Child Voices; we all can speak for someone

Trecia Ann  “This is me…..the five year old who first met Malcolm, was first attacked by Malcolm, and never heard Mona say I love you again. From this point forward nothing would be safe for a very long time. This girl has made one hell of a journey. I’m surprised and grateful for the blessings of life, love, friendship and family who have been there and are with me now, unashamed and proud of this incredible little girl. She is truly happy today”–Patricia A. Mcknight

In complete openness, it took forty years before I could think about the courage and strength of this little girl. The battle lines always changed, but without a doubt home was the most dangerous place in the world. The crimes against her were many and involved years of horrific violence and being used, traded, sold by the two people who were supposed to protect her. They didn’t ignore or neglect her younger sister or her older brother, so why did they both decide that this little girl didn’t matter to anyone?

Way too often we hear someone say; ‘Why doesn’t anyone do something about those people?’ Usually they are talking about the family living in poverty who doesn’t meet the local standards of the community, but this is simply our negative judgment of others. We don’t know what goes on in their home or inside the $2Million dollar home a few blocks away. Sure the chances are greater that someone is getting hurt inside this poverty stricken home, but perhaps it is just a financial inability to provide for the family? Be very cautious because it is that financial hardship that can lead to years of nightmarish disgust for a child.

Granted it could be attributed to a lot of different negative influences, but the reality is our children are being used, bought, traded, shared as if they are some type of commodity. Perhaps it is addiction and violence only between the parents? Perhaps their economic suffering has lead them to do something they never believed they would do, and probably wouldn’t do in their sober stable mind, but in distress and looking for another fix could mean they commit the most heinous of all acts; they offer their child for the price of another fix, for a few extra drinking dollars, or maybe a single parent looking for shelter allows a predator to take ownership of their child so the parent does not have to worry about providing a home on their own? It happens in all sorts of ways and for all different types of reasons, and still it seems we cannot get our governments to unite around the world to combat and change the idea of value for our innocent children.

I’ve seen child trafficking happen in many ways and I’ve heard account after account of these most violating acts from one incredible survivor after another. It seems the one thing all of the survivors and maybe even the victims today have in common – there is always someone in the tight family circle who knows what really happens. There are those who hear of the child whose parents or guardian will trade them for a few bucks or just because they want to give you something special. We hear of those in the community who then say; ‘I knew something was going on in there”. Despite these people who live beside these types of offenders and those who know because the child has been offered to them; yet somehow no one ever reports their suspicions, even when they watch it go on for years and witness her battles of being beaten and dragged along the street. Maybe the law enforcement in the local town know the talk through the community about why other parents will not let their children around this home. The parents who tell their daughters to stay away and their sons not to date her. ‘She is that rotting stench covered girl that I hear is doing it with anyone!!” Even though she is only thirteen or fifteen years old, still no one ever reports the rumors of the late night parties, her going in and out of the camper with men, pornography blaring on the television, and drunken teenagers stumbling around the yard.

It doesn’t matter and it’s not my business; these are the two greatest reasons that children suffer so badly.

Right now in Illinois our legislators are avoiding a very important bill which would update Illinois Statute of Limitations for these types of crimes. House Representative Jay Hoffman drafted the bill under a proposal I’ve been working on for three years. I’ve seen it get to a House Bill Number before and I’ve seen it get lost in the residue of Illinois Budget Crisis, but sadly it is never discussed again. What is so difficult when our society and our legislative leaders should all be very much for these updates. Illinois is one of the few remaining states who have not addressed or updated their ONE YEAR AFTER VICTIM’S 18TH BIRTHDAY current statute, which has allowed predators and traffickers to walk away without fear of ever being held accountable for their violations and slavery of a child. Enough with this already. ‘Trecia Ann’ and millions like her are talking, writing, interviewing, but nothing ever changes. What will it take before it is considered a priority by our leaders?

I’m asking anyone who knows or loves a child who MAY be in danger to give your voice to them now. I am asking anyone who loves an adult survivor of these types of degrading traumas to speak up for them now. I am asking survivors to share their childhood photo which is their voice of that once silenced child; the child who endured and tried to maneuver through the constantly changing rules which always surround the life and behavior of an abused or trafficked child.

Together every one of us has a valued voice and should use it now in this greatest time of human concern for our society. When we can provide a path to safety and justice for our children, then we can say we have done something to help prevent the cycle of human conditioning of violence and the destruction which haunts the millions of silenced children around the world!!!

Please comment below and add your child photo for the voice you are speaking for today!!!

**Always believe anything is possible with you in the active equation of life** ~~ trecia ann

PLEASE PASS “TRECIA ANN” AROUND THE WORLD!!! MAKE OUR GOVERNMENTS LISTEN TO YOUR LITTLE VOICE. Thank you!!!

Patricia A McKnight

www.yourvoiceradio.one

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Author: ‘My Justice’

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There is absolutely nothing special about me….It’s about them

 

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You have no idea how many times I’ve asked myself this question over the last five years. It has been day after day of questioning; ‘Trish, what in the hell makes you so damn special that you believe anything you have to say matters to anyone?”

I’m not anyone special at all. What have I done? I simply survived, studied, and personally worked through ten years of very challenging recovery processes to find out who I really am and then put myself back together into the person I wanted to represent and help others. Those years have not been easy, and many of the emotional challenges have been almost as difficult as the actual brutality I’ve managed to survive. This is what it takes though, nothing less; it absolutely has to be something you need to clean out of your system and recognize the broken pieces, then rebuild & repair what has been destroyed by the actions of others. Just because its very difficult however, does not mean it’s impossible. After all I’m still here and I’m still talking, still working it through challenge by challenge and so can you. There is nothing special about me.

Yes, what I went through was fierce, it was evil, it was outright brutal, but I know hundreds of others who have made it through these very same things. Some who I’ve helped to become marvelous advocates today and some who have helped me. This is how we manage to get through the tough days, simply helping and listening to each other.

Thank heaven for the internet and all that connects to bring our world so much closer together. Remember what it was like before; we were all struggling silently; wondering why and who in the world would ever believe what’s happened. It’s that simple.

Millions of people in every single generation have been the beaten, molested, raped, traded, used, and abandoned children. Millions of people in every generation have been the beaten down partners, wives or spouses of constantly unimaginable dominating persons who use their fists, their words, their financial power, their daily threats and desires to hold us down. The dominators who enforce (their way or no way) by means of constant terror, direct use of weapons, brutal violence beyond measure, rape, threats of death to control our silence and isolation; all of it to make certain there was never any prosecution for their crimes of harm and no one ever willing to believe how horrific the attacks were and all they had forced us to do during our entrapment. We lived through it without anyone to help us or encourage us to escape and help ourselves.

However, we can find our way to something better, something SAFE. We have all endured these monsters for different reasons, some for the welfare of shelter & support for our children, care for ourselves, for our survival. However, most importantly – if you are an adult, have the ability to work & support yourself, then you also have the ability to leave. You have the ability to simply walk out the door and never look back.

Yes, it is a damn hard choice to make because then you have to put your broken pieces back together again, but it is absolutely possible. It’s hard because you have to find a job to secure your life and (if you have children) you are now the primary provider for all of their needs. In today’s world that is not an easy thing to do and almost impossible if you haven’t had a chance to build a career, get an adequate education, or handle a checkbook, balance a budget; basically you have to be strong enough everyday to bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, put dinner on the table, and before you can rest you, have to help with homework, bathe and tuck your children gently and reassuringly into bed. Each morning you have to wake up and do it all over again, but this is what we call LIFE; it is what is expected of us and it is damn difficult if your inner self is reeling from the previous trauma, fear, and pain you had to live through. Survival damn sure is not easy for anyone, no matter what kind of trauma, but for a silenced, terrorized, trafficked, and continuously raped child, survival can be almost impossible until we put ourselves back together again. 

I’ve been that broken disaster of a person, going through my breakdown and rebuilding myself while providing a home, food, shelter, and fun for three incredible children. I’ve done it not just once, but more like four or five different times. Suddenly having to run to save my life; leaving with absolutely nothing or being kicked out and having my children stolen from me. The key to my making it through is nothing spectacular, I simply never ever gave up. I just woke up, put myself together to face the day’s challenges, and then before walking out the door, staring in the mirror as I gave myself a pep talk…..

‘It’ll be alright Trish. You’ve survived this far, and you can do this. You have to do this. Get through today and then handle tomorrow’s problems tomorrow. Just smile and go take care of it. Girl you’ve done it before; today just might be a little bit better.’

This is how I managed to handle more than thirty years of insane murderous attacks all committed by one evil monster after another. The reason I went through so many men & three husbands, hellish violence, pain, and terror; this was my developed sense of normal. I was told almost daily from about age nine, I wasn’t worth having; there is not a single person who wants a whore for his wife, so the only thing I had was what my stepfather and all those different men did to me on a regular basis. It changed my thoughts about myself, destroyed any sense of self appreciation or respect; the only thing I would ever be was ‘Malcolm’s trained and terrorized whore’. This is all I ever knew and sadly, if they weren’t beating on me then they must not actually care about me. If they didn’t insist on this type of sex, or this type of perfection, this type of cooking and caring about meeting every single need they had; then they must not care one single bit and I must be doing everything wrong.

Yeah, this was my idea of normal life; each of my relationships built from degradation, control, and constant brutal beatings. It must be because I’m ugly, just like they always said. All of those who approached me for a relationship, all from ‘good standing’ families, but each time they started beating on me, it always involved smashing my face in the mirror and yelling at me because no matter how clean I was, how skinny I was, and how sexy I tried to be; the greatest problem of all was my scarred up  skin and my broken black holed rotted teeth. Hell, I still see this reflection in the mirror everyday.

It’s not like I can get complete plastic surgery of new skin, or spend $10,000.00 on a new smile. This is the part of me as a child, which my mother didn’t give a crap about, nor did she ever take me in for medical or dental care. To be quite honest she didn’t consider me to be anything except her housekeeper, cook, caregiver, and the child forced to play out the sick deviate behaviors of the man she chose to marry and stay with, regardless of what he ever did to me. This is the part of me my parents and the town of Freeburg all allowed to rot as it destroyed the outer beauty of a young prepubescent little girl.

I remember the times for school pictures or trying to impress a cute boy I like, this is when I squished up small pieces of bread to use as fillings for the black holes of my front teeth. Actually I hoped; perhaps my smile would look somewhat like everyone else’s, but it never did. Hell, not a single part of me to this very day looks like anyone else I’ve ever met, Sadly it’s just something I’ve always had to live with and try to cover up as I went through life. You should have seen the way people judged me, considered whether or not to hire me. Could they put someone who looked like me in direct contact with their customers or clients? Would people be shocked or sickened by the way I looked, regardless of how skilled or perfecting I was at my job, there would always be those glaring looks of disgust. It’s brings to surface the anger over how so many adults and small town kids all looked away and whispered about the little girl who couldn’t seem to find a single soul who gave a crap about what was happening to her each and every day. They all simply figured I wasn’t worth their time or concern; I was the 13 year old child tagged with the title ‘Village Whore’. Girls were not allowed to hang out with me and the local boys were not allowed to date me. I was nothing but HIS garbage child!!!

Yes its tragic, but its something I’ve had to accept. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have children stare at you like you’ve got a third eye; to have other women sit there and whisper about you as you tried to work with them; to never ever allow your husband or special someone to caress your legs or arms; to cringe away at their touch, afraid all anyone would ever see is the ugly destruction I am forced to carry with me every single moment of my life.  Yes it was hell, and it still is; even my grandchildren have rubbed my arms, questioning what happened. Hundreds of people have stared at me with that horrific shock on their face, especially when they see me smile.

This is a part of my life that no one else experiences. This is the part that hurts my heart and makes me wonder what the hell it was about me that no one ever cared to question the many years of filth, rot, and infection they watched destroy the outside body of a young girl. Today I think back about the many schoolmates and husbands of my mother’s friends, or coworkers from the mine; all those many who felt up, played with, or paid a few bucks to see just how far she would go, especially if  my constant threatening and brutal attacking ‘terrorist’ was right there to make sure I completed the ordered and paid for deed. The thrill he got talking about all the gory details of the many private parties he arranged with the local boys. All the vicious disregard in using the filthy, rotting, child as their toy to do with as they please anytime time they wished. None of my pain, sadness, fear ever mattered, it’s just what was my life and I simply had to live it; just hoping everyday I would somehow get away and they would never be in charge of what or how I did things ever again. This was my only goal, this was my dream and although it simply has to be an acceptance of the parts of me ALMOST destroyed.

I’m still here, I’m still alive, and I’m telling all the secrets.

The reasons that I discuss all of this is because I’m watching the ongoing emotional destruction which is hurting my daughters and messing up the safety of my grandchildren. I am sick to my stomach with worry and concern for their wellbeing, but not a single person seems to care. Not one person I’ve tried to beg for help, investigation, or even helping my daughters to help themselves and change the path for their children; no matter how loud I am or how obnoxious I have been with phone calls and emails, still no one is helping the lives of these children.

In truth there are over 3.5 million reports of child harm every year in our country alone.

Every day at least 1 in 9 children are suffering in sexual harm and possible secret trafficking by a person within their family.

Every day at least 1 in 3 children are suffering in physical harm, most of them are between the ages of 0 to 15 years old, both boys and girls, but suffering in an ongoing acceptance of family harm, which not even our government wants to get involved to truly help protect them.

It is our greatest human tragedy and something which will continue, like my life, my children’s lives, and now my grandchildren; this same generational pattern will also invade your family and grandchildren until we use our strength as a united human society to make our legislative leaders and law enforcement do their job; give the terrorized child victims the right to be SAFE which is written into our laws and in our Universal Human Rights. Crimes like these, the most evil and grievous harms against the youngest of our society; these are a terroristic control and brutal destruction which must be ended if we are to ever begin the change in respecting ALL human life as deserved. There is not one single human being any better than another. Not one child who is more worth saving than others. Not one community riddled with suffering that isn’t worth helping.

There must be a deterrent for these types of crimes. There must be a criminal prosecution and a sense of justice for all those generations of millions of destroyed and murdered children. There must be a way to balance our system and protect the given Civil & Human Rights to be protected as equal under the eyes of our laws. How can we continue to watch as our children, their children, and the next generation simply keep exploding in violence and brutalizing each other? What will it take for us to help these kids before it is too late and we have an entire generation once again left to suffer, left to be sold, traded, used, and beaten; left to be destroyed because our society is not yet ready to admit just how evil it can become within the sanctity of our home. We all see it everyday, the extreme bullying at school, the violence, the guns, the need to have power over others, and the gangs waiting to suck up the lost souls using them and selling them, beating them down however they wish, and then all of us stand around talking about; ‘Why in the hell can’t we do something to stop this? Dammit each of us can do something, we just have to take on the responsibility and do it!!!

I don’t know about you, but as being one of those forgotten rotting children, it absolutely disgusts me that so many powerful adults are only willing to do so much to help those abandoned and throw away children, but if it is a child in a home; rather than provide a way to get help, we all just turn away because it is the way it’s always been. I believe it’s time to change what we are used to accepting as our normal. I believe that if WE do not take on this responsibility, and all we do is talk about the outside dangers against us, then our children will grow up asking; ‘How in the hell could you just simply stand there and watch me die?”

If you are ready to do something, help out any service you can across the country and in your community. If you are ready to ask for a Federal Legislative Policy to get involved and end this vicious human destruction held secret and private within our homes, then help me and my two incredible partners (Ms Lisa Chilton & Ms. Dana Pfeiffer) as we try to get a voice heard for these types of terrorized victims, in the proposal of the;

‘Family Crimes and Terroristic Abuse Act’ – You each have the power to do something in your family circle, but also you can insist our government get involved when it comes to the extreme dangers that harm the most precious of our society, the victims without a way to escape or help themselves, the victims who are 15 years old or younger and completely dependent upon the adults around them and our society to make sure their right to be safe, and provided with a decent influence of life moving forward; we are here begging you to get involved and help us today to ensure that NOT ANOTHER SINGLE CHILD BE FORCED OR ABANDONED TO LIVE IN THESE TYPES OF TERRORISTIC HARM.

Thank you for every share you give this message, every signature you can rally on this petition, and most of all every discussion you can inspire to help our teens begin to see how they can protect the beauty of human life, rather than hate and destroy it.

Trish, Dana, Lisa

https://www.change.org/p/family-crimes-and-terroristic-abuse-act-amending-prosecution-amp-policy-provisions-in-crimes-of-family-related-exploitation-trafficking-extreme-acts-of-grievous-bodily-injury-threats-to-create-a-believed-sense-of-certain-death-terroristic-violence

Speaking Out as a Child Sexual Abuse Survivor

Author: "My Justice"          Here is one local Illinois woman who has finally found the voice of the child she used to be!!!

          Ms. Patricia A. McKnight, is now an Author/Speaker/Advocate & Blog Talk Radio Host for Dreamcatchers for Abused Children, but just TWO YEARS AGO she was a mental wreck.

Ms. “Tricia” McKnight is now asking all News Channels and News Papers to give a voice of support and encouragement to all who have been Sexually Abused as Children.

She encourages all survivors of this heinous crime, “Never give up Hope for your happiness. Miracles do happen”.

After Such a horrible evil crime has BEEN COMMITTED AGAINST YOU – NOT BY YOU, first you must RELEASE YOURSELF OF ANY GUILT OR RESPONSIBILITY, even for carrying someone’s ugly secret. These crimes destroy our children every day. EVERY FIVE SECONDS, a child is being beaten, raped, molested, and murdered. Sadly 95% of these cases are not shared in our news releases; mainly because they are family related in some manner and no one chooses to report these allegations. The child is too young and too over powered, sometimes even threatened with the destruction of their safety system; murder of their family!! http://www.dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com

The crime of Sexual Abuse will instantly murder the soul of that child. They are forever to carry the burden of having their world instantly destroyedby the person they love, trust and depend on for survival. In the wake of the recent publication of increasing survivor stories shared through our social networking sites and the major cases that are being shared in our daily local news; we must now as a society, All 60 Million Survivors, need to share their voice. We need to recognize the increasing numbers of these voices and show them our understanding, support and acceptance of who they are and what they’ve survived.

My life was invaded at the age of FIVE; in fact I found out just about a year ago that my mother was verbally warned, by this man’s own adopted son, just how evil my to-be stepfather was and the ugliness he carried inside. When he came into our lives, I became his target. The first act of cruel molestation was committed on the night of my mother’s bridal shower. His many different acts of physical and sexual torture lasted for the next TWELVE YEARS of my life!!!

Unfortunately, as tragic as it may be, we must first realize that for generations there has been a sense of acceptance and expectance of these acts. You’ll find in many families that fathers, mothers, aunts, uncle’s or even grandparents; someone has been sexually abused. “Fine, so this has happened. What do we do now?”

As a Blog Talk Radio Host I have the sincere honor to talk with many survivors who have shared their voices and some who still are burdened with that heavy secret. These adults, from ages 20 to 60, are the new survivors and WE SHOULD BE THE LAST!!! No longer should this be some ugly passage of our children’s lives. How can we possibly bury our heads in the sand for another generation to be stained with this darkness. We are generation “NO MORE SEXUAL ABUSE OF OUR CHILDREN”!!

Survivors who are asking themselves if they should speak out of what’s happened, I beg you – Please help – Give your voice now to correct the statistics of these crimes. We need to change what their world can be. We have to stop the cycle and stop whispering about these vicious acts of SOUL MURDER!!!

We live with the very destructive mental dysfunction because of the reworking of our brain. Our fight or flight system is all screwed up. We live as adults suffering at times with complete break down, inability to maintain employment or keep our homes stable. Many have turned to using marijuana, alcohol or some other type of drug, prescribed or not, to induce a calm inside just to get through their day. Everything lives in hyper mode and we can be forever in a roller coaster of destruction, but never give up survivors. You can have a happy life after you have made one simple statement, be it public or not, but admit first to yourself – I AM A CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVOR!!!

May you continue to be that BEAUTIFUL BLOOMING ROSE you truly were meant to be.

Blessings, Empowerment, Praise for your courage!!!

(c) Author: Patricia A. McKnight

“My Justice” – ISBN # 978-1-45207-170-1 —You will find the direct links to purchase this in paperback; e-book; Kindle or Nook in the Blog Roll – Plus find many more survivor stories & blogs shared their as well!!!

If you have a survivor blog you would like to share, send it my way and I will gladly add you to the list!!!

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

email: tricia.mcknight@hotmail.com

Do We Really Understand What This Means????

 

 This is a picture of me as a child when the abuse from the man who became my stepfather first occurred. Do you see the innocence shared in this child’s face? Do you see the sparkling young girl who is waiting to bloom? This child died!!!!

In the very midst of the Sandusky Trial, I have to wonder if we really appreciate what this means? This is a Voice Awakening Event for all who are survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. This trial will represent what our future in the battle to end this abuse will be. We can now step forward without shame or fear and speak out about the abuses we have endured.

There are literally millions of us walking about in this world each day. We carry these deep dark secrets of our past, hoping that no one sees what disgusting acts we have had to commit and accept in order to get through our days. We were children who wanted to run and play with our friends. We tried to do our homework and pay attention in our classes. We cried in silence as the evil acts destroyed our souls.

This is the time that I am asking all survivors of abuse to pull together on the internet and within our own community; this is the time to speak about the secrets we have kept. Remember that these are not good secrets!!! These are black ugly secrets that have trapped us in a world separate from our true happiness. You can now face yourself in the mirror and utter the voice of your child.

I am at a new place in my life now after sharing my voice to help support and empower other survivors of abuse, both child abuse & domestic violence. I lived that ugly life of a continued acceptance of the cruelty that was taught to me as a child. I have made the mistakes of a woman and mother in this continued pattern of life. It is the deep dark secrets that move forward with us and will sneak out at times to effect and destroy all that is good in our world. Since I published my own true horror story of a lifetime spent in abuse, have learned the power of releasing these secrets.

My life has been renewed in many ways. First and foremost is the repair of the relationship between myself and my children. My eyes now can see the wonderful blessings I have been given and appreciate the peace that continues to grow within. I encourage all survivors of abuse to please now take this opportunity. You do not have to go public with your ugly secrets. You only have to admit them to yourself. You only have to look in the mirror and finally say, “I was sexually abused as a child.” That is the most powerful beginning one can offer you. This trial will give many the courage to speak out publicly, but most important is simply admitting it to yourself. Embrace the child that still lives within and holds these secrets with her mouth held tight. Allow this child to finally breathe and give her the voice that was taken.

You are a beautiful rose waiting to bloom. Take this amazing chance and comfort that child within. Let her see the love & safety around her. Let her see where her life is at now and where it can go in the future. Be empowered and encouraged to join with other survivors and take a stand to protect the children of our next generation. Be part of this wonderful journey.

I beg you to please share this blog with others. Please let everyone know that this is our chance to speak without shame or blame; to finally remove the stain of silence that has been forced upon us. Join me and encourage those around you to give voice to these ugly vicious crimes; the crimes that destroy not only your life, but also affect the live’s of our children and grandchildren.

We all deserve to have roses in our garden of life. Please do not keep these secrets of silent destruction. Share them as we support all who come forward. Justice is a voice we all deserve!!!!

Blessings of Love & Light

Patricia A. McKnight

Author/Survivor/Advocate/Support Grp Mngr/BTR Host & Exec. Dirctr.

Find me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Google+

Check out my other blogs and be sure to take a look at the novel

“My Justice” – Authorhouse.com/Amazon/Barne’s&Noble

Available in Paperback, E-book, Kindle & Nook

PRWeb Announcement – Praise from Peter Thomas Senese

Please follow this link to view the entire press release that has been shared with thousands. Best selling author; Peter Thomas Senese along with NY Renowned Attorney Mr. Joel Walter & Child Advocate Mr. Frank Mattoni have given not only praise but reviews of excellence and their strong recommendation for this exhilarating read!!!

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=web&cd=3&sqi=2&ved=0CFwQFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.prweb.com%2Freleases%2F2012%2F2%2Fprweb9185520.htm&ei=ycA3T5uDAofWtgefnIjEBg&usg=AFQjCNEn1VoqrsWuQZJ8MDq5fzrSHYlNCw

My sincere gratitude is not enough to express the tremendous feeling of pride & happiness that their magical words and support have given me. I will be forever indebted to these strong symbols who live to fight against the crimes of child abuse!!! Mr. Senese, Attny Walter, and Mr. Mattoni: I thank you for this fabulous step forward for “My Justice” and for the high recommendations you have given herein.

Sincerely,

Patricia A. McKnight