Believe in the true power of your inner strength to survive

blkwhtpromoFriends it is time to take a deep breath in, concentrate on what is blocking you from feeling the true happiness in your heart, then as you exhale blow it out with force. Think of all those obstacles challenging you today and blow the fears into the wind. Allow the outer energy to absorb them and remove them from your path. Send it all out into the swirling winds of our earth to allow the angels around you to grab them and feel your heart pounding with the true belief in your new beginning. Your life has been blocked by many self doubts, blow them away into the wind. Believe in your heart of hearts, deep within your soul, find the you that truly lies within and allow that person to rise, to stand strong, and to be your leading guide.

youwereborn Believe inside this one simple truth; each of us was created with an innocent soul. Perhaps there may have been monsters or controllers who came into your path with a force so strong they pulled you in deep, they altered your true being, they took away that very special innocent soul. Don’t give up because the person you were born to become is still waiting there inside, just waiting for you to make that choice and breath the life back into your dreams.

Whatif_159x171 Today is your new beginning!! Today is the day you can grab hold of your dreams, you can decide how you want to live your life. You can believe in the true power of you!!

Friends I know how dark the days can become, in fact I was recently at a place so dark I called a crisis line, not just once but twice just this past week. My world became so small I couldn’t focus on the reality of where I am today or the personal strength I hold inside. You must admit, if you know anything at all about my past, there had to be a huge circle of inner strength that has protected me and kept me alive to share with all of you today. How bad it can be sometimes when the pain of our trauma takes from us the desire to continue building the life we want to have. All trauma, because trauma is trauma, it all alters your life. It doesn’t matter if it is from suffering in the loss of someone you love, or the monsters of the night, or even the illnesses we may be trying to cope with today; it is all trauma and the trauma is yours. No one can tell you how this trauma SHOULD affect you. No one can tell you how to cope through the pain you feel, because the pain you feel is also yours and no one else knows how all of these struggles are affecting you. This is something that is completely in your control and it really depends on how you want to view your life. Remember that within that innocent soul you were also given the power of RESILIENCE, which can be the greatest tool ever when put together with the strength & drive to live the life you so definitely deserve.

you matter As this new day begins, believe in this simple but very powerful truth – YOU MATTER!! How you feel matters. How you want to live matters. What dreams you want to chase and achieve matters. You hold the power of the choice today.

Believe in the truth I share that I have absolutely been where you are. It is so painful you have no idea how to even begin to face it all, so list the challenges out in pieces much like those of a puzzle you are trying to put together. Often the multiples of emotions or struggles we are facing are too overwhelming to handle it all at once, so breath and then begin to sort out your pieces of trauma and then put them back together one single piece at a time. It is much like a deep Maddening Silence, so do not allow it to consume all the amazing power of you.

You may be in someone else’s control and so terrified that you are actually afraid to breath. You’re afraid the slightest infringement out of rhythm will cause an explosion that just might cost you your life. You may be holding your breath so tight that you are afraid your breathing pattern of inhale and exhale will not match that of your controller, so you hold your breath; you alter your pattern of breathing to ensure you are keeping everything calm, everything perfect; nothing to upset the monster. I’ve been there and I know that intense fear; the doubt that we are not capable of anything at all on our own. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CAPABLE!! There are resources today that were not available 20 years ago. We have ways to help each other in support, understanding & friendship. Our legal system responds differently to the calls for help. Many states, such as Illinois, are now educating their law enforcement on how to respond when a call of abuse or violence is made. They respond strong and ready to act, ready to protect, ready to assist, ready to give you the local resources & shelters there waiting to help you breath again. Your day is waiting when you are No Longer Afraid to Breathe     

youarenotalone

My website is just one beginning list of daily tools you can use to help you rebuild and begin to take back your power; your control over your true destiny. You are NOT alone!! No matter what you may be trying to overcome and heal, there are resources around the world, no matter what country you live in. I want to take a moment to encourage every person who is dealing with some form of fear, pain, trauma; reach out to a hotline when you are in the lonely desperate place. The voice on the other end of the phone is there waiting to help you through. If you are in that silence of pain, remember there are places of help and you no longer have to fear the future, because the future truly belongs to you.

This is the time to believe in yourself

You deserve to be happy

You deserve to be respected

You deserve to feel love, just as sincere as you give to others

You deserve to plant the roses & watch them blossom in your garden of life

You deserve to soar into your own path

You hold the power inside to truly

Live Strong & Fly Free

Always believe anything is possible

with you in the active equation

livestrong

Artwork creation courtesy of

Michal Madison Art

www.michalmadisonart.com

Begin rebuilding by using these completely free

‘Steps to Recovery’

Daily focus tools to help you through the moments of darkness

Rebuild your self confidence

Understand the connection between your trauma & the impacts left on your life

Learn what abusers look for in a person

Learn the early silent warning signs of child sexual abuse or relationship violence

Dedicated to empowering you to become a protector

Prevent secondary wounding & re-victimization

Be well angels,

Sincerely,

‘Trish’ McKnight

Author: ‘My Justice’ – One of the most powerful true crime stories of survival and rebuilding life after trauma that you will ever read. This amazing true story will change the belief in your strength to survive!

All information & writings are copyright protected under the creation of:

Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery Nov. 2012

Email me direct at trish.mcknight@live.com

Empowerment Speaker/Human Trafficking Awareness Trainer

Writer/Research/Mentor

Some other great websites of help;

NAMI.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Childhelp.org

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Adult Survivors of Child Abuse, ASCAsupport.org

RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network)

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Domestic Violence…..Intimate view of the Red Flags and Warning Signs of an Abuser

Do you know the Red Flags and Warning Signs of an abusive partner?

How do you view your own self-worth and relationships?

This may be triggering for some but it is intended as a upclose and intimate view of Interpersonal Violence and may be the life saving influence for another. Please help pass this information forward!!!

In my life I”ve always seen these violent and controlling relationships as;

“It can’t be any worse than what happened in my home as a child”

I’ve never considered myself as a “Partner” in a relationship. Those who built me had broken down any real sense of value as an individual. I was “trained” in my childhood to be accepting of another’s control and violence against me and became submissive in my adult relationships; dependent for my own existence as a person. The abuses, violence, terror, torture and training to constantly give of myself without any consideration of my own needs, caused me to continue accepting these same acts and disregard any personal value that I thought I deserved.

What this actually did was teach me to accept any and all disregard for me as a human being!!!

The multiples of abusers, controllers of my existence, could manipulate me to fit their mold of the “PERFECT” partner/spouse. No matter how minute their wishes or how grand their desire, it became my own self belief that I should meet or exceed their expectations, despite any dislike I had for their actions.

I WAS THE PERFECT VICTIM!!!

There are many millions like myself, so well-trained to expect and accept any disregard for their own value. This generational training to discard our own dislike of what others do to us and how they break down and mold our spirit to fit their needs, rather than consider our own thoughts and feelings, leaves us destroyed of “SELF” and submissive to meet their wishes.

How does this reflect in your relationship? Do you give others that constant control; disregard your own wishes to meet the expectation of those who say, “I Love You”?

Do they say those words after they’ve spent an hour or five minutes tearing apart or beating down your individual thoughts or feelings?

Do they use the love you feel for them as a tool to make you feel guilt over your own attempts to build your person?

Do they demonstrate blatant disregard of your ideas, dreams, wishes, even if it is as simple as wanting to seek an independent career, education, or complete a goal?

These are their acts as controller of your existence. This is Domestic Violence, Interpersonal Control, Molding of your person and breaking down your spirit to accommodate and meet their expectations of what type of person you should be; putting their value, their ideas, their demands, above your own and taking from you the accomplishments and deserved happiness you were intended to have when your life was created.

I ask you this: “What gives anyone the right to take control over what you should become or accomplish in YOUR LIFE?”

Ask Yourself: “Are you seeing these submissive behaviors and believe the disregard of your value as a human being?”

As a mother, and sometimes out of necessity for financial assistance, I felt there was no possible way I could survive on my own, while trying to raise my children. I believed that accepting their vicious and almost deadly attacks was best because: “How would I keep a roof, clothing, food and other necessities for my children without them?

After all I had been brainwashed to believe I was not able to exist as a person, had no value, unless someone else was giving me that existence. It resulted in twenty years of beatings, control, degradation, financial dependence, and repeated attacks of attempted murder.

The threats and acts to take away the very breath of  life was done with loaded weapons to my head in the middle of the night; attempted drownings in the bathtub; captivity of  keeping me locked inside a 2nd floor apartment for 10 or 12 hours a day; tieing me up with phone cords and locking me in the bedroom for hours until they decided to let me loose; the forceful sexual acts without any regard of my comfort or dislike. They were the controllers of my existence as a person, but wasn’t I a creation of God, just as valuable as any other life on earth?

Rather than escaping their RED FLAG BEHAVIORS, before it became an almost deadly act of brutal violence; I stayed. It was my “training” and – So what if they ordered me out of the car in the cold to pump the gas while they sat warm inside? So what if they locked me inside or took me away from everything and everyone I knew? So what if I was expected to be the “whore” in bed rather than a partner of intimacy? So what if they took my money for their own needs or beat me to give up my career? So what if they decided every moment of every day what I was and wasn’t allowed to do with my time? So what if they took my hopes, my dreams, my goals, and manipulated my choices? SO WHAT?

What I’ve listed above are all Red Flags preceding the violence to come as their demands grew more intense and I could not meet all their expectations; could not read their mind and do their wishes before they spoke them.

It doesn’t matter if you are simply dating someone; if you are a teenager or an adult. When someone you’re with takes away your power of choice, manipulates your thoughts to feel guilt of meeting their wishes rather than your own;

This is the time to leave!!!

The pattern of an abuser isn’t to start off with beating you down physically. They don’t wear a warning sign or a mask of terror. They start off with small steps of calling you at all times of the day or night. Using such subtle manipulations tactics that you give in and allow yourself, out of the perception of love, to follow what they wish and disregard your own gut feelings and thoughts.

If you are reading this and find yourself thinking about your partner’s actions and coming to the conclusion that you see these little subtle acts of manipulation and control; please end the relationship now before your individual spirit, ideas, thoughts, dreams, hopes, goals, are stripped away to meet their own selfish needs and expectations of who you should be and what you should do.

If you are a mother and feel you cannot exist and provide for your children without them; you probably feel this way because of the brainwashing you’ve already been forced to believe.

Know that as a human you are given value of life when you are born. Your own desire to provide for your children will make it possible. It won’t be easy, and you will have to do without many of the luxuries you and they might have now, but think of the consequences of staying where you are.

More than likely the control is growing stronger because you have children. The abuser knows they have stripped away belief in your independent abilities. They have you where they can control what you achieve; making sure that you do not out grow the dependence of life, home, food, basic living necessities they provide.

Take a moment to dream of what YOU truly want in this life and what you wish to influence in your children’s life. Think about your possibilities. Think about how the children are impacted by the growing degradation, forceful control, yelling, screams of mercy coming from their mother; how does this reflect in your children as they hear and watch you cower from your partner?

How will they see what is healthy and normal in their own relationships?

I realize, as being one of those who broke away to raise her children with nothing but the clothes on our backs, how difficult the process can be. There is a lot that is needed and you will need some basic skills to move forward. You need to make a safety plan and escape without harm. You need to seek out assistance with job skills, education, medical and maybe even financial assistance. I know personally that resources of help are low and very difficult to receive, but don’t believe in the brainwashing of others and deplete yourself of personal value, YOU CAN DO THIS!!! IT IS POSSIBLE!!! YOU ARE POSSIBLE!!!

You can call the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence or check out their website: http://www.thehotline.org

PHONE THEM NOW FOR A CONFIDENTIAL 24/7 COUNSELOR TO HELP YOU FIND A WAY TO ESCAPE: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

(c)Patricia A. McKnight

Author; “My Justice”

Website: http://www.patriciamcknightsjustice.com

Advocate/Author/Speaker/Examiner/Talk Radio Host/Survivor

“Get Out Of Your Own Way”….Dedicated to Susan Murphy-Milano….

“Dearest Susan, I can never thank you enough for what you inspired in me.”

Believe it or not up until two years ago I had no voice to speak of all the bad I had survived. As I started building my courage on the net, had published my story, and was creating a support group for women of abuse; it was then I had the awesome pleasure to become friends with a women who would change my life. She was spunky, strong, controversial when she spoke about her passion; creating guides and tools to help save lives and help victims of Intimate Partner Violence escape and stay safe.

Susan Murphy-Milano came into my life through the connection with a mutual friend. The first time I spoke with her was when she extended an invitation to her radio talk show “Time’s Up” broadcasted on Here Women Talk. We connected on the phone and since I was new at this, having only done one other interview at that time, I was instantly in AWE of this amazing woman. She was honest speaking, not sassy or extreme professional like others. She filled me with a strength to believe in myself and know that I had a very important story to be shared. She gave me courage to believe in my own ability to speak my voice clearly and be proud of what I’d been able to survive; rather than be ashamed of all the evil that had happened. She captivated me with absorbing all she had to say. I was honored she even took the time to connect with me at all.

As host on her show….. she welcomed me, made me comfortable, then started right in. She was geared to bring out the bad of what had happened, but also of how I finally gained the strength to get away. Susan was so awesome as a host in fact, she inspired me to be a investigative type host and get the points of information out there for everyone. Susan is a major mentor in all that I have become today!!!

Her Radio Show >>>>>PodCasts Here >>>> http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/here-women-talk-times-up/id473824545

Not only is Susan all of this to me, but more importantly is what she is to others. She has made it her life’s passion to help victims of abusive/violent relationships to escape and stay safe. The books and tools she created to give a step by step guide of encouragement, empowerment, and life saving processes that anyone can follow to get out.

First out, is her book “Time’s Up: How to Escape Abusive and Stalking Relationships”: This book is every victim’s best friend. It will take you through the process of evaluating your relationship, building your courage, making your plan, putting all the key parts together for you to break away and get out. It is the best gift a family member, friend, co-worker, or neighbor can give to someone whom they believe is being abused or controlled, intimidated or living with constant degradation to break them down and steal away the person living inside. If you know someone, and believe me most of us do, please have them get this book or get it for them. It is the most precious guide they can have and it will make a big difference in their outcome of life. Her other fabulously written guide to evaluate and work your way out; figuring out how to move on “Moving Out, Moving On” is another must read book for anyone trapped in this madness.

Follow this link to view her books at Imagine Publicity >>>> http://imaginepublicity.com/authorsbooks/susan-murphy-milanos-books/

Secondly, is a game changing tool she created for law enforcement and others who work in our safety resources and shelter systems. The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit is a crucial piece when it comes to extremely violent relationships. We’ve all heard of them; think about the horrifying screams you turned away from and ignored? Most often this type of extreme violence is from a man against a woman. It takes a lot of effort for a woman to inflict daily life threatening trauma and beatings against someone larger in body mass and muscle. These are the types of relationships the EAA was developed to defend against.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and all of the details of how you and your service providing team can get CERTIFIED to process can be found at http://www.documenttheabuse.com You’ll find out all of the training information and how you can become a supporter of this vital tool. It is my hope that one day the laws will be passed to have this tool mandated to ALL law enforcement systems; ALL social services systems; ALL of those who provide rescue and resources to the many women seeking help to leave these types of relationships.

Most of these women believe, with good cause, that leaving equals death. If they stay they believe they can somehow tolerate the beatings, but a person can only carry so much and then they do something they regret; those are a growing number of women in our prisons. They stood up and fought back when there was no record of severe abuse and now they are sitting in prison. THIS TOOL IS THE DOCUMENTATION OF THAT EXTREME VIOLENCE!!! THIS TOOL CAN RECORD THE BRUISES AND SHOW THE FEAR YOU LIVE WITH EACH DAY!!! THIS CRUCIAL, MASTERFUL CREATION FROM SUSAN MURPHY-MILANO CAN SPEAK WHEN YOU HAVE NO VOICE, THIS TOOL CAN SPEAK FROM THE GRAVE!!!

Thirdly, is Susan’s excellently written, captivating story of her own life and what built the person; fighter for justice and life, she has become today. She gave me the opportunity to read this book and I was so bonded with the child she was and prayed that I too would find the courage she did to bust through the boulders trying to block her path as she grew. This woman has become all that she is today by never backing down and always pushing forward, making herself strive to develop the skills to safe lives and investigate those who had gone missing or been murdered at the hands of their chosen partner.

Check out the release of Susan’s own fight for justice and a life devoted to helping others. You will be sucked into this story and will walk this amazing path of courage; you will be inspired by her journey!!!

Newly Released, Susan’s personal battles of Intimate Violence are shared in the novel….”Holding My Hand Through Hell” – A fabulous must read story for all!!!

“Holding My Hand Through Hell”>>>>>http://www.icecubepress.com/wp-content/uploads/preorder-holding-my-hand-through-hell-susan-murphy-milano-ice-cube-press.jpg

Before I close I would like to share a few last thoughts with you about the subject of Intimate Partner Violence (Domestic Violence) as we commonly call it. October is the month we hope as advocates and survivors to bring special attention to this growing crime. It is a necessity to involve everyone in this mission to end violence in our society.

Let me first ask this……Aren’t we all human beings? Don’t we all, especially children, need love, friendship, a partner to depend on? Don’t we all need support and even help at times to get through the worst? Don’t we all deserve a bed to sleep in, food in our mouths, clothes on our backs? Don’t we all deserve to feel safe within the walls built to protect us from the cruelty of the world?

If you have children with this partner or living with a partner; How do you think the violence, abuse, degradation, verbal threats and more affects them? What do you think of when you know they hear the yelling, arguing, fighting? Have they seen you get pushed, thrown, kicked, punched, had food or laundry thrown at you? Have they heard your blood curdling screams for mercy, begging the offender to stop? Have they seen you get threatened with weapons or heard the growls of evil….”I’m going to fucking kill you all”?

How do you as a mother/father feel about the impact this violence is leaving on your children? How will they view the “Normal Healthy” relationships in their own lives? What kind of partner will they become to the one they love?

Fathers who are beating on Moms; How do you want your son to view women?

Mothers who are beating on Dads; What impressions are you giving your precious little princess?

Anyone who is in a violent/abusive relationship and has children, be informed now; The acts they see and hear in their homes leaves the deepest impressions on their lives?

Example and Personal Share:

When my youngest was in first grade I got a call one morning after a night filled with growling threats and beating. She had gone to her first grade teacher and crawled up on her lap; sobbing as she said, “My step-dad threatened to take the gun and shoot my Mommy and us kids too”!!!

This was my third child, youngest daughter, precious baby, and she was absolutely terrified of what might happen inside her house when the angry drunk came stumbling through the door. That call changed my life!!!

I hope that all of you have read through this blog. I hope even more so that you will think about what I’ve shared here, research the amazing books from Susan Murphy-Milano and please decide to change your life. No one deserves to be beaten and treated as if they were garbage. No one deserves to live in fear for their own life. No one deserves to feel like the next breath they take depends on the gun being put down, or praying the beater just walks away.

If you are involved with our justice systems or a shelter system, please ask them to seek the CERTIFICATION OF THE EVIDENTIARY ABUSE AFFIDAVIT!!!

Most importantly, if you are a family member, friend, neighbor; please do not turn away from the pounding of someone being thrown around or the horrifying screams of someone begging for mercy. Do yourself a favor, relieve your conscience and make the call for help – CALL 911

If we all get involved to end the violence that exists within our homes, it will have an impact on the violence that crawls into our streets. No longer can we pretend not to hear or notice when someone is being beaten and controlled by another, tormented or threatened; WE ALL MUST DO THE RIGHT THING!!!

For those in violent relationships or just getting out of one, let me pass on a few wise words from the outstanding woman whose made such a lifelong impression on my life.

You have a choice to make, you have to save your life. Rebuilding is never easy but it is sometimes necessary. Material things do not matter and it’s not worth giving your life to hold on to them. Let go of what’s been lost, let go of the “pity party” you feel inside, the only way to move forward is to do yourself one big favor……”Get Out Of Your Own Way and do what you have to do.”

Susan Murhpy-Milano, you are a mentor that taught me the great importance of getting on with my life and letting go of what had happened. I can never thank you enough, but hope you see just how much you mean to me and so many millions of others that you will never know. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and pray you will stay strong to over come all that threatens to keep you down.

You will find all of Susan’s lifesaving fabulous work by visiting her site through this link —— http://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/

(c)_Patricia A. McKnight

Advocate/Author/Speaker/Writer/Survivor