This was my life saving chance on me!!!

Warning – **TRIGGERS** – Please know that all posts on this site, including some comments, can be very triggering. You must read these posts at your own pace, face what you can when you can, but challenge yourself just a bit every day!!

Yesterday’s post about my inability to forgive “Mother” for her horrible neglect was a bit harsh perhaps? I was speaking from the anger and I’d be lying if I said there’s none I carry.

It seems most everyone says you must forgive, but I also know that evil exists and there is no level to the darkness other’s can impose on us. While I’ve been able to understand and forgive the many men who have hurt me, stolen my children, threatened my life, shamed and degraded me, the two people who were in control of my childhood will never be forgiven.

The other day on Dreamcatchers Talk Radio, I had the privilege of talking with Author Carter Lee. He wrote a novel about his experiences with anger and voiced his own comments about forgiveness.

“We don’t have to forgive, but we can’t let our past and what others have done keep us back either.”

This is so very true. We each have a choice in life. We were each given a right to be safe, happy and loved when we take that very first breath; we have an obligation to ourselves not to allow anyone control of our final and last breath!!! There are certain evils that humans do to others, which can cause a long-term impact on our physical and mental abilities. How you view what should or not be forgiven is completely a personal choice, because only you understand what blocks may have developed as a result of that evil. We do not have to live by or agree with other opinions. It is about what you personally need for you!!!

The other side of that statement being; “We cannot allow it to keep us from achieving life either.”

This is another PERSONAL CHOICE that only we can make!!!

I followed that dark path of living in continued abuse, choosing the wrong kind of partners and allowing them to use brute force to control me. I take full responsiblity for following that behavior of accepting the violence against me. When I left the home of my abuser’s my decision-making process and my lack of morals kept me from believing I deserved anything better and it deeply influenced my choices. I didn’t believe that there was help for people “like” me, because “I made the choice to accept their cruelty”.

The biggest block I had from mother and his abuse was a deep sense of self-doubt!!! I didn’t trust that I could make the right choices and that every choice was a threat; a perceived danger.

It finally came to a head that night, some thirty-two years later in November 1997. When the police escorted a very broken woman who knew nothing more than control and fear out of her home, I had a choice to make. I could find help and build my own life or I could go back home after work; only to end up dead because of it.

There were a few things I had in my favor:

A) I had gone back to school at 25 to get my GED and my degree in business management. At least I now had the skills to do some other job than bartending. I knew I wouldn’t survive going back to that environment.

B) I could earn the income needed to provide at least the basics for my children; food, shelter, clothing. It wouldn’t be easy, but I had the capacity to make it happen.

C) I had my only friend offer a safe place to recover. That early morning I left injured and luckily the one friendly relationship I’d built outside of my marriage offered to let me stay with her. She didn’t offer to support me, but she gave me a place to turn when I had nowhere. I probably would have gone back rather than believe I deserved help from anyone. If she wouldn’t have offered, I never would have asked to stay anywhere and would have left myself without any other option, but it she stepped up and I THANK GOD SHE DID!!!

I’m so glad that she was there and that I did have the skills to achieve an independent salary. It was never easy for us and I had no balance of handling my finances properly, but we had a roof, food and clothing. It took through Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s 1998 before I landed the job, which afforded me to get a place and the kids to come back. It was a chance that I had to believe in and a choice I had to make.

He had already taken everything from me. My kids were temporarily with their dad until I could break away. I knew they were waiting for me to get things done so they could come home. After all, their lives were put in danger by his choices before. I couldn’t risk allowing them to stay with him or to give them up in any form.

THIS WAS MY LIFE SAVING CHANCE ON ME!!!

It was now that I had to make that choice. Was I going to allow the violence against me to continue and invade my children’s lives or was I going to take a chance on myself????

It was scary as hell. This was the first time that I really remember thinking exactly those words; “Take A Chance on Yourself“. This was the chance that broke through that barrier and allowed me to start moving into my own existance. It became my hard work, my efforts, my decisions that would change our lives. Whether we had everything or barely anything didn’t matter, what mattered was that we could lay our heads down at night without the threat of being killed!!!

If you think the violence you accept now won’t get to the point of life threatening; neither did I.

I hoped to change them, heal them, help them, and stand by them; telling myself they would never kill me, but each one at their own pace grew to that level. They either attempted to kill me or threatened it with severe intimidation. Just because they haven’t gotten there yet, doesn’t mean they won’t. If you are being controlled in an intimidating manner it will only get worse, it never gets better. You are in danger!!

You can get help with your education and bettering your job skills. You can find help with life skills. You can find help with daycare. You can find help with emotional healing and support with others like yourself. You can believe that you are not alone. There are resources out there and people to help you find them. You can find that safe recovery/rebuilding your life place that is needed while you face this challenge. You do not have to live in the path of your past. You have a choice in how you live today. You can break through their barriers and learn a new way of life. You can better your life and even more important, you can give your children the safe, happy, love filled life they were meant to have. You can take control of your last breath!!!

It doesn’t matter if it is the past of your childhood abuse that is holding you back from achieving life or if something else is blocking your way; You have a choice to change what is happening!!!

Please take that life saving chance on you!!!

Mentioned:

Dreamcatchers Talk Radio: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dreamcatchers

Author, Carter Lee: http://www.innovativesocialdynamics.com/column/

Local Resource for Help:

Violence Prevention Center South Western Illinois http://www.vpcswi.org/

Illinois Domestic Violence Help Line  1 (877) 863-6338

RAINN – Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network Helpline 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)  http://www.rainn.org/

Child Help – 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4452)

More Resources @ http://www.dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com

If you are in immediate danger or have just suffered an attack of sexual or physical assault – Please dial 911 or your area’s emergency response number.

(c) Patricia A. McKnight

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

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The Battle and the Aftermath……..

**Be advised that this entire blog site may be triggering!! Be advised that this blog site is my personal expression and not intended as any form of professional guidance or opinion. Read this blog with care, understanding and kindness**

Do you suffer with days of anxiety, depression or anger, even pain that cannot be medically explained?

Do you have in and out days of  loneliness, isolation, a sense of violation?

Do you have those times when you bark out or blow up at others and not sure what they did or why you even acted that way towards them?

Has your sense of personal safety been attacked or violated?

Are you a survivor of some type of Child Abuse or Intimate Partner Violence?

In my life there have been a ton of years; actually a lifetime, spent at the mercy of someone else. You wake up praying nothing will happen to set of your abuser’s temper, or that your abuser won’t attack you sexually or physically. You do all that is humanly possible not to set off these actions, but for some reason there is nothing you can do to stop it from happening.

You live as a PRISONER, waiting to see what battles you will have to endure today.

When you’re living in this hell all you can do is get through; for whatever reason you have to wake up the next day; sometimes it’s hard to see that reason. Never doubt that it is there!!

You hang on and endure all the pain of  these battles, hoping it will one day come to an end.

Remember that while living in this expectant fear of attack the continued Hyper Reactive Mode connects straight to our “Fight or Flight” reactions. This is a natural reaction that is bred into our bodies and in our DNA. All animals and humans alike have this same survival instinctive behavior. When we endure this ongoing heightened mode of alertness, our body is instantly tensed for response; ready to react in order to survive.

Know that YOU ARE MEANT TO SURVIVE!! There is a purpose for your existence even though you may not yet see where it leads.

People may come to you and say, “You look exhausted, why don’t you just relax?” If only that were possible!!!

Did you know that even when you are rescued; either by someone else or by making that decision to escape, your body tends to remain in this hyper mode. You find yourself living with all of these continued emotions. Sometimes you can’t quite figure out why. You know that you are safe, no one is hurting you or threatening you now, so why are all these days of distress still keeping you down?

We often try everything we can think of to ease these roller coaster days. You may turn to alcohol, drugs, marijuana, or even self harm to let out the emotions or bury them. Sometimes we try getting through by just simply ignoring them, but it’s still there. Nothing seems to relieve the problem which ends up causing a distress of “Why can’t I handle this?” It seems to have a hold on us and can keep us back from taking part in our lives; exercising, planning, dreaming, succeeding our goals.

If you are not a person living with these ongoing daily struggles, you may see it within your family or in your circle of friends. Let me encourage those who do live with these struggles,”It is alright for you to have these days. It is safe to believe in your own happy future”!!! If you know or love someone who is in this daily battle, please do all you can to support them and encourage them to keep believing that peace will come.!!

None of us who deal with the craziness of destruction want our life or our family to be effected by our dysfunction of emotion. When you think about your past and the crimes against you though, I want you to understand that this is completely normal for what you’ve gone through.

Think about what our veterans of war endure long after the battle is over. They to live in the mixed up days of the aftermath. “Isn’t what you’ve gone through similar to what our heroes of freedom survived?”

You’ve had a time in your life, some of us even years into decades, of living in the constant threat of battle; violations against our personal safety. The longer the duration of this constant threat, the deeper the impact on the person.

It bothers me that when our soldiers have days of mental and physical reaction to their days in war, we usually encourage them to go into therapy and work through what’s happened. We support their need to get extra help. We do all we can to help them work through those days when their emotions rant in anger, fire up with pain, or break down in sadness. Sometimes we want to walk away from them, but we don’t. We, those who love our heroes of war, will take care of them and stand by them. We understand all that has threatened them; we love them for the strength and courage they had to make it through.

Let me ask; “Aren’t our children and partners, who have made it through years of sexual, physical and emotional torture, aren’t they heroes as well?” They too have survived “WAR LIKE” crimes against them!! Shouldn’t these amazing warriors be able to use their voice; scream out for recognition and validation for their emotional suffering?

These outstanding human beings have battled through years of survival under constant threat and they deserve to be heard, seek help, be supported and understood by family, friends, society!!

Survivors of these battles, I am begging you to seek a therapist or support group to help you through!!! Research what you’ve gone through; understand the aftermath your body and mind are reacting to, physically attend therapy rather than join a virtual support group. You need that physical connection with others like yourself. You need to see the faces of the many survivors around you; know that they too suffer with many of the same problems and reactions. Use the resources to help you recognize whats going on and why some days you just can’t shake it off.

I can tell you first hand that facing these are not easy; accepting the scars you carry is sometimes impossible. Looking at how your days of destruction are effecting those you love is very difficult, but for you to gain your happiness back it is necessary for you to go through this process. You have to guide yourself through a creative path to finding the person that lives inside the darkness. Like our war heroes you may have a lifetime of different issues that you’re left to deal with, but you can understand, conquer, and overcome this damage.

Please know that a large number of families have some one living in the aftermath of battle. Support them to seek professional guidance and recovery resources. Comfort and understand their bad rocky days. Listen to their voice as they tell you about their fears. Reach out to wipe away their tears, give them a hug and tell them how happy you are they made it through.

THEY SURVIVED THE BATTLE OF FREEDOM!!!

(c)Patricia A. McKnight

http://www.patriciamcknightsjustice.com

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

References;

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11048821

http://www.apa.org/research/action/ptsd.aspx

http://www.csus.edu/calst/government_affairs/reports/ffp32.pdf

This cancer eating away at our society……

Ya know, I just don’t get it???~!!!

Back in 2009, I was writing my way through healing; it was scary for me to reach out to others who’d been through similar history. I could write it out to myself; I could write it out to my children, but I could not yet verbalize exactly what happened. It shocked my system every time I went back to read through what’d flowed out of my memories.

I’d only started putting my memories and the details of the attacks together in the different processes of therapy. I had started journaling a bit here and there before, but this was the first at bringing them all together. Let’s face it, if you know anything about my history then you know there’s a lot of shit involved. What I found out was a three-part healing process almost always occurred after each attack shared.

First I’d write it through, which would kick off the cycle by swinging my emotions into breakdown. The more intense the attack the more intense the breakdown. I’d start feeling a sense of anger inside, which came out at the wrong people sometimes. Finally I’d go into a deep sense of calm before getting back into the “normal” of life.

My amazing therapist and I talked through this, which didn’t really seem to help so much at first, but thankfully I connected with her and found it so worth the process. There was a lot of different thoughts, fears, emotions I needed to work through and I was terrified!!! Believe it or not there was more than one session that even she broke down and a point that we both had to take a break because of getting so overwhelmed.

Then she started giving me these lists of Positive Affirmations at each session. She insisted I carry these with me everywhere, all the time!! At the end of our appointment she would go over the new affirmations she had chosen and she’d give me a hug. It drove me insane that I had to stop after an hour.

“Why did I have to open such a deep wound and then just walk out of the room? Didn’t she realize what this did to me? What was I supposed to do with all I felt?”

I chose to start writing to my children. At that time didn’t think about putting it into a book. People who knew a piece of my past would tell me that it would be worth reading, but I surely didn’t think anyone would ever care about my voice. Once I had gotten the journals to present date, I decided that what happened needed to be shared in hopes it could help save someone else.

Now just 3 years later, I am excited to be one of at least 100 other voices that I am connected with, who are sharing their story publicly in some way. They are speaking to others, counseling and supporting others. Some are advocating, painting, writing books, articles or blogs. Others are creating National or World Wide Events; some are choosing to reach out privately with friends or family. Then you have others that are coming forward to testify in public trials and have their abuser prosecuted!!!

So I ask this, “When will this pandemic of abuse and violence get the attention of our media and even more importantly, our law makers? Why aren’t our politicians, our schools, and our neighbors willing to speak about this topic? Don’t we talk about the crime of bullying? Isn’t this the worst type of bullying? Afterall, these crimes are about power over another human being and nothing else!!!

When I look at the Illinois Department of Children & Family Services Reports, I can see the reports of child abuse and it astounds me that people are refusing to talk about such a prevalent crime. There are crimes of abuse against our children, in this state, occurring every 4.6 seconds and 79 deaths related to domestic disturbances in 2011, which you will find on the home page of Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence. http://www.state.il.us/DCFS/docs/CANTS2010.pdf & http://www.ilcadv.org/resources/statistics/FY10DataSheet.pdf . These are vicious crimes of Assault, Battery, Aggravated Sexual Battery; Assault with a Deadly Weapon and more. It goes deeper in to reach the emotional battery, financial captivity and brainwashing of another human being.

“How outraged we would be if a stranger committed any of these crimes!!!”

This is even worse because these crimes are being committed by those we live with, most of whom we are dependent upon in some way. The criminals aren’t strangers, they are what the law sees as Domestic or Parental.

“Apparently when it is one of these related to us in some way – THEN IT IS NOT A CRIME!!” Really??? Why not???

What makes the acts of violence from someone related to us; someone who resides with us or used to reside with us; what makes this any less a crime???

Imagine if these were punished for the crimes they are. I know our prisons would not be able to handle all of these attackers. What if we put people to work by building a facility in each county that would hold just these who attack someone they live with? Build one facility for those who offend against their partner/spouse/boyfriend or girlfriend, then build another for those who attack children within their residence or one who is a relative.

This action would promote employment. It would give a greater good by providing a prosecution deserved of these crimes and a sense of justice for the victims. A child who is left to grow up at the access of their abuser will have long-term physical and mental health issues. I am one myself who suffers the aftermath. It is already proven that these crimes can lead to conditions such as; P.T.S.D., Depression, Personality Disorders and physical problems such as Fibromyalgia and other Auto Immune Diseases. It breaks down our ability to fight off these conditions, which can also lead to a lifetime of either emotional or physical disability. This alone creates a severe impact on our economy.

The Center for Disease Control reports an estimated cost of $124 BILLION a year to support those recovering or left damaged from these criminal attacks of child maltreatment. They also show costs exceeding $8.3 BILLION a year for the direct consequences of Intimate Partner Violence.

http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/childmaltreatment/index.html

http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/intimatepartnerviolence/consequences.html

“How is it that our politician’s refuse to touch on this topic, especially during election time? Why aren’t we as a society outraged about this? Not just the crimes themselves but what it costs the government in funding, which is being cut more & more each year, but also about the severity of these crimes and the long-term damage of its victims. How can we be aware of these facts and their costs, but still put our head in the sand?

“You cannot UNKNOW something!!!” So what is the explanation that anyone has for being silent or forcing someone else into silence when these crimes sneak in to invade our lives?

I pray that after reading this you will be a bit more enlightened and empowered to speak with knowledge and conviction about this cancer eating away at our society. If this were a medical disease we would be pulling out all the stops to raise funds and battle against it, but because it happens within what should be the safety & privacy of our homes, we choose to turn away and pretend we don’t know about it; hoping secretly that someone else will step up to report it or do something about it. Our politicians only get involved when we as people make them live up to the job they were put in office to uphold!!! They’ve got a lot on their plate to deal with right now, but hey, my ideas aren’t half bad and it would help with our financial status and put people back to work.

The victims of these crimes, either child or adult, truly need to have their voices counted now more than ever. Show the public and our law makers just how wrong, the already shocking statistics, really are. There isn’t anyone within the reach of cable television that isn’t aware of the violence within our homes. Intimate Partner Violence and Child Abuse; Sexual Assault & Abuse; these crimes are being shared in the news and in the movies, sit-coms, daily Soap Operas and more, even after school specials are touching on these subjects.

Victims, if you are still trapped in this abuse, I beg you to please reach out for help!!!!

Survivors, I beg you to have your voice counted and your story heard, not just for others but also for your own healing.

Public, I beg you to please get outraged over these crimes!!! Surely if it happened to someone you know and love, you wouldn’t be so quick to turn away!!!

Positive Affirmations for You:

You deserve to be safe

You deserve respect

You deserve kindness

You deserve as much love as you freely give to others

You deserve roses in your garden of life

(c) Patricia A. McKnight

Advocate/Author/Speaker/Survivor & Dreamcatchers Talk Radio Host

“My Justice” – see links for Amazon.com/Authorhouse.com/BN.com in blogroll

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

http://www.dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dreamcatchers

To make a report of Child Maltreatment – 1-800-422-4453 Childhelp Helpline http://www.childhelp.org/

To make a report of Intimate Partner Violence – 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) National Center of Domestic Violence http://www.ncadv.org/

To make a report of Sexual Assault – 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) RAINN http://www.rainn.org/

“DYSFUNCTION”

Many of us have said at some point in our lives, “I’m suffering from some dysfunction lately.”

What does this statement initiate in your thoughts? I can tell you that for the many millions who live as survivors of abuse, or if you are dealing with some type of abuse, this statement carries an entirely different level of meaning.

If you are one of the relatively happy, safe, people of our society, you might first think, “I can’t focus.” – “I’m losing my head lately.” – If you have shared either of these online you may have even put a cute little, “LOL” at the end. ugggghhhh…….!!!!!

From my many years of personally living in different aspects of disastrous dysfunction, I will tell you this has a completely different impact for someone living as a survivor of abuse or trauma.

The actual meaning of this word: “Dysfunction” – failure to show the characteristics or fulfil the purposes accepted as normal or beneficial. (Dictionary.com)

To a survivor this word can mean that you are sitting huddled tight in a small, safe place; arms wrapped tightly around your legs; pulling them close and holding your pieces together so tightly that your knuckles are turning white.

I’ve shared on our Dreamcatchers Blog Talk Radio about how often we feel like we are exploding into pieces when we suffer and cannot flee from the attack. Dysfunction is the moment that you are overwhelmed and completely distraught by the horrible memories of terror, disgust and ugliness of Sexual Abuse, especially Child Sexual Abuse. I say especially related to “child” because a child cannot fight back. A grown woman or man, has the ABILITY to fight back or try to flee the attack on some level; a child and even an older teen with a dependence upon the person attacking them, cannot battle these attacks, mentally or physically.

Dysfunction can be the hole sucking you back down the drain to the very pit of depression filled with fear. There are many of us that cannot even manage to succeed in school, be a part of a stable work force or be a productive member of society.When you look at the reality of what it is costing our society to try to mend the damage of this evil against our children and to help protect them, you can understand why it is necessary to bring stricter punishments for these crimes to our court systems. On average, according to Prevent Child Abuse America, it was reported in April 2012, our country spends $220 Million EVERY DAY!!!

http://www.preventchildabuse.org/downloads/PCAA_Cost_Report_2012_Gelles_Perlman_final.pdf

When you view the different aspects collected in this daily cost,  prevention, education, intervention, legal, medical exams & care, mental health services, medications and more; we have to ask ourselves how we can help make a difference right now? Starting today at the moment you read this, become more aware of the facts and care about those in your daily circle of life; be it family, friends, co-workers, neighbors and even strangers!!!

As a society we have a responsibility to listen to their voices. Try to hear that person who is screaming out for help. Don’t you believe that if your most personal sense of safety had been violated, perhaps by the person you trusted most, that you too would have those times of falling apart and into the roller coaster of dysfunction and depression? Believe me when I tell you, “Only those who know this nightmare can truly understand the momentum and the depth of the many down swings that creep into our lives.”

Think if you will for a moment, about the thousands who take their own lives each year because of the madness, loneliness and fear of being in this place of dysfunction. Do you know that as I tried to search the world-wide web for statistics on Suicides due to Child Abuse – there are no statistics that directly reflect that number? I did however find this awesome article from Psychology Today …… “while the CDC may not count the number of child abuse induced suicides that occur in emerging adulthood, it’s easy to argue that the count would not be ‘1.”

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/becoming-adult/201101/suicide-age-27-death-due-child-abuse

Please take another moment to say a prayer (in whatever process you pray) for not only those incredibly courageous Eight Men who have testified to convict Jerry Sandusky and all others who have found their voice, but also for those who are still trapped within the secrets.

As a strong note of encouragement to anyone who is a survivor, I want to give you the very positive assurance that it will get better!! There is a lot of personal effort that is required to get past this darkness, but it is possible. Don’t be ashamed if you need to call a stranger on a hot line number. Don’t think you’re crazy if you go into the woods and beat the crap out of a few trees, although I would suggest using something other than your own body for this. Don’t freak out if you start screaming at the top of your lungs. Whatever you need to do in order to release the emotions that have been buried for so long, this will always be a good thing. I beg you to believe in this because I am a living truth of this now and I use my story and my voice to share this with others each day. Please, reach out and do not harm yourself for what another has done to in an attempt to destroy you. You cannot give them that power over you any longer. You must stand to protect your life and achieve what they have tried to rob from you.

As you go through the various stages of healing and what may be triggered by all that has been in the news lately, please hang on to these few notes of empowerment and reach out to just one person.

1) YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG

2) THIS IS A CRIME AGAINST YOU – not a crime that you have committed

3) THERE IS NO SHAME OR BLAME THAT IS YOURS TO CARRY

4) DO NOT STRUGGLE TO MAINTAIN RELATIONSHIPS WITH THOSE WHO CHOOSE NOT TO BELIEVE YOU OR TURN AGAINST YOU

5) BUILD A POSITIVE SUPPORT SYSTEM WITH THOSE YOU TRUST

Always know that you are a beautiful rose waiting to bloom!!!

(c)Patricia A. McKnight

Author; “My Justice” – ISBN #978-1-45207-170-1

http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62

Do We Really Understand What This Means????

 

 This is a picture of me as a child when the abuse from the man who became my stepfather first occurred. Do you see the innocence shared in this child’s face? Do you see the sparkling young girl who is waiting to bloom? This child died!!!!

In the very midst of the Sandusky Trial, I have to wonder if we really appreciate what this means? This is a Voice Awakening Event for all who are survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. This trial will represent what our future in the battle to end this abuse will be. We can now step forward without shame or fear and speak out about the abuses we have endured.

There are literally millions of us walking about in this world each day. We carry these deep dark secrets of our past, hoping that no one sees what disgusting acts we have had to commit and accept in order to get through our days. We were children who wanted to run and play with our friends. We tried to do our homework and pay attention in our classes. We cried in silence as the evil acts destroyed our souls.

This is the time that I am asking all survivors of abuse to pull together on the internet and within our own community; this is the time to speak about the secrets we have kept. Remember that these are not good secrets!!! These are black ugly secrets that have trapped us in a world separate from our true happiness. You can now face yourself in the mirror and utter the voice of your child.

I am at a new place in my life now after sharing my voice to help support and empower other survivors of abuse, both child abuse & domestic violence. I lived that ugly life of a continued acceptance of the cruelty that was taught to me as a child. I have made the mistakes of a woman and mother in this continued pattern of life. It is the deep dark secrets that move forward with us and will sneak out at times to effect and destroy all that is good in our world. Since I published my own true horror story of a lifetime spent in abuse, have learned the power of releasing these secrets.

My life has been renewed in many ways. First and foremost is the repair of the relationship between myself and my children. My eyes now can see the wonderful blessings I have been given and appreciate the peace that continues to grow within. I encourage all survivors of abuse to please now take this opportunity. You do not have to go public with your ugly secrets. You only have to admit them to yourself. You only have to look in the mirror and finally say, “I was sexually abused as a child.” That is the most powerful beginning one can offer you. This trial will give many the courage to speak out publicly, but most important is simply admitting it to yourself. Embrace the child that still lives within and holds these secrets with her mouth held tight. Allow this child to finally breathe and give her the voice that was taken.

You are a beautiful rose waiting to bloom. Take this amazing chance and comfort that child within. Let her see the love & safety around her. Let her see where her life is at now and where it can go in the future. Be empowered and encouraged to join with other survivors and take a stand to protect the children of our next generation. Be part of this wonderful journey.

I beg you to please share this blog with others. Please let everyone know that this is our chance to speak without shame or blame; to finally remove the stain of silence that has been forced upon us. Join me and encourage those around you to give voice to these ugly vicious crimes; the crimes that destroy not only your life, but also affect the live’s of our children and grandchildren.

We all deserve to have roses in our garden of life. Please do not keep these secrets of silent destruction. Share them as we support all who come forward. Justice is a voice we all deserve!!!!

Blessings of Love & Light

Patricia A. McKnight

Author/Survivor/Advocate/Support Grp Mngr/BTR Host & Exec. Dirctr.

Find me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Google+

Check out my other blogs and be sure to take a look at the novel

“My Justice” – Authorhouse.com/Amazon/Barne’s&Noble

Available in Paperback, E-book, Kindle & Nook

International Parental Abduction w/ Peter Thomas Senese

Dreamcatchers for Abused Children

Blog Talk Radio

Special Guest

Peter Thomas Senese & Attny. Ann Marquez

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dreamcatchers/2012/05/10/child-abuse-and-survival-education-with-patricia-mcknight

Tonight on the Dreamcatchers Blog Talk Radio our host & Exec. Director, Tricia McKnight, will be sitting in with two very special guests from the I CARE Foundation. Please join us in welcoming Author/Advocate Peter Thomas Senese and Attorney Ann Marquez, who are joining me for a sit down Q & A on the I CARE Foundation and International Parental Abduction.

Peter and Ms. Ann Marquez, who previously held the position of Senior Litigator for New York State Child Protective Services, are going to give us a few inside bits to the mess we call CPS; as well we will be chatting about a few of their recent international rescues of kidnapped children. They are also going to share with us what we can expect to see from this amazing team as they move forward in this battle to help prevent the abduction and human trafficking of our children.

Most parents may never know the fear of having their child kidnapped by the opposite parent and taken to a country where the laws to protect them from Pedophilia or Trafficking are not viewed with the harsh objectiveness as here in the United States. Some of us have known the anguish of having them stolen into another state or taken wrongly by the Protective Social Services unit. This leaves a parent with a mind racing full of unimaginable fear and worry over what could happen to their child; I am one of those parents and know this huge depth of pain that takes over our world. But imagine your child being taken out of the country!!! Where do you go for help? Who can you call to find out what resources are available to help you get them back? This is the amazing team at the I CARE Foundation who review laws and fight the international borders to hunt for these children and return them to the custodial loving parent.

Tonight’s discussion with Peter & Ann will be something for all of us to listen in on. We may never have to go through this unimaginable fear, but we may be the one to see a kidnapped child while out on vacation to another country or perhaps while out on a cruise ship. We want you to know what to do and also who to contact if you are the Chasing Parent and as in Peter Thomas Senese’s best-selling novel, what to expect when you are “Chasing the Cyclone”.

Please encourage your family and friends to join in for another great discussion on the Dreamcatchers Blog Talk Radio tonight. We begin our broadcast at 9pm e.s.t. and our phone lines are always open to allow your thoughts, shares, and questions. You can call in to listen or chat live at (917)932-1132. Please help protect the safety of all children and stay vigilant with us in this battle to end the many abuses against them.

Here are a few links to find out more about tonight’s special guests:

http://www.peterthomassenese.com/

http://www.chasingthecyclone.com/Abduction_Documentary.html

http://www.chasingthecyclone.com/CHASING_THE_CYCLONE_Home_Pa.php

Email to President Obama-Stand on Child Abuse!!!

Email to President Obama

Sent – May 03, 2012

Who Will Stand 

For

Our Children!!!

 Dear President Obama:

 You don’t know me. I don’t have money; in fact I am on Disability because of an injury from Domestic Violence. I am now a full-time volunteer for Dreamcatchers for Abused Children, based out of Peck, Michigan. However, I live in Breese Illinois and what I do is mostly online.

In March I was appointed as Exec. Director of their blog talk programming. I am also a survivor of 12 yrs. of severe sadistic abuse from my stepfather, complete sacrifice of me by my mother. All medical and dental needs were ignored even though we had excellent health insurance from UMWA, but not so much as a tooth-brush could be provided for the rotting little girl.The neglect of my mother was so extreme that as a skin infection ate away at my arms and legs from not being able to have the safety to bathe in my home, she never cared or provided the medical treatment that was needed to stop it. For a period of 5 years I could not bathe and the infection left me scarred on every inch of skin that covered my arms and legs. I went to school with black rotting teeth, front teeth that were visible. My arms and legs and deep rotting infected sores on them and everyone dodged contact with me.

 A community of 1500 people knew who I was and who to contact if I did something wrong. A school system I attended for a repeated 9 years never asked about the silent girl whose skin was literally rotting away. The school mates who attended our many late night parties,were provided with drugs and alcohol, then were asked who would be the first to take me in the back and give me what I deserved, but no one ever offered to care. The police and neighbors who witnessed the girl getting beaten in the street, walking around with multiple bruises, drug by the hair and worse. Still with all of this no one ever said a word or questioned my parents. In Feb. 2011 I published my story, “My Justice”, is out there and I changed the names of the many who abused me throughout 32 years of my life, mainly because it wasn’t about the who but about the what was done.

In this novel I apologized to my children for the way my abuse had flowed into their lives and distorted their world. It meant most to me that if my story could help just one person gain the courage to speak out and heal for themselves rather than continue on the self-destructive path of despair, depression, P.T.S.D. and even dissociation; this makes me happiest. However, I must say that since becoming highly involved with Dreamcatchers I have succeeded many times at helping others heal and speak out,but there is still no direct attention where it needs to be. The laws of child abuse need to be radically changed!! Social Workers need to be made accountable for their actions. There are so many levels of wrong on this very important issue of protecting our most valuable asset, our children. I summed up the courage to send First Lady Obama a copy of “My Justice” along with a three page letter, which begged for her beautiful passion of family to be used to acknowledge the estimated 60 million survivors who, like me, have allowed their lives to be shattered and keep these secrets of horrific trauma, so that their family and work peers would not shame them. It is time, Sir, for the blame and shame to be put on the pedophiles and monsters who harm our children. We need to provide better resources to help children move past the abuse and heal so that they can achieve their dreams and possibly be the next great President of our America. Mr. President, I am not famous; I am not rich to put money into your campaign or into any other organization or political stand. I am a nobody, Sir, just a common citizen of this country trying very hard to devote all she has left to help change the laws and protect our children.

Sir, I know that the politician who makes Child Abuse a campaign issue will have the support of some many millions of citizens. There are so very many who are searching for someone to be vocal and let them know that it is alright, it is safe to talk, it is safe to take this stand. Please Mr. President, perhaps you will talk with your wife and find out if she received the book copy and the letter. You may want to read it yourself, but I warn you it is a true and graphic account of what happened. My former teachers have read it and apologized for letting me slip through the cracks. They said my book was so well written on the subject of being a silent surviving child of horrific torment that it should be used as a guide to teach others. The reviews I am getting from others on the story is the same, from counselors, survivors, advocates.

 In closing Mr. President, I beg you to take a stand on this issue. You have stood strong on our economy, our war, our joint communication between the lines of government; YOU SIR ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO DO THIS!!! Please help the many who are buried and tormented by these vicious and heinous crimes. Children are having to live with these monsters, 93% of all abuse is by someone the child loves and trusts. Our children will not speak against their parents and family so teachers and counselors have to be better educated and trained to pick up on the signs of the silently screaming child. Please Mr. President, please help our children, protect them, save them. Thank you and I hope you do get to read this, as I am sure you get many other emails about other issues. We protect our animals, do commercials to help children in other countries; we need to protect our children.

Sincerely,

Patricia A. McKnight

Author: “My Justice”