There is absolutely nothing special about me….It’s about them

 

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You have no idea how many times I’ve asked myself this question over the last five years. It has been day after day of questioning; ‘Trish, what in the hell makes you so damn special that you believe anything you have to say matters to anyone?”

I’m not anyone special at all. What have I done? I simply survived, studied, and personally worked through ten years of very challenging recovery processes to find out who I really am and then put myself back together into the person I wanted to represent and help others. Those years have not been easy, and many of the emotional challenges have been almost as difficult as the actual brutality I’ve managed to survive. This is what it takes though, nothing less; it absolutely has to be something you need to clean out of your system and recognize the broken pieces, then rebuild & repair what has been destroyed by the actions of others. Just because its very difficult however, does not mean it’s impossible. After all I’m still here and I’m still talking, still working it through challenge by challenge and so can you. There is nothing special about me.

Yes, what I went through was fierce, it was evil, it was outright brutal, but I know hundreds of others who have made it through these very same things. Some who I’ve helped to become marvelous advocates today and some who have helped me. This is how we manage to get through the tough days, simply helping and listening to each other.

Thank heaven for the internet and all that connects to bring our world so much closer together. Remember what it was like before; we were all struggling silently; wondering why and who in the world would ever believe what’s happened. It’s that simple.

Millions of people in every single generation have been the beaten, molested, raped, traded, used, and abandoned children. Millions of people in every generation have been the beaten down partners, wives or spouses of constantly unimaginable dominating persons who use their fists, their words, their financial power, their daily threats and desires to hold us down. The dominators who enforce (their way or no way) by means of constant terror, direct use of weapons, brutal violence beyond measure, rape, threats of death to control our silence and isolation; all of it to make certain there was never any prosecution for their crimes of harm and no one ever willing to believe how horrific the attacks were and all they had forced us to do during our entrapment. We lived through it without anyone to help us or encourage us to escape and help ourselves.

However, we can find our way to something better, something SAFE. We have all endured these monsters for different reasons, some for the welfare of shelter & support for our children, care for ourselves, for our survival. However, most importantly – if you are an adult, have the ability to work & support yourself, then you also have the ability to leave. You have the ability to simply walk out the door and never look back.

Yes, it is a damn hard choice to make because then you have to put your broken pieces back together again, but it is absolutely possible. It’s hard because you have to find a job to secure your life and (if you have children) you are now the primary provider for all of their needs. In today’s world that is not an easy thing to do and almost impossible if you haven’t had a chance to build a career, get an adequate education, or handle a checkbook, balance a budget; basically you have to be strong enough everyday to bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, put dinner on the table, and before you can rest you, have to help with homework, bathe and tuck your children gently and reassuringly into bed. Each morning you have to wake up and do it all over again, but this is what we call LIFE; it is what is expected of us and it is damn difficult if your inner self is reeling from the previous trauma, fear, and pain you had to live through. Survival damn sure is not easy for anyone, no matter what kind of trauma, but for a silenced, terrorized, trafficked, and continuously raped child, survival can be almost impossible until we put ourselves back together again. 

I’ve been that broken disaster of a person, going through my breakdown and rebuilding myself while providing a home, food, shelter, and fun for three incredible children. I’ve done it not just once, but more like four or five different times. Suddenly having to run to save my life; leaving with absolutely nothing or being kicked out and having my children stolen from me. The key to my making it through is nothing spectacular, I simply never ever gave up. I just woke up, put myself together to face the day’s challenges, and then before walking out the door, staring in the mirror as I gave myself a pep talk…..

‘It’ll be alright Trish. You’ve survived this far, and you can do this. You have to do this. Get through today and then handle tomorrow’s problems tomorrow. Just smile and go take care of it. Girl you’ve done it before; today just might be a little bit better.’

This is how I managed to handle more than thirty years of insane murderous attacks all committed by one evil monster after another. The reason I went through so many men & three husbands, hellish violence, pain, and terror; this was my developed sense of normal. I was told almost daily from about age nine, I wasn’t worth having; there is not a single person who wants a whore for his wife, so the only thing I had was what my stepfather and all those different men did to me on a regular basis. It changed my thoughts about myself, destroyed any sense of self appreciation or respect; the only thing I would ever be was ‘Malcolm’s trained and terrorized whore’. This is all I ever knew and sadly, if they weren’t beating on me then they must not actually care about me. If they didn’t insist on this type of sex, or this type of perfection, this type of cooking and caring about meeting every single need they had; then they must not care one single bit and I must be doing everything wrong.

Yeah, this was my idea of normal life; each of my relationships built from degradation, control, and constant brutal beatings. It must be because I’m ugly, just like they always said. All of those who approached me for a relationship, all from ‘good standing’ families, but each time they started beating on me, it always involved smashing my face in the mirror and yelling at me because no matter how clean I was, how skinny I was, and how sexy I tried to be; the greatest problem of all was my scarred up  skin and my broken black holed rotted teeth. Hell, I still see this reflection in the mirror everyday.

It’s not like I can get complete plastic surgery of new skin, or spend $10,000.00 on a new smile. This is the part of me as a child, which my mother didn’t give a crap about, nor did she ever take me in for medical or dental care. To be quite honest she didn’t consider me to be anything except her housekeeper, cook, caregiver, and the child forced to play out the sick deviate behaviors of the man she chose to marry and stay with, regardless of what he ever did to me. This is the part of me my parents and the town of Freeburg all allowed to rot as it destroyed the outer beauty of a young prepubescent little girl.

I remember the times for school pictures or trying to impress a cute boy I like, this is when I squished up small pieces of bread to use as fillings for the black holes of my front teeth. Actually I hoped; perhaps my smile would look somewhat like everyone else’s, but it never did. Hell, not a single part of me to this very day looks like anyone else I’ve ever met, Sadly it’s just something I’ve always had to live with and try to cover up as I went through life. You should have seen the way people judged me, considered whether or not to hire me. Could they put someone who looked like me in direct contact with their customers or clients? Would people be shocked or sickened by the way I looked, regardless of how skilled or perfecting I was at my job, there would always be those glaring looks of disgust. It’s brings to surface the anger over how so many adults and small town kids all looked away and whispered about the little girl who couldn’t seem to find a single soul who gave a crap about what was happening to her each and every day. They all simply figured I wasn’t worth their time or concern; I was the 13 year old child tagged with the title ‘Village Whore’. Girls were not allowed to hang out with me and the local boys were not allowed to date me. I was nothing but HIS garbage child!!!

Yes its tragic, but its something I’ve had to accept. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have children stare at you like you’ve got a third eye; to have other women sit there and whisper about you as you tried to work with them; to never ever allow your husband or special someone to caress your legs or arms; to cringe away at their touch, afraid all anyone would ever see is the ugly destruction I am forced to carry with me every single moment of my life.  Yes it was hell, and it still is; even my grandchildren have rubbed my arms, questioning what happened. Hundreds of people have stared at me with that horrific shock on their face, especially when they see me smile.

This is a part of my life that no one else experiences. This is the part that hurts my heart and makes me wonder what the hell it was about me that no one ever cared to question the many years of filth, rot, and infection they watched destroy the outside body of a young girl. Today I think back about the many schoolmates and husbands of my mother’s friends, or coworkers from the mine; all those many who felt up, played with, or paid a few bucks to see just how far she would go, especially if  my constant threatening and brutal attacking ‘terrorist’ was right there to make sure I completed the ordered and paid for deed. The thrill he got talking about all the gory details of the many private parties he arranged with the local boys. All the vicious disregard in using the filthy, rotting, child as their toy to do with as they please anytime time they wished. None of my pain, sadness, fear ever mattered, it’s just what was my life and I simply had to live it; just hoping everyday I would somehow get away and they would never be in charge of what or how I did things ever again. This was my only goal, this was my dream and although it simply has to be an acceptance of the parts of me ALMOST destroyed.

I’m still here, I’m still alive, and I’m telling all the secrets.

The reasons that I discuss all of this is because I’m watching the ongoing emotional destruction which is hurting my daughters and messing up the safety of my grandchildren. I am sick to my stomach with worry and concern for their wellbeing, but not a single person seems to care. Not one person I’ve tried to beg for help, investigation, or even helping my daughters to help themselves and change the path for their children; no matter how loud I am or how obnoxious I have been with phone calls and emails, still no one is helping the lives of these children.

In truth there are over 3.5 million reports of child harm every year in our country alone.

Every day at least 1 in 9 children are suffering in sexual harm and possible secret trafficking by a person within their family.

Every day at least 1 in 3 children are suffering in physical harm, most of them are between the ages of 0 to 15 years old, both boys and girls, but suffering in an ongoing acceptance of family harm, which not even our government wants to get involved to truly help protect them.

It is our greatest human tragedy and something which will continue, like my life, my children’s lives, and now my grandchildren; this same generational pattern will also invade your family and grandchildren until we use our strength as a united human society to make our legislative leaders and law enforcement do their job; give the terrorized child victims the right to be SAFE which is written into our laws and in our Universal Human Rights. Crimes like these, the most evil and grievous harms against the youngest of our society; these are a terroristic control and brutal destruction which must be ended if we are to ever begin the change in respecting ALL human life as deserved. There is not one single human being any better than another. Not one child who is more worth saving than others. Not one community riddled with suffering that isn’t worth helping.

There must be a deterrent for these types of crimes. There must be a criminal prosecution and a sense of justice for all those generations of millions of destroyed and murdered children. There must be a way to balance our system and protect the given Civil & Human Rights to be protected as equal under the eyes of our laws. How can we continue to watch as our children, their children, and the next generation simply keep exploding in violence and brutalizing each other? What will it take for us to help these kids before it is too late and we have an entire generation once again left to suffer, left to be sold, traded, used, and beaten; left to be destroyed because our society is not yet ready to admit just how evil it can become within the sanctity of our home. We all see it everyday, the extreme bullying at school, the violence, the guns, the need to have power over others, and the gangs waiting to suck up the lost souls using them and selling them, beating them down however they wish, and then all of us stand around talking about; ‘Why in the hell can’t we do something to stop this? Dammit each of us can do something, we just have to take on the responsibility and do it!!!

I don’t know about you, but as being one of those forgotten rotting children, it absolutely disgusts me that so many powerful adults are only willing to do so much to help those abandoned and throw away children, but if it is a child in a home; rather than provide a way to get help, we all just turn away because it is the way it’s always been. I believe it’s time to change what we are used to accepting as our normal. I believe that if WE do not take on this responsibility, and all we do is talk about the outside dangers against us, then our children will grow up asking; ‘How in the hell could you just simply stand there and watch me die?”

If you are ready to do something, help out any service you can across the country and in your community. If you are ready to ask for a Federal Legislative Policy to get involved and end this vicious human destruction held secret and private within our homes, then help me and my two incredible partners (Ms Lisa Chilton & Ms. Dana Pfeiffer) as we try to get a voice heard for these types of terrorized victims, in the proposal of the;

‘Family Crimes and Terroristic Abuse Act’ – You each have the power to do something in your family circle, but also you can insist our government get involved when it comes to the extreme dangers that harm the most precious of our society, the victims without a way to escape or help themselves, the victims who are 15 years old or younger and completely dependent upon the adults around them and our society to make sure their right to be safe, and provided with a decent influence of life moving forward; we are here begging you to get involved and help us today to ensure that NOT ANOTHER SINGLE CHILD BE FORCED OR ABANDONED TO LIVE IN THESE TYPES OF TERRORISTIC HARM.

Thank you for every share you give this message, every signature you can rally on this petition, and most of all every discussion you can inspire to help our teens begin to see how they can protect the beauty of human life, rather than hate and destroy it.

Trish, Dana, Lisa

https://www.change.org/p/family-crimes-and-terroristic-abuse-act-amending-prosecution-amp-policy-provisions-in-crimes-of-family-related-exploitation-trafficking-extreme-acts-of-grievous-bodily-injury-threats-to-create-a-believed-sense-of-certain-death-terroristic-violence

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Terroristic Abuse is a violation against written articles of our Universal Declaration of Human Rights

Hello readers,

This email & blog blast has a very strong defined mission;

PLEASE HELP ME REACH;

GENERAL ASSEMBLY COMMISSION OF UNITED NATIONS

U.S. President Barack Obama

To the Political Powers that be, there is a small group of us here in Illinois who need you to pay attention to a very serious issue happening right here in our country and around the world – Terroristic Abuse

‘Terroristic Abuse’ is committing acts of a criminally vile and extremely detrimental physical, psychological, or sexual trauma to maintain physical, mental, or sexual control of another being; detrimental believed sense of certain physical, sexual harm or even death if they speak to another person about the harm or reveal they are or have been terrorized to protect their attackers dominance and never revealing their attacker’s true depraved nature to others.

There is a deeply wounded sense within this attacker, but it is their right to choice, that is a violation over their victims right to be safe, believe in the Universal Right to life, liberty, and security of person. The ‘terrorist attacker’ has the most sense of dominance when they live with their victims. They act out depraved sexual fantasy against a child or possibly believe they have a right to sell, trade, use, or own their victim in actions of human trafficking. It is a deep sense of psychological captivity as defined in ‘Stockholm Syndrome’ and other such articles of distinction.

‘Terroristic Abuse’ is used to silence victims, often into adulthood, because a part of that child victim, or adult in extreme harmful situations and relationships, is psychologically trained to be a victim, bow to every command, and not reject any act approached or forced on the victim by the other dominating personality. These violent and threatening actions prevent their victims from accessing help, speaking to anyone, even traps them from revealing any harm, therefore preventing any prosecution, criminal or civil liability for the attackers personal choice to constantly inflict extreme sense or direct grievous bodily injury or possible death in the mind and control of their victims.  Often committed by those within our home for a very direct purpose; allow the predator to act out their vicious dominance over another person, (via acts of child sex trafficking, enforced slavery, use of weapons and other forms of physical or psychological inflicted fear, influencing a believed sense of certain death if the victim does not comply to every demand given to them every single day).

These traumatically injuring acts become a believed war zone for the direct victim, along with others who live in the same household. Everyone does what they believe will protect them from direct harm. The dominance and constant believed sense of death, a live-in in type of stalking to terrorize and show dominance over their victim’s next living moment is to ensure the ‘FAMILY TERRORIST’ is never held responsible for the life long struggles of true safety within our person and sometimes extreme psychological impairments on their victims. This has been proven by many tests and reviews by our; Centers for Disease and Control, National Institute of Mental Health, National Institute of Health, Department of Health & Human Services, National Child Traumatic Stress Network and many other quality educated resources. PubMed articles have been written and shared as specific educational & psychological proof of the Frontal Lobe Brain Development Impairments of a child who lives through such extreme grievous harm and fear. These types of ‘terroristic abuse’ is not only immoral but when inflicted to take dominance and control over another person, their victims will likely represent with an adult life of many chronic physical & emotional illnesses. The constantly hidden threat becomes a very personally wounding and distorting impact and will often silence many for their entire lives. When this becomes your normal you are in a way, lost in the painful distortions of your life, yet you have no idea how to address it or get help. You know as a victim how horrible you feel inside, yet the world says its nothing. To your inner sense as human being you constantly battle with thoughts of; ‘This is wrong’, ‘I hate myself so much’, ‘I need to die to escape this hidden pain’. As human beings we have created generation after generation of these types of harmed individuals. Our world and our small communities, even our family members and coworkers all believed we are damaged goods and the more grievous the harm and constant sense of believed death, the more difficult it becomes to manage the entire scope of internal personal pain and dysfunctions, which we then live in, raise children in and it then becomes their normal and the cycle continues forward.

As a Human Society we must absolutely address these violations against the direct human right to personal sense of security and the rights to live as a human being without constantly inflicted fear, dominance, sexual or physical control, over our direct existence despite age, race, religion, geographical or other form of human being rights to life, liberty, and safety. In our modern day society our children are exploding with anger on the streets, in their schools, acts of suicide are higher than ever before in history; we have created generations of individuals who have no clue what true safety of liberty of life really is; no idea what its like to truly be free. Survivors of terroristic enforced pain and harm, as prisoners of war, or in the trapped victim in the house down the street; they grow into adults with a deep seeded trained sense of  secret dysfunctions or anger over their constant fear from the CRIMINAL ACTS & VIOLATIONS AGAINST THEM, especially if they are a child or youth without the lived or learned knowledge that they understand their personal right to always be safe in their person and the right to justice, support, and recovery assistance as provided by the attackers financial and total worth responsibility via property forfeiture, or other financial ability.

On December 10th, 1948; First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt was a member of the United Nations General Assembly Commission who approved and released into every print form for educational or awareness knowledge the

UNIVERSAL DECLARATION OF HUMAN RIGHTS

PREAMBLE

Whereas recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world,

Whereas disregard and contempt for human rights have resulted in barbarous acts which have outraged the conscience of mankind, and the advent of a world in which human beings shall enjoy freedom of speech and belief and freedom from fear and want has been proclaimed as the highest aspiration of the common people,

Whereas it is essential, if man is not to be compelled to have recourse, as a last resort, to rebellion against tyranny and oppression, that human rights should be protected by the rule of law,

Whereas it is essential to promote the development of friendly relations between nations,

Whereas the peoples of the United Nations have in the Charter reaffirmed their faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity and worth of the human person and in the equal rights of men and women and have determined to promote social progress and better standards of life in larger freedom,

In the listed human rights, you will find Articles 1 – 8 of this published document as shared from the publication via United Nations Documents, (UDHR), copyright United Nations 2015, requested republication of this share to the direct immediate attention of our United Nations for their expressed written consent has been approved by Johnson Gathia
United Nations Publications

Today we really need to get this written blog alert out to every being around the world and across the United States;

We beg your assistance here today in reaching out to address the legal and civil liabilities of ‘Terroristic Abuse’ as an extremely detrimental act against our Universal Declaration of Human Rights and should be held as a violation of the most serious nature by every criminally & civilly protective rights & justices across the United States and around the world. No longer can we continue to tell the generations of human beings that their given human rights to SAFETY & SECURITY FOR EVERY BEING is to be left under the sole control of an adult, parent or other party; that their right to life & liberty as an individual being does not include the right to SAFETY & PROTECTIONS.

For your reading knowledge I have added the links to published articles by our CDC, NIMH, NIH, NCTSN about the many wounding impacts of these trauma wounding and life altering criminal actions.

Thanks readers and I hope you all do your research as I have here as well as the many excellent resources and researchers noted in these references.

Remember; acknowledging there are ‘terrorists’ who want to control our governments and our human beliefs around the world is not so hard to accept, neither are the acts of extreme grievous acts against other beings, even more disheartening in our United States are the sad attacks of violence on our streets, in our schools, and erupting in repeated human trafficking rings and the parental offenders we send to jail everyday. We must accept the childhood traumas and acts of extreme family violence, which are indeed no less than acts of extreme ‘terroristic abuse’, which can and does exist within an estimated (1 in 10) homes across the country. These numbers are based on a few specific statistics which I’ve researched time and time again.

You’ll find documents, studies, and PubMed Articles attached and if you like visit www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com for full page of personal resources of survivors whom I’ve talked with, interviewed, and reviewed information shared in our recovery journey together; living the dysfunctions of our lives and impacting the lives of our children and grandchildren. Today there are an estimated 40 million plus adult survivors of child sexual abuse, even more of other forms of maltreatments, in our American society I can prove through researching statistical reports prepared by; Department of Health & Human Services on Child Maltreatment 2011;

One in THREE children are being harmed in some way everyday across the country, not all is terroristic acts of abuse, but most certainly One in Ten reports are of sexually abusive harm of a child. Are you ready to take the chance that it won’t be that bad, that terrifying, that horrific? What would it take to make you accept this grievous harm to you?

Be aware of outward signs of trauma, educate yourself on the silent signs of these vicious ‘terroristic acts of abuse’ many children have no choice but to endure every single day, waiting for someone to reach out and help them find safety & security in their person.

Thank you for reading & sharing. Hopefully you’ll help us reach out further. We need the united support of all adult beings. Let’s ask our United Nations & United States Government to accept and draw into law the truth of the ‘Family Terrorist’ as written and published in ‘Trecia’s Law’.

Respectfully,

Patricia A. McKnight

Owner/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Author: ‘My Justice’

Please email for further information or to arrange speaking event: trish.mcknight@live.com

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Supporters:

Ms. Dana Pfeiffer, Exec. Director Grounds of Grace, 501c3 human trafficking rescue & recovery nonprofit resource of Jacksonville & Springfield Illinois.

Ms. Lisa Chilton, Director of Legal Advocacy, St. Clair County Courthouse, Belleville Illinois

Reviewed by & Discussed with:

Illinois House Representative Jay Hoffman

Illinois States Attorney Brendon Kelly

Emailed in petition form writing as published on the ‘Family Terrorist Act’ – www.Change.org

Submitted to Illinois House Speaker Office, Attn: Ms. Kaylin Hall  – Feb. 09,2015; (still pending response)

References & Resources:

Trauma vs Brain Development – NNCOUNTS.org http://www.nccourts.org/_GAL/Documents/Trauma,%20Abuse%20and%20the%20Developing%20Brain.GAL.pdf

Effects of childhood stress across the health life span – CDC.gov –http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/pub-res/pdf/Childhood_Stress.pdf

Defining Trauma and Child Traumatic Stress – NCTSN.org –  http://www.nctsnet.org/content/defining-trauma-and-child-traumatic-stress

Department of Health & Human Services – Child Welfare Information Gateway http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/brain_development.pdf

World Health Organization, 2002 – World Report on Violence and Health – http://www.who.int/violence_injury_prevention/violence/world_report/en/summary_en.pdf