Prisoner of War;The hell inside the house down the street -Passing the ‘Family Terrorist Act’ – ‘Trecia’s Law’

Friends & all person’s affected by the ‘Family Terrorist’ please read this blog. Help us gather 1000 more signatures to support passing this  law. Please think of all those who endure ‘terror’ inside their homes everyday, just waiting for a chance to grow up enough and escape the repeated attacks against them or other family members. We cannot leave our children inside the care of these types of abusers. Hold the attacker responsible for the constant imposed fear or impending thoughts of doom. Help us by inviting those you know to sign this petition.

Friends & visitors to this site and blog, may find some of its content to be disturbing or triggering of their own emotional wounding. Please be cautious of your responses to what is shared, particularly if you were once a person trapped inside a home filled with horror. If you find yourself reminded of your own troubling past, please go to something more pleasant to relieve the debilitating thoughts.

You might first think, ‘She used the word debilitating about a blog?’

Yes, indeed I did. You see the subject of being a ‘Prisoner of War’ stuns us and evokes emotions from within our deepest recess. Instantly we feel compassion for those #veterans who endured any form of this meaning. However; this particular writing isn’t about our typical Prisoners of War. Its not about the courageous men & women who go off to fight our country’s battles and are suddenly taken captive by the opposing soldiers.This is something even more horrifying; something many of us normally wouldn’t consider when thinking in terms of battle or being held prisoner. This is about the child prisoners who are held captive, many of them terrorized for years without ever revealing the truth to the outside world. We see these survivors walking around in our society everyday, in every walk of life, but we may never know just how much they have suffered or what battles they are still fighting as a direct result of the emotional trauma left in the aftermath of their hell. There may be many who read this and never connect the dots of their suffering to any form of harm they may have witnessed or personally endured during their young years. Sadly, they are still blaming themselves for the dysfunction or turmoil they feel inside, or for the lack of being able to connect with their own children. They are searching for the path to achieve the peace they dream of in their adult relationships, but it always seems to be beyond their grasp.

For them I would like to say, ‘This is NOT your fault!!’

These past ten years we have learned a lot about the emotional trauma of our returning veterans and endured trauma from the house down the street. Studies have been done to look inside the impacts of child maltreatment, witnessed violence, or even the acts of bullying from childhood peers. Experts in mental health treatment have been documenting and reviewing what these types of actions, or witnessed actions against another being, can do to our psyche. They have worked with patient after patient, noting the similarities of these private traumas.

‘What have they learned from these studies and the many thousands of cases unreported or even spoken about for decades?’

The link I’ve attached here discusses Complex P.T.S.D. Syndrome.

“In DSM-IV field trials, Roth et al (1997) found that complex PTSD is associated with the experience of prolonged exposure to trauma (i.e. over days, months or years), and first exposure at an early age. Complex PTSD is also associated with prolonged interpersonal victimization, such as battering by a partner, torture or prisoner-of-war experiences, and child abuse.”

I believe this is one of the best informational resources on this subject. You will see they share here those who usually end up with this type of diagnosis. These are those who have endured the worst of mankind’s actions, those who have been held prisoner during wartime and those who are a different kind of prisoner, they have been prisoners within their home!! Those who were tortured, terrorized, sold or traded, imposed threats against their person for years and the actual evil inflicted or forced against them with no way to protect themselves or a way to escape the perpetrator. Many endured years of painful acts against them, then they were brainwashed to believe they somehow deserved it; to believe it was their fault they were beaten, raped, tortured or degraded; controlled by extreme acts of violence or even the imposed fear of violence.

Maybe they witnessed violence committed by one of their parents against another parent or step-parent. Maybe they were traded or sold to someone to be used in sex or beyond ‘normal’ physical labor. Maybe they went to bed at night waiting for the monsters to come prowling around and strike within the darkness. Maybe their schoolmates inflicted constant harassment or violent acts against them.

For whatever acts they may have endured or witnessed, these are victims of extreme harm & mental control by intimidation, even threats of death if they ever said a word to reveal what was really happening in that perfect little home down the street. It could also be the dysfunctional family we all knew but never did a thing to investigate the level of harm being done behind those walls. Was it because we feared that same controlling person the child or spouse feared? Maybe we turned away because we didn’t think it was any of our business, or we were just taught to believe it was acceptable for some families to use extreme control or physical harm as a form of punishment. Either situation has resulted in the same outcome, severe emotional harm which can lead to the life altered wounding and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, along with many physical illnesses such as Heart Disease, Chronic Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain Syndrome, Lung Disease, Kidney or Liver Disease. Yes these many illnesses can  be the result of inflicted trauma, especially when it is endured for years without ever having resolution or rescue to heal the emotional wounding. Remember these types of survivors have been hiding who they really are, what they really feel, how they really think, and maybe even how they react to these actions. All of this trying to hide one’s true self can result in extreme stress. However, it is what this survivor had to do in order to get through it all and come out to be the individuals society will accept; rejection and blame is a constant threat. Many times rejection from family, the lack of being able to connect with others, the lack of understanding from others, the need to hide inside themselves for fear of being tagged with a mental disease or being considered an under-achiever; all of this can push them to commit suicide.

They take their life because they have been psychologically tortured to believe the tortures against them were THEIR fault, and it is THEIR fault they have all these battles going on inside, or maybe they fear hurting someone else as the result of losing control. 

Think of what these miraculous survivors have been able to accomplish while hiding inside the wounds of their imprisoned childhood or a dangerous relationship. Many become over-achievers. They will push and push themselves to be WORTHY of society, to be WORTHY of love, to be WORTHY as a parent or partner, to be accepted & promoted in their professional life, or perhaps they fall to the bottom of the pit and because of their inner pain they get lost in drugs, alcohol, self destructive behaviors attacking themselves because of the believed shame or blame they carry for their horrible existence. Often they will NOT openly display their emotions or disappointments.  They never had a weapon to hold off their attacker. Most were children who couldn’t even say NO to the attack. They couldn’t scream, they couldn’t cry, they couldn’t let the outside world know what was happening. If they ever showed some sign of the inner horror of their home, it could cost them their life or they believed they would be taken away; manipulated to believe they would be locked up because of what someone else was doing to them. No one would believe them and many would even place the blame of the sexual interaction on them, making them believe they DESERVED the attack is part of the manipulation itself.

Remember these children became experts in hiding the truth because if they ever showed any sign that lead to someone getting suspicious or invading their home to investigate possible harm; the price might be too much to pay. These prisoners believed their perpetrator and believed in their control. They knew no one could ever get them out in time; they would be murdered before the perpetrator would ever let anyone find out about their true secret.

If you review what the explanation of Complex P.T.S.D. reveals, especially the comparison between our war veterans and the adult survivors of these types of trauma, you will NOT see any variance between these two types of traumatized individuals.You WILL find more connections between the two than our society would like to accept or believe. In fact, it is only because of our war veterans returning home with these complications and mental trauma that we ever began investigating this disorder in the first place. Complex P.T.S.D is not a personal illness, it is a direct result of trauma endured throughout years of pain, repeated attacks, and inflicted emotional harm or the belief in controlled constant fear. (Think of these conditions as they relate to our grown men & women who are held captive or sent to battle; it is that same endured fear and emotional trauma.) As a society, we accept this condition in our war veterans and support all of the needed resources to help them recover. However, when someone shares they carry these wounds because of a life filled with horror and torture from their parent/s, we turn away. We don’t see the connection, so instead we make ourselves believe some of the following;

‘No parent could inflict such painful acts against their own child’; ‘No home could ever be as dangerous as what our veterans have endured’; ‘Mrs. Smith has never shown anything but kindness and caring in our neighborhood’; ‘Mr. Thomas would never use a weapon to threaten or rape his own child’.

These are the things we tell ourselves, because to accept the truth; to believe that ‘YES’ our homes can become as dangerous or even more horrifying than wars being fought on the other side of the world, well that would mean we would have to accept the possibility of our own guilt in refusing to see the truth when we saw the bruises, heard the cry for help or knew that other adults were using that child. Instead we blame the child. We can accept the possibility of the child needing more control over their behaviors. We use the diagnosis of things such as A.D.H.D, A.D.D, Bipolar or other such behavior or personality disorders, rather than to accept or question the possibility that homes within our quiet little suburb could ever be ‘dangerous’. When we are discussing possible relationship violence, we are made to believe the spouse is emotionally unstable resulting in them attacking and the perpetrator having to defend themselves with force.

We create excuses for what we see or the acts we have become trained to tolerate within our family unit.We can accept these possible scenarios because then we do not have to accept that our gut told us something else was going on, but we didn’t know what to do or how we could possibly change anything?

Readers this is the reason we should be listening to the many stories from these types of survivors today. Our society has finally opened the door to possible ‘Domestic Violence’ in a home. We have finally accepted and put into law that no person has the right to harm another, even in their own home. However, we still do not want to accept just how horrifying or damaging some of these actions can be. We don’t want to listen to the gory details or the constant sadness left as a result of such trauma. The only time we are accepting this today is if it is a case discovered today, if it is a child rescued today, if a perpetrator is caught TODAY!!! I’m writing this to hopefully encourage you to support the loved one in your family circle who may have been a child victim of the past generations. We must believe in their emotional trauma from the painful homes. We must support their journey to FINALLY be able to use their own voice and speak about what nightmares they actually endured. These may have been some of the most ferocious acts from the very parents who were entrusted with their care.

We never really know the people living behind those walls across the street. We never really know what happens when the door closes on the outside world. Only these persons know the evil inflicted against them. Only these persons know what battles they feel inside today. Only these incredibly strong individuals have endured these evils, then walked through life hiding who they really are because of their fear of being blamed or rejected by others; tagged with some form of mental disease and blocked from being promoted in their jobs or becoming a success on any level.

Understanding the aftermath of their survival is the beginning of their healing, rebuilding who they are so that they can become the positive person’s needed to parent their own children. When we deny their truth, we deny their existence and continue to trap them in the cage of silence. We can only help them when we listen to them, when we have patience and compassion for what they have been forced to do as a result of the sick minds who attacked them. It is not their blame, it is not their shame, they did not ask to be raped, to be beaten, or sold out for someone’s sick pleasure. They had no weapon to protect themselves. They had no voice to speak against what they didn’t want to do. They were prisoners controlled and manipulated by evil. Forced to take part in unspeakable sexual encounters or beaten beyond their own recognition for the slightest imperfection or dereliction of duties. They have been manipulated and tortured, some beyond our wildest imaginations, but they have survived. They are not diseased with some mental or emotional dysfunction, they are traumatized individuals who with the appropriate support system and understanding can be the most affectionate, compassionate, and empathetic persons in society today. No longer do they have to survive as ‘Prisoners of War’. We have the resources, we have the teachings, we have the studies to show how we can help them heal and become the leaders of tomorrow.

 If we can do it for our veterans, if we can do all of this for the cases we hear about in the news headlines today; then why are we so adamant about turning a deaf ear to the stories from yesterday’s hell?

Mine is one of these stories, as is hundreds of others I know or have interviewed. We see the published stories, we see the comments and the posts on our social sites. We know these persons. We can help them become the true outstanding individuals they are inside. We can hear their voice and comfort their pain. Healing from trauma, as any therapist or psychological professional will tell you, is a journey filled with support and compassion. Trauma recovery is a process of rebuilding the soul and allowing the voice who witnessed or felt the extreme fear to finally be heard. You can be part of their journey to freedom by simply providing the support system they need in friendship or as a respected partner; teaching them self appreciation and self love for the decent person they are and who they are trying to be as they present themselves and their truth to a society trained to tolerate and dismiss the evil inflicted by those meant to protect us. It is in this type of hell these wounded warriors have survived being a ‘Prisoner of War’. It is compassion and understanding that can set them free and end the ongoing battles they deal with to hide their emotional aftermath today. ©Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight Acknowledgements: http://bjp.rcpsych.org/content/177/2/144.full#ref-9 Herman, J. L. (1992) Trauma and Recovery. New York: Basic Books. Lindy, J. (1996) Psychoanalytic psychotherapy of post-traumatic stress disorder: the nature of the therapeutic relationship. In Traumatic Stress: The Effects of Overwhelming Experience on Mind, Body and Society (eds B. van der Kolk, A. McFarlane & L. Weisaeth), pp. 525-536. New York: Guilford. Roth, S., Newman, E., Pelcovitz, D., et al (1997) Complex PTSD in victims exposed to sexual and physical abuse: results from the DSM-IV field trial for Post-traumatic Stress http://www.nctsn.org/trauma-types/complex-trauma/effects-of-complex-trauma Disorder. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 10, 539-556.

Domestic Violence…..Intimate view of the Red Flags and Warning Signs of an Abuser

Do you know the Red Flags and Warning Signs of an abusive partner?

How do you view your own self-worth and relationships?

This may be triggering for some but it is intended as a upclose and intimate view of Interpersonal Violence and may be the life saving influence for another. Please help pass this information forward!!!

In my life I”ve always seen these violent and controlling relationships as;

“It can’t be any worse than what happened in my home as a child”

I’ve never considered myself as a “Partner” in a relationship. Those who built me had broken down any real sense of value as an individual. I was “trained” in my childhood to be accepting of another’s control and violence against me and became submissive in my adult relationships; dependent for my own existence as a person. The abuses, violence, terror, torture and training to constantly give of myself without any consideration of my own needs, caused me to continue accepting these same acts and disregard any personal value that I thought I deserved.

What this actually did was teach me to accept any and all disregard for me as a human being!!!

The multiples of abusers, controllers of my existence, could manipulate me to fit their mold of the “PERFECT” partner/spouse. No matter how minute their wishes or how grand their desire, it became my own self belief that I should meet or exceed their expectations, despite any dislike I had for their actions.

I WAS THE PERFECT VICTIM!!!

There are many millions like myself, so well-trained to expect and accept any disregard for their own value. This generational training to discard our own dislike of what others do to us and how they break down and mold our spirit to fit their needs, rather than consider our own thoughts and feelings, leaves us destroyed of “SELF” and submissive to meet their wishes.

How does this reflect in your relationship? Do you give others that constant control; disregard your own wishes to meet the expectation of those who say, “I Love You”?

Do they say those words after they’ve spent an hour or five minutes tearing apart or beating down your individual thoughts or feelings?

Do they use the love you feel for them as a tool to make you feel guilt over your own attempts to build your person?

Do they demonstrate blatant disregard of your ideas, dreams, wishes, even if it is as simple as wanting to seek an independent career, education, or complete a goal?

These are their acts as controller of your existence. This is Domestic Violence, Interpersonal Control, Molding of your person and breaking down your spirit to accommodate and meet their expectations of what type of person you should be; putting their value, their ideas, their demands, above your own and taking from you the accomplishments and deserved happiness you were intended to have when your life was created.

I ask you this: “What gives anyone the right to take control over what you should become or accomplish in YOUR LIFE?”

Ask Yourself: “Are you seeing these submissive behaviors and believe the disregard of your value as a human being?”

As a mother, and sometimes out of necessity for financial assistance, I felt there was no possible way I could survive on my own, while trying to raise my children. I believed that accepting their vicious and almost deadly attacks was best because: “How would I keep a roof, clothing, food and other necessities for my children without them?

After all I had been brainwashed to believe I was not able to exist as a person, had no value, unless someone else was giving me that existence. It resulted in twenty years of beatings, control, degradation, financial dependence, and repeated attacks of attempted murder.

The threats and acts to take away the very breath of  life was done with loaded weapons to my head in the middle of the night; attempted drownings in the bathtub; captivity of  keeping me locked inside a 2nd floor apartment for 10 or 12 hours a day; tieing me up with phone cords and locking me in the bedroom for hours until they decided to let me loose; the forceful sexual acts without any regard of my comfort or dislike. They were the controllers of my existence as a person, but wasn’t I a creation of God, just as valuable as any other life on earth?

Rather than escaping their RED FLAG BEHAVIORS, before it became an almost deadly act of brutal violence; I stayed. It was my “training” and – So what if they ordered me out of the car in the cold to pump the gas while they sat warm inside? So what if they locked me inside or took me away from everything and everyone I knew? So what if I was expected to be the “whore” in bed rather than a partner of intimacy? So what if they took my money for their own needs or beat me to give up my career? So what if they decided every moment of every day what I was and wasn’t allowed to do with my time? So what if they took my hopes, my dreams, my goals, and manipulated my choices? SO WHAT?

What I’ve listed above are all Red Flags preceding the violence to come as their demands grew more intense and I could not meet all their expectations; could not read their mind and do their wishes before they spoke them.

It doesn’t matter if you are simply dating someone; if you are a teenager or an adult. When someone you’re with takes away your power of choice, manipulates your thoughts to feel guilt of meeting their wishes rather than your own;

This is the time to leave!!!

The pattern of an abuser isn’t to start off with beating you down physically. They don’t wear a warning sign or a mask of terror. They start off with small steps of calling you at all times of the day or night. Using such subtle manipulations tactics that you give in and allow yourself, out of the perception of love, to follow what they wish and disregard your own gut feelings and thoughts.

If you are reading this and find yourself thinking about your partner’s actions and coming to the conclusion that you see these little subtle acts of manipulation and control; please end the relationship now before your individual spirit, ideas, thoughts, dreams, hopes, goals, are stripped away to meet their own selfish needs and expectations of who you should be and what you should do.

If you are a mother and feel you cannot exist and provide for your children without them; you probably feel this way because of the brainwashing you’ve already been forced to believe.

Know that as a human you are given value of life when you are born. Your own desire to provide for your children will make it possible. It won’t be easy, and you will have to do without many of the luxuries you and they might have now, but think of the consequences of staying where you are.

More than likely the control is growing stronger because you have children. The abuser knows they have stripped away belief in your independent abilities. They have you where they can control what you achieve; making sure that you do not out grow the dependence of life, home, food, basic living necessities they provide.

Take a moment to dream of what YOU truly want in this life and what you wish to influence in your children’s life. Think about your possibilities. Think about how the children are impacted by the growing degradation, forceful control, yelling, screams of mercy coming from their mother; how does this reflect in your children as they hear and watch you cower from your partner?

How will they see what is healthy and normal in their own relationships?

I realize, as being one of those who broke away to raise her children with nothing but the clothes on our backs, how difficult the process can be. There is a lot that is needed and you will need some basic skills to move forward. You need to make a safety plan and escape without harm. You need to seek out assistance with job skills, education, medical and maybe even financial assistance. I know personally that resources of help are low and very difficult to receive, but don’t believe in the brainwashing of others and deplete yourself of personal value, YOU CAN DO THIS!!! IT IS POSSIBLE!!! YOU ARE POSSIBLE!!!

You can call the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence or check out their website: http://www.thehotline.org

PHONE THEM NOW FOR A CONFIDENTIAL 24/7 COUNSELOR TO HELP YOU FIND A WAY TO ESCAPE: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

(c)Patricia A. McKnight

Author; “My Justice”

Website: http://www.patriciamcknightsjustice.com

Advocate/Author/Speaker/Examiner/Talk Radio Host/Survivor