‘My Justice’ the survivor story from hell that will change your perception of family harm

coverkindle   https://youtu.be/0Rpt_oHU5NM

Patricia A. McKnight ~~ ‘My Justice’

By John Miller on January 4, 2014 ~~ “Without any doubt, “My Justice” by Patricia A McKnight is one of the most horrifying, chilling and shocking accounts of child abuse, that I have ever read.”

By Stormy on March 26, 2016 ~~ “Difficult to read though it is worth it for the knowledge gained about one of the most horrific crimes against nature and the destruction that is left in its tracks.”

Lynn C. Tolson – Survivor/Advocate/Avid Reader/Inspiring Speaker for Survivors of Sexual Harm ~~”McKnight uses details, descriptions, and a direct writing model to convey the terror of her childhood and young adulthood. The style seemed stream-of-consciousness, as if telling a story all in one breath. While reading, I held my breath, waiting to exhale.”

Attention Media

‘My Justice’ is one of those survivor stories you will never forget. Described as ‘Shocking, Horrifying, Disturbing’; ‘It is amazing you are alive today’

I am constantly amazed in the types of careers who have focused their expertise in some form after reading ‘My Justice’ or have used this memoir to help others in their type of profession to truly understand the complex levels of the child, the woman, the mother who was brutally offended over a forty year period. From her early development extending into her third marriage this woman did not know what it was to have someone who didn’t try to degrade or harm you. She never received any medical care for her serious injuries sustained in the many attacks. Everything from serious concussions from being knocked-out or the many layers of filth, infected sores, and rotting, broken black fangs that replaced her childhood smile by the time she was thirteen.

Imagine never being hugged by your mother, never hearing ‘I love you, I’m here to protect you’ from the woman who brought you into this world. Mona kept me from the father & grandparents who would have helped me, rescued me and cared for me throughout my entire childhood. She permitted my stepfather to claim me and use me as property, to exploit me at our local taverns for a few beers, to hold private parties with large groups of grown men, or to take me on their dates to entice other men to buy our drinks while he grinded his groin against me as he slow-danced with me in front of everyone.

Imagine a mother who could be so dismissing and cold towards just one of her children, that she used her as a household slave. Everyday it was getting my younger sister to school, picking her up, walking her home, starting dinner immediately, helping my sister with homework, setting a proper table and cleaning up all the mess from whatever meat, veggie, and potato meal had been prepared by her alone. Imagine being told to use the toothbrush to scrub the lime from around the sink, scrub the crevices of the bathroom with bleach, to spend every day doing household chores and praying for just two or three hours during summer weekends to escape.

This is a survivor story that in truth still continues, because you simply cannot erase the physical, sexual, violent, and verbal destruction that became the only type of existence this one child ever knew. The depth of viciousness and disregard against this one girl is something so twisted, that not even the best psychiatrists have been able to understand. Most will say the story is completely unbelievable and that it was published as a ‘novel’ so it must not, and could not possibly have really happened. I assure society as a whole and welcome ANYONE who knew me as a child growing up in our small coalmining area to comment or prove me lying. If you know my family, if you grew up and went to school at Freeburg High School, Carl L Barton Elementary School, even those who passed through my life knowing my parents Malcolm & Mona White; I invite you to speak up and share whatever memories you might have of me. I know that if John Spurlock were alive today, he would be there supporting me and defending me as he almost gave his life on more than one occasion when he stepped between Malcolm as he was coming after me.

This is a story that is definitely happening to at least 1 in 20 kids in America today. It is a story on so many disturbing levels of harm, you may think of the brutal cultures that exist in other countries and just how horrific they really are against children. The worst tragedy of this story however, is that for the author, the influence and the impact of all the sustained injuries is a huge part of her life today. She desperately tries to fight to change our laws. She has educated her children on the rights and wrongs against other people and helping their children rather than living in the circling emotional suffering. This author gives her voice, her story, and reveals all of the ugly parts of her real person so that we can provide the support, recovery, and changes in our policies and healthcare system to ensure that we are able to be a society protecting tomorrow’s children today.

Join this strong advocate who gives presentations at universities, for nonprofit services, churches, and in community settings. You will find her across social media empowering others to honestly believe that life is in their control, they can change what is happening in their aftermath today and how it will affect their life skills, parenting, and even successful employment if they do not begin their own life changing recovery process today. She is a peer support person in addictions, substance abuse, sex trafficking, family violence, and most of all as an ‘expert’ in the constant drive to becoming whomever you wish to be as you take your chance at life.

Connect for more information online through the below links;

https://www.linkedin.com/in/patriciaamcknight?trk=hp-identity-photo

www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

https://twitter.com/triciagirl62

 

 

Advertisements

Believe in the true power of your inner strength to survive

blkwhtpromoFriends it is time to take a deep breath in, concentrate on what is blocking you from feeling the true happiness in your heart, then as you exhale blow it out with force. Think of all those obstacles challenging you today and blow the fears into the wind. Allow the outer energy to absorb them and remove them from your path. Send it all out into the swirling winds of our earth to allow the angels around you to grab them and feel your heart pounding with the true belief in your new beginning. Your life has been blocked by many self doubts, blow them away into the wind. Believe in your heart of hearts, deep within your soul, find the you that truly lies within and allow that person to rise, to stand strong, and to be your leading guide.

youwereborn Believe inside this one simple truth; each of us was created with an innocent soul. Perhaps there may have been monsters or controllers who came into your path with a force so strong they pulled you in deep, they altered your true being, they took away that very special innocent soul. Don’t give up because the person you were born to become is still waiting there inside, just waiting for you to make that choice and breath the life back into your dreams.

Whatif_159x171 Today is your new beginning!! Today is the day you can grab hold of your dreams, you can decide how you want to live your life. You can believe in the true power of you!!

Friends I know how dark the days can become, in fact I was recently at a place so dark I called a crisis line, not just once but twice just this past week. My world became so small I couldn’t focus on the reality of where I am today or the personal strength I hold inside. You must admit, if you know anything at all about my past, there had to be a huge circle of inner strength that has protected me and kept me alive to share with all of you today. How bad it can be sometimes when the pain of our trauma takes from us the desire to continue building the life we want to have. All trauma, because trauma is trauma, it all alters your life. It doesn’t matter if it is from suffering in the loss of someone you love, or the monsters of the night, or even the illnesses we may be trying to cope with today; it is all trauma and the trauma is yours. No one can tell you how this trauma SHOULD affect you. No one can tell you how to cope through the pain you feel, because the pain you feel is also yours and no one else knows how all of these struggles are affecting you. This is something that is completely in your control and it really depends on how you want to view your life. Remember that within that innocent soul you were also given the power of RESILIENCE, which can be the greatest tool ever when put together with the strength & drive to live the life you so definitely deserve.

you matter As this new day begins, believe in this simple but very powerful truth – YOU MATTER!! How you feel matters. How you want to live matters. What dreams you want to chase and achieve matters. You hold the power of the choice today.

Believe in the truth I share that I have absolutely been where you are. It is so painful you have no idea how to even begin to face it all, so list the challenges out in pieces much like those of a puzzle you are trying to put together. Often the multiples of emotions or struggles we are facing are too overwhelming to handle it all at once, so breath and then begin to sort out your pieces of trauma and then put them back together one single piece at a time. It is much like a deep Maddening Silence, so do not allow it to consume all the amazing power of you.

You may be in someone else’s control and so terrified that you are actually afraid to breath. You’re afraid the slightest infringement out of rhythm will cause an explosion that just might cost you your life. You may be holding your breath so tight that you are afraid your breathing pattern of inhale and exhale will not match that of your controller, so you hold your breath; you alter your pattern of breathing to ensure you are keeping everything calm, everything perfect; nothing to upset the monster. I’ve been there and I know that intense fear; the doubt that we are not capable of anything at all on our own. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CAPABLE!! There are resources today that were not available 20 years ago. We have ways to help each other in support, understanding & friendship. Our legal system responds differently to the calls for help. Many states, such as Illinois, are now educating their law enforcement on how to respond when a call of abuse or violence is made. They respond strong and ready to act, ready to protect, ready to assist, ready to give you the local resources & shelters there waiting to help you breath again. Your day is waiting when you are No Longer Afraid to Breathe     

youarenotalone

My website is just one beginning list of daily tools you can use to help you rebuild and begin to take back your power; your control over your true destiny. You are NOT alone!! No matter what you may be trying to overcome and heal, there are resources around the world, no matter what country you live in. I want to take a moment to encourage every person who is dealing with some form of fear, pain, trauma; reach out to a hotline when you are in the lonely desperate place. The voice on the other end of the phone is there waiting to help you through. If you are in that silence of pain, remember there are places of help and you no longer have to fear the future, because the future truly belongs to you.

This is the time to believe in yourself

You deserve to be happy

You deserve to be respected

You deserve to feel love, just as sincere as you give to others

You deserve to plant the roses & watch them blossom in your garden of life

You deserve to soar into your own path

You hold the power inside to truly

Live Strong & Fly Free

Always believe anything is possible

with you in the active equation

livestrong

Artwork creation courtesy of

Michal Madison Art

www.michalmadisonart.com

Begin rebuilding by using these completely free

‘Steps to Recovery’

Daily focus tools to help you through the moments of darkness

Rebuild your self confidence

Understand the connection between your trauma & the impacts left on your life

Learn what abusers look for in a person

Learn the early silent warning signs of child sexual abuse or relationship violence

Dedicated to empowering you to become a protector

Prevent secondary wounding & re-victimization

Be well angels,

Sincerely,

‘Trish’ McKnight

Author: ‘My Justice’ – One of the most powerful true crime stories of survival and rebuilding life after trauma that you will ever read. This amazing true story will change the belief in your strength to survive!

All information & writings are copyright protected under the creation of:

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Nov. 2012

Email me direct at trish.mcknight@live.com

Empowerment Speaker/Human Trafficking Awareness Trainer

Writer/Research/Mentor

Some other great websites of help;

NAMI.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Childhelp.org

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Adult Survivors of Child Abuse, ASCAsupport.org

RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network)

Dear Mr. President…..I am a Child Sex Trafficking Survivor

Attn; Mr. President Obama                                            Sept 30, 2014

The White House                                                               Patricia A. McKnight

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW                                   

Washington, DC 20500 62230

 

Dear Mr. President,

Permit me a few moments of your precious time, first to give my support for the policies you have implemented throughout your terms in Presidency and your continued drive to be the President who provides a true change in our society. This being said Sir, I would like to personally thank you for your recognition of Human Trafficking Awareness & Prevention; also in assuring our justice systems hold these monsters accountable in strict punishments.

I am an Adult Child Sex Trafficking survivor, where the many years of endured suffering and vicious, disgusting attacks, were committed by those entrusted with my care; my mother & stepfather. You see sir, I grew up in the small Southwestern Illinois town of Freeburg during 1970’s. I was five when they first married and I instantly became his property. My mother had given me to him, much the same as giving him any sort of object. For the next 12 years I was his to do with as he pleased and it didn’t end until I left home at 17, but even then he continued to stalk his prey like a lion.

Freeburg was a small town of about 1500 citizens at the time I lived there, which was from 1972 until 1981. Our family always lived in the center of town and my older brother, younger sister, and myself all attended the Freeburg Public School System. Throughout my many years in expected family slavery, even to the point of answering the ring of their little brass bell; there were many witnesses and those who took part in his vile public exploitation and trafficking of the young girl I used to be. I have gone decades trying to heal, change, and erase the person my parents created, but these dark wounds leave a lasting impression and this passes on through dysfunctional parenting in our children’s lives.

The trafficking itself started at about age 11 and lasted for six long years. This included parties at our house with me given as the prize. These late night parties included many of the adult men he worked with; husbands married to my mother’s friends, but she simply walked into her bedroom and closed the door on her pleading child. There were also weekend parties with schoolmates, teen boys lured in with alcohol and marijuana, and of course the young girl as the party favor. Many of these boys knew me, they saw me in school everyday, but they were the sons who were never allowed to date me for fear of being condemned by the entire community. By the time I was 13, the village of Freeburg had given a tag name for me which I cannot repeat in this letter for you.

The most difficult for me to process in my years of recovery, was the complete abandonment by the entire system which should have said something to protect me at some point. The many neighbors & family friends who knew of the evil within my family home, yet despite the severe scarring neglect of filth and infection of sores which covered my body and the broken black fanged teeth covered with plaque from never being given a toothbrush or any form of medical or dental care; still there was not a single person who felt it necessary to make a call for help on my behalf. I still carry the physical and emotional scars today from all the evil that was my daily existence.

The life I lived in my childhood made a huge impact in what I deemed was my self worth and what I continued to tolerate in my adult life, the pattern of self destruction and tolerating almost deadly beatings from the boyfriends and husbands to follow for over the next 20 years; all because I didn’t believe that anyone would ever care or that any service would have helped me and my children rebuild our lives. My life was like no other; it was a life I begged God to end for decades. The greatest regret I carry today is that I didn’t get the help I needed to recover from all these traumas early enough to prevent the home filled with violence from invading my children’s lives. This is how the cycle continues as the emotional dysfunctions in harmed parents then passes on into their children’s lives; then their grandchildren. Sir, there are millions out there like me, today we are finally finding the courage to speak up  about the many painful abuses which are often tolerated within the family unit. Sadly when our society silences the survivors of these abuses, we continue to teach silence of these crimes to our children; leaving them to protect their family abuser and live without hope of support, healing, and recovery, thus impacting the lives of yet another generation of human beings in pain and dysfunction.

Your work Mr. President & the ongoing mission in providing resources, support, awareness and prevention strategies is the greatest reward possible for our next generation. These past ten years I’ve finally been safe, but in the aftermath of all those committed acts I am  left with permanent disabling injuries to my spine, constant migraines, dysfunction in my hands, feet, and entire chronic body pain. It saddens me to know I did all of the hard work to rebuild a life with my children and provide them an example of a safe loving home; a home with the four of us working together in learning to live a life without harm. I also held a sustainable career in the business field and graduated valedictorian which permitted me to support their needs and buy a home we could call ours. Tragic as it may be, these past five years I have been forced to give it all up and accept a life on Medicare as a direct result of all the endured trauma; however there is no one held responsible for the growing cost of my care or the expensive medications to ease the pain.

My greatest accomplishments in my healing and continued efforts to help others include many training sessions in Sexual Assault, Interpersonal/Family Violence, testing to be a Human Trafficking Awareness Trainer, achieved my 40hr Domestic Violence Advocate Training, and did two years of a featured web based talk radio program discussing these issues and providing self help tools to assist others. I’ve personally coached/mentored more than 100 persons who endured many of the same vicious types of abuses, some trafficking survivors like myself. I’ve published a brief look into my life in the title, ‘My Justice’ which has been used as a teaching guide at La Sierra University in California and have received many outstanding reviews from amazing readers around the world and human services advocates. I have also been invited to be part of the FBI Southwestern Illinois Partnership Providers Against Human Trafficking and a base member in re-establishing the Illinois Victims Assistance Network; also to include many speaking engagements in awareness & prevention of the crimes which are often tolerated inside the family unit.

Please keep up your efforts Mr. President and know how important they are. I cannot tell you enough just how many lives will be saved as a result. I pray we are able to provide Child Sexual Abuse Prevention Education in every small school system & law enforcement agency across the country and make sure to penalize any person who takes part in or watches/hears these attacks against any other person and refuses to make that call for help. It is the duty of every responsible adult to report these types of crimes and only these strong measures will empower every person to believe there is help, they can live safe, and that no one is ever abandoned in such evil existence again.

In closing Mr. President, thank you for your drive & mission to help create the beginning change in our society. I will support these efforts no matter which office you may hold when this term is completed. In the deepest respect,  I will keep you and your amazing example of an incredible family in my prayers. One day I truly have to believe that we can provide a unit of resources for every family who has a person suffering in some form of bullying, abuse, violence and the most evil of all; the sex trafficking of our children by those entrusted with their care. Not one single being should ever know this pain or carry the horrific & terrifying memories of these acts.

In Respect & Support,

Sincerely,

Patricia A McKnight

Breese, Clinton County, Illinois

Author: ‘My Justice’

Advocate/Human Trafficking Awareness Trainer

Founder: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Although it is written as a novel…..My Justice

biopic3    MyJustice   reflection

  Although it is written as a novel, the accounts written here are true as they happened then. The impact and thoughts of the child, woman, mother, who endured it all are true. The names of the characters have been changed to protect innocent siblings & children, but this is the most powerful story of redemption & survival that you will ever read. Thanks so much to all who have given this a 5 Star Review on Authorhouse.com Amazon.com &  BN.com – Very Exciting

When I published this story I didn’t know anything about writing, publishing, marketing; I just simply needed to write through my third nervous breakdown and explain to my children about how the horrifying attacks endured in my young life created an ongoing opinion of myself and what I tolerated in my adult life. Sadly, it was a life of more than 30 years in one repeated beating after another. It was a life filled with heartbreak, terror, depression, but it was not a life I wanted my children to continue living.

Admitting to myself just how dysfunctional I was, was one of the most difficult challenges I’ve ever faced. When I had to get away from my 2nd husband, after a near death beating at 4:00 am, completely nude being strangled, beaten with a chair and spit on as he walked away; it was as I crawled to the phone to call 911 for the first time in my life that I realized only I could change the pattern of life I was in. Only I could give my children the safe, loving, supportive home they deserved to know. Sure I did my best to always give my children those things, but sadly even when they are not the ones being directly harmed, they still feel every punch against their mom as if they were going through it themselves, especially when they are young.

No, the police didn’t help me. It was the very first time I had ever reached out for someone to realize how badly I was being beaten. His mom knew it, she would come sleep on the couch to keep him from killing me. She did this at least three times in a 9 year relationship. All my life people had constantly dismissed my pain as if it were nothing to be raped with a shotgun barrel at just 12 years old, be traded out to my stepfather’s friends as my mother lay in her bedroom watching television, or to be left to have your skin rot away in her neglect of medical care when our health insurance would have covered any treatment I needed. Schoolmates attended weekend parties with me as the ‘whore child’ who would serve them. They saw the constant bruises and welt marks from beatings. They saw the filth which covered a young girl’s body from FIVE YEARS of not bathing because it was his favorite room of torture. The teacher’s, law enforcement, family friends and many others all knew, witnessed, or attended the many horrific acts I was forced to accept within my childhood home for twelve long years, but not one single person in our small community ever spoke up to help save me or rescue me from the man they all feared.

No my mother did not ever try to stop him, not even when she walked in and saw him in bed with her naked 9 year old daughter. She didn’t leave, she didn’t yell at him, but she did send me to my room. She was not afraid of him, in fact he was a complete pussy cat with her. She controlled their relationship and how their marriage went, because he just did not want to lose her. So why did she sacrifice her one child to this man? Why did she do nothing all those times he hurt me or handed me out to others? No one will ever know, because she still thinks in her mind, she did nothing wrong!!!

This is an amazing read about a child who wasn’t just abused, but was terrorized, used, traded out, and left to rot in hell by absolutely everyone who had the power to do something!!! It is about how all of those years in evil influenced what I tolerated as I got older. The many relationships in dysfunction, the dangerous and almost deadly beatings that were all I ever knew. Then as I was refused help by the police after the last brutal beating and knew one of us would die if I stayed; I fought through it all to break the cycle, give my children a home where they could sleep in peace, they could be happy, run, play and invite their friends for sleepovers. Yes, you can climb out of hell and still be happy in life, but only you can make that a reality. Only you can make the choice of what type of life you wish to give your children and then make that life happen.

Today I am safe, today I am truly loved and respected. Today I give everything I can to help others like myself. I have studied through Mental Health, took my 40 hour Illinois DV Advocate Classes, am a Certified Trainer in Human Trafficking Prevention & Awareness, and have been working with victims/survivors since Nov. 2010 when I started my first women’s support group, Survivors World on Facebook. I’ve since built a website filled with information to help others recover & rebuild after abuse. It is complete with Child Abuse Prevention, Relationship Violence Awareness, & resources of other survivors and orgs who are on the net to help your recovery. There is also two years spent as a talk radio host and the many hundreds of interviews with org leaders, mental health professionals, survivors, authors, and our Survivors World online radio. You can find out all you wish from this site by visiting

www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com
In a world that can be filled with so much pain~~
‘Always believe anything is possible with you in the active equation’~~

trish mcknight

Francine’s review of My Justice:

My Justice by Patricia McKnight

” Awesome book by a tremendously STRONG woman! ”

Delete

Mar 05, 2014 04:17AM · see review

Can you hear the children screaming???

promoblkwht     195892_354927684584083_441633201_n

coverkindle.jpgThese are pictures of my past, but now have become pictures of my present day life. Yes, the Breese Journal, Belleville News Democrat, and even KSDK News 5 have all done articles or have shared video from local speaking events. Today even the FBI Victims Services & Citizens Academy have recognized what I am doing here locally (Clinton County Illinois) and as a Trainer in Human Trafficking, Certified Domestic Violence Advocate, Child Abuse Prevention Specialist, and ‘Steps to Recovery’ presenter; what I do to help others is a constant area of work for me today. It is crucial, as in URGENT we begin paying attention to what goes on in our surroundings and circles. There is not enough we can do independently in everyday concern and respect for another, which will outweigh what has been passed on throughout centuries in the acts of domination over another.

My story is one which comes from a life growing up in Freeburg, Illinois during the years from 1970 through 1980, a period of ten years as a child living in a publicly displayed nightmare of horrific abuse, child sex trafficking with community members; actually husbands and sons who were co-workers of my stepfather, schoolmates of my brothers, and directly related to some of my mother’s best friends. The actions of my stepfather were never hidden, as my mother and stepfather truly didn’t care, who did or didn’t know, about how they used and tortured this one middle child in their care. There were so many individuals who were involved with or knew about how I was being used that I can’t even remember how many hands have touched me. Many times I’ve been hit with memories and even shared some of the direct evils inflicted in the true story written in ‘My Justice’. What’s worse however is what has been triggered in my subconscious by permitting myself to travel back in time to reveal the ugly family secrets I’ve carried throughout my life. Those who know me from this town remember little things here and there. Schoolmates have contacted me after reading ‘My Justice’ and all share remorse about what they as children, didn’t recognize, but they remember how my parents used me, isolated me in family responsibilities that went as far as to answering the ring of that little brass bell. Some have contacted me and stated ‘I knew something was going on, but Trish, I had no clue how vicious the life you spent in that home really was.’ Sadly the adults who know my parent’s and, especially my stepfather,only one or two have reached out with words of sorrow or statement about any of what I wrote in being untrue.

Even my own mother, who is still alive, has asked but a few questions, the most ridiculous of those is, ‘How would you like me to talk about a few SECRETS about you?” Thanks Mother, that statement in and of itself validates everything I’ve shared about all that happened and what YOU took part in the training of your little girl whom you helped develop as his forced child whore. How dare you Mother? Do you see what you have done to your child? Do you see just how ugly and brutally neglecting you were? You threatened to SUE me; REALLY MOTHER!!! Step up and claim yourself as being my mother, the mother of all mothers who would allow such evil against one of your own children, but hell you never really cared about any of them!! All you were worried about was the fact you had someone to put a truly evil roof and dysfunctional views for your children. Why was I the only one you allowed him to target in these evil acts? Why was he not ever put in jail? Why didn’t some of your circle of ‘FRIENDS’ ever say a word, or what excuse did you give them for their questions? You probably told them you were the VICTIM. All you ever focused your attention on was what you wanted to make you happy. You knew you could make him do anything, or was I part of that bargain? I hope these questions reach you, since you will not permit me any form of concern or apology, you have given me VALIDATION and for that I guess I can do nothing but at least thank you for that.” your daughter, ‘Trecia Ann’ – Now I am a published author, now I have even developed my own source of business as prevention and awareness, support and information for all those communities today. Are you proud of me yet mother?

Today I find it also validating to hear from others who knew me as a kid, who share with me statements their parents made, such as; ‘I always wondered why that man was so mean with that little girl’, ‘I remember how he used to always take her with him out drinking and hanging out at the bars’. In truth, I was the girl their sons were not allowed to date and their daughters were not permitted to befriend. I was the girl that the boys, groups of them, knew they could come to, either one on one or together, to use in games of ‘Post Office’ where each one had a chance to see how far they could go and just exactly what I would allow them to do with me. There is one childhood friend who started reading ‘My Justice’ and when they got to the part about the one time I spent the night at a slumber party and the only nightgown I had was the see-through little cotton gown purchased by my stepfather at ‘Victoria Secrets’, which my mother permitted him to buy as a gift for me. Well, this friend had to throw the book down and was sickened by what suddenly became the reality of the girl she knew so well. At this time I was just twelve years old, it was his favorite age; the age where my body started to grow into a young woman, the breasts changing and pubic hair just starting to grow. It makes me sick as I think back on it even at this very moment.

Malcolm, ‘Walter in the book’, which I changed names to protect siblings; however, not a single sibling will even talk to me today. My brother condemned me a long time ago, at least ten years ago and has not spoken a word to me since. He only sees my stepfather’s trained whore when he looks at me, says my actions make him sick because I do not live up to the standards of his perfect little life. My younger sister, used to connect and was willing to talk with me about how dysfunctional our home was as a result of the severe alcoholism and mental health disorders in our parents unfolded. She would discuss her emotions of how it was for her after I left, when she was just nine. I say to them both, ‘Neither of my siblings have endured anything remotely close to the harm they witnessed against me.’  Its validating enough for you to discuss the raging alcoholic who was so vicious and the parties, which kept her awake all night.

Mona, ‘Shirley in the book’, is the mother who turned against her own child and abandoned her in the evil of his touch. She has read ‘My Justice’ and repeatedly tried to reach out and talk with me, threatened to sue me, and worst of all; ‘How would you like it if I went around a told a few secrets I knew about you? How about if I tell them how I used to have to go searching for you dirty clothes? How about if I tell them about the boy who climbed through your bedroom window and caught you having sex with him at just thirteen?’ She has not once apologized, she has never denied any of it at all. When she found out about the time he shut me up forever by using his favorite shotgun barrel to take my virginity while my brother and sister lay downstairs watching their favorite show; all she had to say was ‘That sounds like something that sick son-of-a-bitch would do’. She admits that she was warned by his own son from his first marriage about how evil and disgusting he was, yet she chose to marry him and allow him complete control over just one of her children, her young daughter who was just then five years old.

It was a lifetime of haunting by a monster. He would prowl around in the dark like a lion hunting his prey. He would beat me for having boyfriends, and stalk me even after I had grown up, had children, moved out and gone through my first divorce. He even hunted me down to smash my head against the truck window and dash, drag me across the very public street, call me every name he could think of as the neighbors watched and did nothing. The boyfriend I was dating, whose father’s house we were at, simply said; ‘He’s here for you, outside screaming your name. You really have to go now.’ This man preyed again when I was forty years old, had just lost everything I had due to an illness (Pulmonary Embolism), which caused me to be out of work and depend on credit only to take care of my children; well I ended up at my mother’s house to stay in her basement till I was able to get settled again. Guess what happened, guess who prowled around outside the basement shower room which I was told I absolutely had to use, because her bathroom with a lock on the door was completely off limits? She told me he couldn’t climb down those stairs anymore. The bed I was supposed to sleep in was the very same bed I had used as a young teen, even had the same yellow lace bedspread. She would not permit her granddaughter who desperately wanted to travel with me; Mother simply stated; ‘I am not responsible for anything that might happen, so don’t you start your shit’. SHE KNEW!!!! Mother has never denied a single event or action of her neglect for all basic human necessities. She never apologized and in fact there was one slip of the tongue when she stated, ‘You got the life you deserved’, ha-ha really Mother????

You see, I am the one left today with many broken parts still inside. I doubt they will ever fully be able to heal, and some well the scars are so deeply embedded there is no magic surgery from any specialist around that can give me back any sense of normalcy as I look at my reflection everyday. You’ll see in this brief video the horrifying skin which covers my body today. I am left with scars inside and out that will never be able to be erased or healed, the child they tried to destroy and the one an entire community allowed to simply rot away. You will be horrified by this brief video – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Rpt_oHU5NM The Rot of Abuse, uploaded by Patricia A. McKnight

We as a society continue to ignore the hundreds, thousands who are sharing stories of evil today. You can search the net and find video after video, story after story, of lives destroyed and many who are now so extremely wounded by these acts they cannot even be parents to their children. Some so broken into actual separate personalities developed to protect them from the extreme trauma they endured. I ask you all, media, literary agents, book promoters, local press, organizations who defend children or rescue them; ‘When will all of this be enough to create a society strict on its punishments and supportive in recognition of the surviving souls today?” Help share the many stories today; let no child suffer in silence and become your own defender of children. Allow their screams of mercy and rescue be heard!!!! Our children are not expendable, they are not sex objects, they are not household slaves to be beaten and tortured for the slightest infraction. They are person’s waiting for us to lead them through growing to become the next generation in charge of our society. Let the monsters be known and protect our country’s children as one united force against these types of evil. No more can we ignore their screams, their tears, their secrets being shared today.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I pray there is a path for ‘My Justice’ and the many other survivors who are finally speaking out for their freedom and their recovery today.

Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight

Owner/CEO Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Author: My Justice’  READ THE FIRST FIVE CHAPTERS COMPLETELY FREE!!!!

Mentor/Crisis Resources/Speaker/Child Abuse Prevention & Steps to Recovery Trainer Member: Southwestern Illinois Human Trafficking Task Force Board Development Member: Illinois Victims Assistance Network (I.V.A.N.)

(c) Patricia A McKnight

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Sept. 2012

bdarbanner_thumb.jpg

art via www.michalmadisonart.com

My Justice–A True Crime Memoir of horror and courage

 

http://bookstore.authorhouse.com/AdvancedSearch/Default.aspx?SearchTerm=my+justice  

‘This amazing story of survival will capture you from Prelude to Ending. It will shock and disturb the deepest parts of your being. In it you will walk the path of a little girl so utterly destroyed by those entrusted with her care; abandoned by all those who could have and should have been concerned.. You will feel her strength to survive as the townspeople around her ignored the child’s cry. Trecia Ann will allow you into her thoughts; her exasperating fears which haunted  her soul

MyJustice picture019

A True Crime Memoir of Horror, Evil, and Courage

Patricia A. McKnight

Author/Advocate/Speaker/Radio Host/Researcher/Survivor

Fndr/C.E.O. Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

Trecia Ann is an adorable little girl with bright blue eyes and long brownish blonde hair. At the age of five the sweet kindergarten child is filled with joy and innocence. Her mother spends time each morning preparing her child for school with braids in her hair and a kiss on her cheek to start her day’

Then it all changes when hell fell in on the child’s world as the devil with dark coal stained hands reached in to terrorize and steal away her voice. It was a cold December evening in Southern Illinois. She and her older brother anxious to get inside, guarding themselves against the chill of the winter wind. However, as she stepped into the threshold of her home, suddenly everything she knew about life was filled with fear. The hairs on the back of her neck stood straight up as she caught the cold blue steel of evil glaring from his eyes. In that sudden brief second  the rush of fear that shot through her soul was colder than the winter wind throwing the leaves around and slamming them into the ground.

This devil that dominated their house from that moment forward, would control every moment of her days and terrorize each of her nights. This man would degrade, beat, stalk, taunt, molest, rape, trade and sell this girl for the next twelve years. The mother she loved would no longer care if her beautiful daughter rotted in his sadistic attacks. Trecia would be denied any medical care as her young growing body rotted away in the filth, leaving the deep pitted ugly scars that would cover her skin and her soul for the next 40 years. The beautiful child that once was, would become just an object for his evil games.

The adorable hero of this memoir wasn’t just abused within her childhood home, she was tortured. The entire community around her watched and judged, abandoned and shamed; tagging the child as the ‘filthy rotting village whore’ by the time she was thirteen. This is not just a horror, this is an extremely ugly truth that happened to just one little girl. Now that child has removed those thick black coal stained hands which ripped out her soul and held her trapped in the madness of destruction. This child was trained and forced into a life of acceptance and tolerance, slavery and torture, attempted murders and a battle ground in her home barely survived.

Today she has made it through, and as you read this journey, see what she does today, hear her voice and the voice of the silent survivors around us all; you too will be pulled into this world and forever changed. You will become a great defender of children and aware of the darkness that grows like a man-made cancer within our homes. Only you and I can eradicate this human behavior of destruction to provide at least some sense of safety within every child’s home.

Join in this mission by simply sharing this link and the links to other voices in this battle of change. It is simply about taking back our power as human beings, understanding that all living mammals are given the ability to live strong & fly free, creating their dreams and achieving their own true self.

For more information or to arrange interview or speaking engagement with ‘Trish’, please visit http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com or email direct; p.mcknight@charter.net

You can also share with this empowering voice of just one girl, by connecting through our many social sites;

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

Google+ https://www.vizify.com/tricia-mcknight

Twitter

Check out my Vizify Video here; https://www.vizify.com/tricia-mcknight/twitter-video

Linkedin Professional Profile – http://www.linkedin.com/pub/tricia-mcknight/39/2a8/753/