Your Voice Radio Network

yvr-1‘Topics with Trish’ – Thursday – Feb 9, 2017 – 4:pm central time. We are doing a live Facebook Group Video feed during today’s broadcast.  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/yourvoiceradio/2017/02/14/topics-with-trish–chronic-health-conditions-relationship-challenges-love-msg

*Share your special love message on our video feed comments section, Trish will share it on the show

*Relationship challenges – Keeping our relationships together

*Living with Chronic Health Conditions – Needed care, the impact on the family unit and the heavy cost on our financial welfare

It’s a great big world out there; let’em hear YOUR VOICE!!!

Join our Facebook Page conversation, call the studio live 929-477-2779, login to join our chatroom, look for the live video feed of our discussion. It’s a crucial issue today, let’em hear YOUR VOICE!!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/yourvoiceradio2017/

Living in the laws of the church……

 

Hi Friends,

First off let me explain this piece of writing. So very often a survivor or victim of an abusive or harmful life comes to me and shares how they are plagued between the laws of the church they’ve been taught to believe all their lives and the many dangerous actions they’ve endured; shaming themselves simply because the church has always been the written laws of our society’s morality.

Now before anyone gets upset, let me clarify; I do not condemn the church itself and all the good it is meant to represent for our society, but rather the old fashioned laws and beliefs actually created by mankind in a century when beliefs were so strongly different in what our evolving society is accepting today.

For example;

Mankind once had written laws created by the leaders of centuries past which stated a woman was property. It was permitted for their owners, their husbands, to beat and degrade them publicly. Women and children had no voice and no opinion that any person who stood strong in the church and the laws would ever respect or consider. A marriage license gave that particular male the right to view his family as his and only his. No other person was permitted to even touch them and could be condemned in prison if in fact they did. This was the beginning of our human justice system. If the male figure, the owner, complained about an act against one of his property, his family members, then that person could certainly be sent into prison or put to death. However, if the owner, the husband, made an act of harm against one of his property, his family, then so what; the members he created in life (children) were his to do with as he saw fit. He could hand out his young children or use them to make money in hard labor or in sexual depravity; they had no right to complain and had to do as the leader, (their owner, their father), had ordered.

Now do you have a better idea about why I have the difficulty of these still widely believed and taught accepted ideals of our human morality? We are still (although adjusting in many ways) but are still teaching our children from a very young impressionable age, that only these are the ways in which we as a humans, a God Created Society, must live.

I don’t know about you, but I certainly do not want my son to believe that he has ownership and rule over any human being. I do not want my daughters to believe that although they may be married, they must stay with a man who beats, disrespects, degrades them simply because of the damning condemnation of the church, their family, and society as a whole.  I, as all parents, want and have taught my children to believe in the value of themselves as human beings, not an owner or ruler of their families, not a woman to be punished or humiliated because of her thoughts and actions. I would much rather they honor the sense of what love is about, and no matter what gender they may choose to have as a partner, it is much more important they find the person who shares a mutual sense of partnership & love with the. I cannot believe that God/Creator would rather have us live our life feeling stuck in a brutal controlling life because they fear the church and Creator will punish them; condemn them in Hell for eternity for wanting to feel loved, appreciated, respected in a mutual loving bond.

In many ways our church and religious beliefs are finally beginning to evolve with the belief that love is love, that mutual respect & kindness between all members of the family is much more important than the fear of rotting away in Hell for choosing to live another way. Think of just how much we can change the strength of our society and create a path of kindness to be handed down for all future generations of beings to come if we simply stopped forcing our wives & children to believe in these old man-made creations of law in our churches today?

My children are the most accepting human beings of others I have ever met. This is simply because they will give to others a non-judgmental support rather than condemning them for what laws of the church they have broken by choosing a same sex partner, or leaving an abusive controlling marriage, or by simply being an individual who doesn’t always preach and support the laws of centuries old beliefs simply because they are written in the old guides of our church laws. How would you have your child live in a relationship/marriage today? How would you have them raise their children to believe? How would you want them to see themselves; are they property to be used and controlled, condemned by society and terrorized with beatings or sexual contact before they are even old enough to understand that form of contact and give their consent to act mutually with the person of their choice?

Maybe its because my viciously abusive past was the most altered and impacted by a man who told me many times he was an under-study Baptist Minister in the same church I attended as a child when he first started dating my mother? He was studying to be a Baptist Minister when he had already committed depraved cruelty and harm against children of his first marriage. As I grew and his use of me began to include handing me out to others and doing whatever he instructed or face his violent attacks, this is when he began telling me how God would never forgive me for the acts I was forced to accept against me. God no longer saw me as an innocent child and would hold me accountable for all that I did and all that he was forcing me to take part in. In their long life marriage it was simply agreed I was his property and in order for my mother to avoid his depraved acts against her, she made the conscious decision to instead allow him ownership of her middle child; that I would be seen not as human, but as his. She as my mother would deny me any sense of human kindness or care, no hugs, no tenderness, just simply his evil and the housekeeper, cook and caregiver who was ordered to answer the ring of his own private little brass bell.

Don’t get my wrong, I’ve had a deep spiritual connection and respect for the intended guidance of the church since I was that little girl. This same sense of kindness and respect, without judgment towards others, has been with me all my life. It is a part of my DNA and will never be altered, not by his actions against me then, not by my mother’s decision and permissions of what happened inside our dark family secrets, and most definitely not by the cruel abusive controllers who would lure me in under the guise of love, but try to beat out of me and control me, to own me as he once did and do with as they saw fit. No human being will ever destroy the good in me which God alone instilled within my spirit the day He chose to create the human being I am today.

Our laws today are continuously changing because of new minds and voices that are being heard. These strong beings are testifying to the need of these changes in our society because of all the harm we continue to act out against those who we consider less powerful, less valuable, less deserving. These amazing persons, men & women alike, are changing our society’s belief of the roles set forth in our laws and in our most powerful source of human morality; beginning the ways we teach others inside our churches. No longer should any person’s life be set in stone by marriage or other forms which support the strong dominating male of a household who feeds their power with terrorizing acts against their spouse and their children. Why are we still teaching these centuries old beliefs of dominance and control all under the acceptance and fear of what our after life will be if we do not abide by what is written?

Let’s think about the monsters who have raped, beaten, molested and instilled deep rooted fear into their victims, all under the roof of the church or as appreciated, respected members of the church and all of its centuries old beliefs. The examples of this are endless; the priests protected from punishment and shipped around the world to give guidance and instill strong church laws into those who give their last penny to be accepted into the Heaven’s above. These predators have numerous victims whom they’ve acted out their own depraved behaviors against boys & girls alike; the victims they view as property to be used and abused without a voice whom any of their parents or society would ever believe if they spoke out against these wolves in sheep’s clothing. Look at praised and respected members of the church and communities like Sandusky who have countless times overpowered young boys to believe if they say anything about the acts, their reputation and those of their church members will never believe they could do such things, or that such acts as sexual interactions these young victims are to be taken for what they truly are, manipulations by the predators whose developed overpowering skills could ever possibly be seen as wrong.

‘So what’, society states, ‘So they had sexual actions with a child. It was only sex. It will not harm them. It will not alter who they are inside and it certainly will not impact their lives because we have been doing throughout our human existence’. Well today we have 1 in 5 Americans who are battling through some form of mental illness, be it depression, bipolar disorders, and other such illnesses. We have young children and teens who believe they must DIE because they PERMITTED these depraved acts against them. ‘Why didn’t they just tell someone or why did they lead the person on that way?’ It is a skill in which most predators are very well acquainted with in overpowering a child or younger victim. They instill doubt, fear, shame and even blame on that younger person, and we in society drive it deeper by telling them it was nothing, or that it is not the root of their problems or even worse we blame them because again, THEY ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN.

It is time that our churches start sharing the true meaning of church, not what man created with their old laws. It is time we start teaching that all beings have rights to protect them and that all persons who act against them in these depraved or violent acts be held accountable for their CHOICE to offend that child, that woman, that living creature; the living creature God has brought into this world for a purpose and a greater good. These victims are not here to be property, to be beaten, raped, and then condemned and blamed all because the old laws say it is so.

We are a new generation, we know the dark family secrets and actions that have been acted out against those seen as property, those whom mankind may have brought into this world. These young lives are not to be ruled over with fear & dominance, but to be nurtured into life under the guidance of love, respect and most definitely kindness.

All I can say as I close this out, thank Heaven above for those persons strong enough to read through the true laws and intended purpose of the church. Thank Heaven, they are strong enough to encourage change in our society under the belief that human beings will NEVER be another’s property.  Thank Heaven for the ways of our newer generations and those parents who have raised their children with value in all beings and the rights to be protected under our man made laws. Thank Heaven for the voices of strength who live with a sense that we are all deserving of peace in life; we are all deserving of an opportunity to grow without harm or shame, that all should know the glory of creating the roses that will bloom in their garden and a love to be passed onto another being without the attachment of do as I have instructed or you will be forever condemned in an eternity of Hell.

We today, are a knowledgeable society and we have the studies to prove the lasting impact of these vicious acts against another being. We are the first generation to speak publicly against these beliefs taught by the centuries old laws created by man, not God. We can most definitely give our partners, husbands & wives, our children and or neighbors the sense of their value and the truth that they matter. We can be the change that will guide a path of life for centuries to come and what I believe is the true sense of church, religion, spirituality as it was originally intended to be.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I do hope it has opened at least a few eyes in what is the true purpose of our church and not the centuries old laws handed down throughout generations. Pass it on to your friends, and if you’d like to publish this article please get in touch. You can email me direct at trish.mcknight@live.com or follow me on one of the many social & professional sites across the net. Below you will find the links to my published story, as written with my truth and finally the voice of the victim I used to be; the child property who has ripped away the coal stained hand that took from me the greatest tool of protection I was given by God above, he once took away my voice but I have finally found my own sense of freedom as I share it all in the publication of My Justice’.

 Follow all the links to gain a better understanding of what I’ve been doing in the support of victims/survivors like myself and even the family members who are battling through the struggles of healing and growth together. This passion of helping to educate about the impacts, teach prevention within our schools and our families, all while trying to encourage a prevention strategy within every small community; this is my heart’s passion and the drive that continues to guide me forward, the work I have been committed in doing since November 2010. I have studied the research of our mental health, the stats and views of publications in the Center for Disease & Control. I have also completed my 40 hour required introduction for Domestic Violence Advocacy and have become a Certified Trainer in Human Trafficking 101. I’ve done speaking engagements for many types of audiences and I would love to speak at your next function or gathering for change.

If you or someone you know is struggling through the aftermath of these harmful acts, there is the ‘Steps to Recovery’ tools which any person can use FREE OF CHARGE and on the front page of my website to help guide through rebuilding your inner sense of self after having endured any form of personally violating sense of trauma. You can and will recover from these actions against you. You can get safe and find your center and begin to live the life you were certainly created to enjoy.

Visit http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com to read through the tools and a site filled with information unlike those of other sites; not better, just filled with some guidance from someone who has endured some of evil’s worst, but finally I feel what it’s like to be loved, appreciated, and respected. You too will and do deserve to have a true chance at living your life in your own true freedom.

May peace & angels surround you, may you feel the true joys of life, and most importantly; may you know what it’s like to

Live Strong & Always Fly Free!!

Sincerely,

Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight

Author: ‘My Justice’

Paperback, Ebook, Kindle & Nook versions available

Advocate for all Victim’s Rights/Speaker/Mentor

Researcher/Presenter/Writer

Officially copyrighted and protected under federal licensing as Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Nov 2012

http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamstalkradio

Artwork on this website is the sole property of Michal Madison Art

More artwork can be found by visiting www.michalmadisonart.com

Survivors World – Let’s talk about LOVE 02/14 by Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery | Self Help Podcasts

Survivors World – Let’s talk about LOVE 02/14 by Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery | Self Help Podcasts.

Tonight’s show is one hour early and only one hour long!!!

Let’s talk about LOVE through the perceptions of survivors. We all have grown up with our imagination of what to expect in LOVE, but what has your truth about this one treasured emotion. Throughout centuries many countries honor today as a National Love Day, when we shower our boyfriends, girlfriends, partners & spouses with treasures to show how much we adore them and what how much they mean to us. So, tonight friends, I want to hear from all of you. What does LOVE really mean in your eyes? How important is it to find TRUE love and is it possible? Where do you begin when the past has distorted your views and ripped away all meaning of this one four letter word? Call in live via the number below or connect with our guests and amazing Butterfly Helpers in the chatroom. It’s all about love and it’s all about you!!! Join us and invite your special someone ❤

Hosts and Programs on Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio!!!!

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

Blog Talk Radio

Hosts & Programming

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery

CALL IN TO TALK LIVE W/ OUR HOSTS

(347)215-7754

Join in our open chatroom discussions and be empowered with understanding of abuse and/or family/relationship violence!!!

We are a team dedicated to bringing you exciting upbeat conversations and fabulous guests, while we all learn to spread our wings. We all deserve the glory of freedom!!

Live Strong & Fly Free

 Annie O Ms. Annie O’Sullivan- You’ll be entertained with upbeat conversations, amazing guests and much more EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT @ 9pm e.s.t./8pm c.s.t./7pm m.s.t./6pm p.s.t Annie is bringing her show, titled after her incredible, page turning novel, ‘Can You Hear Me Now’ to our broadcasting team!!! You can catch her program of open discussions about childhood abuse & the trauma we must battle through. This show will surely grab your attention. Annie is an outstanding survivor who knows the broken path we can sometimes walk after a childhood filled with vicious evil. Join in to find out more and get to know the admirable spirit of the Advocate/Author/Speaker/Group Leader/Successful Career/Mother & Grandmother she is today. Be sure to visit Annie’s blog;  http://brokenuntilspoken.wordpress.com  Check out her story in the novel “Can You Hear Me Now?” – Click here to purchase your copy today!!!

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LIsaPromo Ms. Lisa Miller-BaldwinHer special broadcast will be EVERY THURSDAY NIGHT @ 9pm e.s.t./8pm c.s.t/7pm m.s.t./6pm p.s.t.!!!  Lisa comes to our team and is also new to the talk radio world. You will be amazed at her talent to both empower and inspire you. Lisa brings to you a show focused on all the issues surrounding the crimes of  Domestic/Relationship Violence. Her show ‘My Secret Place’ is about a safe place to talk about the pain and trauma; violation of personal safety, control and degradation that leaves victims having to rebuild who they are and some relocate without family and friends to escape the brutal acts. You will be empowered by her spirit and by the amazing work of this highly devoted Advocate & Founder; Wonderfully Made Foundation, which is dedicated to helping the homeless in our society learn the life skills and seek shelter to get their feet back on the ground. Please join in for her inspiring broadcast and ‘LIKE’ her organization page

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29578_454563851267646_510040939_n Ms. Michal Madison WEDNESDAY NIGHT @ 9pm est/ 8pm cst/ 7pm mst/ 6pm pst – A fabulous spirit and highly talented watercolor artist, Michal previously broadcasted the ‘Michal Madison Show’. She is now joining our team as she co-hosts with Trish on our Survivors World program!! Michal is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, who also followed the path of dysfunction as her adult relationships swirled into the rage of domestic violence for decades. This program is dedicated to all things survivors, both MALE & FEMALE!!! The broadcast is aimed at providing education, empowerment and encouragement as we share coping skills, life building skills, safety escape strategies and much more. You are invited to call in and share your special path as Michal and Trish open up the phone lines and the chatroom. Survivors World program is based from the original support group founded by Trish back in Nov. 2010 and it has been growing in bonds of friendship and support to help us all know we are not alone and someone will listen to your voice. Be sure to go to the homepage of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery website and hit the ‘Sign In’ link to request your membership in this growing online support group. We welcome all survivors to our online group and we understand the road you have traveled!!! Check out Michal’s incredibly talented artwork by clicking here, be sure to ‘LIKE’ her page!!

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559283_341569465919905_320748185_n (240x185) Ms. Patricia ‘Trish’ McKnight – Monday evenings at 9pm est / 8pm cst/ 7pm mst/ 6pm pst; you are invited to join Trish for the broadcast of Generation No More’ a project created on Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery website where a forum page is opened to discuss how the behaviors and teachings of generations past have left their mark and are impacting the lives of our grandchildren today. On this program we discuss ALL things related to the abuses and violent behaviors that have not only been passed down and taught for centuries, but also how these traumas have effected our sense of personal safety and influenced the many dysfunctions of our mental health. You will be intrigued by conversations with special guests, advocates, organizations all geared to help end these acts of cruelty. On these broadcasts we bring a wide variety of topics and share from the forum on the main page for Generation No More. Trish is the author of her own true horror story of a life filled with 32 years trapped in the behaviors trained into her as a child, teen, and into her adult years. She has seen how these crimes and their emotional traumas have cycled forward into the lives of her children, which now impact the lives of her grandchildren.

Trish is dedicated to change what has stained her bloodline for decades and has built a website designed to help us all take a different look at these crimes and how they impact society today.  Advocate/Author/Speaker/Writer/Founder of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery and our talk radio programming. Be sure to catch her with Michal Madison on Wednesday evenings as they host Survivors World’. You can find out more by visiting our website. Be sure to check out the highly praised and reviewed novel about Trish’s own true story of hell in the novel ‘My Justice’; available in paperback, e-book, Kindle & Nook, distributed by Authorhouse Publishing. Get the e-book format for just $2.99 by clicking on this hyperlink!!

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Remember you were not brought into this world to have your spirit destroyed by the evil of those around you. There is life after abuse and you too can find your path to freedom!!

You deserve a safe place to sleep

You deserve respect

You deserve kindness & support

You deserve as much love as you freely give to others

You deserve roses in your garden of life!!

Together we all learn to spread our wings, climb out of the darkness of our cocoons; soaring high as we – LIVE STRONG & FLY FREE!!

© copyright protected, January 21, 2013

Patricia A. McKnight

Advocate/Author/Speaker/Writer/Talk Radio Prod. & Host/Survivor

Founder/CEO: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

Google+ – Twitter – LinkedIn – Pinterest – StumbleUpon

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery

http://www.survivorsjustice.com

 

An orphan in the middle of a family…..

Have you or do you feel like you are the only one alive that acknowledges you ever existed, or that you matter at all? Have you let go of toxic family and those who choose to speak against you as you tell the truth of your life? Do you feel the heavy isolation around you, especially during the holidays? Are you the one like me who, as an empty nester, have no friends from the past or family you connect with at all?

It was very sad as I helped my dear true love with the passing of his last living parent today. It brought up tons of emotions for me and I felt so selfish discussing them with him, but I couldn’t hold back the tears.

It was and is wonderful to see his friends from school and his younger days of fun and hanging out, all reach out to comfort him. It was such a tender moment to see all those that cared and were concerned of his wellbeing.

Then there is me……

You see the kids are all grown and moved away, on with their lives as kids become adults and follow the cycle of life. It’s all good to see them in their days of laughter with their family and having those moments of joy with their children. It is beautiful to watch it grow.

About four years ago I cut off the connection with my mother; the toxic parent of my past. I was the only child born between her and my father, but sadly when I was five and she married the devil; she allowed the monster to control and cut off any and all communication with my dad and his family. Not until I was eighteen and my grandfather passed, was I permitted to have letters or talk on the phone with any of them. It was an instant and complete dissection.

There was a brother I grew up with from her first marriage; she had left her other two boys with their dad when she ran off to marry his best friend, which was my dad. She took her youngest boy of the three, who was only six months old; married Dad and then had me. In the marriage with the devil, the two of them had a daughter. As the three of us all grew up in the alcoholic fueled dysfunction; the severe rage, violence, sexual attacks and neglect were all directly aimed at only me.  Not exactly sure of the why, but it is of no real concern I guess. I was the target of this madness and the others in my family knew, watched, heard, but they too were only children. Mother doesn’t count because she only saw me as her housekeeper, cook, babysitter, and caregiver; a replacement for when she didn’t feel like doing her duty as a parent or wife.

So not to confuse you, there were three boys my mother had, then me, then my younger sister. Dad remarried and he had three daughters and a son. I’ve only met the daughters once a very long time ago at Grandpa’s funeral. After the funeral however, I never heard from any of those relatives again. Thankfully I finally tracked down my dad and shared about four or five phone calls over the long years, until about I was about 38, then he was taken by cancer. However, no one bothered to search me down and let me know. It was as if I never existed. When I found an uncle about 10 years ago and he let me know Dad was gone, I spent the night curled up like a baby in bed crying like I had just seen him in the casket.

Now here I am, turning 50 next Friday, and I’m looking at my life; especially since publishing ‘My Justice’ and finally being able to speak the truth of all that happened. It is heartbreaking to see that my kids still deal with the emotional impact of living in the pattern of acceptance in my relationships. Believe me, if you don’t think your kids will be impacted by the violent attacks between you and your partner, the ongoing court and custody issues, the crying, yelling and begging for mercy; you need to then talk with an Adult Survivor of this type of family violence. You will clearly see and understand how it always passes forward to invade the next generation, even when you do all you can to keep it from them.

Don’t get me wrong the kids are not a total mess, but they are hurting in relationships and child rearing; this is clearly because of all they were forced to deal with and accept as normal in their world.

So moving on …….

It is hard to accept that I have all of these blood related siblings out in this world, a total of eight. There are some of whom I’ve reached out to and even directly emailed. All the blood cousins out there related on my dad’s side of the family, whom I’ve never met, but have also reached out to communicate; all of these blood relatives and NONE OF THEM WANT TO EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I’M ALIVE!!!

They don’t know me!! Many have never met me!! As much as I have tried reaching out through networking sites; still no one I’ve found has responded or shown any interest in getting acquainted!!!

It is extremely painful. Marjorie, my therapist, and I have been working on this for a while. We have come to the conclusion that even the abuse and neglect that I endured, the complete shunning from any relatives and family; it is all connected TO THE ORPHAN IN THE MIDDLE OF A FAMILY!!!

Of course, it is during the holidays when this bothers me the most. Now with the kids all out on their own, Robbie’s parents gone, knowing it is just he and I moving forward, as he is my Angel and Saving Grace; it is still so tearfully lonely.

It makes me long for some form of connection to my past existence; a friend, a relative, anyone who is willing to accept me as I am today, but be amazed because of what was then. It would be comforting to have a call from a friend or a message or card to say, “We know you and we also knew you then”

“Why do they all turn away? Why do they all act as if I’ve got the plague? Why do they act as if they’ve never heard of me? What did I ever do to be so completely shunned?”

It’s depressing to know I have all these blood siblings, but when God chooses to take me home; there will be no one there to connect with my children. No one related to me they can turn to. No one who will comfort their loss and be their friend; their connection to their Mom. My children are still paying the price for what others have done. This I cannot understand and it leaves my soul with a heavy  darkness.

“How can we, the children of the parents that once were, knowing what was and how it all got so screwed up; how is it my children will pay the heavy burden of complete doneness when that time comes?”

I know that many have walked away from toxic family; have you anyone from your past that acknowledges your existence? Do you feel that heavy isolation still encircling all that you are? How can we simply brush it away without ever feeling so completely abandoned?

As heartfelt and tender as it was to witness all Robbie’s friends reach out to comfort him, I was surrounded by the dark thoughts of NOTHINGNESS!!!

Nothing and no one who is blood or history related to be in my present existence. We build family from the virtual friends from across the world, but does it really ever replace that sense of loss. Unfortunately for me it is still a work in progress and acceptance. I am who I am! The strength I have comes from what was. The knowledge I’ve learned I share to help others. The pain I’ve carried is almost healed. The shattered soul is almost repaired. “How can I complete the puzzle and put the emotions in place without having anyone around that validates all that has been?”

My hope is one day I will get there. I am on the other side of all the tragedy, but this is something much deeper than all those years of violence, evil, and scarring neglect. This is my DNA, it is what makes my ‘Six Degrees of Separation’ from all of those who should be connected.

Should you feel this heavy darkness and complete abandonment by those related, build on what you have, enjoy the moments you can, connect with the life you have in the present, then let Creator and His wonder handle the rest. My best for the holidays and beyond to each and all of you!!!

Find comfort in your strength to endure 🙂

(c)Patricia A. McKnight

Author/Advocate/Speaker/Blogger/Radio Host/Survivor

‘My Justice’

Authorhouse.com/Amazon.com/BN.com/Lulu.com

http://www.patriciamcknightsjustice.com

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

Domestic Violence…..Intimate view of the Red Flags and Warning Signs of an Abuser

Do you know the Red Flags and Warning Signs of an abusive partner?

How do you view your own self-worth and relationships?

This may be triggering for some but it is intended as a upclose and intimate view of Interpersonal Violence and may be the life saving influence for another. Please help pass this information forward!!!

In my life I”ve always seen these violent and controlling relationships as;

“It can’t be any worse than what happened in my home as a child”

I’ve never considered myself as a “Partner” in a relationship. Those who built me had broken down any real sense of value as an individual. I was “trained” in my childhood to be accepting of another’s control and violence against me and became submissive in my adult relationships; dependent for my own existence as a person. The abuses, violence, terror, torture and training to constantly give of myself without any consideration of my own needs, caused me to continue accepting these same acts and disregard any personal value that I thought I deserved.

What this actually did was teach me to accept any and all disregard for me as a human being!!!

The multiples of abusers, controllers of my existence, could manipulate me to fit their mold of the “PERFECT” partner/spouse. No matter how minute their wishes or how grand their desire, it became my own self belief that I should meet or exceed their expectations, despite any dislike I had for their actions.

I WAS THE PERFECT VICTIM!!!

There are many millions like myself, so well-trained to expect and accept any disregard for their own value. This generational training to discard our own dislike of what others do to us and how they break down and mold our spirit to fit their needs, rather than consider our own thoughts and feelings, leaves us destroyed of “SELF” and submissive to meet their wishes.

How does this reflect in your relationship? Do you give others that constant control; disregard your own wishes to meet the expectation of those who say, “I Love You”?

Do they say those words after they’ve spent an hour or five minutes tearing apart or beating down your individual thoughts or feelings?

Do they use the love you feel for them as a tool to make you feel guilt over your own attempts to build your person?

Do they demonstrate blatant disregard of your ideas, dreams, wishes, even if it is as simple as wanting to seek an independent career, education, or complete a goal?

These are their acts as controller of your existence. This is Domestic Violence, Interpersonal Control, Molding of your person and breaking down your spirit to accommodate and meet their expectations of what type of person you should be; putting their value, their ideas, their demands, above your own and taking from you the accomplishments and deserved happiness you were intended to have when your life was created.

I ask you this: “What gives anyone the right to take control over what you should become or accomplish in YOUR LIFE?”

Ask Yourself: “Are you seeing these submissive behaviors and believe the disregard of your value as a human being?”

As a mother, and sometimes out of necessity for financial assistance, I felt there was no possible way I could survive on my own, while trying to raise my children. I believed that accepting their vicious and almost deadly attacks was best because: “How would I keep a roof, clothing, food and other necessities for my children without them?

After all I had been brainwashed to believe I was not able to exist as a person, had no value, unless someone else was giving me that existence. It resulted in twenty years of beatings, control, degradation, financial dependence, and repeated attacks of attempted murder.

The threats and acts to take away the very breath of  life was done with loaded weapons to my head in the middle of the night; attempted drownings in the bathtub; captivity of  keeping me locked inside a 2nd floor apartment for 10 or 12 hours a day; tieing me up with phone cords and locking me in the bedroom for hours until they decided to let me loose; the forceful sexual acts without any regard of my comfort or dislike. They were the controllers of my existence as a person, but wasn’t I a creation of God, just as valuable as any other life on earth?

Rather than escaping their RED FLAG BEHAVIORS, before it became an almost deadly act of brutal violence; I stayed. It was my “training” and – So what if they ordered me out of the car in the cold to pump the gas while they sat warm inside? So what if they locked me inside or took me away from everything and everyone I knew? So what if I was expected to be the “whore” in bed rather than a partner of intimacy? So what if they took my money for their own needs or beat me to give up my career? So what if they decided every moment of every day what I was and wasn’t allowed to do with my time? So what if they took my hopes, my dreams, my goals, and manipulated my choices? SO WHAT?

What I’ve listed above are all Red Flags preceding the violence to come as their demands grew more intense and I could not meet all their expectations; could not read their mind and do their wishes before they spoke them.

It doesn’t matter if you are simply dating someone; if you are a teenager or an adult. When someone you’re with takes away your power of choice, manipulates your thoughts to feel guilt of meeting their wishes rather than your own;

This is the time to leave!!!

The pattern of an abuser isn’t to start off with beating you down physically. They don’t wear a warning sign or a mask of terror. They start off with small steps of calling you at all times of the day or night. Using such subtle manipulations tactics that you give in and allow yourself, out of the perception of love, to follow what they wish and disregard your own gut feelings and thoughts.

If you are reading this and find yourself thinking about your partner’s actions and coming to the conclusion that you see these little subtle acts of manipulation and control; please end the relationship now before your individual spirit, ideas, thoughts, dreams, hopes, goals, are stripped away to meet their own selfish needs and expectations of who you should be and what you should do.

If you are a mother and feel you cannot exist and provide for your children without them; you probably feel this way because of the brainwashing you’ve already been forced to believe.

Know that as a human you are given value of life when you are born. Your own desire to provide for your children will make it possible. It won’t be easy, and you will have to do without many of the luxuries you and they might have now, but think of the consequences of staying where you are.

More than likely the control is growing stronger because you have children. The abuser knows they have stripped away belief in your independent abilities. They have you where they can control what you achieve; making sure that you do not out grow the dependence of life, home, food, basic living necessities they provide.

Take a moment to dream of what YOU truly want in this life and what you wish to influence in your children’s life. Think about your possibilities. Think about how the children are impacted by the growing degradation, forceful control, yelling, screams of mercy coming from their mother; how does this reflect in your children as they hear and watch you cower from your partner?

How will they see what is healthy and normal in their own relationships?

I realize, as being one of those who broke away to raise her children with nothing but the clothes on our backs, how difficult the process can be. There is a lot that is needed and you will need some basic skills to move forward. You need to make a safety plan and escape without harm. You need to seek out assistance with job skills, education, medical and maybe even financial assistance. I know personally that resources of help are low and very difficult to receive, but don’t believe in the brainwashing of others and deplete yourself of personal value, YOU CAN DO THIS!!! IT IS POSSIBLE!!! YOU ARE POSSIBLE!!!

You can call the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence or check out their website: http://www.thehotline.org

PHONE THEM NOW FOR A CONFIDENTIAL 24/7 COUNSELOR TO HELP YOU FIND A WAY TO ESCAPE: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

(c)Patricia A. McKnight

Author; “My Justice”

Website: http://www.patriciamcknightsjustice.com

Advocate/Author/Speaker/Examiner/Talk Radio Host/Survivor