In ‘the life’ – survive vs. suicide

As Human Trafficking Awareness Month comes to a close, I’d say there was a much larger presence of those focused on this issue and those others which can be the beginning steps to trafficking. I’d like to remind everyone that for those who have or are trying to survive the influence human trafficking has left on their sense of personal value and the survival behaviors learned while you are trapped.

Human beings, like other animals, adapt to their surroundings. Our inner most sense is that of survival itself. So let me ask this; ‘When you are so engulfed by constant explosive and almost deadly violence wouldn’t you become quite submissive to survive? How long do you think you could hang on? How bad would it be when you started praying for them to kill you and end your misery? You survive the best you possibly can, but if there is no sign of help or hope, you pray they kill you so you are free!!

This is the life you learn to endure and the behaviors of the human being will naturally adapt to keep you alive. Let me assure you; those who do survive rarely just walk the door of trafficking and live life like what is needed to adapt in ‘normal’ everyday neighborhoods. Without residential recovery services like those provided by Eden’s Glory & Grounds of Grace, among others; going from ‘The Life’ to a self sustaining life is usually filled with a path of addiction, mental illness, extreme emotional distress, lack on interpersonal skills, and a continued submissive behavior (despite how hard we try to cover that up). There is rarely any money available from the trafficker to pay for services needed to help their victims, so this burden lies on the shoulders of those who want to help. These are usually provided by nonprofit services who need funding from you and I; they are struggling for funding to help create more functional and self supporting individuals. The end result of their services will change the lives of these persons and the lives of their children and grandchildren.

When you are trapped in this way of life, you learn to live in a ‘Survive vs Suicide’ mode of thinking. The pain becomes so bad physically and emotionally that you pray they kill you just to put you out of your misery. You hope for a way out and if you run into the arms of another person, you are extremely lucky if that is a kind person who truly wants to keep you safe and learn how to live on your own. More common than not you end of up going straight to the arms of another abuser, usually a domestic relationship that starts off being really kind and your survival habits make you more tolerable of acts of control or degrading remarks. These are dismissed and before you know it, one day they take a swing. The first strike is always the most difficult one, so the second will be much easier and more aggressive. This will take over your relationship and become your existence at least two or three times a week. Your holidays will be taken over by the threat or possibility of violence. You will rarely defend yourself and even less likely to leave because of those few good moments you share. You tell yourself, ‘He does love me. He is good to me most of the time. He just gets angry. If I don’t do this, or I stop doing that, he will stop hitting me. Just so long as he doesn’t leave me alone, doesn’t kick me out, doesn’t cheat on me, doesn’t hurt my kids. This is the way of life for those who have been so violently and violated in the life of trafficking.

How is a person who has grown up in this type of threatening environment and distorted behaviors supposed to choose the right relationships or live a stable everyday life? How are they supposed to learn to associate in common social and professional environments? If we do not ensure funding for shelters and rebuilding services for young and old, victims of family violence, sexual harm, and trafficking, then we cannot just expect them to be self sufficient and become a member of the family, become a parent or a teacher, become a police officer or a social services caseworker without some turmoil and dysfunctional behavior.

Now believe me it is possible for those who have gone through this tragic way of life, especially as children or teens, and then become a parent without any support or family around to help them. We learn to isolate ourselves out of the heavy shame and disgust we carry for our past. We can’t just open our mouths and say; ‘I was forced to have sex with a lot of men from a very young age’. Do you have any idea the level of courage it takes to say these words? If it had happened to you, could you just sit down to dinner and say this to a mother in-law, or an uncle? Could you go see your priest one time and tell him these words? Could you go to a stranger, a doctor, or an employer trying to explain why you’re ill all the time or having so much trouble?

This is why it’s important for survivors of these types of traumatic events seek help. It’s why it’s important to find your voice and help others find their own light. It’s why we need the services of Violence Prevention Center, Hoyleton Youth & Family, DHS, SAVE, Call for Help, PAVE, The Women’s Center, RAINN, ChildHelp, NAASCA, and other leading local and national organizations. All of them continue to put their hearts into the mission of saving lives and rebuilding lives, healing generations every single day. I’m very proud today to say that now we also have Butterfly Dreams Alliance, an incredible team who have joined me in creating a prevention and rebuilding nonprofit service for families & professional education in Southern Illinois.

Today my life has come full circle. I am no longer trapped and praying for death. I am no longer contemplating survive vs suicide. I am 55 years old, I am in the best relationship of my life. I have three beautiful grown amazing children. I have three amazing grandchildren. I have made hundreds of inspiring and supportive friends across the country. We have fought to update and change policies & statutes together. We are creating more known knowledge about the human mind and the human heart in every survivor we encourage along the way.

Today my life is truly free and I am so thankful that I did not miss the dance it has given me. Please help those services in your area and across the country!!!

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Ready, Set, Wide Awakes of our American Society

ATTENTION PLEASE!!!  YOU CAN HELP MAKE CHANGE HAPPEN

REVIEW, SIGN, SHARE, GET YOUR POLITICAL LEADERS INVOLVED  

Working to end the teaching of silence, community & societal tolerance, levels of disregard of the ongoing extreme harm which exists in the dangerous environment

‘Family Crimes and Terroristic Abuse’ – Trecia’s Law 

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*** Photo taken at ‘Lincoln Memorial Library’ Springfield, IL – 03/20/2015

On this link you will find an ongoing active petition through Change.org; https://www.change.org/p/let-s-make-all-sexually-related-acts-against-a-minor-a-federal-offense-and-allow-a-three-step-review-of-all-child-maltreatment-reports

We have this active petition to request our politicians across the country help us update old laws, procedures, and victims services directives. We need to ensure our provisions are doing the absolute very best for all persons, especially our children. In our American Society we must strive to do our very best to protect the RIGHT TO BE SAFE, especially when the danger is within our home. It is the duty of our laws & policies to intervene when there is repeated extreme cruelty possibly being committed in grievous damaging manners against our children; crimes against those who cannot fight back, are easy to manipulate, and can be forced through extreme actions or threats to permit sexual interactions, even the use of illicit drugs or alcohol during the attacks/manipulations/exploitations.

   UGLY TOPIC – ABSOLUTELY

DO THESE TYPES OF ACTIONS EXIST IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD –

NATIONAL ESTIMATE – 1 in 4 homes

There are many federal & national health organizations which have studied the impact of the ongoing years of these types of heinous actions and behavioral teachings. There are many certain lifelong impacts validated by the modern day life challenges in family, relationships, self loathing & self destruction, which millions of survivors speaking out or privately seeking assistance today have dealt with, without hope for intervention; some surviving the worst for decades of ongoing threats and believed sense of certain harm. These survivors endured years of repeated sexual or physical grievous harms, many others forced to allow sexual interactions with other adult persons or neighborhood members outside of the family relationships, traded or forced to take part in sex trafficking circles.

In our modern society we try teaching our children about the bonds of various types of family connected by compassion, love, and positive guidance; we teach children about tolerance of others freedoms but do not educate about their direct personal rights to be safe. How many children do you know who are educated and understand they have legal protective rights to defend from those most horrific abuses which tragically most often begin within the barriers of our home; committed against persons unable to protect themselves, committed in the heavy silent circle of generationally taught acceptance and tolerance of these harmful actions within our human society.

Please we can no longer force these victims into shame, blame and protect their family abusers.

We request grievous threatening violence or sexual crimes against children between the ages of 0 – 15 to be prosecuted through One Federal Policy, with forfeiture of any and all assets to provide victims recovery services, life skills development, family & parenting education, along with self sufficient rebuilding platform!! –

Read the exact TEN BULLET POINT MEASURES, sign your name, pass it on to a friend, help us unite to gain media attention and force our nation’s leaders to listen to us NOW!!!

It is time to review/implement/update our existing policies to ensure we are assisting when the worst of these offenses are committed by a parent or family member who has complete access and control over victims actions, behaviors, and existence. We are requesting a review and/or implementation of protections beginning for persons born on or after January 01, 1984. It is crucial in today’s prosecutions & policies to mandate the protections of our children from those persons within their home who repeatedly commit aggressive harmful actions and repeated human behaviors of violent threats which have been accepted throughout generations and centuries of our human existence.

 ‘WIDE AWAKE’; Strong American Society

Against Acceptance & Silence of

Family Crimes and Terroristic Abuse

https://www.change.org/p/let-s-make-all-sexually-related-acts-against-a-minor-a-federal-offense-and-allow-a-three-step-review-of-all-child-maltreatment-reports

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‘Wide Awakes’ was a verbal reference by a group of men at a pub late night who heard the ramblings of a rally to elect Republican Abraham Lincoln for President of the United States of America.

His policy – ‘All human beings to be seen equal under the eyes of the law and provided with those same protected rights throughout the nation’

Thank you for your time. If you would like to know more about specific research and publications from Centers for Disease and Control, National Institute of Mental Health, National Institute of Health, National Child Traumatic Stress Network; send any and all contact or media requests to trish.mcknight@live.com

 

Best regards,

Trish McKnight, Dana Pfeiffer, Lisa Chilton

Copyright of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery from Sept 2012 – 2017

www.vpcswi.org

www.groundofgrace.org

www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

2012 in review – Very Exciting and always growing

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 8,300 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 14 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.