to become a capable young adult and healthy mother for my own children.

THESE TWO PEOPLE WERE EVIL NOT LOVING PARENTS AS THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN!!!

Why should their identities be protected? Why did I change their names when I published ‘My Justice’? Why did I call it a ‘novel’ rather than the truth of what it actually is, an AUTOBIOGRAPHY? It is every possible memory I have held deep inside for years, the memories that trapped me in a world of darkness.

Well today, after talking with one absolutely strong and amazing justice fighter, who has given me her blessing as a friend, an angel who has come into my life; one person I have followed for almost a year now on Linkedin but never dreamed would ever have any interest in my story, the amazing Ms. Dana Hoffman!!! Who is a lucky girl today to have this voice in my corner?

OK, first things first….

Why did I publish ‘My Justice’ and list it as a novel? When I published this horrific story of my life, I made it clear on the back cover; ‘this is the true story of one woman’s fight for survival. It has been created from her memories & nightmares.’

To me at the time this went into publication, Feb 2011, I had a major problem with seeing the word ‘AUTOBIOGRAPHY’ as a conceded comment about myself. Somehow when I looked at that particular word it terrified me, part of this was also wrapped up in DISSOCIATION. If I called it a ‘novel’ I didn’t have to feel connected to all of the horrifying evils of abuse & torture as written out from the memories & nightmares, the self destruction of what I endured. Also, what made my story any different from what so many others have endured? What made me so special that I wrote out my journey of hell and the vicious maltreatment of various levels of abuses inflicted?

If you are not aware, it is difficult enough for survivors of abuse to feel anything special about themselves. It is almost unfathomable to think we hold anything of value that others are interested in hearing, much less publishing a full life story about these brutal acts. So, it was SAFE for me to call it a novel; it was typical of me to put myself much lower than any other deserving being; I WAS TRAINED THROUGHOUT MANY YEARS THAT I HAD NOTHING ANY OTHER PERSON WOULD BE INTERESTED IN HEARING. I HAD AN ENTIRE COMMUNITY ABANDON ME IN THIS HELL FOR TWELVE YEARS, SO THEY DROVE HOME THE WORDS OF MY PARENTS —-

‘NO ONE WILL CARE AND NO ONE WILL EVER HELP YOU’ – ‘YOU DESERVED EVERYTHING YOU GOT’!!

Did I really deserve all of their evil? Did a five year old girl deserve to be viciously molested and tortured in front of her brother and two other neighbor boys? Did that child also deserve to be terrified into silence, threatened that if she spoke of what happened he would be sure and get her back, maybe even kill her? Did I deserve to be trained as the family slave, answer that little brass bell when it rang, no matter what I was doing? Did I deserve to be trained in how to entice grown men at the age of 11? Did I deserve to be traded off for the price of a couple of beers, just to satisfy his sick sadistic power over me? Did I deserve to be ripped apart with a shotgun barrel at just 12 because I went begging for my mother’s help? Did I deserve for school mates to come to our house and be forced to give oral sex to them? Did I deserve to be the entertainment at the late night adult male parties held at our house, while mother stepped in her bedroom to watch tv, then told I was the one who wanted to join the party? Did I deserve to be trained into being his whore, the one he could control and act out his dark evil against? Did I deserve to be left to physically rot away in mother’s lack of caring for the little girl she brought into this world? Did I deserve to be treated like trash, less than dog shit on the street by almost everyone who came into my life? Did I deserve for the girls at school not to friend me, but instead to whisper, point, degrade me even further? Did I deserve for teacher’s to belittle me for not having homework done or not knowing the answer to the classroom question? Did I deserve the law enforcement to drive by our house when the fights started with a raging evil drunk, but not stop and see who was being harmed? Did I deserve for everyone to shun me, call me ‘THE VILLAGE WHORE’ rather than seeing me as a CHILD; a little girl trapped inside a house of horror? REALLY, did I deserve to be a slave, a sex object, a disgusting example of what other children should NOT be? DID I DESERVE FOR THE FAMILY FRIENDS, THE VISITORS, THE TEACHERS, THE LAW, THE ENTIRE F’N TOWN TO DISCARD ME?

Tell me town’s people of Freeburg, HOW WOULD YOU DEAL WITH THIS IF IT WERE YOU OR YOUR CHILD? What made me so much less worthy than others of your caring and your help?

SO HERE GOES THE FINAL RELEASE OF MY SECRETS…..

My mother who allowed her daughter to be used, abused, raped, beaten, left her to rot, never supplied so much as a toothbrush and never did any single measure to protect her, simply gave her to the man she married, the man whose own adopted son warned her about his vicious evil – MONA WHITE. Mother you let everyone believe that you were the victim in that house, that you had no control over what happened and poor little you had to deal with the drunk, but I know the truth!!! TRUTH – he was putty in your hands. He would have done anything for you to act as if you loved him. He was your husband, not mine. He was never attacking to you, but YOU ALLOWED him to attack your daughter almost every single day for an entire twelve years. You, Mona White, allowed him to bring men to our house, you went into the bedroom and watched tv, then blamed the child because she was ordered by him to take part, you said she wanted it. You allowed him to take me on your dates together when I was just around 12 years old. You sat in the chair as he took me on the dance floor and in front of every adult in the place, rubbed himself on me and ‘taught’ me how to move my hips & ass so it felt all good to him. You, Mona White, allowed the infection on my skin to eat away at me for three continuous years before you took me to see ONE DOCTOR, but you never took me back and never cared again about the filth that covered my flesh. You, Mona White, allowed me to get detention in Freshman year because you couldn’t give me TWO DOLLARS to buy a can of deodorant. You sat at the kitchen table, looked me in the eye and said, ‘if you’d take a fucking bath then you wouldn’t stink so fucking bad.’ YOU never kept him out of the bathroom so I could safely bathe, you never stopped him from coming into my room at night. When you worked the bar you were too caught up in all the attention you were receiving to give a shit about the drunken pissed off man you just sent home to your children. YOU WERE NOT THE VICTIM – YOU WERE AN ABUSER OF YOUR OWN DESIGN!!! YOU cared about your youngest daughter, God forbid anyone should hurt her. You took her to the doctor, you took her to the dentist, you allowed her all of the material possessions she wanted, YOU COULDN’T WAIT FOR ME TO LEAVE YOUR HOUSE. Yet who was the person you have always called on when you were sad, angry, needed a friend or a listening ear? ME!! You cared about your older son, you cared about the abandoned children who you sheltered from the streets and the strangers you gave a home to, but YOU COULD NOT & WOULD NOT PROTECT YOUR OWN DAUGHTER!!! I reveal you now, the anger flows through my blood and I’ve carried your secrets for all my life. NOW YOU DESERVE all that comes your way!!!

Stepfather –MALCOLM WHITE – you disgusting evil son of a bitch!!! Who gave you the right to destroy a little girl with so much evil? Who gave you the right to sell her off and trade her out? Who gave you the right to beat her, torture her, brutalize every moment of her existence, then stalk her in her adult life. Who gave you the right to be so obsessed with me you crept outside the bedroom window of my home with my future husband. You stalked me at work, asking who would be the next man to take your daughter home and fuck her? Who gave you the right to ask the boyfriends, husbands, dates about what it was like to fuck me and what did I allow them to do, give them ideas on things they should do, hold me by the hair and threaten to blow my head off if I didn’t give all those school boys a blow job. You terrorized me from the moment you came into my life. You controlled every second of my day, it was always in my head and I never once ever doubted that you would kill me. You wanted to buy a trailer, but wanted your own special key, a place where ‘WE COULD PARTIES AND INVITE ALL YOUR COWORKERS AND BUDDIES TO JOIN IN’. You kept me from bathing for almost a full FIVE SOLID YEARS!!! You snuck into the bathroom when I was 17 so you could watch me try to shower, fearful you would try your sick games with me again. You took away my value, you took away my belief that I deserved any form of human kindness. YOUR WIFE, MY MOTHER, made sure you were buried with FULL MILITARY HONORS for the service in the air force during the Korean war, but this girl wrote up her own obituary for you…..this is what I posted on my refrigerator for a few months so that I could allow myself to feel the hatred toward you and her. This is what I published as I wrote out ‘My Justice’…… because I changed your name to ‘Walter’ in the book and never gave you a last name, now I write out the full name of the devil who tried, BUT DID NOT SUCCEED, at destroying the spirit of the person I am today.

“Here lies Malcolm White, the man who terrorized a little girl for twelve constant years of her life. He molested her, beat her, tortured her, stalked her, and raped her. He was able to have this control because of the mother who neglected to hear her daughter’s cry for help. He was given the secrecy because the little girl was too terrified to speak about the fears of her night. Now he must answer for his crimes as he is in front of the world’s strongest judge. It is my belief that he will now pay his penance for which is deserved of these crimes.”

In TRUTH, this is a very mild obituary and does not even begin to cover the levels of extreme evil you forced onto a child. No longer will I allow either of you to hide in society, to be seen as decent people, or for my mother to be seen as a VICTIM. No longer will I carry the burden of your pain, your memories, or feel the heavy fear of my afterlife because of your torture. I am now free from the both of you, no longer a child, no longer a helpless victim, but instead a true, honest, incredible survivor who has made it through all of your pain, your discarding of my being, the town’s people of Freeburg are held accountable for what they witnessed and heard, what they took part in and what they ignored, what they allowed to happen and the shame & blame they tagged on that child. I carry no longer any of that shame, I don’t carry the blame, I am not ‘your village whore’

I AM WORTHY – THIS IS MY TRUTH!!! ‘My Justice’ is my AUTOBIOGRAPHY!!

I do not apologize for the anger of this blog, I do not apologize for the words I’ve used, this is finally my truth. Thank you for reading and I hope their names are passed all around the social sites, pasted throughout every newspaper and that articles are published around the globe with their names. I will not name my siblings, nor will I name the men who have beaten and almost killed me, THESE TWO BEINGS ARE THE ROOT OF ALL THAT WAS THE BRUTAL HELL OF MY LIFE FOR ALMOST 37 YEARS!!!

©Patricia A. McKnight

Author: ‘My Justice’

Fndr/CEO – Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Talk Radio Programming

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

Direct Email: p.mcknight@charter.net

Author/Advocate/Speaker/Trainer/Talk Radio Prod & Host/Survivor

 

Horrifying autobiography inspiring lives around the world

“My Justice”

‘Life changing, Highly Reviewed

and now

Required Reading

by Dr. Brenda Joyce Orozco Markert-Green

Marriage & Family Therapy Training Course

La Sierra University

Riverside, California’

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‘My Justice’ is a horrifying, but excellently written autobiography about the sadistic thirty plus years survived by one local woman who grew up within the small community of Freeburg, Illinois. Located just 40 miles outside of St. Louis; Author Patricia A. McKnight is sharing a life lived in hell, which is a FIVE STAR RATED tale of just how dark one man’s actions can be to the child within his home.

Ms. Debra Mize, Prevention Coordinator & Educator for Violence Prevention Center of Southwestern Illinois, refers to this incredible story as the most powerful since she read and attended a speaking engagement presented by the great author Dave Pelzer and his autobiography, ‘A Child Called It; One child’s courage to survive’ which made the leading New York Times Best Seller List”.

“My Justice; Shocking, Disturbing, Emotionally Charging throughout every page!”

This powerful story will rock the moral foundations of everyone who reads. Patricia A. McKnight; Author/Advocate/Speaker, now founder of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Talk Radio Programming, begins her story at just five years old as a happy little girl filled with excitement, but the moment she open’s the door to the next thirty plus years of her life, everything you thought you knew about the evils lurking within our homes will be forever changed’.

Dr. Brenda Joyce Orozco Markert-Green: whose highly skilled reputation as a Family & Marriage Counselor, Owner & CEO at Afterglow Counseling, Mediation & Family Services, Trainer for American Association for Marriage & Family Therapy, Educator and Adjunct Faculty Board Member of La Sierra University, located in Riverside, California is now using this incredible autobiography as REQUIRED READING for her  students in the field of therapy and family counseling. “My family therapy students are required not only to read this autobiography, they are also required to complete an exam and classroom discussion on what they absorbed and felt; what can they take forward as therapist to increase their senses, skills and expertise as counselors, and to enhance their abilities to better help their clients. This story leaves a deep, lasting impression on my students, which I’ve seen first hand. It truly changes how we see the lives of those around us and how the victims are left so shattered by these acts of viciousness.”

Mr. Peter Thomas Senese: Best Selling Geo-Political Thriller Author/Child Advocate & Founder of I CARE Foundation, who also helped build a women’s shelter and who, in his capacity with the I CARE Foundation, sponsored a conference at the United Nations at the request of the Department of State on international parental child abduction and trafficking, while working to create new laws and government policies that will protect children from kidnapping said of Ms. McKnight in numerous articles and essays, a ‘Hero; A conqueror over abuse and calls this book a ‘Blue Print to Freedom from Abuse’, but it is so much more for by penned word and by action after action, Ms. McKnight and all that encompasses who she is educates or reminds each of us that all of our voices matter. On this note, ‘My Justice’ is a map to find one’s courage, and in it, freedom. As an avid reader and best-selling author, ‘My Justice’ sits in a very special area in my home – and next to ‘Unbowed’ by Noble Prize writer and friend, Wangari Maathai – as ‘My Justice’ has had that significant an impact on my life and my own call-to-arms to protect innocent children from abuse. In my capacity with the I CARE Foundation fighting against child kidnappers, there are many times that I would ask myself while dealing with these difficult cases of families in crisis, “What would Tricia do?” Then answer has led to many children once bound to know freedom . . . and that is just how significant of an impact ‘My Justice’ has had on me and the community of children we serve around the world.

Ms. Linda Walcher: Educator in the Fayetteville & Freeburg, Illinois school system for over 20 years and now a leading member in the Illinois Retired Teachers Association and mentor for many college students has this to share about ‘My Justice’ and the little girl she once had as a student. ‘As an educator, I first met Ms. McKnight when she entered my fourth grade class. Being fresh out of college and a very young teacher then; she was one of my first students. In her bright blue eyes I saw just a happy, beautiful little girl. As I moved on to continue my long time career in the same school system she attended, I truly had no clue as to the life I could have saved in that child. It is only in the last few years, since first reading the details of her endured beatings and sadistic crimes of her step-father, that I have reached out and fully support every effort she puts forth on a daily basis to use her learned and lived knowledge to try and help many others. As an active member in the Retired Teachers Association and with the mentoring of upcoming educators now in college, there is not enough I can say about how this book has changed my entire thinking process. Back in the 70’s we were not as educated or made aware as we should have been about child abuse and what signs to watch for in children. Throughout my years as an educator I was able to help rescue a few children, but reading this story brought all of that little girl’s Red Flag Warning Signs, which she was waving around with all her might, but I just didn’t have the knowledge or the training then to help her. ‘My Justice’ is a book which I highly recommend for anyone who spends time with children.’

Incredibly, Ms. McKnight has taken all of her many years of tragedy and turned them into something she is hoping will help rescue victims of Child Abuse and Family or Domestic Violence. She has now built Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery, which can be found by visiting her website http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com. There she begins with a few basic steps which are FREE to use by absolutely anyone to help with rebuilding life after any form of abuse or violence has effected you or someone you love. On this new site you will find educational and awareness information about what to do if you’ve just recently been harmed and what we can be aware of as a society to help those around us who may be struggling to cope through some form of abuse.

Patricia A. McKnight, known as ‘Trish’ to those who chat with her almost daily, has endured a life that most of us cannot imagine, but to her it was just seen as ‘normal’. She knows the path many victims of these crimes follow in the aftermath of being violated. In her drive to better help us understand she is making all of us aware and hoping to be just one of the voices in the beginning of change.

‘The purpose for publishing ‘My Justice’ was a need to explain and apologize to my children for the many broken repeated violent relationships I engaged in, which have left wounds in their lives. The bitter truth is there was never any legal form of justice to come from all the years of almost murderous violence and sadistic evil, but I needed to release myself from the hand covering my mouth and holding me captive in dysfunctions and madness all these decades; this is how and why I needed to publish this story. What has made a deeper impact on me is the many millions living in our society today just like me; some with even more horrific stories than mine. Because of the way we have been taught to view these actions, there are now an estimated 50 Million or more who know how dark a parent or trusted person’s actions can become. It should be these stories of generations past and present; my voice and the voices of many others, which should be our society’s learning examples of how these crimes, and they are actually evil criminal acts against our own children and our partners; how they set up human beings to live out their lives in a broken existence without ever seeing any value in their person. Even though these actions have been going on in our homes and communities since the dawn of mankind, doesn’t make it the right way to live. It means that we have to step up our game against these behaviors and see them for what they are ‘Nothing less than a learned way to live and treat others’, a disrespect and need for power over another human being. We need to toughen our prosecutions for these crimes and begin protecting everyone around us, not just our own children. What we have permitted by teaching silence to the victims, is what I refer to as our own ‘Man-Made Cancer’ only there is no wonder science which will ever provide the cure. Only by being aware, being vigilant, and being educated about the impacts of the aftermath; the many lifelong struggles of mental health disorders such as; P.T.S.D; Depression, Anxiety, Drug & Alcohol Addictions, Eating Disorders, and even worse the many who’ve committed suicide because of the horrible after effects. Seeing these ugly realities for what they are is the only way we will be able to change what has been taught as so normal. I believe when you discard someone because of their dysfunctions and what many may judge as being ‘less worthy’ or ‘damaged’; then you are discarding a victim or a survivor, someone who has been or is now being brutalized by someone they love. It is by learning from the experts, many of whom make up the millions of survivors today, that we will be able to change our thinking towards these crimes. This is our only hope for providing some form of rescue for our children’s future. Our kids are watching all of the activities across the internet today and they are paying attention to what we do when it comes to helping them cope with all their daily battles. I wonder how they will think of us if we continue to ignore these ugly, vicious, soul destroying actions as we’ve been taught?”

If you would like to find our more about this survivor turned, Author/Advocate/Speaker/Talk Radio Prod & Host, Founder of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery, you can contact her by emailing direct to butterflydreamsabuserecovery@gmail.com or tricia.mcknight@hotmail.com. You can also visit her website http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com to enlighten yourself and others about the recovery process or what you may be able to do, not only to spot a victim in your family or workplace, but also create a greater vigilance within your communities and school systems. ‘Trish’ can also be found across many of our social networking sites today. This engaging and empowering speaker is happy to share with your churches, schools, any outlet you choose to give hope and help to all of those who directly relate with children, young single mothers, and many men who are living the life of heavy dark secrets today.

You are invited to view her latest speaking engagement through this You Tube Video; http://youtu.be/tujWedUtdf0 This was at the Illinois Healthcares Grant Education Seminar held in Belleville, Illinois; National Shrine of our Lady of the Snows, where the Violence Prevention Center initiated a training seminar with the outstanding Dr. Elaine Alpert. One of America’s Global Health Staff & Advisors out of Massachusetts General Hospital, who is a panel discussion member and actively speaking for the Education and Enhanced Collaboration of Health Professionals to rescue and provide help for victims of child abuse, domestic violence, and human trafficking. 

Follow Patricia A. McKnight or listen to her live blog talk radio program every Monday & Wednesday evening:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

Google +, Twitter, Linkedin & Pinterest either Patricia A. McKnight or Tricia McKnight

You can purchase your copy of ‘My Justice’ in paperback, e-book, Kindle & Nook through most online book resources. E-book & Kindle editions just $2.99

References:

Dr. Elaine Alpert, http://www.ccvs.state.vt.us/sites/default/files/resources/E%20Alpert%20-%20Human%20Trafficking%20-%20Panel.pdf

http://www.ccvs.state.vt.us/content/elaine-alpert-human-trafficking-and-health-care-call-health-professional-education-and-0

Author: Dave Pezler “A Child Called It: One child’s courage to survive”

Published Sept. 1, 1995 by Health Communications, Incorporated and now a well known library and school reference autobiography.

©Patricia A. McKnight

Breese, Illinois

For contact please email: tricia.mcknight@live.com

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com